How To Get A Girlfriend
By Leo Gura - May 18, 2014 | 38 Comments
The ultimate guide for landing a hot girlfriend.
Hey, this is Leo for Actualized.org, and in this video I’m going to tell you how to get a girlfriend.
Let’s talk about how to get you that awesome girlfriend that you want. What I’m going to give in this video is some very practical techniques and areas in your life you have to look at, to see where you need to fix certain sticking points that you have, in order to get much better at attracting a girlfriend.
We’re going to cover all the different nuances that I’ve discovered in my own struggle to find a girlfriend, because I had a big struggle with this. I dedicated massive resources and attention, energy and time to figuring this out, because I really sucked with attraction.
The Two Phases
That’s what I really want to talk about in this video. There’s really two phases to having a girlfriend. One is to attract her, and that’s from the phase where you just meet her, to the point when you have sex with her.
After you have sex with her onwards, that’s when the relationship starts, and there’s some different mindsets you need and various techniques to actually maintain a girlfriend. Some people have trouble doing that, after the sex part. I find most guys can figure that stuff out more naturally.
I’ll have other videos that will cover those topics more in depth. Here, I want to focus on the first part of this process, the attraction part. I find that most people who are struggling to get a girlfriend are struggling in this area, the attraction area. We’re going to talk about that. I’m going to give you all the different sticking points you might possibly have and how you can boost your success there by a lot.
What I’ve really learned is that if you’re bad at this, if you’re bad with girls, if you’re bad at attracting women, then what’s really nice about this for guys is that you can improve. You can improve massively. You just have to be dedicated. You have to be following some of these principles.
If you chip away at it over time, you can improve ridiculous amounts. It’s insane how successful you can become with women, regardless of your looks, or your finances, or your social status, or anything like that. Here we go. Let’s talk about that.
First of all, let’s talk about the possible avenues of getting a girl. I think this is important, because most guys are sitting or stuck at home, or stuck in their job, or doing something that’s keeping them locked out from ever finding a girlfriend, simply because they’re not utilising one of these avenues that you have to use in order to actually find one.
Places To Start
One is social circle. Social circle means you are socialising with your friends, and then your friends socialise with other friends, and you intermingle. Then through that, you meet girls. You meet new friends, and eventually you end up dating from that, and from there you can create relationships. This is actually how probably ninety five percent of all dating is done. This is how girls love to date, and most guys like this as well. That is a very legitimate avenue.
The next avenue is online. Online dating now is pretty popular. It’s a totally legitimate way to get dates, it’s even a legitimate way to get married, if you find your life partner in all that stuff. That’s definitely an appropriate avenue if you like that sort of thing. If you’re a little bit tech savvy, that might be more in line with you.
The only trick there is that online dating is fairly nuances. There’s a lot of details that go into that. I’ll have another video that talks about the in depth how to of online dating, so I’m not going to cover that here.
Next is cold approach. What is cold approach? This is my favourite, and the most interesting. Cold approach is when you approach girls randomly, on the street or in the mall, or at Starbucks, or at a club, or at a bar. Literally, you’re approaching a stranger, a strange girl you’ve never met before, and you’re chatting her up with the intent of having sex with her and making her your girlfriend.
This is very possible. You can get amazing results from doing this. This is a very good way of learning how to be good with women. In fact, this is the best way. There is no better way to learn and improve them by doing lots of cold approach. I highly recommend that if you are deficient in this area.
Lastly, the last avenue is public visibility. A lot of people, a lot of guys, will have options with very high quality girls simply because they’re out there in public, they’re around people and they’re visible. They also have status.
For example, who might be in this position? A public speaker, or someone who’s doing public presentations, or a celebrity, an actor, a musician, if you have your own band, an artist who’s doing shows. Anything where you’re out and about, and you’re meeting people, is basically good enough.
You’re going to be bumping into girls, and that’s all you need. You need some sort of vehicle for bumping into girls, whether you do it through cold approach, online dating, social circle or public visibility. It’s all pretty much the same thing, just different ways to get there. Make sure you choose one of these avenues to specialize in, and commit yourself to that.
Master that. Get good at it. If you want to be good at social circle, get good at that. Make sure you have a large social circle, make sure you’re being active in it. If you want to be good at online dating, make sure you commit yourself to that. Don’t just go out there and post a profile and just hope girls hit you up.
Really go at it hard. Make sure you craft a really awesome profile. Make sure you understand and learn how online dating works. Make sure you’re always on the online dating sites, hitting up lots of girls. That’s giving you more opportunities.
If you’re doing cold approach, then do that. Hit that really hard. If you’re doing the public visibility thing, then do that. Make sure you are visible. Make sure you actually are coming into contact with and talking to these girls.
Those are the actual four avenues for getting a girlfriend. Now let’s talk about attraction problems. This is going to be a list of eight things that keep most guys from being able to attract a girlfriend they want. Here they are, in no particular order, but they’re all very important.
If you get any one of these wrong, then you could be very critically hampering yourself from acquiring a girlfriend. The first one is neediness. Neediness is a huge turn off for women. I have other videos that talk about attraction with women, and you might want to check those out. There I talk about neediness in more depth.
Here, I’m going to say that if you need the girl, if you’re desperate for sex, if you’re desperate for love or companionship then there’s no way in hell you’re going to have a girlfriend. She is probably not even going to get attracted to you in the first place, but even if she does, she’s going to leave you very fast because she’s going to sense that neediness form you.
What you need to do is burn that out of your system. Find a way to get the neediness out. Usually the best way to do that is to actually be in a lot of relationships, do dating a lot, so that you can burn it out of your system, and you’re not so needy for sex or women anymore.
The next point is not going out. Most guys that have problems with getting a girlfriend are antisocial. They’re not going out. They’re sitting at home, in their man cave, watching television or watching sports, or playing videogames all day, or they’re stuck at work, they’re workaholics. Of course, if you’re doing that, how can you expect to get a girlfriend?
You have to be out, being social, because women are social. First of all, women love social guys just because they love social everything. They’re social creatures. You need to be a social creature too. If you’re an introvert, I understand this is hard. I’m an introvert myself, and this has been a big challenge for me.
You’ve got to go out there and push yourself. You don’t have to become a social party animal, but you can still go out more often than you do. If you never go out, then that’s your problem right there. You have to fix that. Start going out.
The next point is not approaching. Just because you go out, that’s nice, maybe you go out with your buddies once a week to a bar, and you stand there and have some drinks, and you crack some jokes, and then you go home. You see girls, but you don’t approach them. You talk about approaching them.
You fantasize about how you’re going to sleep with that girl, or how you’re going to get that girl, or maybe how you could fall in love with her, or she could fall in love with you, but then no action is taken. No approach is made. Maybe you expect her to approach you, and that will never happen because women almost never approach men.
How To Beat Approach Anxiety
Here, what you’ve got to do is take initiative. I know it’s scary. There’s anxiety involved, it’s called approach anxiety, there’s actually a term for it in the pickup community. This approach anxiety, let me tell you, it doesn’t really go away. I’ve cold approached several thousand women in the last couple of years. I’ve really pushed myself hard.
I still have approach anxiety. If I go out to the club tonight, I will still have approach anxiety. It’s natural. It’s normal. You have to just bust through it. You have to take the initiative. Don’t be a pussy. You have to be a man.
Just when you do a direct approach on a girl, that alone builds massive attraction in her eyes about you, because you’re a man who did that, and ninety nine percent of men are not willing to do that. They only do that when they’re shitfaced and wasted. You want to be doing that sober. Do it dead sober. That’s the best way to learn.
Next is: guys suck at talking to women. Maybe you’re one of those guys that just doesn’t know what to say in front of a woman. This is actually a lot of guys. This was one of my biggest stumbling blocks when I started doing cold approaches. I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know how to talk to women.
I’m a very logical, analytical, introverted guy so what does hatha mean? That means I’m always stuck in my head. The conversation topics I have are never appropriate the kind of social setting I’m in. When I’m in a loud club or bar, or someplace like that, or even a mall, I can’t talk to a woman about the kind of stuff I’m talking with you guys.
It’s very heavy. It’s not appropriate for that atmosphere. I have to really retrain my brain to be more flirtatious and fun and spontaneous, more joking and witty when I’m out and about, talking to women. That’s what women want. They want emotionally stimulating conversation.
Not the boring “Hey, what’s your name? Where are you from? Where do you work?” That’s a very — if you’ve got to start there, it’s fine. I asked those questions a lot myself. I still do, especially when I started I was asking those, that was basically my whole game. At that point, you’ve got to work with what you’ve got.
Start there, if that’s all you’ve got. But then try to actually improve your conversation skills, so you’re cracking jokes, you’re being funny, you’re being witty, you’re doing these kinds of things where you’re teasing girls. You’ve got to be doing that. Girls will be so much more attracted to you if you are.
Always Be Sexual
The next point is not being sexual with women. You have to be sexual. This is why guys get friendzoned, they have friendzone problems. They’re acquaintances with the girl and they befriend the girl, they do nice things for the girl. They expect the girl will magically fall in love with them. She’s not going to do that.
If you’re not sexually making advances on her, then she’s going to perceive you as just a guy with no balls and she’s not going to get attracted to you. That’s because you have no balls, and you don’t deserve to get the attraction of a cute girl.
What that means is that you have to be sexual. Be sexual with the girl right off the bat, set that fram. What does that mean? That means putting your hands on her body, being physical right of the bat, as soon as you can, especially if you’re in a nightclub or a bar. That’s very appropriate. If you’re at the mall, definitely don’t do that. That’s not appropriate.
You have to calibrated to that sort of stuff. Also, the conversations you’re having. Be sexual with your conversations. Flirt, use sexual innuendo, sometimes literally say dirty things to her right off the bat. It can work extremely well. Some of the best guys I know are extremely sexual when they’re talking to women, because they don’t want to be playing around.
They don’t want any confusion about what this conversation is about. This conversation is about us having sex, and us having some sort of relationship. This is not a get-to-know-you chat, or a chat about the weather. Make sure you’re not doing that. That’s a big killer, a big mistake people make.
The next point is not leading. A man has to lead. You have to be leading with a woman. That means you take her by the hand, if you meet her, and you move her around. You move around the venue. You change venues. What does that mean?
That means that let’s say you open a girl at the mall, and you’re talking to her at the mall, you just chat her up. You have a nice little five minute conversation at the mall. Now you grab her by the hand and you lead her to the Starbucks inside the mall, to grab a coffee. It’s like an instant date.
Go grab a coffee. You’re leading her. You’re pulling her somewhere. That shows you’re a man, you’re leading. It’s also about leading her to sex, literally. That’s what you’ve got to be doing. That’s what really good guys do. The guys that get a lot of girls, that’s what they’re doing.
They’re not just standing around, waiting for the girl to say “Hey, come home with me.” It doesn’t work like that. You have to lead. Take her from one place to the next place. From the mall to the coffee shop. From the coffeeshop to ice cream. From ice cream to food. From food to your house, and there, sex. If you’re not doing that, then it’s not going to happen. You’re missing a lot of opportunities just by not leading properly.
Get A Definitive Answer
The next point is not closing hard. You have to be a hard closer. This is so important. I can’t even count how many women I’ve lost because I wasn’t closing hard enough. You have to really close hard. Basically, you push her for sex until she gives you a really hard, dead no.
When she says no, that’s when you know you have to stop, and then you can disengage and leave. That’s when it’s done. Until she gives you a hard no, you push it. Women will give you so many excuses. They’ll give you literally thousands of excuses, from “Oh, I’ve got to go to the bathroom”, “Oh, my friends are here”, “Somebody is waiting for me”, “I have work in the morning”.
She’ll give you all sorts of excuses. You have to bust through every single one of those, lead her to a place where you’re isolated and have sex with her. There is no relationship until there is sex. This is very critical. You have to be a hard closer. If you don’t know how to do that, if you’re not comfortable with it, you have to just push yourself.
Push yourself to take it to the next level. You will be shocked at how far you can get away with what you can do with girls as far as pulling them to close. You have to be a really hard salesman. It’s really a salesman skill.
The next and last point is bad text game. How good are you with your text messages? This is very important, because nowadays you will rarely call a girl that you just met, or that you met through a friend. It’s usually going to be a text message.
If it’s text messages, or even text messages after online dating, to get a girl to meet up with you, you have to know how to say the right things, to communicate the right things so that you seem attractive via the text messages, you don’t seem needy and desperate.
A lot of guys will screw this up because their text game is completely wrong. It’s usually way too verbose, way too overblown and way too needy. You need to work that out as well. I’ll have other videos that talk about that. That’s a pretty in depth topic, and I’ve really struggled with text game for a long time.
I still do to an extent, but now I really know the hard dos and don’ts which have lost me many girls, who would’ve otherwise slept with me or become my girlfriend, just because I’d sent them the wrong text message. Girls will be very picky about that. One wrong text message, and you’re going to blow the whole opportunity. You have to make sure you get that right.
Those are the eight points — neediness, not going out, not approaching, sucking at conversation, not being sexual, not leading, not closing hard and bad text game. The next point I want to make is that you’ve got to take these points and say “OK, where am I going wrong? Where am I faltering here?”
Pick the ones you’re doing the worst on, and then commit yourself to working those out, practicing and learning from other places, learning from me, learning from other sources you can find to get this dialed in in your life.
If you get all eight points firing on all eight cylinders, then you are going to be so attractive and so successful with women that you’ll have more girls than you’ll want, to be your girlfriend. You’ll not have any trouble getting a girlfriend if you do this.
The next point I want to make is that you have to commit to a different paradigm in your thinking. Most guys, what they do when they start off dating and they struggle with getting girls is that they use what I call the rod and reel method of catching a girl. It’s kind of like fishing, if you take dating and getting a girl as an analogy for fishing.
You’re fishing, and you’re using the rod and reel. What you do is go out on the bank, cast one line out into the lake, and you’ve got one hook on it. You’re sitting there all day, waiting for fish to come nibble and bite on it. The problem with that approach is that a fish comes and bites five hours later, you’re bored out of your mind, maybe even asleep, but let’s say it comes and bites once in a blue moon.
It bites and you get all excited, you grab the pole, you set the hook and what? Half the time, the hook doesn’t even set. Then you get all disappointed and dejected, and you have to wait another five hours. Even if the hook does set, now the fish is on the hook, you’re reeling it in but then you’ve got to be very careful and you’re very anxious about reeling it in.
You’ve got to get everything just right, or you’re going to lose this once in a lifetime opportunity to reel in this nice fish. With that kind of approach, there’s a lot of anxiety within you, and it builds up a lot of neediness and desperation. With women, that’s just repellent to them.
The Wrong Way
This is the worst possible way to attract women, with this rod and reel method. It’s going to be really frustrating. Instead what you want to use is the net method. What’s the net method? You walk out there with a large casting net, and you cast that thing into the lake, and then you just pull it in and you see what you get.
Invariably, you’re going to get an assortment of things. You’re going to get good fish, bad fish, all sorts of fish. From that, you pick the fish you like best, and you make her your girlfriend. That’s a much better approach. This is all nice and poetic and philosophical, but what does this practically mean for you, if you’re a guy who wants to get a girl right now?
What that means is working on these eight points I just talked about. These eight points, this is your net. The less of these points you’ve got solid, that means your net has holes. If you’re being needy, if you’re not going out, if you’re not approaching and if you’re sucking at your conversations, those are four huge holes in your net.
Basically, your net is going to be so full of holes that girls will just slip right through it. If you’re not being sexual, and you’re not leading, and you’re not closing hard, and you have bad text game, again, four other gaping holes in your net.
If you’ve got all these holes, no wonder you don’t have a girlfriend. If you get all these holes plugged by working on yourself, then you’ll have a very solid net, and you’ll be catching lots of girls in that net, and you’ll select the one you really want. That is the approach I recommend.
If you use the rod and reel method, then you’re going to be in a world of pain and disappointment. You are not going to get the best kind of girl you could get, if you did it the other way around. Think about that. Think about making that paradigm shift. It’s pretty important.
The last point I’m going to make is if you have a lot of holes in your net, just admit that you do and it’s OK. Just admit you’re not very good with girls right now. Use that as fuel to motivate you in this journey of learning how to get better with girls.
Let me tell you: when you get better with girls and you get on this path of getting better with girls, but also personal development, it’s one of the most rewarding journeys you’ll ever go on in your life. You will not regret it. It’s going to be challenging, but it’s going to be extremely rewarding. I’ve gotten some of the biggest personal development growth in my own life from doing this.
Women are a really great way for a man to really become a man. Don’t shy away from learning this stuff. It’s very important, especially if you’re young and you’ve got a lot of years ahead of you. You’re going to be feeling that pain for a long time if you don’t fix this.
Lastly, commit to being patient with this process. You’re not going to get good with girls — if you suck, you’re not going to get good just in a week, or in a month, or even in a year. It’s going to take multiple years to do this. You know what? This is OK.
You’re going to be baby-stepping your way up, and you’re going to be learning and getting better. Most of the payoff is going to be at the end. At the beginning, it’s going to be big struggle, but in the end, you’re going to have massive payoff. It’s very worth it, but you have to see the long term vision for yourself.
You have to be patient. Don’t say you’re going to get a girlfriend in one weekend. That’s not very realistic. Even if you do, you haven’t really improve yourself, you haven’t really fixed your net. You just got lucky if you did. That’s not the right way to solve this problem permanently.
This is Leo, I’m signing off. This is how to get a girlfriend. Go ahead and post me your comments down below. I’d love to hear what you think. Please like this. Click the like button if liked it. Throw this up on Facebook, or somewhere else where you can share it with a friend. I’d love to spread this message around, help other guys.
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