Why Women Use You For Money
By Leo Gura - June 18, 2014 | 26 Comments
Why you get used for money and how to stop it permanently.
Hey, this is Leo from Actualized.org, and in this video we’re going to talk about why women use you for money.
A lot of guys get hung up on this. A lot of guys will hold this kind of bitterness against womankind, based off of past relationships they’ve been in and past interactions with women, where they feel like women are users of men.
That’s what I want to cover in this video, and if you’re a guy, this video is for you. I want to help you see the other side of what is going on here, because actually — I’m giving away the punchline here — the reason women are using you for money is because it’s your fault. You’re letting them. It’s because you don’t understand what really attracts women in the first place.
Shortcuts Don’t Work
You’re looking for a shortcut to attract a woman. Let’s really get into the details of this. I spent the last few years really studying female attraction, understanding women by talking with them, dating a lot, being in relationships, really studying this area of my life because I was in a very bad place.
I sucked with women, and I wanted to get better. I really took it upon myself to say “You know what? I’m going to start from ground zero and work my way up. I’m going to learn how it really works, not the stuff they tell me in the media, or in popular culture, or what my intuition tells me about how women work, but actually how they work.”
Here are some of the things I discovered. I also ran into this problem, when I started off on my journey. I didn’t understand women, so I fell into some of these traps in the same way you’re falling into. It really sucks, as a guy, to go out with a girl, take her on dates, buy her stuff and then get nothing in return, and then have that girl run off with somebody else.
That’s really like a dagger in your heart. You feel like you’ve been stabbed, and that’s something that can build up to certain bitterness, which you can hold against women in general. The problem with that is that it creates resentment that is there in all your future relationships with women, and all your future dating situations.
That’s not something that’s either healthy for you, or will produce the kind of results that you actually want. I want to help you get the results you really want. The answer here is that once you understand this, attracting women is a lot easier than you think it is. Let’s crack into that.
Here’s how it really works: the problem you have here, as the guy who’s getting used — because not all men are getting used equally, you are getting used. The men who understand women are not getting used by them. Why do you get used by women? The reason you get used is because you have this flawed model of how attraction works.
You fundamentally misunderstand female attraction, what attracts the female. What attracts a female, in a nutshell, are emotions. She’s interested in emotional stimulation. She’s also interested in the status and confidence you have as a man. She wants you to be confident. She wants you to have status. She really wants you to emotionally stimulate her.
As long as you’ve got that, then you really need nothing else. It’s funny because I hear some guys, in the comment sections I read, or other places, on forums, they’ll talk about how women are just out to use them for money, or the thing they need to really attract that beautiful girl is lots of money.
The reason they can’t go out and attract a beautiful girl, a really hot girl, a supermodel quality girl — they can’t do that because they feel they don’t have enough money to attract her. Well what’s really nice is that you don’t need any of that. All you need is the emotional stimulation. Whatever guy can stimulate the women the most, in the most stimulating way, that’s the guy who’s going to end up sleeping with her the fastest.
Other guys in her life, they can serve the provider roles, but she’s not really going to be attracted to them. Let’s look at the scenario, how this works. A typical guy, who doesn’t really understand women too well, here’s how he thinks it’s going to work:
He sees a cute girl. Maybe he thinks “She’s really nice. She’s really fine. She’s a little bit out of my league. Maybe she’s a little bit above me.” He puts her on a pedestal. Then he says “You know what? I’m going to go and be the really great guy in her life. I’m going to take her on to nice dates. I’m going to take her to really nice, fancy restaurants, impress her with that.
Then after that, we’ll go and do some shopping. I’ll buy her some stuff, some clothes, a purse, some earrings or whatever. I’ll buy her whatever she wants. Then after that, we’ll go to amusement park rides, and I’ll buy her some popcorn. We’ll go to the movies. I’ll be buying all this stuff. We’re going to go through this courting process, and then, as that’s happening, she’s going to get attracted to me.
She’s going to see I’m this cool, responsible guy who’s got status, money and she’s going to fall in love with me. She’s going to like the stuff I’m doing for her. If I don’t do this for her, if I don’t pay for her cheques and her dinners, then that’s going to be perceived as negative. That’s going to be perceived as me losing attraction.”
Let’s look at this from the woman’s perspective. Here you are, this guy, and you’re lavishing her with all these gifts. You’re lavishing her with all these favours. You’re doing stuff for her. You buy her dinners. What is she going to think? “OK, cool.” And she’s going to take it.
What would you do if I was a rich friend of yours, and I said “Hey, let’s go over the weekend, I’ll buy you dinner, some lobster, then we’re going to go and have a party, we’re going to do all this stuff. I’ll pay for it all, don’t worry about it.” What would you say as a guy? “Of course, party on!”, right? Who would refuse free money?
This is where guys make a critical mistake. They assume because a woman will accept free money — she’s only human, you would do the same — you think she will fall in love with you. There’s no connection there whatsoever. If anything, there’s an inverse correlation. As you’re paying for her stuff, what’s happening is that she’s seeing you’re supplicating to her.
Be The Prize
She’s seeing she’s the prize in this relationship. Women hate that. Women really hate that, because they are very sensitive to status. They want a guy who’s more confident than they are. They want to date a guy who has more status than them. She’s suddenly evaluating these things, mostly subconsciously.
When you’re buying and supplicating, then you’re actually shooting yourself in the foot. You’re putting yourself in the provider frame. That’s not what you want. You think that you’re going to give her all this money and all these favours, and you’re going to be really nice, so she’s going to like you.
What ends up happening is that as you’re doing all those things, and you’re doing this long, drawn out courtship process, some other guy in her life, who’s just the fun, carefree party guy, he comes along. He’s broke, he has no money, he doesn’t buy her anything. He treats a little bit like a dick. She ends up sleeping with him. Why does this happen?
I’ll get into that in a second. It pisses you off, right? As that guy, who’s been doing all this stuff and really working to attract her, this is a dagger in your heart. You went through all this work, and now you’re standing there, holding your dick in your hands, while she’s off screwing some other guy.
Why is this happening? It’s happening because you assume the money would attract her. That doesn’t work. Women aren’t attracted to money. What attracts them is emoticons. Guys will call women whores, when they see this happening — actually, no, she’s not a whore. She would be a whore if she slept with you because you bought her all those things.
If you interact with a lot of women, what you’ll tend to find is that they’re not very whorish. They love sex, and a lot of them are slutty, which means they’re very likely to go to sleep with you very quickly if you stimulate the right emotions. That’s all she is. She’s a whore to emotions. She’s not a whore to money.
Look at what’s happening. What you’re trying to do, as a guy, when you’re giving her money and favours, is trying to make her a whore. Women don’t actually like this. They don’t respond to it. You might say “Leo, but sometimes you see guys who are really wealthy, who don’t have good looks and they’re with cute girls, that are out of their league. How is that happening?”
Either those guys are stimulating the women emotionally, even more so than the money factor, but also I’m not going to deny that sometimes a woman will fall into the trap. A woman will take free money. She will take gifts. She’ll even sleep with you for it, sometimes. The problem is that when you attract a woman based on money, then that’s what the relationship is based on.
She’s never actually going to be as wet for you as she would be if you attracted her with the emotional component first, rather than the money. If you attract her with money, she might sleep with you. She might even be your girlfriend for a little bit. Ultimately, she’s always going to be on the lookout for the guy who’s more emotionally stimulating than you.
As soon as her radar locks on to that guy, she’s going to leave you. You attracted her with this false thing she didn’t really want. Of course, some women will just use you for money. Some women are really — that’s like their game. Obviously, you’ve got to watch out for that too.
Refuse To Supplicate
You can nip all that in the bud, by simply refusing to pay for a woman, refusing to supplicate, understanding this model. They really don’t want you to be paying for them. They don’t want to be made whores. They want to be emotionally stimulated. They want to be swept off their feet by that knight in shining armour, or the bad boy, or whatever stereotype you want to cast yourself as.
She wants an exciting, stimulating, adventurous, edgy man, who’s very masculine, who’s very sexual, who’s very dominant and aggressive. That’s what she wants. You’re not giving that to her with money. Here’s the problem: mainstream media and culture and society are telling you the exact opposite of this.
If you look around in the media, you see examples of the opposite. Also, your naive and intuitive brain — if you’re just starting out with women, and you don’t understand them too much — is telling you “She would enjoy doing something nice for her. What if I do her a little favour first? Wouldn’t that askew things in my favour?”
Actually, that’s not what happens. It’s very counter-intuitive. This is the process men have to go through when they’re learning to be very good with women. They have to go through this process of getting out of this mindset where they’re this provider, and getting to this mindset where they’re this fun, carefree, emotionally stimulating guy.
When you make that transition… wow. The success and results you get with women totally change. This is a very counterintuitive thing. For a lot of logical, analytical guys this doesn’t make sense, why women work this way. They just do, and it’s not that complicated. The problem is you’re trying to use money as a shortcut.
Wouldn’t it be nice if you could just go out and hand a woman a thousand dollars, and she would just sleep with you? If you could just see a really cute girl on the street and be like “Oh man, I really love her. I’ve got some extra money in the bank. Let me just go and pull out my ATM card, go to the ATM machine and take out a wad of cash and just go and give it to her, and she’ll sleep with me.”
Unless she’s a proper whore, she won’t do it. No woman will do that. Even if she does, she’s not going to be actually attracted to that. She’s just going to do it for the money. The reason you, as the man, want that — it would be nice. Wouldn’t it be nice to go and pay a thousand dollars? That would actually be very cheap.
The True Cost
The expense a man incurs to actually attract really quality women is a lot more than a thousand dollars per woman. The blood and sweat and tears and labour you put in to building up your game, to becoming more confident, to building up your personality, to becoming more masculine, to becoming more carefree and fun, letting go of your emotional baggage, all that nonsense you had, all that negative thinking you had from childhood.
To let go of that, and be that fun, carefree guy she wants, that’s hard work. For me, I spent the last two years really working very hard on that. I literally put my business on halt to do it. If I calculate how much time I really put into becoming much better with women — I’m not that good with women now, but I’m much better than I used to be.
The difference that happened there was me investing hundreds, probably over a thousand hours practicing and studying this stuff, trying to understand it. Don’t I wish I could’ve just paid someone a thousand dollars to be my girlfriend. I doesn’t work. The reason you want it is because you want the easy way out.
You want a shortcut. Guys want a shortcut. That’s why you’re buying girls dinners in the first place. That’s why you’re taking them to fancy restaurants, or you’re going shopping with them, because you want to impress the girl. You want the shortcut. You don’t want to attract her with your personality. That would be difficult.
You know your personality sucks. If you’ve got a good personality, you know you don’t need money to attract women. Women are magnetically attracted to you. You’ve probably got more options with women than you care to capitalize on.
If you’ve got a weak personality, if you’re a strong introvert, you’re very much in your head, you’re very logical, you come from that kind of traditional thinking about how dating is supposed to work, which is completely flawed, then you’ve probably got a pretty bland personality. It’s hard to attract women with that kind of personality.
A Short Story
It’s very interesting because — I want to share an example with you of how I learned this. When I started going out, and started approaching lots and lots of women, literally thousands of women, one of the first girls I ended up hooking up with, she was a girl in a new town, I moved to that town just for the month, just to be practicing hitting on girls.
I was there for that month just practicing every single day for thirty days straight, and I bump into this girl at the mall. I open her up, it was a five minute conversation. I grab her number. She’s really happy I stopped her dead cold in the middle of the mall, she was walking and talking to her mom on the cell phone.
I stop her dead cold, tell her she’s beautiful and I want to grab her number and go out with her, and she’s totally down, so it hooks. Then later we end up going for coffee in the evening. We end up hooking up that night. It was amazing.
This girl was a very beautiful woman. I would say she’s a nine, maybe eight and a half. Just a very beautiful woman, the kind of woman that would be girlfriend material. Not only is she very feminine, very fit, looks after her health, beautiful face, beautiful body, beautiful everything. She was also intelligent, smart. She had a good career, she was a nurse.
She was a nice package. She was the kind of woman that was looking for that boyfriend who would then become the husband. She was looking for that nice, long term relationship. It was very funny, because when I hooked up with her, those few weeks in that new city, it was funny to me because she just moved to that city.
She escaped a turbulent relationship, a really dysfunctional, abusive relationship. She got out of that. She moved to this new town, and now I was interacting with her, but she already had other suitors. She’s got status, because she’s beautiful, so other guys that know her want to date her and be with her, sleep with ehr.
The problem is that those guys, they were trying to attract her with money. It was really funny, because even though she didn’t understand what was going on until I pointed it out to her. I remember one time, we were driving in the car, and she was telling me about her nursing career and how people are very nice to her as a nurse.
She was telling me how some of the doctors and surgeons she works with in the hospital, how they would be very nice to her. In fact, one of the surgeons offered her a free surgery. Why would he do that? What does free surgery cost? I don’t know, depending on the operation, but surgery’s fairly expensive.
A surgery usually costs between ten to twenty to thirty thousand dollars. That’s for a minor surgery. Major surgery goes beyond that. A minor surgery, let’s say it costs even ten thousand dollars. Why would a surgeon offer her a free surgery? It was funny because I was instantly like “Woah, that’s amazing!” and she’s sitting in the car, and she’s just talking, not really thinking about what she’s saying.
I put my hand on her knee and looked at her with a sly smile and said “I wonder what you had to do to get that.” She looked at me and she opened her mouth really wide and said “OOOOH”. It clicked in her brain that what was going on here was that she was looking very whorish here.
She immediately said “No, no, we didn’t do anything.” I was like “OK, you didn’t do anything. I believe you. But think about the guy in that situation.” That surgeon gave her surgery because he wanted in. He wanted to sleep with her. He wanted an in, and he noticed she was warm to him, but he wanted to get in there.
He was supplicating. That’s why he offered it. When she understood that, it was funny because to me, it was very interesting because even she didn’t quite realise and put the two together until we started talking about it. It was very funny. Of course, the surgeon didn’t end up getting her. I ended up getting her. It was funny because a few days later, after we had sex the whole day, I drove her back to her house.
It’s a new house, and she doesn’t have many friends in the city yet, but she does have an aunt and an uncle. They know a guy who they want her to date already. We’re driving back to her house, and before we even got up to the driveway, she immediately tells me to stop the car and says “OK, I’ve got to tell you something. We’re getting to my house, but in my house, my aunt and uncle are there now, and they’re with a guy.
They want me to get hooked up with that guy.” I’m sitting here — we’ve been having sex all week — I’m like “Oh, OK.” He’s guy’s also the suitor. This is the next suitor that she has. It was hilarious because she doesn’t want to get with that guy. Of course, why would she want to get with that guy? That guy is not emotionally stimulating her. I’m emotionally stimulating her in this situation.
That guy, he’s just trying to get an in. She doesn’t’ want that. She wants to be stimulated. It was funny because we’re sitting there in the car, and she’s like “Should I go in? I don’t really want to go in.” I tell her “Yeah, go in. Go in and maybe you really like that guy, and you can suck his dick. Go suck his dick tonight. He’s going to be an amazing match for you.”
As soon as she heard that, that guy was immediately blown out. No chance of getting with her ever again. Why is that? Now she’s associating what’s going on there with the sex. The guy is there just for sex. He wants that in. It was funny. I said that very deliberately, just to show I’m just carefree.
I honestly wouldn’t care if she did go in there and sucked his dick. It wouldn’t matter to me. When I played that role, to her, that was super attractive. That makes me look really confident in myself, like “I don’t care, do whatever you want. Honestly, I don’t. It won’t upset me.” But I know that when I tell that to a woman, she’s never going to go do something with somebody else. She’s going to be with me.
She told me to drive her to my place five minutes later, and we ended up having sex all night. It was very funny. This was not the end of it. After that, I knew her for a few more weeks after I was in that town, we were still there. We were still hanging out a little bit.
What was happening was that she had a third suitor. This was a guy who put her through nursing school. He pulled a lot of strings for her in her youth, to get her educated, to get her — from what I understand, I don’t know all the details — really situated in her nursing career and in the hospitals.
Hospitals have a lot of politics involved. He pulled a lot of strings for her. This guy, he wanted to marry her. Now, she’s hanging out with me, she’s coming home to me, and she’s telling me how distraught she is because this guy, who used to support her and help her in different ways, who never had sex with her, he was doing all that because he wanted to marry her.
Now she feels like she’s obligated to this guy. She doesn’t really like the guy. She’s not attracted to him, but now, because she took his money, because he did all these things for her and he opened all these doors, she now feels obligated.
In that situation, that men put her into the role of the whore. Now she feels really bad about that. Will that guy ever marry her? Probably not, because she’s not really attracted to him, she just feels obligated.
Human After All
You might hear this whole story and say “What a cunt! Why would she do all this stuff?” You’ve got to understand she’s only human. If I was giving out free money and pulling strings for you, would you refuse it? You would accept it too. See, women don’t really see how calculating men are. Men are very calculating behind the scenes. They’re doing all this stuff.
Women sometimes — if she’s an experienced woman she’ll understand what’s going on, but sometimes they don’t even understand. They’re just running off emotions, and that’s what they’re going after. They’ll sweep up whatever favours and money you throw them, but they’re not going to get attracted to you.
The moral of the story is: don’t be like those guys that didn’t get with the girl. Be like the guy that did get with the girl by stimulating her emotionally and not paying for anything, not providing anything. Does this mean you never pay a woman for anything?
That’s not what I mean here. Don’t get extreme. You can be nice and buy her some stuff, sometimes. Don’t use money as a crutch, as a shortcut to get your way in there and get some action, or get a girlfriend, get a marriage. That’s even worse. That’s ridiculous. That never works.
Don’t be that guy. Understand that if women are using you for money, it’s not their fault. Women are actually very sweet creatures. It’s your fault. You are looking for that shortcut. All she is doing is going along with the flow. You would go along with the flow as well if you were put in the same situation. Don’t hold that against them.
Start to understand that emotions are what you’re really supposed to attract a woman with. You need to work on your own personality. That’s the lesson here. Stop the money bullshit. Start working on your personality. Start doing personal development. Look and study pickup. Maybe you want to get into pick up.
Start studying dating theory. Start going out there dating many women. Then you’re going to start to learn. That’s how I learned. That’s the best way to learn, through sheer experience. Also, learning from guys who are also very good at this stuff, and have come before you and learned this stuff.
Kind of an in depth topic. A lot of detail here. I think this is an important topic, because a lot of guys get hung up on it. I’m going to be signing off. Go ahead and post me your comments down below. I’d love to hear what you think. Please like this. Please share it. Click the like button right now. Share it with your friends. I want to get this video to spread around.
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