Blueprint >> Stop Judging

Disclaimer: This document is in raw form as I process and distill 4 years-worth of my personal development notes. Expect some typos and cryptic language for now. I will be updating frequently and polishing up.

Prescription: Stop judging.
Related Concepts: Constructive vs. Destructive Thinking, Positive Thinking, The Gremlin, Petty Thinking, Shadow Work, Emotional Buttons, Optimism

What is Stop Judging?

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Why is it Important?

Judging things puts you in a negative state of mind. You will be constantly dissatisfied with others and with yourself. Judgment takes up mental energy, distracting you from your positive, creative goals in life.

Stop Judging Videos

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Stop Judging: Key Points

Constantly judging things and other people is a huge mood-killer and waste of time. Happy, successful people don't spend a lot of time judging. They quickly identify what is right or wrong for them and move on with life.

Not judging others doesn't mean that anything goes. You still have very strong values. You still believe in right and wrong. You still believe in truth. You still cut negative people out of your life. You just don't get caught up in self-righteous criticism. If someone wrongs you, are does something you don't like, you don't have to tolerate it, but you shouldn't get swept up in it as well.

The root of all judgment is ego protection. You judge others because you want to elevate yourself above them. But the truth is, you aren't perfect either. You sometime make mistakes. You sometimes do illegal things. You sometimes fail to control your emotions. You are sometimes petty. You are sometimes negligent. Rather than separating yourself from others, accept that you are similar. Be honest with your own shortcoming.

"The subconscious mind cannot tell the difference between judgment of others and judgment of yourself." 2 If you are harshly critical of others, you will be harshly critical of yourself. This may seem right, like you're trying to uphold a high standard. But in fact, this is limiting you. You are not being honest. You are rejecting parts of yourself. You have not integrated your shadow. You are reactive and negative.

It's hard to stop judging others if you've been doing it all your life. It becomes a toxic addiction. It will take a lot of time and discipline to stop. How do you stop judging people? Bring your awareness to the problem first and foremost. Notice yourself judging others throughout the day. Don't try to stop it, just notice it. Don't judge yourself for judging.

"But is it okay to judge judgmental people? Aren't they wrong? Isn't it true that judgment is bad?" Maybe. But the real question is, why do you care? Why are you so attached to the issue? You should not be so reactive — that is the issue. Even if someone out there is doing something very wrong, so what? Just accept it. There are people in the world that do bad things. If you want to help fix that, then go out there and fix it. But the situation isn't improved with you being negative and reactive. This whole issue of pointing fingers at on another is a huge waste of time!

Instead of judging others or yourself, take action. Whatever you don't like about the world, you can either complain about, accept as fact, or work to change. Losers complain. Winners act.

Most people move through life with the attitude that things should fit their purposes. Their perception is literally altered — tainted really — with selfishness. This is what value-cognition looks like: "X will make it easier for me to buy my house. That's good! Y will make it harder for me to drive to work. That's bad! Z serves no function for me so it's useless." This is a more subtle from of judgment. Self-actualized people break out of value-cognition into being-cognition. With being-cognition, things are perceived in an objective, accepting way without intruding upon what is being perceived. 3 When was the last time you looked at a thing without thinking about how it relates to serving you? Being-cognition makes you more at peace, more detached, and less reactive.

References

1. IPEC Coaching
2. Mind Power, John Kehoe
3. Towards a Psychology of Being, Abraham Maslow