Masculinity vs Femininity

By Leo Gura - August 10, 2015 | 56 Comments

The male and female mind fully explained.

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carrie says:

Leo, now tell us how you feel about all that? Lol kidding. Interesting video. I asked my husband, what do you like about me? He said, I like to look at you and you have a pretty smile. I found that pretty interesting. I love that my husband can focus on one task at a time. I can see how we are different, but at the end of the day we want the same thing, to be held. Well I want to be held, he wants to grab my boobs. They are close enough to the same thing for me I guess lol.

Thanks so much for the video. It was really fun to watch.
Carrie

Thanks says:

Didnt watch video yet but PYCHED to see it

WingWizard says:

I owe you heavily. The kind of wisdom that is being made available to the general masses on this website is extraordinary. Indeed now I see your very crucial point of serving humanity and it’s consequences. The kind of effort you have made and all this work you have done is unparalleled. Thank you, Leo Gura.

Tony says:

Hi Leo,

Not on topic really, but I thought in some previous video of yours you had said that you were a philosophy major in college. And you were commenting how philosophy isn’t bullshit compared to what it used to be. Am I misremembering? In this video you mention majoring in engineering. Just curious.

Leo Gura says:

I switched majors half-way through from engineering to philosophy and graduated with philosophy.

Michael says:

Could you do something like this but in a geographic cultural perspective so people get an idea of which regions are more like them. This can be based on how people behave, interact with and perceive the world and people around them.

E.g.

Britain
Continental Europe
North America
South America
Brazil?

Jacek says:

Leo is simply a talented american philosofer. Most Americans are pragmatics- people who believe that any practical way of making money is the ultimate pupose of life. Some of the pragmatics become hedonist- people searching for pleasure or fun as a top value. Nothing wrong in that. Just one of many ways of life.
Leo taks about subjects that go beyond pragmatism. That applies to a few of his last videos, including this one.
His mind is rational, in other words Leo is a child of Europian Enlightment. Contrary to the Eastern (Asian) “enlightment” that resembles the Europian Romantisism.
After several videos emfesising his search for budist enlithment leo comes back to his personal difficulties in man-woman relatoinship.
In case of understanging the soul (psyche) of the woman I think Leo needs to spend a little more time on this interesting subject.

A says:

My opinion of Americans is that they are the most brainwashed people on the planet, Leo is living proof that he is freed himself from that ignorance, instead of being worried about where Leo is coming from, I would be very concerned about you’re arrogance, judgements, “the big I know” and all the rest of your emotional baggage.

Mary says:

So you said that men want women to be like their buddies. But how is it that men go for more feminine women than masculine ones?!

Leo Gura says:

Masculine men are attracted to hot feminine women. They don’t want a manly woman. The more masculine one is, the more feminine one is attracted to generally speaking.

Mary says:

Well I’m a women. I study engineering. I love working out, martial arts, being independent. I love doing masculine things! However, I also am kinda emotional! and would want a more masculine man. So what should I really do? Cause as you say I don’t really attract masculine ones. I attract feminine ones…

Leo Gura says:

How do you dress? How do you carry yourself? How do you speak to men? If there’s a masculine bent in your outward presentation, then of course that will filter out most masculine men. First-impressions do count. Have you noticed that feminine women love to dress feminine and carry themselves with a feminine air?

Now, I’m not saying you gotta be feminine if you really feel authentic being masculine. But then you won’t be attracting much masculine men. On the other hand, maybe you wanna clean up your presentation so masculine men don’t immediately say, “Hell no!” and then they can get to see more of your feminine side.

Mary says:

No, I don’t dress in a much feminine way. And yes I’ve seen that “Hell no!” face! I guess I act way too manly that I scare them away. And sometimes there is just this feeling of competition too. I guess I should tone it down!

I don’t know, I’m not really into feminine men but you think I’d make a better pair with more feminine men?

Mary says:

But if men really want women to be like them, why are they not attracted to masculine women?

Are you saying that at first they get attracted to more feminine women but they want women to be more masculine in long term relationships?

Leo Gura says:

I was saying that men want the best of femininity without the bad parts. And women want the best of masculinity without the bad parts. It’s like going to buy a roasted chicken and only asking for the skin and the breasts We naturally only want the parts that serve us.

Mary says:

Aha! got it! thanks

chris west says:

HI.Interesting video.My question is do male female polarities still exist even after enlightenment?

Leo Gura says:

They exist as personality and motive forces, but the enlightened person becomes much more well-rounded in surfing these waves, and of course he/she is not identified with any of it.

Elton says:

WOW !

Kimberly says:

Very enlightening video, Mr. Gura! I have been learning a lot from you regarding meditation, self-awareness, and men vs. women in life and relationships. Thank you so much, and keep up the outstanding work!

Marjorie says:

Hi, you touch the top of the scale themes in your knowledge on real life issues. There’s no joke, or no misleading examples you give in everyday common life experiences. Wow, i am learning so much from your teachings, not because you dominate the topic in discussion, but because, i sense the real meaning explained in a simple way. I like the comparisons you give from given research on the truth. Leo, last thing i want to mention is, your my National Geographic Magazine! (smile) (which i just enjoy very much) And this is an authentic periodical publication.

Horzen says:

Hey Leo, great video!
I’d have a question refering back to the video: How To Stop Being A Victim – The #1 Reason You Are Stuck In Life:
If a woman want’s to experience emotions isn’t she playing a victim by default? And if a man want’s to defend a logic, isn’t he a creator in a sense?
All roles can mix to any extend if I understand regardless of the gender – correct? What is a key trigger then, that someone decides to take action vs sink into feeling?

Leo Gura says:

No, just the opposite. If you fully experience emotions, you will never be a victim. In fact you will achieve enlightenment. Complete experience is the name of the game. Men often have difficulty understanding this.

Galina says:

Leo,

Thank you, you just came in time, we just had this conversation with spouse about sex differences(after watching your video “how to become Enlightened”)
And my spouse confessed to me that he has a sexual desire for other women and he can not control it, because it is spontaneous. It is okay with me, I read lots of books about men and women differences, like : “Men from Mars and Woman from Venus” and so on.
My question to you is how to overcome the hurt if one day my spouse decides to cheat on me and have one night stand with other women. I understand this differences but ego is going to be super hurt.
No matter how many nice sex we have, he might want to try something different one day. What should wise wife do to not let it happen from the first place? To build deep intimacy, is it going to be a remedy?

A says:

I thought I would share my experience, my wife and I had sex with other people together, my wife made love with a man right in front of me, I was pinned up against the wall frozen with fear, it was a very intense experience, my mind was freaking out wanting to stop what was happening, but my total attention was on the freak out happening in my mind, I stayed with it, total attention, and then I realised what jealousy was, then I relaxed and saw the beauty between my wife and the man making love, that was 20 years ago I’ve never suffered from jealousy again and I never will, because of that understanding. But you need to have sex with other people that you have a good connection with, people that will understand and be sensitive to what you need to go through.

neil says:

I must ask how did she feel while you were making the other woman cum? It is neat to get different perspectives of what people chose to do to overcome their mental issues.

Folks get into all kinds of stuff to break the rout they are in with relationships. This is a big issue in general.

I still don’t feel that anyone has to subject themselves to such extremes to reach sexual intimacy and it is really like a band-aid that may never come off and may never lead to sexual intimacy anyway, but if they can just get the sexual intimacy at the start then they stand a chance.

A says:

Replying to Neil,
Intimacy is there when the superficiality stops, psychological and emotional limitations need to be overcome to rid yourself of superficiality.
The human mind is going in one direction very extremely, living a dead boring unconscious life, to free yourself from this you have to go in the other direction just as extreme, so if you don’t like being extreme, then I suggest you meditate on that problem first.

neil says:

To A.

That is interesting. I have done the extreme versions and known people who had success with that their entire life. It does work for me sometimes.

Different strokes for different folks (or situations!)…eh

Guess perception is the governor.

The superficiality, psychological and emotional limitations seem to be different each time in at least some way. That’s why I try to experience as much of the world as I can. Each experience may lend another tool in the chest for dealing with the human mind (my own) when reaching any level of intimacy with other humans.

The mind is truly a fascinating work of creation for sure! And understanding it in a holistic sense with the body and all the communication paths etc….and how stimuli influence us each minute while this is happening is quite a life purpose in itself.

neil says:

Maybe even visualizing one’s woman with another man with serious intent enough times could be a way of breaking the jealously problem for one’s self.

It is a strong emotion for sure and something that plagues me

A says:

Jealousy, possessiveness and insecurities, are just childish fears, but before you have conquered these fears it will feel like you are facing death. Once you’ve conquered them and you look back at the situation, you will see it is nothing more than childish nonsense.

Galina says:

It is very hurtful to realize that my spouse will always want sexual verity. I know that problem is not in me but it is the nature. But actually knowing that he might have a nice pleasant sex with other woman, kissing her all over, it is hurting me. I do not want to it to hurt me, I want to be higher than my ego, but it actually does hurt me.

Thanks says:

Hi Leo cool video,had a few concerns:
1.I knwo girls want thier feelings to be recongized and stimulated yet im not sure how to do that.
2.how do i seperate my exciting self from my logical self because not just to women but to everyone i a boring dude. People will talk to me and either i just agree with them or just dont say anything. i keep it in because probably i going to bore them away or scare them away dont know why repulse others away though
3.i hide my quriks because when i dont think im just not secure, im not aware of what im doing,afriad of clowning myself

Mary says:

Leo, is using sarcasm a bad way to communicate with the opposite sex? What about in general (with both sexes)?
If I use sarcasm a lot, what does that say about me? Should I develop humor instead?

neil says:

Here’s one for anyone who seeks to know.

The Plague of Modern Masculinity Pt. 1
by Paul Elam

It’s on youtube

We ultimately ruined society ourselves rather than society messing us up. But few people seem to care enough to correct me when I express it backwards.

Guess maybe they are so dogmatic and judgmental that they just spew what they have been trained to think over the course of their lives when I speak up. It just pisses people off most of the time. But it still doesn’t mean I’m going to believe what they tell me to think. But I may. Depends on the conclusion I reach after a bit of introspection…eh

Leo is much more gentle in many senses, but I on the other hand am not a life coach by Plaque. And, I truly enjoy you Leo!!! You are great! I always liked philosophy in college. I stuck with science just because someone had told me to “stick with something”. And I was quite the chemist at one time. Even worked in neuroscience for a while. Guess the circle completes over and over again!

neil says:

I’ll tell you Mary. That I have a hard time relating to women. As you expressed in the comments to the last video.

I love them so….

But still.

The selection list at youtube is seductive, so here are two other things by Paul Elam on Masculinity vs. Femininity

Men, Math and Marriage
and
A Message to Women

They are strong doses of red pill I’ll warn you. But, nonetheless, some of us need strong medicine. In order to succeed.

neil says:

Then when I have had enough, I go back and watch Leo’s Backsliding video or most likely today may be the Ego video. Or whatever addresses the strong emotion I think I’m having until I find something that works for me!

Practicing balance is a must. Homeostasis doesn’t always hold you in a good state of mind ya know.

As the circles of life complete be careful of the tangents.

Elton says:

sarcasm is the body’s natural defense against stupid people you don’t need to change that.. but developing a little bit of humor will be nice …

neil says:

Mary, there was a big thing that I had to learn. It was how to think for myself. As long as I asked others what I should do or how I should think, it only got worse. And worse, and worse…..

I must say, from the last video conversation, that maybe it does take “10 years in a cave in India”. Lol.

My cave had internet. hahaha

So, I just broke myself down until I got near the core. And I still chip away at the scale that builds up each minute of each day. From those I interact with and those that have me on their mind or those that I talk to on the phone…etc.

It was about wanting it bad enough that I did it for yourself!

Yes, Leo has great videos. Robert Greene has great books. Maslow’s work and the interviews showing the psyche “pre WWII” are fascinating. So is “The way of the superior man”. But if I did not want it “that bad” then I would not have spent the tremendous hours it has taken to get as far as I have. And I still work on me every day!!!

neil says:

It seems that the extent of coverage that is available at actualized.org is never ending.

I have played probably 100 or more different videos here. And many of them many times. Most times I get a different perspective.

Just keep working on it, never give up. The masculine vs feminine interactions is a biggie. Society has messed us up. Family structure is shot. That is the entire purpose of the Men’s Rights Movement mentioned in the discussion for the last video. Why do men subject themselves to castration!

No masculine man wants a masculine women. But society has domesticated us to the point that it appears to have broken many of our spirits. Maybe it’s that without the masculine existing in the man’s physiology then the woman’s rises to the surface. I just withdrew to watch the fireworks as all this plays out. Gave me time to find a little enlightenment!

Like the frog in the mouth of the crane, the frog being swallowed by the large bird has his hands strangling the neck of the bird! The message is never give up!

Pasi says:

Excellent video for me to help me accept myself the way I am. Thank you.

Mia says:

Hello Leo, thank you so much for this video as well as for all the others. I noticed that you got very emotional yourself while talking on this subject, you bring a lot of energy and of yourself into your speeches, – thank you for the depth and the wisdom your spread to the world, you also set a good example and give inspiration to work on self-development.

Ori says:

Hi Leo, really like your videos.
Can you please add the Video Transcript?
Thanks!

Carrie says:

Wow!!! I absolutely LOVE this video! You totally nailed this one head on! I’ve done a lot of my own personal reading on male and female sexuality but this goes above and beyond. Simply amazing…. The creative visualization is what took it over the top…imagining being in the shoes of the opposite sex. ,…and the fill in the blank question. You would make an awesome hypnotherapist! Looking forward to more videos.

Smith says:

Hi Leo, Perhaps it may be a good idea if you create a video about how loyalty varies among women from different cultures, age groups etc. ; monogamy vs polygamy ;

I.e more videos on Relationship Advice
——–

In this video you said that women wanted love while in “What Kind Of Guy Is A Woman Attracted To” you said ” For her what that means in a guy is that he is assertive, dominant, edgy, brash, he has options with lots of girls and he is indifferent. ” i.e assholes

I think these two videos are a bit contradictory. Perhaps stupid girls/women are attracted to assholes.

in the same video “Why Women Fall For Assholes” you said that when you were nice to a woman it didn’t work – can this be generalisable? further in the same video you said something very interesting ” A woman wants a high value guy. She wants a guy who is higher value in her eyes at least. She perceives a guy to be higher value than her ”

– How come an assertive, dominant, edgy, brash man is of higher value ? A man of higher value can be someone who is intelligent, smart, with a sense of humour, excellent career, reputation etc. I dont get it.

many thanks

A says:

The visualisation was enlightening, I’m sure for all the couples out there, they could buy a strap on and put it into action physically, I’m sure the real thing would be much more powerful than a visualisation, and surely enrich their relationship. Enjoy !!!

Ivano says:

How does picturing getting penetrated benefit your ability to be in a relationship and or hooking up with whores? Dude I like your videos but Jesus christ Leo… What was going through that noggin of yours when you came up with this idea?!

A says:

This is a great idea, as all men are obsessed with lust, excitement and disrespect in their sexuality which is very insensitive to the woman, Forget the visualisation they should do the real thing physically with a very large strap on, it may teach them a little sensitivity, and they may learn the art of surrender also, I highly recommend it to someone like yourself that is so critical, so resistant to change, and so moralistic.

Chad Gold says:

I was listening to a program on NPR that was talking about how the pink and blue gender correspondence is new as in the last couple centuries and that for a time before that men would wear pink and that it was seen as masculine and girls blue. -interesting- now this was more of an aristocratic thing than general public… anyway if there is anything too this this would suggest a more learned thing than innate.

-just discovered your videos and am finding them VERY engaging much appreciation Leo.

Chad Gold says:

Carl Jung’s ideas on gender are interesting in that your presentation here does illustrate the extremes very well IMO and then his ANIMA (female aspect) and ANIMUS (male aspect) being in us all in different balances brings the gray back into this black and white. Perhaps it can be said that people with a lot of GREEN in them like I had thru high school and still to this day have more ANIMA like all of the introspective stages in the pendulum of Graves model whether they are male or female. Interesting that I tend to attract women with a strong ANIMUS. But on a more global perspective I wonder if there isn’t a pendulum shift going on between the sexes or if it just seems that way thru my lens. This then can go along with the model of societies too… since Amerkah is SO ORANGE and thus primarily heavy with ANIMUS and is also globally dominant as a culture, will our overall evolutionary path then incorporate a balancing swing with more and more homosexuality? Food (lemons) for thought…

Chad Gold says:

I didn’t realize my last comments on Carl Jung’s ANIMA and ANIMUS were a reply to my last one so I tried to copy it in a new message here and it wont let me saying I have special characters – strange but it syncs interestingly with the Graves model.

Anderson says:

Only half-way through listening, I must write to thank Leo already!!!! I love you Leo–you are the first to help me to figure out the difference between men and women and transgender. This is hugely helpful.

Kirk says:

What a beautifully done video. The Yin and Yang part are great insight!

Young says:

I am a die hard fan of Leo’s videos.

I am in my 50’s and wonder where Leo is when 20 years ago I got married! I had no clue about relationship this deep. I appreciated learning finally here. All said here confirmed, resonate so much with me and my experience!

Great stuff!

HC says:

Oh man Leo this was a great video! And it took me a while to really see the differences you mentioned here, but eventually in my own time i did. It was so freeing and really saves you a lot of emotional turmoil and heartache. I’m actually open to my husband having multiple wives. He even used the word variety several times before. And that’s okay! That’s how he is wired. For him though(his words) he craves to be able to take care of/provide for multiple women. He is a very loyal and honest man and while yes he wants to have sex with other women he wont do that outside of”marriage” so there would have to be a life long commitment.
I’m really just getting started with your videos but i’m already so excited to see what else you have to say. Rock On Leo- your tough love is just what i need.

Very interesting video, Leo! Thorough, well-researched and evenly presented. However, on the point of color preference of pink and blue, you will find this is rather social as opposed to an innate biological instinct. Earlier on, like in the 19th century and early 20th century, light blue was considered a gentle color, suitable for girls whereas pink was considered a more dynamic active color and was used for boys. I researched this topic when my son was born and discovered that the shift happened after WWII more or less and then the gender color ‘split’ became hyper-‘genderised’ into what we have today: a pink glitter explosion for girls and more subdued, serious tones for boys. I wrote about it in my blog as I thought it was a fascinating topic. The post is called Pink is the New Blue..check it out!

Carlos says:

Amazing video! Interesting to see the dynamics at play here! I did a little experiment where I started to say “I love you” to my parents (I have before but not with this frequency). When I started to say that to my mother, she expressed her love with no hesitation. However, one day, when it came to my dad (very masculine fellow) he hesitated when he said he loved me back! It took several days for him to say that.

The point is that it’s not that my father doesn’t love me. It’s that saying “I love you” isn’t a masculine thing in a generic sense. He expresses his love to me by DOING stuff for me (solving problems, lending me money, etc.). This video helped me to be more aware of that! Thank you Leo!

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