How To Make A Girl Fall In Love With You

By Leo Gura - January 19, 2014 | 27 Comments

Learn how to make a girl fall in love with you in 15 minutes. By following these fundamental principles, you will own your woman’s heart forever.

Video Transcript

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Hey, this is Leo for Actualized.org and this is another quick self-help segment where, in about 10 minutes, I’m going to tell you how to make a girl fall in love with you.

This is actually a personal topic that I’ve been studying hardcore for the last two years because I’m involved in the pick-up community. I came from a place where I had horrible skills with dating and no experience. I didn’t know how to flirt. I didn’t know how to attract women. I didn’t know how to land or keep a girlfriend.

These were all new experiences that I had to go through and learn the hard way – much harder than most people did. Through my journey, I actually went through two years of brutal training. I studied hundreds of hours of theory about how to attract women, what women want, and female psychology. Then I went out and practiced it in the field in clubs and in bars to test the theories and the techniques and teach myself how to attract women.

This is a slightly different than how to get a girl to fall in love with you. We need to clarify it. There’s the attraction phase and then there’s the love phase.

This is the same thing I said in a similar video that I shot for girls. Before someone can fall in love with you, you need to first meet them and get some attraction and chemistry going. Then you’ll build up to love.

In some ways, the love comes naturally. You don’t need to worry about that too much. What you need to focus on is more of the attraction phase. Once you can attract somebody, then the love just kicks in naturally and things just start to happen.

All you have to do is take the biggest obstacles out of the path. Then that process will be smooth. If you have obstacles in the way, you’ll have some problems and you’ll be falling down here even though you’re attracting women.

I know some guys who are good at attracting women, but then they aren’t able to keep them around because of several problems that they have. We’ll cover some of those and get into attraction as well.

What do women want in guys? This is related to the point of attraction. Even though people separate love from attraction, there’s a deep connection there. The fact is that to get love, you need attraction. The attraction carries off into love.

What attracts girls to guys? Girls are attracted to personality and not looks. This is a big misconception among guys, especially guys who have trouble attracting women. They think that their looks are a detriment and because they are a little overweight or they have some crooked teeth or pimples or this or that – they don’t have the perfect body or the perfect face – they can’t attract a girl. Nothing can be further from the truth.

What women are attracted to are emotions. If you can make her feel the right emotions that she likes to feel, then that’s it. She’s yours. It’s done. It’s so easy, as long as you can make her feel the right emotions.

It’s all about the emotions. Women are sensitive to emotions. Guys are logical and visual. We’re going to analyze everything about a woman logically and we’re going to be instantly attracted to her within five seconds because of how she looks. That’s not the same for girls.

Girls need to be romanced. They need to be warmed up. It’s not like a light switch. It’s more like a dial. That dial needs to be cranked up before she’s into you.
What actually cranks that dial up are the emotions that she’s feeling off of you. The emotions that she wants to feel are not even particular emotions. It’s more about the range of emotions that you’re giving her.

She wants to feel the ups and downs and she wants to be able to rely on you to give her a variety of emotions – hopefully, mostly positive, but sometimes, women even like negative emotions – because that’s what they like. They like to experience ranges of emotions.

Guys generally like to experience two emotions. We like to be happy or sad or excited. That’s about all we experience.

For girls, there’s a much wider range of emotions because they’re more emotional creatures. That’s why they love guys who are humorous. That’s why they love guys who can make them laugh. That’s why they love guys who are carefree and laid-back. That’s why they love guys who will take them on adventures. That’s why they like guys who are independent and strong-willed and have a sense of direction in their life and know what they want.

A guy like that takes the girl along with him on a journey and she loves that. One metaphor that they use in the pick-up community is that the girl is like a passenger and the guy is like a ship. What she’s going to do, because she’s feminine, is look around to see what kind of ships are out there.

Let’s say we’re in the Caribbean and there’s a bunch of little islands. This ship pulls by and now this girl has the option to get on one ship or another ship or a third ship. Which one does she want?

She wants the ship that’s going to steer her around to the most exciting and coolest islands. It’s going to show her all these great things. It’s going to take her on this tour of the Caribbean. That’s what she wants.

She doesn’t want the ship that’s going to take her from the dock to a little cave and then that’s it. She doesn’t want that.

If you think that you’re going to attract a girl by going out there and either going to a bar or club or meeting her through your friends and then shacking up with her and dragging her back to your man cave, it’s not going to happen.

Girls like guys who are social. They like guys who are outgoing. They like guys who have a little bit of edge. They like guys who are a little bit dangerous or a little bit risky and that push them out of their comfort zone and make them do slightly crazy things that they wouldn’t have naturally done before.

That’s giving them emotions. That’s emotional stimulation. This is happening both on the micro and macro level.

On the micro level, the way that happens is just through the initial interaction. How do you meet that girl? How do you introduce yourself? Are you coming up there are stilted and just saying, “Hi, I’m Bob and I work at J.P. Morgan and I drive a Mercedes and…?”

That’s all logical talk. The fact is, girls are listening to the sub-communication and the emotional layer of the conversation. If you go in there with a conversation like that, what’s the emotional conversation there?

On the logical level, you’re presenting yourself as this valuable man. You have your life together. You went to school. You have some money. You have a nice car. You can provide for her. That seems like something that she would want, but she’s a girl. She doesn’t want that.

She does, on a logical level, as a woman, but deep down, she’s a girl and she wants fun, stimulation, and adventure. She’s looking at the emotional level.

The emotional level of that conversation was just a flat-line. It was boring. She doesn’t want that. She wants to get stimulated.

The guy who will go in there and give her some crazy line or tell her something about herself that makes her a little self-conscious or pushes her boundaries or tell her something crazy. That will get her interest piqued.

They think, “Oh, he’s a little different. He’s edgy. He’s not this boring dude. I want to go and see what more there is.” She’s curious. Now it’s like a movie.

It’s an interesting movie with a suspense plotline. It’s like a thriller and she wants to get on that rollercoaster ride. She wants to get on that ship and she wants to see what you offer her.
That’s on the micro level. Then on the macro level is where we get into the whole “love” thing. How do you get her to fall in love with you? You try to do that on the macro level, too.

Once the relationship gets a little more serious and gets passed the sex phase and you’re seriously dating and it’s getting a little bit more heavy into relationship territory, it’s still about keeping it up. You have to work on your relationship.

You can’t just sit at home and watch movies together all of the time. That’s going to be boring. She’s going to be bored with that. You have to be offering her new things.

You have to be going on exciting dates once in a while, at least. You have to have cool friends that she can see and hang out with. You have to be challenging her in different ways. You have to be getting her to learn stuff and taking her to places she’s never been to and giving her new experiences.

Girls love that stuff. If you can do that, she’s going to think that you’re the best boyfriend. It’s amazing.

The other thing is that women love sex. All women love sex. They’re highly sexual creatures. They, in fact, maybe like sex more than guys do. It’s just that they have a lot more social conditioning put upon them so that they can never admit that they like sex that much. However, you know how much women like sex if you’ve been with women.

To keep a woman around, learn to have amazing sex and don’t be selfish during sex. I see that a lot of guys out there, especially in the pick-up community, will be selfish about sex and it’s not going to be about pleasuring the girl or about making an amazing experience out of sex. It’s going to be like getting your load off real quick and that’s not going to do it.

I personally love to experiment. I love to do crazy things. I like to make it special. I like to go all out for it.

I love it myself. I love the reaction that I get from the girl. It’s awesome.

Learn sex. Learn how to be better in bed. Learn how to last longer. Learn how to have multiple orgasms. Learn how to give her multiple orgasms. Learn how to do different sexual positions. Learn how to have sex in a public bathroom.

I don’t care. Figure it out. Try things. Experiment. Be adventurous about this stuff.

If you’re not giving your girl five to 10 orgasms every night, then something is wrong. You suck. I see this all the time.

I ask some of my friends, “How many orgasms are you giving to one ofr your girls?” and they’ll say, “Maybe one? I don’t even know. I don’t even ask them or register it from them.”
That’s preposterous! As a man, you should be giving your girl more than five orgasms every single time. Otherwise, I don’t know what the hell you’re thinking and what you’re doing.
If you can do that, then she will love you easily. You will not have a problem with love.

The other thing, of course, is that women hate it when you get needy with them and when you make your lifeove about the woman. Your life has to be your life. You have to have a sense of direction.
When you get a girl and you’re starting to become a little more serious with her, be cognizant of the fact that you don’t want to be overbearing on her and you don’t want to make her the center of your life. Girls hate that.

Even though it seems like they would want that because you’re lavishing them with all of that attention and love, the fact is that they want a man who’s a man. A man who’s a man is grounded in something. He’s grounded in his purpose in life.

Actually having a strong sense of purpose in life and having a strong career or having a business that you’re running or something that’s important or that you believe in or something that you’re willing to fight for, besides your girl, is important. She’ll sense that.

She’ll sense that you’re grounded and she’ll be able to trust you and rely on you and she’ll be able to be girly around you and express herself. That’s what she wants. She wants to just let go and have you take care of shit for her so that she doesn’t have to be the man in the relationship.

Do not make her the man. If you make her decide where you guys go all the time or plan your trips or if you are wishy-washy all the time, have no sense of direction, or always telling her to come over and to be what you cherish and that you’re just going to bunk up with her all the time, that is a surefire way to lose her.

She is going to fall out of love with you if you do that and she’s going to go find another guy who is more of a man than you are. You’re being a pussy. What you need is a strong sense of direction.

Do not be dissuaded by her moods or her pleading you to put all of your attention on her. That’s not what she wants. She’s going to test you in subtle ways and she’s going to be emotional around you.

What she wants you to do is to stay the course. She wants you to be strong so that she can do that. That’s what she likes. She doesn’t want you to become the girl.
Do not become the girl. That is a surefire way to lose her and to make her fall out of love with you.

If you do all of the other things, then you will attract her and it will grow into love and it will be awesome.

Of course, if you want to keep that going, then you need to work on yourself and you need to make yourself a better man. It’s a long-term process. It’s a deep topic to get into.

I’m going to cover a lot more of that on Actualized.org in my other videos. If you feel like you want to get this dialed in and you want to get it dialed in on a deep level, come check out Actualized.org where I’m going to cover more of these topics. I cover other self-development topics which are all pertinent to getting the girl.

The girl also wants you to be a successful man. She wants you to have some money, even though money is not strictly important. She wants you to be well-off. That’s going to be a factor in your favor.

She wants you to be grounded. She wants you to be emotionally unreactive to her moods. To do that, you need a sense of self-control and emotional self-mastery. These are a lot of the topics that I cover in the videos that I shoot on Actualized.org.

Go ahead and check it out. Leave your comments here. Please “like” it. Please share it. Subscribe to my newsletter.

This is Leo signing off.

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Comments
(27)
sarah says:

Wow. Coming from a womans point of view, this is absolutely true in every way.

Leo Gura says:

It’s good to see a woman who understands her true attraction triggers

Dalia says:

Wow this almost makes me want to cry. My boyfriend has become so complacent that if it’s not me leading the ship he would just anchor it because it’s safe. I often wondered why it was that i kept looking and feeling more attracted to other guys and I am thankful that you were able to put this into words for me. I love my boyfriend and do not want to hurt him because he really loves me too but I feel that if I was to show him this he would just take it as yet another thing he can’t do right and it would hurt his self esteem. How would you approach a conversation like this without making your partner feel like they are not good enough?

Eric says:

Hello
I have trouble believing woman will not go for looks….they do !
If you have the write looks on you, you will attract girls.

Leo Gura says:

Yes, it’s hard to believe at first. It took me a lot of experience to believe it. But when I attracted the 75th top-rated female tennis player in the world, this idea that looks matter started to crumble for me. Confidence and masculinity over-shadows everything else.

Eric says:

What was the name of that female tennis player ??
Dear Leo I agree with you about everything you say on this site but not in this case.
I know this from experience, I have no goal in life, no money, do not know who I am and what I want, but I had a lot of woman (loving relationship at the moment) because they think I am good looking. Even if I act like a complete idiot they wanna be with me
I friend of mine is very smart earns a lot of money and he has a good hart, so a much better man than me… but no girls because they think he is ugly.

Leo Gura says:

The reason your ugly friend doesn’t get girls isn’t because of his looks, it’s because of his lack of game.

Eric says:

Maybe your partly write on that one.
Never the less, looks matter a great deal when it comes to woman.

Keep up the good work and thank you.

Ethan says:

Did you learn/copy from RSD Julien?

John says:

Hey Leo. First of all, thank you for creating this video! Really gave me an overview of the things I’ve been overlooking. But I have this problem:

I’m currently trying to get this girl that’s somehow attracted to someone else. (He’s a bit muscular and it seems that there’s some chemistry going on between them. Or atleast it seems like it and it’s making me quite insecure about my success) but anyway, how do I deal with this kind of situation? Also, if possible, can you give me some examples on how the emotional stimulation thingy works?

Thanks in advance.

Lisina says:

awesome, vid. I’m a woman so your points are right on the button.
I have a question. with all your study and training and from your videos you’ve got it right. Have you found your one?
asking out of curiousity.

Leo Gura says:

Nope. I’m not sure I want a one. Maybe I do, maybe I don’t.

Raul says:

Although that is quite true, it is sad to realize that we are still leaving on a machist and misogenous society

A says:

Dear Leo, I like what you have to say on most topics that your content on sex and relationships is really way off the mark. You sound like a 17-year-old boy trying to get into the pants of any girl that he can. Your perspectives on women seem very dominated by misogynistic culture and media. You really don’t seem to value them beyond objects that you “do” or conquer. I have yet to hear you discuss having relationship with a woman who is not submissive and is seemingly absent of intellect or independence (you repeatedly use terms like “go with the flow of what the man is doing”, “receiving” with the man gives in terms of sex or money). If that’s your kind of girl and you are attracting them then that’s great. Too often your videos are dismissive of the woman’s ability to think beyond The next pretty that you’re going to get them or the next orgasm that you’re going to get them. I sense that you’re the kind of guy that wants a “cultured” woman who is both good looking and smart enough to impress your friends in a conversation. Why do you seem to miss the point that these types of women are extremely educated and competent yet the way you think and talk about them marginalizes them and encourages other men to do the same?

I have a terrific marriage (22 years) where my partner is interested in what I think and what is important to me. Honestly, that’s what makes me cum more and harder than any hypermasculinized sexual technique.

Bellaisa says:

Love the point about staying the man in the relationship. For every woman I have ever known, there is nothing unsexier than a man being unsure of himself and letting his woman take the lead in the relationship.

Alex Holt says:

What needs to be taken is massive fucking action. I hang on your every word, this is serious. As we say in England – funny as fuck!

achile says:

hi i want to thank you .but i have one problem i love a girl but she don’t love me i want this gerl very bad plaise help me

Bryer says:

Haha you are such a beauty Leo. I can’t get enough of these videos.

Sam says:

Can you re-spark that attraction or is it once its gone its gone?

Denise says:

Leo,

I generally LOVE your videos as you usually say what is on my mind. When it comes to sex and relationships however, I think you are tainted by pickup culture. I suggest you study human psychology. People want the same things but there are also different kinds of people. Relationships start with knowing the self and then finding that match. Keep up the learning, you are almost there!!!

sahil says:

i had a girlfriend till last week and now she is in love with a girl. i really love her and i need her back

pf says:

I have just one question for Leo: are you married? Because if you aren’t, most, if not all, of your advice is impractical.

Most men — I’m thinking here of myself, an introvert on steroids — lack most of the prerequisites you list for dating and for falling in love. But I still managed to get married, as did many other men I know who, in their dating days, were hardly George Hamilton IV, Brad Pitt, or Steve McQueen.

Indeed, many of the qualities you list as essential for manliness have little, if anything, to do with making a marriage work. Yes, it’s nice if a man is, as you say, carefree and laidback, sociable, outgoing, adventurous, fun-loving and personable.

But many of these characteristics count for very little when it comes to paying down a mortgage, keeping a job, nursing a screaming baby at three o’clock in the morning, or showing a wife empathy and support when she’s had a bad day at the office, or when she’s overwhelmed with running a household. In fact, some of these personality “strengths” may even be a detriment over the long haul.

If I can give you any advice, Leo, is that you get married, if you aren’t. And, if you are, that you work on strengthening and building the relationship with your wife, rather than making men out there feel inadequate if they don’t measure up to Remington Steel.

Austin says:

Hey leo , i have a question , you say when girls want something crazy when you first walk up to them and you say push there self conscience and be edgy , what are some good examples to say when you first see a girl youre interested in and want to go talk to ? And what do you mean by get into their emotions. What are some things i could ask to be emotional with them ?thank you!!!

Mark says:

5-10 orgasms? wtf leo? i would have 5 orgasms in a 5 hour session, but my girl can only get 2-3. you seriously can get that many EVERY night?? that’s not possible. at least not with every woman.

MMJMan says:

The name of the video is “How To Make A Girl Fall In Love With You” not how to make a marriage work.

Phillip says:

. . . yet, the many qualities that Leo deems essential in a man who hopes to attract a woman aren’t really necessary at all. I know plenty of men who weren’t edgy, laid back, extroverted, sociable and hip. But they all managed to get married. And they’re all still happily married.

A man reading Leo’s laundry list of “essentials” for attracting a woman might despair of ever being good enough and give up altogether. He might then find that after years of “preparation,” he could have been happily married a long time ago if he had eschewed the “dating experts” and had simply gone out and started dating!

The point in dating is to find a life partner, and not to spend endless hours primping and preening, trying to be a latter-day version of Tom Selleck, who may never have been that good of a husband in the first place.

Cristina says:

Phillip you’re so very right, the set of qualities Leo propose here are not realistic in most of the cases. There are women who are triggered by looks, maybe because they themselves are very narcissistic or simply preoccupied with their own looks and doing the effort to look their best won’t settle for less.There are other women who are triggered by brains because they themselves are smart and career oriented. There are women who are attracted to power and money because they are deeply materialistic and so on ….. The recipe Leo brings does not have an universal appliance and certainly on the long term these qualities become irrelevant when about real life/marriage issues.

I personally don’t think women are attracted only by men’s personality, looks are very important for both sexes. Brad Pitt is not the smartest guy in the world, nor the most charismatic, he barely speaks on interviews, he’s kinda shy/introverted, never really funny or edgy, and still he’s the most wanted man alive on Earth, why? because of those baby blue eyes, gorgeous face features, his awesome hair and his sexy body. No one can deny he’s good looking even at this age. Jim Carry on the other hand has all that Leo’s “set of skills” he’s funny, outgoing, edgy, crazy, hilarious, charismatic etc and still hmmm he’s not that good looking and really I’d say he’s ugly and unattractive. No attraction there whatsoever. So his theory at least for me doesn’t apply.

There are average men who do get married, who don’t put the effort to make themselves likable or attractive in any way and women fall for them. They have families, kids and all the stuff. It’s not such a big deal, there’s no art of seduction, it’s just a matter of taste and chemistry.

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