How To Get A Girlfriend

By Leo Gura - May 18, 2014 | 38 Comments

The ultimate guide for landing a hot girlfriend.

Video Transcript

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Hey, this is Leo for Actualized.org, and in this video I’m going to tell you how to get a girlfriend.

Let’s talk about how to get you that awesome girlfriend that you want. What I’m going to give in this video is some very practical techniques and areas in your life you have to look at, to see where you need to fix certain sticking points that you have, in order to get much better at attracting a girlfriend.

We’re going to cover all the different nuances that I’ve discovered in my own struggle to find a girlfriend, because I had a big struggle with this. I dedicated massive resources and attention, energy and time to figuring this out, because I really sucked with attraction.

The Two Phases

That’s what I really want to talk about in this video. There’s really two phases to having a girlfriend. One is to attract her, and that’s from the phase where you just meet her, to the point when you have sex with her.

After you have sex with her onwards, that’s when the relationship starts, and there’s some different mindsets you need and various techniques to actually maintain a girlfriend. Some people have trouble doing that, after the sex part. I find most guys can figure that stuff out more naturally.

I’ll have other videos that will cover those topics more in depth. Here, I want to focus on the first part of this process, the attraction part. I find that most people who are struggling to get a girlfriend are struggling in this area, the attraction area. We’re going to talk about that. I’m going to give you all the different sticking points you might possibly have and how you can boost your success there by a lot.

What I’ve really learned is that if you’re bad at this, if you’re bad with girls, if you’re bad at attracting women, then what’s really nice about this for guys is that you can improve. You can improve massively. You just have to be dedicated. You have to be following some of these principles.

If you chip away at it over time, you can improve ridiculous amounts. It’s insane how successful you can become with women, regardless of your looks, or your finances, or your social status, or anything like that. Here we go. Let’s talk about that.

First of all, let’s talk about the possible avenues of getting a girl. I think this is important, because most guys are sitting or stuck at home, or stuck in their job, or doing something that’s keeping them locked out from ever finding a girlfriend, simply because they’re not utilising one of these avenues that you have to use in order to actually find one.

Places To Start

One is social circle. Social circle means you are socialising with your friends, and then your friends socialise with other friends, and you intermingle. Then through that, you meet girls. You meet new friends, and eventually you end up dating from that, and from there you can create relationships. This is actually how probably ninety five percent of all dating is done. This is how girls love to date, and most guys like this as well. That is a very legitimate avenue.

The next avenue is online. Online dating now is pretty popular. It’s a totally legitimate way to get dates, it’s even a legitimate way to get married, if you find your life partner in all that stuff. That’s definitely an appropriate avenue if you like that sort of thing. If you’re a little bit tech savvy, that might be more in line with you.

The only trick there is that online dating is fairly nuances. There’s a lot of details that go into that. I’ll have another video that talks about the in depth how to of online dating, so I’m not going to cover that here.

Next is cold approach. What is cold approach? This is my favourite, and the most interesting. Cold approach is when you approach girls randomly, on the street or in the mall, or at Starbucks, or at a club, or at a bar. Literally, you’re approaching a stranger, a strange girl you’ve never met before, and you’re chatting her up with the intent of having sex with her and making her your girlfriend.

This is very possible. You can get amazing results from doing this. This is a very good way of learning how to be good with women. In fact, this is the best way. There is no better way to learn and improve them by doing lots of cold approach. I highly recommend that if you are deficient in this area.

Lastly, the last avenue is public visibility. A lot of people, a lot of guys, will have options with very high quality girls simply because they’re out there in public, they’re around people and they’re visible. They also have status.

For example, who might be in this position? A public speaker, or someone who’s doing public presentations, or a celebrity, an actor, a musician, if you have your own band, an artist who’s doing shows. Anything where you’re out and about, and you’re meeting people, is basically good enough.

You’re going to be bumping into girls, and that’s all you need. You need some sort of vehicle for bumping into girls, whether you do it through cold approach, online dating, social circle or public visibility. It’s all pretty much the same thing, just different ways to get there. Make sure you choose one of these avenues to specialize in, and commit yourself to that.

Master that. Get good at it. If you want to be good at social circle, get good at that. Make sure you have a large social circle, make sure you’re being active in it. If you want to be good at online dating, make sure you commit yourself to that. Don’t just go out there and post a profile and just hope girls hit you up.

Really go at it hard. Make sure you craft a really awesome profile. Make sure you understand and learn how online dating works. Make sure you’re always on the online dating sites, hitting up lots of girls. That’s giving you more opportunities.

If you’re doing cold approach, then do that. Hit that really hard. If you’re doing the public visibility thing, then do that. Make sure you are visible. Make sure you actually are coming into contact with and talking to these girls.

Attraction Problems

Those are the actual four avenues for getting a girlfriend. Now let’s talk about attraction problems. This is going to be a list of eight things that keep most guys from being able to attract a girlfriend they want. Here they are, in no particular order, but they’re all very important.

If you get any one of these wrong, then you could be very critically hampering yourself from acquiring a girlfriend. The first one is neediness. Neediness is a huge turn off for women. I have other videos that talk about attraction with women, and you might want to check those out. There I talk about neediness in more depth.

Here, I’m going to say that if you need the girl, if you’re desperate for sex, if you’re desperate for love or companionship then there’s no way in hell you’re going to have a girlfriend. She is probably not even going to get attracted to you in the first place, but even if she does, she’s going to leave you very fast because she’s going to sense that neediness form you.

What you need to do is burn that out of your system. Find a way to get the neediness out. Usually the best way to do that is to actually be in a lot of relationships, do dating a lot, so that you can burn it out of your system, and you’re not so needy for sex or women anymore.

The next point is not going out. Most guys that have problems with getting a girlfriend are antisocial. They’re not going out. They’re sitting at home, in their man cave, watching television or watching sports, or playing videogames all day, or they’re stuck at work, they’re workaholics. Of course, if you’re doing that, how can you expect to get a girlfriend?

You have to be out, being social, because women are social. First of all, women love social guys just because they love social everything. They’re social creatures. You need to be a social creature too. If you’re an introvert, I understand this is hard. I’m an introvert myself, and this has been a big challenge for me.

You’ve got to go out there and push yourself. You don’t have to become a social party animal, but you can still go out more often than you do. If you never go out, then that’s your problem right there. You have to fix that. Start going out.

The next point is not approaching. Just because you go out, that’s nice, maybe you go out with your buddies once a week to a bar, and you stand there and have some drinks, and you crack some jokes, and then you go home. You see girls, but you don’t approach them. You talk about approaching them.

You fantasize about how you’re going to sleep with that girl, or how you’re going to get that girl, or maybe how you could fall in love with her, or she could fall in love with you, but then no action is taken. No approach is made. Maybe you expect her to approach you, and that will never happen because women almost never approach men.

How To Beat Approach Anxiety

Here, what you’ve got to do is take initiative. I know it’s scary. There’s anxiety involved, it’s called approach anxiety, there’s actually a term for it in the pickup community. This approach anxiety, let me tell you, it doesn’t really go away. I’ve cold approached several thousand women in the last couple of years. I’ve really pushed myself hard.

I still have approach anxiety. If I go out to the club tonight, I will still have approach anxiety. It’s natural. It’s normal. You have to just bust through it. You have to take the initiative. Don’t be a pussy. You have to be a man.

Just when you do a direct approach on a girl, that alone builds massive attraction in her eyes about you, because you’re a man who did that, and ninety nine percent of men are not willing to do that. They only do that when they’re shitfaced and wasted. You want to be doing that sober. Do it dead sober. That’s the best way to learn.

Next is: guys suck at talking to women. Maybe you’re one of those guys that just doesn’t know what to say in front of a woman. This is actually a lot of guys. This was one of my biggest stumbling blocks when I started doing cold approaches. I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know how to talk to women.

I’m a very logical, analytical, introverted guy so what does hatha mean? That means I’m always stuck in my head. The conversation topics I have are never appropriate the kind of social setting I’m in. When I’m in a loud club or bar, or someplace like that, or even a mall, I can’t talk to a woman about the kind of stuff I’m talking with you guys.

It’s very heavy. It’s not appropriate for that atmosphere. I have to really retrain my brain to be more flirtatious and fun and spontaneous, more joking and witty when I’m out and about, talking to women. That’s what women want. They want emotionally stimulating conversation.

Not the boring “Hey, what’s your name? Where are you from? Where do you work?” That’s a very — if you’ve got to start there, it’s fine. I asked those questions a lot myself. I still do, especially when I started I was asking those, that was basically my whole game. At that point, you’ve got to work with what you’ve got.

Start there, if that’s all you’ve got. But then try to actually improve your conversation skills, so you’re cracking jokes, you’re being funny, you’re being witty, you’re doing these kinds of things where you’re teasing girls. You’ve got to be doing that. Girls will be so much more attracted to you if you are.

Always Be Sexual

The next point is not being sexual with women. You have to be sexual. This is why guys get friendzoned, they have friendzone problems. They’re acquaintances with the girl and they befriend the girl, they do nice things for the girl. They expect the girl will magically fall in love with them. She’s not going to do that.

If you’re not sexually making advances on her, then she’s going to perceive you as just a guy with no balls and she’s not going to get attracted to you. That’s because you have no balls, and you don’t deserve to get the attraction of a cute girl.

What that means is that you have to be sexual. Be sexual with the girl right off the bat, set that fram. What does that mean? That means putting your hands on her body, being physical right of the bat, as soon as you can, especially if you’re in a nightclub or a bar. That’s very appropriate. If you’re at the mall, definitely don’t do that. That’s not appropriate.

You have to calibrated to that sort of stuff. Also, the conversations you’re having. Be sexual with your conversations. Flirt, use sexual innuendo, sometimes literally say dirty things to her right off the bat. It can work extremely well. Some of the best guys I know are extremely sexual when they’re talking to women, because they don’t want to be playing around.

They don’t want any confusion about what this conversation is about. This conversation is about us having sex, and us having some sort of relationship. This is not a get-to-know-you chat, or a chat about the weather. Make sure you’re not doing that. That’s a big killer, a big mistake people make.

The next point is not leading. A man has to lead. You have to be leading with a woman. That means you take her by the hand, if you meet her, and you move her around. You move around the venue. You change venues. What does that mean?

That means that let’s say you open a girl at the mall, and you’re talking to her at the mall, you just chat her up. You have a nice little five minute conversation at the mall. Now you grab her by the hand and you lead her to the Starbucks inside the mall, to grab a coffee. It’s like an instant date.

Go grab a coffee. You’re leading her. You’re pulling her somewhere. That shows you’re a man, you’re leading. It’s also about leading her to sex, literally. That’s what you’ve got to be doing. That’s what really good guys do. The guys that get a lot of girls, that’s what they’re doing.

They’re not just standing around, waiting for the girl to say “Hey, come home with me.” It doesn’t work like that. You have to lead. Take her from one place to the next place. From the mall to the coffee shop. From the coffeeshop to ice cream. From ice cream to food. From food to your house, and there, sex. If you’re not doing that, then it’s not going to happen. You’re missing a lot of opportunities just by not leading properly.

Get A Definitive Answer

The next point is not closing hard. You have to be a hard closer. This is so important. I can’t even count how many women I’ve lost because I wasn’t closing hard enough. You have to really close hard. Basically, you push her for sex until she gives you a really hard, dead no.

When she says no, that’s when you know you have to stop, and then you can disengage and leave. That’s when it’s done. Until she gives you a hard no, you push it. Women will give you so many excuses. They’ll give you literally thousands of excuses, from “Oh, I’ve got to go to the bathroom”, “Oh, my friends are here”, “Somebody is waiting for me”, “I have work in the morning”.

She’ll give you all sorts of excuses. You have to bust through every single one of those, lead her to a place where you’re isolated and have sex with her. There is no relationship until there is sex. This is very critical. You have to be a hard closer. If you don’t know how to do that, if you’re not comfortable with it, you have to just push yourself.

Push yourself to take it to the next level. You will be shocked at how far you can get away with what you can do with girls as far as pulling them to close. You have to be a really hard salesman. It’s really a salesman skill.

The next and last point is bad text game. How good are you with your text messages? This is very important, because nowadays you will rarely call a girl that you just met, or that you met through a friend. It’s usually going to be a text message.

If it’s text messages, or even text messages after online dating, to get a girl to meet up with you, you have to know how to say the right things, to communicate the right things so that you seem attractive via the text messages, you don’t seem needy and desperate.

A lot of guys will screw this up because their text game is completely wrong. It’s usually way too verbose, way too overblown and way too needy. You need to work that out as well. I’ll have other videos that talk about that. That’s a pretty in depth topic, and I’ve really struggled with text game for a long time.

I still do to an extent, but now I really know the hard dos and don’ts which have lost me many girls, who would’ve otherwise slept with me or become my girlfriend, just because I’d sent them the wrong text message. Girls will be very picky about that. One wrong text message, and you’re going to blow the whole opportunity. You have to make sure you get that right.

Diagnose Yourself

Those are the eight points — neediness, not going out, not approaching, sucking at conversation, not being sexual, not leading, not closing hard and bad text game. The next point I want to make is that you’ve got to take these points and say “OK, where am I going wrong? Where am I faltering here?”

Pick the ones you’re doing the worst on, and then commit yourself to working those out, practicing and learning from other places, learning from me, learning from other sources you can find to get this dialed in in your life.

If you get all eight points firing on all eight cylinders, then you are going to be so attractive and so successful with women that you’ll have more girls than you’ll want, to be your girlfriend. You’ll not have any trouble getting a girlfriend if you do this.

The next point I want to make is that you have to commit to a different paradigm in your thinking. Most guys, what they do when they start off dating and they struggle with getting girls is that they use what I call the rod and reel method of catching a girl. It’s kind of like fishing, if you take dating and getting a girl as an analogy for fishing.

You’re fishing, and you’re using the rod and reel. What you do is go out on the bank, cast one line out into the lake, and you’ve got one hook on it. You’re sitting there all day, waiting for fish to come nibble and bite on it. The problem with that approach is that a fish comes and bites five hours later, you’re bored out of your mind, maybe even asleep, but let’s say it comes and bites once in a blue moon.

It bites and you get all excited, you grab the pole, you set the hook and what? Half the time, the hook doesn’t even set. Then you get all disappointed and dejected, and you have to wait another five hours. Even if the hook does set, now the fish is on the hook, you’re reeling it in but then you’ve got to be very careful and you’re very anxious about reeling it in.

You’ve got to get everything just right, or you’re going to lose this once in a lifetime opportunity to reel in this nice fish. With that kind of approach, there’s a lot of anxiety within you, and it builds up a lot of neediness and desperation. With women, that’s just repellent to them.

The Wrong Way

This is the worst possible way to attract women, with this rod and reel method. It’s going to be really frustrating. Instead what you want to use is the net method. What’s the net method? You walk out there with a large casting net, and you cast that thing into the lake, and then you just pull it in and you see what you get.

Invariably, you’re going to get an assortment of things. You’re going to get good fish, bad fish, all sorts of fish. From that, you pick the fish you like best, and you make her your girlfriend. That’s a much better approach. This is all nice and poetic and philosophical, but what does this practically mean for you, if you’re a guy who wants to get a girl right now?

What that means is working on these eight points I just talked about. These eight points, this is your net. The less of these points you’ve got solid, that means your net has holes. If you’re being needy, if you’re not going out, if you’re not approaching and if you’re sucking at your conversations, those are four huge holes in your net.

Basically, your net is going to be so full of holes that girls will just slip right through it. If you’re not being sexual, and you’re not leading, and you’re not closing hard, and you have bad text game, again, four other gaping holes in your net.

If you’ve got all these holes, no wonder you don’t have a girlfriend. If you get all these holes plugged by working on yourself, then you’ll have a very solid net, and you’ll be catching lots of girls in that net, and you’ll select the one you really want. That is the approach I recommend.

If you use the rod and reel method, then you’re going to be in a world of pain and disappointment. You are not going to get the best kind of girl you could get, if you did it the other way around. Think about that. Think about making that paradigm shift. It’s pretty important.

The last point I’m going to make is if you have a lot of holes in your net, just admit that you do and it’s OK. Just admit you’re not very good with girls right now. Use that as fuel to motivate you in this journey of learning how to get better with girls.

Let me tell you: when you get better with girls and you get on this path of getting better with girls, but also personal development, it’s one of the most rewarding journeys you’ll ever go on in your life. You will not regret it. It’s going to be challenging, but it’s going to be extremely rewarding. I’ve gotten some of the biggest personal development growth in my own life from doing this.

Women are a really great way for a man to really become a man. Don’t shy away from learning this stuff. It’s very important, especially if you’re young and you’ve got a lot of years ahead of you. You’re going to be feeling that pain for a long time if you don’t fix this.

Lastly, commit to being patient with this process. You’re not going to get good with girls — if you suck, you’re not going to get good just in a week, or in a month, or even in a year. It’s going to take multiple years to do this. You know what? This is OK.

You’re going to be baby-stepping your way up, and you’re going to be learning and getting better. Most of the payoff is going to be at the end. At the beginning, it’s going to be big struggle, but in the end, you’re going to have massive payoff. It’s very worth it, but you have to see the long term vision for yourself.

You have to be patient. Don’t say you’re going to get a girlfriend in one weekend. That’s not very realistic. Even if you do, you haven’t really improve yourself, you haven’t really fixed your net. You just got lucky if you did. That’s not the right way to solve this problem permanently.

Wrap Up

This is Leo, I’m signing off. This is how to get a girlfriend. Go ahead and post me your comments down below. I’d love to hear what you think. Please like this. Click the like button if liked it. Throw this up on Facebook, or somewhere else where you can share it with a friend. I’d love to spread this message around, help other guys.

Come check out and sign up to our newsletter at Actualized.org, where I’m releasing new videos, new articles, exclusive stuff for my subscribers every single week. I’m helping keep you on track with mastering your psychology and creating an extraordinary life.

I’ve studied personal development so much, for so long. I’ve discovered so many amazing ideas and principles and strategies that I want to share with you guys, because they’ve had a really profound effect on my life. I’m using them personally to create an extraordinary life, the kind of life that people would be extremely envious and jealous of.

I’ve already made a lot of progress on that, but what I’ve discovered is that you need to always be working on yourself, every single day, baby-stepping it up. That’s why I’m releasing content very frequently and very consistently, because I want to help you stay on track with that.

If you sign up, you’re getting those updates for free. Go ahead and check that out.

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Comments
(38)
Tommy says:

Hi leo, is there any posibilitie that i can make a girl like if she is in love already with another gyu? Apreciate your answer and keep on the good work

Leo Gura says:

Hey Tommy,

I understand the desire, but that’s very very difficult in practice. If she actually loves the guy, you are done. If she’s just with him but she is tired of him and not getting good sex, then it’s possible.

The root problem here is that you have too few options with girls. You need to redesign your life so that you aren’t being needy like this.

Josh says:

Hey Leo this is Josh. i’ll admit that I don’t get out much but I don’t like going to bars,lounges, or nightclubs because those places just aren’t my scene….So do you have any other suggestions or good places where I can go that has girls close to my age ( 25). And I’ve tried places like coffee shops/stores/libraries but very rarely do those places have any girls im actually attracted to….so I kind of feel like im running out of options here. Thanks for any adivce with this.

Leo Gura says:

There is no other good place. You need to go out to bars and clubs. That’s where all the girls are. You’re just making excuses for why not to go, cause it will be uncomfortable and scary as shit when you actually get into a bar and have to approach random girls. I’m just like you, I don’t like bars or clubs, but it is necessary for learning game.

Daygame is a possibility, but it only works well in certain large cities like LA or NY or London. Most cities do not have good daygame opportunities, there are too few girls to approach, things are to decentralized. Malls can be a great place though. I did all my daygame at the mall. Nightgame is much better for getting actual results and learning quickly.

Jeremy says:

Hi Leo,

How do i know if a girl like me for expample there is this girl that i was attracted to then i stopped being attracted to her because i thought she didnt like me. So i stopped trying, talking, and texting to her. Then i have notice that there is some attraction from her to me because at class she is the one that approches me. The other i was sitting in my chair and she approached me and asked me about my hair. In another occasion she invited me to go with her to a meeting of a group work for school and i am not even in that group. So after they finisedthey all went home and i was wating for my dad to pick me up, but she stayed there talking with me and she was touching her hair and keping direct eye contact with me. As soon as my dad came pick me up she left too. So what do you think?

Sorry for posting the comment in an old video.

Leo Gura says:

If a girl is talking to you, you assume she likes you, and you escalate that to sex as quickly as you can without coming off desperate. Clearly she likes you. Now you gotta make some moves. If you wait too long, this window of opportunity will close. Start flirty more, ampping up the sexual vibe, and do a lot of physical touching to get her comfortable with being intimate.

Fabian says:

wow another great video! its very interesting how women react to you depending on your own behaviour… just a couple weeks ago i felt like “well im not bad looking..” but ever since my accident my left arms been paralysed and yes poor me women dont like men who look somewhat different… so i was too scared to walk around in a tshirt because i figured women would reject me.. and yes they did… things got worse and i felt like i wasnt gonna be able to ever get a girlfriend again… but you taught me that the way we act determines peoples reaction in some ways… so ever since im not self-conscious im getting amazing results… i still cant believe it and its so much fun to be working on my own personality…

Otis McDonald says:

What is needy?

You say not wanting anything but by flirting with her and trying to persuade her ton have sex with me , isn’t that in fact being needy? … Or are you saying don’t by pushy stand back and watch your results..

Please give me the meaning of needy..

Comments please

Leo Gura says:

Flirting and detached persuasion is not needy. That’s how a man acts and women love it. But as soon as you expect something from her, as soon as you need sex or attention from her, or you care whether she likes you or not, that is neediness. You have be completely detached from the outcome.

harvey says:

i have one college she is working with me but in different dep , she is approaching me a lot speaking/flirting with me calling a lot during all the time even other colleges they felt how she is acting with me they recomend me even to mary her !!! but till know i didn’t try to response her cuz as you know if something goes wrong later it will be a little hard to work in the same company , please advise in this regard what i have to do consider that im living in Muslim country ))

Asaiah Powers says:

Sup Leo,game for me is improving but i have a few stickign points yet im working on it like taking her by the hand or arm etc.But Ive had this other issue its this particular girl that i liked since freshman year and i dont know what to say to her and i knew she knda liked me too so i didnt want to fuck it up for example she said “hi Asaiah” i said “why” then”k im not talking to you then” in my head im like “dammit” my own anxieity had me to screw it up anyway. so the solution must be to talk to even more girls as reference points-figure out how to talk cause im cynical/ antisocial gotta burn it out. Any thoughts? Thx for info.

Asaiah Powers says:

Hi Leo(happy thanksgiving) dismiss my last comment. I know if i want want to learn about attraction or the opposite sex im going to have to research it,could you tell me some of the books or theory you studied.Thx

Kristin Reichborn Kjennerud says:

It is counterintuitive to women that sex leads to a relationship. They are made to believe that men do not want women that are easy

Kristin Reichborn Kjennerud says:

In your model everything is reduced to libido. This renders things more easy and is an attractive thought, but did you look into Helen Fishers research? She distinguishes between longterm love, romantic love and libido. She is doing research on the brain. Very interesting

Kristin Reichborn Kjennerud says:

The problem of scarcity of sex is more structural and cultural than individual.
Women would have had sex with men if they hadn’t faced grave sanctions if they went along with it
Have you considered contributing to Emma Watsons’ “he for she” campaign?
This would increase your visibility, it would be good for business and I think it would be in line with your values

Marian says:

Hey Leo! I have a huge problem when it comes to going out at night. Although I’m 19 years old and living with my parents, they won’t allow me to go out later than 9 pm. My parents have always been very strict to me. They don’t want me to drink alcohol or take drugs which I absolutely don’t consume. So, going out to clubs would be a no-go

Zander says:

Hi Leo, I love your videos. I am 27 years old and the girl who has occupied my mind is 24. We are working together, she is my team leader in a supermarket (in the UK). So she is kind of a manager.
She was born in Eastern Europe just like me, but I am very international. (having lived in 4 other EU countries).
About me: I am handsome, intelligent with sense of humour

As you would describe it I “have the full package” except for a fat bank account.

I want to invite her on a trip to Italy to visit my mother. We dont know each other very well. I have a very good reputation at work. If i had more money and a good profession NOW i am certain she would love to go out with me. I am very ambitious and I know that i will succeed in life but for the moment she looks soo distant like a sweet dream. What is the best action i can take in order to attract her. I am already working on that. I met her one week ago, I was well dressed she complimented me twice. Also she is a very strong woman.

Kind Regards

Leo Gura says:

No! You’re being WAY too needy. Stop that!

If you want her, stop acting like she’s the prize. Just chat her up casually and then invite her for coffee after work. Pick a coffee spot right near your house. After coffee, take her for ice cream. After ice cream, take her to your place to watch a movie. Then sex.

Keep it simple! Don’t buy her anything except perhaps that ice cream. Don’t make any big plans with her. Stop trying to impress your way into her vagina! You don’t need to impress anyone and money is irrelevant.

Zander says:

Thank you Leo.

I forgot one detail. I broke with my exgirlfriend (who looks sexy) 1-2 months ago. Not sure if the new lady knows that. I think she saw me walking with my ex 1 week ago. I dont know if she knows who my ex is.

I dont have big plans. I like that girl because she is different and strong. I see her once twice a week. Last week was the first opportunity to have a casual chat (5 min long). She saw me in a different light, and that was my goal to awaken some emotions within her, because as I have read mb in your blog without that emotional spark it is hard to achieve anything further.

At work I have been trying to flirt with my body language. I have a confident look and things like that. Well this is my style, I am different too (no silly jokes comments etc.) – serious, relaible, solidly grounded person. I am sure she likes me as a worker but..

It may be a good idea if you make a video on how to flirt at the workplace.

Zander says:

Thank you Leo.

Zander says:

I forgot one detail. I broke with my exgirlfriend (who looks sexy) 1-2 months ago. Not sure if the new lady knows that. I think she saw me walking with my ex 1 week ago. I dont know if she knows who my ex is.

I dont have big plans. I like that girl because she is different and strong. I see her once twice a week. Last week was the first opportunity to have a casual chat (5 min long). She saw me in a different light, and that was my goal to awaken some emotions within her, because as I have read mb in your blog without that emotional spark it is hard to achieve anything further.

At work I have been trying to flirt with my body language. I have a confident look and things like that. Well this is my style, I am different too (no silly jokes comments etc.) – serious, relaible, solidly grounded person. I am sure she likes me as a worker but..

It may be a good idea if you make a video on how to flirt at the workplace.

Yarin says:

Hi Leo, I really like your videos. can’t wait for the online dating/texting video, is it coming any time soon?

Nikos says:

Thanks Leo!You are the best!

George says:

Hey Leo,

You mention in one of your relationship videos, (either this one or another) that a true relationship is like a ‘business agreement.’ Could you please elaborate on that?

Cheers,

George

Leo Gura says:

I meant that if we’re honest about our relationships, we will admit that there’s an exchange of value going on. They are transactional. And as soon as the transaction stop being in our favor, we leave.

asima says:

Leo

I love most all your videos and I’m working on self actualizing via your videos. I disagree with your point that women only look for emotions .. looks and physical attraction is the first thing all human beings notice and that’s where it all starts. However relationships that start with incredible attraction may die off due to poor relationship skills or personality clashes.

Sasha says:

My problem is slightly different. I’ve mastered approaching, attracting, and getting the girl to sleep with me after a date or two. But I lose interest quickly and I want to move on to my next target.

At the same time, I feel like the whole process of going out, approaching, and dating can be a waste of time. Pursuing girls consumes hours of my time. I’d rather concentrate on my work (which I am very passionate about) and health — the time invested there seems to be more lasting.

So, for that reason, I do want to find a girlfriend and be done chasing. Yet I am not satisfied with settling down with just 1 girl. Not sure how to resolve this conflict.

Leo Gura says:

You should really sit down and ask yourself what 2 girls give you that 1 girl doesn’t.

The sex isn’t the real issue. You can enjoy sex with the same girl even more than you do from pickup. Good sex comes from intimacy and rapport more than from variety. Doing lots of pickup has taught you bad beliefs and expectations. You’ve probably got intimacy issues and commitment issues, like most PUAs do, and you’ve been using pickup and sex to avoid dealing with them directly. That’s what needs to be addressed!

Ross says:

Hi Leo, I know that cold approaching may be the best way to learn game, but what if most women do not want to be approached? I usually start off with a gentle compliment by saying they are cute, but they show no interest or stay away from me. Can game just get better spontaneously or would it be noticeable that my game has improved?

Also, it is still appropriate to to say a girl is cute (opener) in a shopping mall or gym (daytime)?

Leo Gura says:

Most women don’t mind be approached if you do it well. In fact, you can make them feel great. Imagine if a hot women approached you and made you feel like she wanted you out of the blue. That would make you feel pretty great, even if you didn’t accept the offer.

Your game will not improve much unless you do 1000s of approaches. It’s a fairly hardcore path. You have to be really committed because the fear of approaching is so strong and your skills are so weak when you start.

Any time is appropriate, day or night, any place. You just have to open in a natural manner that is appropriate to the environment. I’ve approached many girls in malls. You run up to them, stop them dead cold, and say something like, “I saw you and thought you were cute and I felt I really shouldn’t let this opportunity slip away.” And then carry on a flirty friendly conversation, trying to avoid badgering her with questions like, “So… where do you work? Where are you from? What are you doing here?” Instead, talk about yourself or make statements or assumptions about her like, “Your dress makes me think you’re from New York while your haircut makes me think you’re from LA.” Etc.

The reason girls ignore you when you approach them is simply because your skills are weak, your approach is weak, you come off creepy, and you probably don’t know how to carry a charming lively conversation. Girls LOVE great conversation. But it takes a lot of practice for a guy to be able to pull it off if he isn’t already a natural.

John says:

Hello Leo,

I’m from India and when i usually speak about sex to girls, they usually try to change the topic of conversation. So, I usually stop talking about sex to girls.
What do you think I should do??

Omar says:

Hello Leo,

Do you think it is fine to go out and approach a lot and get to the point of going on dates and then while you dating one girl and you are also dating many other girls (and possibly having sex) that week? And then you decide which girl is the best for me (after sex)?

Cheers,

Omar

Alex says:

Hey Leo,
In this video you said something that really stuck with me. You said there is no relationship without sex. I don’t disagree but the problem is; I’m asexual. I don’t desire sex and I’m afraid that will negatively impact my ability to get girlfriends going forward. I’ve had a few relationships so far but none of them have gone very well and I’m beginning to get frustrated. Any advice you might have to help me out over here would be greatly appreciated.
-Alex

Leo Gura says:

That is NOT going to work! Girls LOVE sex! If you don’t have sex with them, they will run away quickly.

If you are asexual then you can only be in a relationship with another asexual girl.

Ross says:

Hi Leo, I hope this message gets to you.

I personally have been trying to get active in the dating scene of life. I was mainly focused on cold approach until I found some problems with it.

-I’m in college so doing cold approach can lead to risk of my reputation hence success at meeting women

-I am now on holiday so I am not in college at the moment, so I have a massive chance to focus on dating. The problem is that I’m 18 and doing cold approach would make me feel like an outcast among most 18-23 years olds because a vast majority of them get girlfriends through social circle. My social circle isn’t the best so it’s hard to meet women that way. Currently there are not many activities to join right now on my holiday, so I’m kind of stuck on the social circle perspective

Also, the home city I live in is roughly 400K people large, would it mean at this level it’s not safe to do cold approach?

And finally, would cold approach improve all aspects of relationship skills (friendship, girlfriend etc), or just romantic?

I just want your advice for someone like me doing dating, that would be great. I came from a place where I did not interact much with women so it kind of came back to bite me.

Thanks.

Leo Gura says:

If you’re in college you don’t need to do night-game. Just go chat up random girls on campus during the day. You don’t need be too direct or flashy. Start with friendly chit-chat.

Also, college gives you tons of opportunities with house parties and frat parties. Go to social events and talk to girls.

College is SO easy compared to post-college.

Ross says:

Would it still be okay to cold approach people in my home city away from college for my holiday which has roughly 400K people? Like daygame.

Clark says:

Hi Leo,
Where can I find the video about text game?
I really need this one. plz tell me where I can find

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