How To Be A Man
By Leo Gura - March 18, 2014 | 35 Comments
A deep understanding of masculinity and what it truly means to be a man.
Hey, this is Leo from Actualized.org, and in this video I’m going to tell you how to be a man.
Make A Man Out Of You
Let’s talk about how to make you into a man, how to be a man. I love this topic. I’m so excited about this topic. I’ve been waiting to talk about this. I want to shoot more videos just about what it takes to be masculine, also what it takes to be feminine and the interaction between the two.
I just love studying female and male psychology, it’s so fascinating to me. Ever since I got it to pick up and I really started to dig my way out of a deep hole that I dug myself into through my whole life, where I had no success with relationships or sex.
Basically I committed to digging myself out of that hole, committed to studying a lot of material about the dynamics and what it takes to attract the opposite sex, how that actually works — not just the myths, not just the popular cultural stereotypes — actually how it works and practicing it in the field, talking to thousands and thousands of women.
It’s ridiculous. The amount of development I got from that personally has been amazing. Still one of the most rewarding things that I’ve done, and I think one of the best things for my own masculinity. I learned so much about what it takes to be a man and they’re actually very, very clear principles of what it means to be masculine. When you become more in touch with your masculinity, as a guy, it’s amazing. You start to feel like you’re really yourself, you start to feel authentic, the way you know you want to feel.
Grabbing The Bull By The Horns
You stop feeling shy and insecure, and you stop being a pussy. You start actually taking the bull by the horns and it feels amazing. This is what your life as a man should be, so if you haven’t yet tapped into this, if you’re still young and you’re going through high school or college especially… Wow.
If you’re in your early twenties, or mid-twenties, this is the perfect opportunity for you to really tap into your masculinity. This is such an amazing idea. What does it really mean to be a man? If you really want to know, a lot of the information I take from David Data’s excellent book, The Way Of The Superior Man, where he goes really deep, some super deep, amazing ideas about masculinity. He’s really the guru on that, he’s the expert.
I learned a lot of information from him, but also a lot of this stuff comes from my own experience looking at guys who are really, really successful with women, who are really attractive to women, and analyzing them and picking them apart in my mind. Studying them and then taking on those characteristics myself, and then testing it and seeing how the women in my life have been reacting to it.
There’s some really powerful ideas here. What does it mean to be a man? A man is hundred percent authentic. You have to be very honest as a man, you have to be real. You have to have nothing to hide, you have to be totally open. Be open. You have to be open about all your problems, your insecurities, all your foibles.
You have to be very open. You can’t hide stuff. You can’t be in a relationship hiding stuff, hiding skeletons. You can’t be in a conversation trying to not rub somebody the wrong way, trying to be too polite. No, a real man is authentic. He’s not afraid to express himself.
In fact, that’s what he’s doing his whole life. His whole life is about self-expression. That’s what makes them a man. That’s what he loves, what he enjoys to do. This is what masculinity is. It’s about unleashing into the world. Feminine energy is about receiving and going with the flow. Masculine energy is about enforcing yourself on the world, we’re going to get into that a bit deeper, in a few minutes here, towards the end of this video.
It’s not having nothing to hide. It’s all about being, you might say icy or otherwise emotionally stable, unreactive, grounded. A man is grounded. He is the man. He knows what is values are. He knows what his principles are and he lives by principles. He has things that are important to him, things that he will never sacrifice for the sake of a quick little reward, a quick little hit of pleasure.
He’s got principles that he’s living by. He values maybe honesty, or he values creativity, or values truth. There’s something in there that is grounding him. It’s making him solid. He’s not wishy-washy. He’s not jumping up and down. He’s not always afraid, anxious and worrying what people think about him. That’s how a woman behaves, that’s not how a man behaves.
Don’t Be A Woman, Man
That’s the most repellent thing to a woman, if you start to behave like a woman. If you are reactive, if you are indecisive, if you are not icy, she is not going to be attracted to you. Not if she’s very feminine. A very feminine woman is going to want a very masculine man ,who’s completely rounded, because what he does is he grounds her and he allows her to be girly.
He allows her to be emotional and her emotions can’t penetrate into him. It’s like he’s a pillar, and no matter what the wind does, you know, a hurricane can come by and this pillar, this concrete pillar is just grounded a thousand feet into the earth, and it’s not moving. It’s not budging. Nothing’s going to move it. That’s what a real man is.
To do that, you have to develop a really strong sense of identity. That’s why women will always be attracted to the men who have the strongest connection with who they really are, who really understand their identity. That’s why women are attracted to older man, because older man are more mature and have a deeper sense of identity. Younger men haven’t really discovered who they are yet, so women tend to go for the ones that have and those just naturally tend to be a little bit older.
That’s why women generally like to date guys who are five or ten years older than they are. That’s how that can be explained. Another thing that a real man is is that he’s happy by himself. He doesn’t need women. He doesn’t need the approval of anybody. He can be happy just how he is. He constructs an awesome life for himself and he’s very independent. He’s stable and then if a woman comes into his life — great! If he’s got friends coming to his life — great!
But he doesn’t need them, he’s not dependent on them. He’s, in fact, completely outcome independent. He doesn’t need anything to go his way. He doesn’t need a woman to be in his life. If a woman is in his life he might be happy with her, and if she decides to leave, he is totally happy with that too.
He’s not attached to her, he doesn’t cling to her. That’s what a masculine man does, because he’s confident, he knows who he is, he’s happy in himself. Why would he need a woman to be there? Why would he need some particular person in his life? He wouldn’t. He wouldn’t need that. He’s really grounded in his identity.
Embrace Your Sexuality
The next point is, and this is my favourite, is that a real man is really in tune with his sexuality. You have to really get over this idea that sex is wrong, evil, shameful, dirty. It’s complete nonsense. When you become a real man, you view sex as completely normal, completely healthy, in fact — beautiful. Something that is your gift to give to the world.
You are completely open about your sexuality. You are not afraid to talk about sex. You’re not afraid to have amazing sex. You’re not afraid to talk dirty to a girl. A real man does that because it pleases him, not because he’s trying to show off, or he’s trying to be dirty, but because that’s who he is.
He’s masculine and he wants to fuck the girl. He wants to fuck the world. I don’t say this facetiously, or to be flippant. I actually mean that he wants to fuck the world. This is what masculinity is at its very core — as a man, you want to fuck the world. Let me explain what this is.
As you do one thing, you do everything. If you are not fucking the world, then you actually are not fucking your girl. I actually see this with men, is that the don’t know how to fuck their girl properly. To do this, you have to understand what this means. For a man, he gets his deepest pleasure from giving himself to the world. HE gives, he releases his energy.
This is mirrored in sex, is that the man gives himself, he is the one who is doing the penetrating, and he is the one who is injecting the world with his seed. It’s clear how this applies to sex, it’s very literally, but it also applies to the real world, to life outside the bedroom. It’s actually even more important here.
Fuck The World
What this means, to fuck the world, is that you’re penetrating the world with your personality. This means you’re penetrating the world with your authentic self, with who you are. When you do that, you can’t be shy. You can’t be timid, you can’t be fearful. This means that, to penetrate the world, that means you’re sharing your gifts.
Your life is about giving. Your life is about creating, it’s about doing. Doing what’s authentic to you. Not caring about what anybody thinks about you. Not letting any obstacle get in your way. This is how a real man behaves. When he’s out there, doing it in the real world, then he can really do it in the bedroom too.
In the real world, you should be penetrating into it. That’s literally how it feels. I don’t know, maybe you’ve felt this. If you’ve accomplished something great at work, or you’ve created some sort of project, something creative maybe, like you wrote a book or you wrote some sort of awesome report, or you created a website, or you composed an awesome piece of music.
As a man, when you do that, you feel like “Yeah, that’s it. I fucked the world. I penetrated the world, literally, and I gave it my seed. That is my seed that I inseminated into the world. It was something that wasn’t there, and now I gave that life.”
Creating In The World
As a man, we can’t have a child directly. We can have a child through a woman, but we don’t actually give birth to a child. For us, the creative process is even more important than it is for a woman. She can identify with the creative process by actually creating a baby. A man can’t do that, so for him, his purpose in life, his mission, his fulfillment comes from creating in the world.
That’s why men are tinkerers. That’s why we’re engineers. That’s why we love to go out there and build stuff and do stuff. We like to create stuff physically, but we also like to create intellectual stuff. We like to analyze, then we like to synthesize that information.
That’s what you should be doing. If you’re not doing this, then you’re not tapping into your full masculinity. You’re unsatisfied in life, at a very deep level. What a man has is a life purpose. The life purpose stuff that I talk about so passionately in all my videos, well, this is especially important for you if you are a man.
I think it’s important for women too, and they have to reconcile how the masculine energies, with life purpose fit in with their feminine energies. There’s more of a challenge there. With men, it’s completely clear. You need to be so focused on your life purpose. Your life purpose needs to be life priority number one.
Hierarchy Of Needs
The woman in your life is not priority number one. Never make your woman priority number one. If you do, she will leave you, because she will sense that you’re priority is her, and she doesn’t like that. What she likes is that you have a purpose, you have a sense of direction. She’s tagging along, she’s there for the ride, she’s supporting you as the girl in your life, but she’s not your purpose.
Your purpose should be something outside of her. Your purpose should be your work, your career. What are you doing? What’s the impact you’re having on the world? How are you penetrating the world? If you can penetrate the world, if you can go out there and kill it in your career, then when you come back into the bedroom, you can kill it there. That’s what’s going to make her happy.
She’s going to be happy that you’re out there doing stuff that’s good for the world too. It all comes together really, really nicely. This is the essence of it. Life purpose, sense of direction, this is the essence of masculinity. To have a life purpose is going to — all these ideas, they’re all dovetailing, because to have a life purpose, to be on track with it, to be really killing it in your career, you’re going to have to be very confident.
Be The Pillar
You’re going to have to start throwing away all those fears that you have, all those anxieties, all those girly qualities about you that are making you a pussy. That’s not allowing you to go out there and bust through the obstacles in the real world. When you throw those away, you cast those aside, and you also tap into who you really are, and because you’re on your life purpose, you have identified it so you’ve done some work on your personality, you know who you are, you’re grounded now, you’re icey, right?
Now you can be that pillar. You know who you are, so you can be authentic. You can be authentic in your conversations, you don’t need anyone to be in your life and that’s extremely attractive to the opposite sex. You’re going to get so many women when you can create your life to embody everything I’m telling you here.
Some of this stuff is kind of abstract, but also not. You can see how you can start to develop this stuff. It’s going to take you some time. If you have been a pussy your whole life, if you have not developed life purpose, if you don’t know who you are, if you are shy, if you’re introverted, if you don’t know how to have a conversation, if you don’t know how to have amazing, ridiculous sex, if you don’t know how to penetrate the world, then you — this is probably new for you.
It’s probably a bit of a shock. You’re probably like “Wow, I’m far away.” Don’t get discouraged. You might be far away right now, especially if you’re young. It’s kind of normal. It takes a guy really some time to develop this. I would say that the man’s mission, or what the man is doing from his early twenties to his late thirties is discovering his identity.
He’s discovering who he really is, what he wants to do in the world, how he wants to penetrate the world. When he finally discovers that and gets on board, then he becomes a real man. Then, women flock to him.
You might think “Well, I’m twenty years old, I should already have that figured out.” No, not really. I think most guys, it takes them longer. It takes them longer to figure it out. Just because you’re a man physically, that does not make you a man psychologically. That does not make you truly masculine.
You’re going to be a physical man, but you’ll still be a boy inside. You’re going to be immature. You’re not going to know who you are. You’re going to be living somebody else’s values. You’re going to be shaky. You’re going to be fearful. You’re going to be anxious. You’re going to be emotional. You’re going to get angry all the time.
In fact, a lot of guys do that. You can not know how to have sex. You can be working some stupid, lame job and not have anything you’re really creating that’s powerful in your life. It takes a guy about ten years, starting from his twenties, to really develop it.
Fortune Favours The Manly
I really encourage you to take this very seriously and to be very conscious about how you go about putting yourself together as a man. When you do this… Wow. So much is going to happen for you. The biggest thing is that you’re going to feel fulfilled.
Not only are you doing this to be attractive to the opposite sex, really, you’re doing it for yourself. A man doesn’t do anything for anybody else but himself. You’re doing this because you love being masculine. It feels amazing. When you tap into this… Wow. It’s fucking awesome.
I really encourage you to take all this information to heart and start finding ways to apply it. Here are a couple of things that I’m going to give you, that are going to practically drill this into your mind. Things that you can do to become more of a man.
Have Lots Of Sex
Number one: have sex with lots of girls. I think this is mandatory for men. This is how we are biologically wired, even though society doesn’t like to admit this. Girls don’t like us to talk about it, we want to be monogamous and this and that, be in a relationship and get married.
The bottom line is that a man is like the lion in the pride. This is the way nature set it up. I’m sorry to break it to you, girls and guys, but this is how it is. You can talk about marriages and all this all you want. I think there’s nothing wrong with marriage, there’s nothing wrong with monogamous relationships, but, as a man, especially a young man, you need to go out there and you need to explore the field.
You need to have sex with lots of girls. This is what makes you a man. This is how you learn about sexuality. This is how you learn about being icy. This is how you learn about being unreactive. This is how you learn to tolerate all the emotions that women are throwing at you.
It’s how you learn to flirt. It’s how you learn to be confident. There’s so much stuff you learn by being with women. The more of them you can be with, the better. This doesn’t mean you have to be a whore your whole life, but it does mean that it’s good.
It’s much better to go out there and have sex with twenty or thirty girls than it is to have sex with two of them. If you have sex with two girls your whole life, you’re going to be a pussy. I can pretty much guarantee it. It’s going to be hard for you to really be masculine.
If you go out and have sex with thirty, or a hundred girls, it’s going to be almost impossible for you not to be masculine. You’re just going to have to learn. Even to accomplish that, you’re going to have to already build your masculinity so much. You have to go out there and do that. Just do it.
Stop making excuses and stop saying it’s bad or evil, or something’s wrong with it. It’s not wrong. This is what it takes to become a man. Women are attracted to this, even though they don’t like to admit it. They always want to say “Well I want the guy to be just my guy.” Fine.
But in the end, they’re attracted to a guy who is icy, unreactive, emotionally stable, who’s authentic and real and confident, extremely sexual, extremely open. How do you think a guy gets like that? You think a guy’s born like that? Fuck no.
To be that way, you need to go out there and explore the world. You need to fuck a lot of women. That’s how to get that way. The fact is, women will always have sex with the guy who has sex with the most women. The more women you get, it’s like a snowball effect, you just have more and more sex with women.
Then it becomes easier and easier to have sex with more women. You get so grounded that women are just magnetically drawn to you. It’s obnoxious. It’s frankly obnoxious, some of the things that I have seen in the field, from some of the people I’ve seen. In fact, it can be so obnoxious, it can be so effective, that the person could actually stop to develop himself, and he just becomes so attractive with women that it’s almost like he gets all the validation he wants and he stops growing as a true man.
He really stay immature, but he becomes so attractive it’s obnoxious. Go out and explore the field a little bit, so you’re royal oats, as they say.
Find Your Purpose
Next is, I want you to have a strong career and a strong sense of purpose in your life. If you don’t know what your life purpose is, man, I would say that is even more important. Discover what your life purpose is, have that nailed down, I don’t care what it takes. If it takes you ten years to figure it out, figure it out.
If it takes you hours and hours of work and money, and toil and traveling the world, do it. Find out what your life purpose is, commit to it and stay on track and never fall off. As soon as you fall off, you lose your masculinity, you lose your power. You lose way too much, it’s not worth it. Your life purpose is priority number one. Women are not priority number one, they’re priority number three or five or ten, not one.
Delve Into The Unknown
The third thing I’m going to give you is, I want you to start breaking out of your comfort zone. As a man, you cannot be surrounding yourself in a bubble of comfort. You have to be out there doing new stuff. That means, if you’re not comfortable going to the gym, start going to the gym. If you’re not comfortable eating Korean food, go eat Korean food.
If you’re not comfortable traveling overseas, go travel overseas to some dangerous country. If you’re not comfortable chatting up a girl in a club, go to a club and chat up more girls. If you’re not comfortable reading a book, go read a book. Do the thing that are pushing your comfort zone, that are scaring you.
They are going to expand your tolerance level. They’re going to grow you as a human being. Personal growth. I mean, a woman can do this too, and she’ll get personal growth. Everybody gets personal growth by pushing their comfort zone, but for a man this is especially important, because you can’t be fearful. You have to be confident.
Confidence is something you ultimately develop, over the long run, by exploring. Exploring life. You can’t’ be just limited to this one little domain in life. Open yourself up more. Try more stuff. Explore, travel, work different jobs, have a diversity of friends, study different material, have different types of girlfriends so that you can learn from them all.
Then you become a real man, and then you can narrow down and say “OK, I want to do this.” At the beginning, you have to explore. Those are the key points about how to become a man. This is… wow. If I had this information just two years ago, it would’ve transformed my life. I had to go and discover this thing the really hard way.
I’m distilling a lot of gold nuggets for you guys. If you don’t take action on this stuff, I’m going to be upset. Leave me your comments down below. This is probably going to be a little bit of a controversial video, but everything I said to you guys here is very, very true, so if you find yourself resisting it or saying “No, that’s not true. That’s not right.” I urge you to be open minded.
Trust this stuff is right. You know that this is right. It sounds too right, even though society is telling you it’s wrong. It sounds too right because it’s true. It’s been proven by too many men. This has been proven by too many men to be doubted. Go out there and apply it.
Please, besides leaving me your comments, like this and share this. And then, go ahead and check out Actualized.org, subscribe to our newsletter because I release new content every week. Videos, articles, other releases that I’m going to be doing — amazing content on how to — well, a lot of the information I share with you will help you become a man. Without directly telling you it’s going to do that, it will.
A lot of the information I share with you is about life purpose, about being passionate, about being more confident, about pushing your comfort zone, about leading an extraordinary life. When you do that, that is very much in line with building your masculinity too.
Check that out, sign up, you get some awesome bonuses for signing up. You get a free video series that’s exclusive to my subscribers, and you also get two hours of live coaching that you have a chance to win with me, which I give away every month to one of my subscribers.