Leo's Blog: Infinite Insights
Miscellaneous bits of wisdom about personal development, philosophy, epistemology, nonduality, life purpose, psychedelics, etc. Published randomly throughout the week.
Insights here are meant to be quick and half-baked. Consider these food for thought.
I've deliberately disabled comments to keep the blog streamlined. If you want to discuss any of the blog posts, you can do so here: Actualized.org Forum
Folks have been asking me to release a photo of when I used to be fat. Some even accused me of making up the story that I used to be fat. Well, I was in fact fat from about age 9 to age 21.
I didn't have fat photos of myself because: 1) Back then there were no cell phones or selfie pics, 2) I didn't like taking photos of myself when I was fat.
But anyhow, I finally found an old photo at my Mom's house. So here you go:
235 lbs at 6'2". 20 years old. About one year after this photo was taken I lost 65 pounds in 5 months, dropping to 170 lbs. I've kept it off ever since. Right now I'm at 180 lbs.
This was accomplished through diet changes & lots of gym exercise, including cardio and weights. I worked out 5 days a week for about 10 years. For the past 2 years I have not worked out at all and still keep the weight off because my diet is about 10x cleaner than it used to be, such that exercise for purposes of weight-maintenance is unnecessary. But exercise is still good for health of course.
Big change is possible if you set your mind on it. The most important aspects of accomplishing a change like this are: 1) vision, 2) discipline, and 3) focus.
Because my videos are so abstract and metaphysical sometimes people overlook the meat of this work. Personal development is very practical stuff with very tangible results. Don't let the abstract explanations fool you. You must also be results-oriented. Get shit done by whatever means necessary. Claw your way up Maslow's Hierarchy. If you're new to personal development you need to dial in the basics like health, diet, career, finances, living environment, family situation, dating, etc. Don't get so metaphysical that you neglect all that. You will find awakening impossible if you can't even stop eating junk food or can't earn enough to pay your rent.
Here's a perfect little example of dualistic thinking:
This kind of thinking is extremely common at Spiral Dynamics Stage Blue. But watch out! — dualistic thinking is still present in spades at higher stages. It's not just rednecks who think in this black-and-white way. You do it every day! Don't fool yourself into thinking you're above dualistic thinking. Dualistic thinking can be very subtle and it affects even the most rational and scientific thinkers. Rationality and science are chock full of dualities.
There's more to reality than the simplistic categories your mind creates.
Here's a really intelligent and self-aware perspective on ecology & environment. It's a stage Yellow perspective. Notice the nuance and complexity of it. It balances science, business, art, and compassion, transcending AND including stages Orange and Green. Notice the lack of blaming problems on someone else. Notice the attitude of meeting people where they're at. Notice how science & spirituality/religion are not pitted against each other. It's a cooperation of left and right brain, mind & heart. Notice the systems thinking.
Love it! Try to adopt this kind of attitude in your life.
Here's a great role-model for those of you looking to actualize your life purpose:
He's really nailed his purpose.
Notice how unique and personal one's life purpose becomes when you start to fully actualize it.
Find more such role-models within your domain of mastery.
Take my Life Purpose Course for a step-by-step guide for finding your life purpose.
Classically, the 4 elements were Air, Water, Fire, and Earth. The 5th element — which few people know about — was called the quintessence (literally, "the 5th essence") or Aether — otherwise known as Nothingness or Emptiness or Void.
In science, Aether was known as luminiferous ether, the medium through which light and gravity waves were supposed to have propagated. In the early 20th century physicists like Einstein and others "debunked" the notion of ether by reasoning that light waves did not need a medium to propagate through. They ran various experiments trying to measure the existence of ether but nothing turned up, so they discarded the notion as superfluous. Except Aether is not superfluous, it is central! What the scientists did not understand, and still do not understand, is that Aether wasn't a measurable medium like water, air, or even space — it is Nothing! This is not the same as saying that Aether does not exist. Aether exists as Nothing, the Groundless Ground, or pure Existence itself — existence devoid of any content. Don't bother trying to measure it because you can't. Existence is prior to measurement. The medium for the propagation of light waves and gravity waves (and anything else for that matter) is consciousness. And also don't confuse Aether/Nothingness with the vacuum of space. Aether is prior to space or time. It "holds" space and time.
What people don't understand is that quintessence is not just Nothingness, it is not just Existence, it is also Consciousness, Truth, God, Love, Goodness, Intelligence, Self, Other, and World!
But how can Love be Nothingness? How could it not! Only Nothingness has the capacity to embrace all. Only Nothingness is selfless enough to embrace all. Only no-thing can unconditionally accept every-thing. The embrace is so complete that Nothingness literally IS everything! This is pure, Platonic Love. Not just love as an emotion (although it is that too), but love as Being itself. Love is the union of all opposites into one seamless totality. Love is the unification of all divisions. Love is the super-set of all sub-sets. Love is universality. Love is infinity. Love is unlimited.
The 5th Element got their metaphysics exactly right:
After all is said and done, in the final analysis, the force that saves the world is none other than the force that makes the world: Love.
You ARE quintessence. You ARE Love.
Your ability to unify all opposites, all dualities, is the measure of your love. It is Unity as an Absolute. A Unity so all-embracing it has no opposite. A nonduality so nondual it doesn't know duality. A Love so complete it does not know judgment, criticism, rejection, hatred, selfishness, or evil. Yet at the same time it embraces them all by being them all. Human love is a tiny branch off the tree of universal Love. This tree is infinite, with countless branches of varying size. You are one branch AND you are the entire tree. To actualize one branch is to be human. To actualize the entire tree is to be God. Each branch is not other than the tree, such that all there is, is tree. What it means to be a tree is to be each branch and the sum total of them all at once. To realize this totality is Truth and Love.
Notice, when you feel an emotion of deep love, what you're feeling is not an egoic desire but a selflessness and a deep unity with the universe. In that moment you are being selfless, and it feels right and good. It feels divine.
So how do you conquer evil? By experiencing yourself as Love. Just like in the clip above. It sounds childish, until you try to do it and you quickly see just how hard it is for your ego to do. It is the mark of a masterful sage to be able to embrace all. You can't do it because you have too much evil in you. All-encompassing Love threatens you like light threatens a shadow. You can't do it because you are too busy defending your self while Love is self-less-ness. Love is also fearlessness. If there is no self, there is nothing to lose, and nothing to fear.
"A coward is incapable of exhibiting love; it is the prerogative of the brave."
— Mahatma Gandhi
Terminator 2 is — in my opinion — one of the greatest films of all time.
Ever since I was a kid the final scene always moved me:
It's such a brilliant final scene, filled with spiritual significance.
Now I understand why I liked it so much. It represents the hardest things for an ego to do: self-terminate. It represents the stark brutality of total selflessness.
How do you ask a self to self-terminate?
You see? That is why this work is hard.
"Be melting snow. Wash yourself of yourself." — Rumi
WARNING: Do not confuse self-termination with suicide. I am talking about spiritual self-termination. Suicide is just more ego.
It took some gamer-nerd 300 hours to build this epic roller coaster. When I saw it, it reminded me of God's infinite creative potential — of how life and reality just goes on and on and on like an endless roller coaster.
You might wonder, "So what? Why would someone waste 300 hours creating this silly thing? What the point?" The point is CREATION itself! God likes to create amazing stuff just for the hell of it. When you have infinite creative capacity, when you have unlimited intelligence, when you have unlimited power, when you have an eternity — what else are you gonna do? You have somewhere you gotta be?
CREATION is its own end. As you go chasing awakening and Nothingness, do not overlook CREATION! It's everywhere and everything! You might look at this roller coaster and see some gamer-nerd making something pointless. But that's not some nerd, that's God! That is the unlimited creative force of the whole universe materializing itself into a roller coaster! God is the sum total of all chains of creation, of which this roller coaster is one chain. That force is designing everything from atoms to cells to animals to galaxies and beyond. Can you see it? It is unlimited creation. It cannot stop. It bursts infinitely with new creative forms and ideas, ultimately spawning everything that can ever be.
If life feels depressing and bleak, it's because you're failing to step into your role as Creator. Creation is a spiritual activity. Every time that gamer-nerd works on perfecting his roller coaster, he's in church. And when you look upon and delight in his creation, recognizing the God in it, you are in church. What if your work and your church were one and the same? Wouldn't that be a life worth living?
Never forget, you are a creator. You are THE creator. What are you gonna create with your life?
I hope it's something at least as cool as this rollercoaster.
P.S. Notice what the guy in the video says at the very end of the ride, at timestamp 10:02. He says, "OH. MY. GOD!" That's right. That's exactly right.
P.P.S. Here's another epic Aliens rollercoaster.
I ended up taking 23 pages of notes during my solo retreat.
Here they are if you're interested: Leo's Solo Retreat Notes, Feb-Mar 2019
A lot of profound insights there, but it was hastily written, and of course a lot of insights were not written down at all.
And I'm back!
It's been a crazy 29 days of consciousness work, featuring 13 profound awakening experiences — each one deeper than the last. Impossible levels of consciousness were accessed that few human beings have ever experienced.
I'll tell you all about it after I collect my thoughts. There is a lot to say, yet at the same time, it is impossible to put it faithfully into words.
I have a truckload of the deepest insights to share.
Sorry, in my eagerness I neglected to post here that I'm away for 30 days straight doing a solo meditation retreat in search of enlightenment.
Video explanation of my plans can be found here.
My retreat ends on March 24th. I'll post a video summarizing my results shortly thereafter.