How To Be A Man - Part 2 (Advanced)

By Leo Gura - August 29, 2016 | 26 Comments

The counter-intuitive technique for becoming more manly.

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Anon says:

Simply put, BE YOURSELF!

Fuck what other people think.

You will attract the right people when you choose to be truly authentic.

If you struggle to be authentic, if you don’t know how to “be authentic”, don’t try to figure it out analytically. Follow that voice, that feeling already inside you. Let it guide you in every situation and every decision you make.

One of my favorite quotes by Steve Jobs during his 2005 Stanford commencement speech:

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”

Pauline says:

OMG Thank you for your words, I am a female , I have chosen not to hear Leo out this time, anon x

Anna says:

Pauline,

Yes Anon pretty much sums up what Leo explains in this video, but it still is worth watching. He talks about being yourself around the 8 minute segment if you want to scroll the video to that point.

gerardo says:

A piece of nice information for you- you instantly shut your mind off just caused it said “how to be a man” and completely missed out on some beautiful insights.

Anon says:

I train martial arts and some of the strongest and most Alpha men that I know also train Yoga and other disciplines often regarded as “feminine”.

I can assure you that their manliness is never in question.

A lion doesn’t waste time thinking about the opinions of sheep.

Gene says:

I have always been like this and so far I have only attracted narcissists, as they prey on men like this, because it boosts their ego.

C says:

Hi Leo,

I just wanted to thank you for making this video. As a hypnotherapist and a young single woman in my early 30’s out in the dating scene I’ve seen these male insecurities of being too feminine all too common.

As a personal preference I think it is incredibly sexy and a complete turn on when a guy has a feminine side. Romance is attractive. And I have always loved a man that does yoga and can hold a intellectual and intimate conversation. Not only do I want a best friend but I want a passionate lover! Macho men have never caught my eye nor have been of any interest. I think you are absolutely right though. Just like men have preferences for different types of women ( from tomboy, to girl next door, to super model), women are the same way. But there are also women that I know that absolutely love the football stud guys. In the end being yourself will give you the most personal fulfillment, growth and happiness…aka authenticity.

It’s really sad though because of the stereotypes that are being put out there on men. There is a sort on inequality that goes on between the genders. It’s perfectly ok for a woman to be the tomboy, be the computer programming nerd, be a CEO of a business, Etc…. But not ok for men to be emotional or to explore that feminine side to give them more balance …By no means being 50/50 of each gender masculine/feminine, but what works for them personally….and of course for grounding. It’s not fair for men to not be able to express themselves and have to hold everything in! Men need emotional security if probably not more than women! Hopefully as time goes by as well as knowledge, education and awareness occurs, men will feel more comfortable exploring this untapped side of themselves helping to discover their true authentic masculininity.

For some men from what I have observed there seems to be an unfortunate misunderstanding between being gay and being feminine. Being gay or LGBT is a sexual preference and not a sign of masculine or femininity. Although there is the stereotype of gay men being overly feminine, which is absolutely not true, considering I’ve met and been active and supportive of the LGBT community for many years as a straight woman. Gay men can be just as masculine as straight men. It is just a stereotype, and you see it clearly in plain sight once you are apart of that world and open your eyes to what’s really there.

A lot of it also comes down to women doing their part too. Women need to be non-judgemental, show appreciation and approval, be more trust worthy, and give more respect to men and their romantic partners. These traits create a comfortable environment for men to express that feminine side. A lot of this is talked about in the book Men are from Mars Women are from Venus as well as the book For Women Only, What You Need to Know About The Inner Lives Of Men. The second book is from a religious author, Shaunti Feldhahn, but what’s great is she did a lot of research, testing, experiments and statistics to figure out how guys tick. She also has a teenager version of this book that’s called For Young Women Only. It would be great in my opinion if this stuff was taught in high school and college. It probably would do some good for people building better healthy relationships and less divorces.

All in all I’ve seen men that love sewing, and create cosplay costumes. I’ve met men that are professional chefs that love cooking…..Men that create poetry, sing, dance and write songs. All of these things are extremely sexy and attractive to the right woman…the woman for you! And by being yourself and exploring this you can attract and keep your soul mate and hopefully have a lasting relationship.

Another awesome video as per usual. I’ve never expected anything less from you and hold you in the highest respect for taking the initiative to address this topic.

Now if you can do us women a favor and clone yourself several zillion times while we wait for the rest of the male population to catch up and figure out this masculine thing that would be great!! Lol! I’m seriously kidding since I know there are some great guys out there already, but we do need some great role models out there like you, Leo.

Thanks again!

Dave says:

I’m over 50 and divorced and have been dating for some time….while trying to raise two kids. I’ve never been particularly masculine but I’m pretty good looking. I can attract women, but as soon as I start to show some emotion or God forbid tear up, that relationship is over. Women don’t want to see that. If you show insecurity in a weak moment, you are done. Even women who say they want a sensitive guy usually can’t handle it. Why should I have to be confident all the time? Can I not have a moment where I’m indecisive and I don’t know what the hell I want? There are exceptions, but men basically aren’t allowed to be human. Wish it would change in my lifetime, but I know it won’t. Just holding out for the exception.

C says:

I totally get what you are saying. Actually the last guy I recently dated was emotional and I thought it was great that he was open. And yes he cried in front of me and I thought there was nothing with that. I ended up breaking up with him because he used me for sex and among other things unrelated to being feminine. In fact I felt he was repressing his feminine side! it was actually a turn off that he didn’t want to explore it.

But there is a difference though between being emotional and expressing yourself and someone that is emotional because they are extremely depressed and insecure. I’m talking about to the point where they should be seeking a therapist or counselor. You can be confident and emotional at the same time and it can be sexy! But if someone is emotional because they have some really big issues going on and are clingy and overly needy ….no one wants that…not even a guy wants a girl like that. We all have our moments where we cry and need to let go, both men and women, and there is completely nothing wrong with that, but there is a huge difference when depression is involved.

I’m sorry you haven’t had much luck in the dating game! Don’t give up! I’ve struggled too. Sometimes we can have a tendency to get stuck in dating patterns attracting the same type of guy/or girl over and over again. Dating is really interesting as it involves a lot of personal self development work and self love. We can attract what we feel about ourselves. Dating can also become an addiction, as in a need to fill some void or insecurity and fear of not being the normal stereotype. Dating is about giving to the other person and expanding your personal development growth, and being in love and sharing your life with someone is great too! We have to really know what we want, and be authentic and not care what other people think. Also you may have not met the right chick! And I’m glad you are opening up and being emotional and being rejected early on because then you won’t end up with the wrong woman! That should be a must have for you. A woman that you can be emotionally intimate with. In this case rejection is a great thing, it saves you time and in the longterm heart break. Rejection and making mistakes has to be looked upon in the perspective as a learning experience and for growth….to gain insight so you can be the best that you can be! And that doesn’t just go for dating, but for all areas of your life. You fall off that horse…and you get back on it!

I have my must have requirements too! Good communication is a must have for me. Not someone that only wants to text or chat on Facebook. Good communication is the foundation for any type of relationship including love. And if a guy can’t talk to me in person or pick up the phone and call me than he’s not the right one.

Also dating is about quality over quantity. Dating relationships are about being with one person not many. Not everyone is going to like you…and I’ve seen that for the case of myself too. Not everyone likes me. A lot of guys don’t like dating a girl that is a hypnotherapist! Lol But I’m perfectly ok with that, and I’m not going to change myself to fit someone else’s standards.

She is out there…the right one for you…I know it!

Leo Gura says:

Dave, sounds like that’s a pattern YOU are creating. Because it certainly isn’t true across the board. You’re selecting those women, and you might even be pushing them away for all sorts of twisted reasons that you’re not yet aware of.

C says:

Hi Dave…if you are still reading this…and for those guys that have lost hope in meeting the right girl….this comment is for you,

Girls that love sensitive guys really do exist and I’m certainly one of them!!

In the comment above you asked the questions….why should I have to be confident all the time? Can I not have a moment where I’m indecisive and I don’t know what I want?

As a woman seeking a man that is authentic and expresses his feminine side this is my answer to you. …. You don’t have to have all the right answers and know everything or what to do. I would never expect my SUPERMAN to be that way ever. That is completely unrealistic …I don’t want a perfectionist, I want a man that is authentic and can be himself…quirks and all! I know there is a lot of pressure to be that way because it’s a man’s masculine nature to be the provider and protector. And I think that is SEXY! A great woman builds up a man…helping to build his CONFIDENCE and INSPIRE him to go after his LIFE PURPOSE. I would let him know how PROUD I am of his accomplishments and how much I RESPECT him. I TRUST my man that he will make the right decisions even if he doesn’t know all the answers! I let him know that I APPROVE of his decisions. I APPRECIATE and am grateful for what a man gives to me . From the diamond ring down to the small tiny daisy flower he picked to give to me from his yard. Even the small things are counted and just as special …if not more!!…and thoughtful as the big things. I would stand by my man’s side no matter what …for better or for worse…even if he hit the lowest of lows and we are living under a bridge! When he cries and wants to give up I LISTEN with NON-JUDGEMENT. I comfort him and let him know that mistakes are for learning, and that he is GOOD ENOUGH just the way that he is, and he is DESERVING of LOVE and going after his dreams and goals! To be that knight and shining armor that he is and get back on that horse and ready for battle! That’s unconditional love! And that’s what the right woman will act like towards you. Because you are loveable and deserving of love!

When you have negative beliefs and feelings about dating and relationships you are putting blinders on and preventing yourself from seeing the right women out there! They are literally in your backyard…and you walk by them everyday and don’t even know it!!! When you change your thoughts and feelings the jaded glasses come off. When you are confident and believe that you deserve love and won’t put up with abuse or anyone’s shit you get super assassin goggles! That make you see through walls and shit and gives you radar detection and sirens go off when a hot sexy woman that meets your standards walks in the room! Lol

Take the jaded glasses off and be the SUPERMAN you’re supposed to be!
It is so rediculously easy to change your patterns. And if you tell yourself it’s hard you still have the jaded glasses on.

You want those assassin goggles?!? Recognizing that there is a pattern is half the battle! The other half is letting it go, and forgiving yourself and anyone that may have caused you to believe these negative UNTRUE thoughts…ex girl friends, ex wife, everyone…even mom and dad included! And then realizing that your true masculine nature is a positive confident one ….and to love and own every part of who you are!

Now that you’ve figured it out….can you save me now?!? I’m stuck in Bowser’s castle on Level 8! Lol

Peach

Bryant says:

Dave, I used to feel the way you do. You have to know who you are and never abandon yourself! Once you know your true identity and values, never abandon those. Your being left because you don’t know quite who you are. Once you do, you will probably not be left, but the real key is never abandoning yourself.

Oliver Larsen says:

Thanks a bunch Leo, I watched this video to check that I was on the right track and Im glad to say I am. I used to try to be macho and all that shit and now I have transcended it I just watch the girls get repulsed by those kind of guys. (The guys that refuse to come to yoga with me where the male:female ratio is about 20:80!!! Idiots.) They might steal the girls attention instantly but then its lost and its onto the more authentic guy who really knows himself… me! Hahaha i hope those poor guys put their egos down and get though it. Its stage 1 of David Deida’s stages. Stage 3 are where the superior men are at. Cheers!

Yoeri says:

The transgender agenda at work!

Brian says:

I put so much concentration into your advanced videos, it was nice to have a bit of fluff to listen to while I’m working for a change, (even though it’s called “advanced”. You know what I mean though, cheers.

sevi says:

This episode was shockingly true that I dropped my phone into the sea while watching! Haha! Thank you Le

In your Hero’s Journey, wishing you that, the ultimate challenge of your shadow becomes your biggest blessing..

As if Perseus; unlike Oedipus, where he achieves by the help of his anima in the form of Athena. I wish you that.

Lindsay says:

Will you do a “how to be a woman” video? I’m pretty sure I know what it will be about (passive receptivity with firm boundaries) but maybe you’ll surprise me.

Leo Gura says:

Not really my area of expertise.

Sevi says:

Leo, actually it would be very helpful if you could do couple of episodes about it. May be not exactly ‘how to be a woman’ but a male stand of view to that; to interactions between men and women and to femininity. Like what you did in your ‘how to have amazing sex for women’ episode.

I teach ballroom dancing; those 3 episodes about sex, gave me a lot of different ideas and insights about how to teach and educate my couples better and how to create better harmony between them. Even if it has been short amount of time that I’m using these new ideas; the results in their interactions and in their dancing are quite remarkable and it really inspires me for more.

It’s also very amazing to see how one totally different study could create a refreshed inspirational growth in a different field and triggers the improvement quality for better.

Couple of months ago I was given the task to improve my feminine qualities and skills by my dance coach; while doing the research I came across with actualized.org and I am quite amazed with the whole concept that you created. I highly value especially the practicality and the follow through elements of your study.

In a creative field more than the accurate information, we generally need a different point of view and approach to enrich our service or product. That’s why if you take this idea to your consideration that will create a constructive influence in our area. You have already touched my students’ lives very compassionately and I appreciate it a lot. On be half of my students I’d like to thank you for your hard work.

Sevi Orakoglu Ozbelli

Elton says:

Hey Leo,
I was just going through maslows hierarchy of needs, and in the top rung there is morality.
But you are a strong opposer of morality, are you saying that maslow was wrong?

Davit says:

I think that Maslow means that human naturaly tend to acquire morality, but this was more of about average human being. Leo will never say something opposite to Maslow couse they both see truth, I think he counts that high consciousness does not need any morality, because it itself is just state of being. Following Higher self human can live without morality. This is my opinion.

Zack says:

But leo, what if my authentic version is the feminine boyband sensitive boy with the shiny hair yet my looks dont allow me to embody it in any way possible?

you see my father suffers from baldness and he lost his hair in his early 30s and have strong reasons to believe i will be the same way so my problem is that my image doesnt follow my personality like at all, as on top of that i m kind of ugly

i just feel like i cant be authentic due to those reasons and i have to become the kind of guy that my looks allow me to be not the guy i feel like being any thoughts on that?i would heavily appreciate it

Guy says:

Then you go and invent your own and authentic “Bald-Boy-Band-Style”. Rock the world your way. Find out whether that means actual bold baldness, a crazy hair-tattoo, a hat or whatever is truly your way.
Be a man, be yourself, don’t be stopped by petty details like number of hair on whatever body parts.
G

Davit says:

Hi Leo,
what you are doing here is you shifting our thoughts from distinctive way of thinking into aim of actualizing. I can feel all the influence and I believe you are sharing the message in an accessible and easy to digest way.
In your early videos you mentioned that the relationship between men and women should be like yin yang, to be more authentic and peaceful. Watching this video, I immediately conducted an analogy in my mind that this same applies for our inner masculine and feminine qualities and we really need to assign them as a yin yang and with this become more of aware. Accepting different kind of qualities in one wholeness.
I am very happy with actualizing and watching where my heart leads.
“Watching you grow, growing with you”

Thank you.
Dav

Adam says:

Geeze. Am I the only person who understands the female animal?

Part 1 was about what worked best to succeed at scoring quickly with mostly strange women. However it will be useful to remember that a major factor in all this is simply; What is it the supposed target wants, where’s she coming from, fi “how can I use this guy to accomplish one or more of my goals in life.” And her goals are varried and plenty. She may need money, she may need a place to crash for the night or move into, she may need to help a girlfriend acquire a boyfriend just like you, she may decide to work you for nothing but drinks because she is on the rag (and has mouth sores to boot , or she’ll be seeing her boyfriend at a concert later in the evening…once she gets her free buzz at your expense and then scrubs you while you visit the boys room, or she may be aware that the guy she’s been hoping to attract for weeks is watching across the room and consequently your presence is designed to pressure him to act before it’s too late, or she may be very horny tonite and will settle for the first guy who appears both as horny as she is and sure of himself (since he’s wearing his jeans and she can’t tell from looking alone whether his flag would be raised were he naked), or she may have or want children and therefore needs evidence of not only a protector but also a sensitive person with the patience, kindness and playful nature that would make him an ideal father; to name just a few.

As to showing ones feminine side, I dont think it’s a coincidence that this comes years after the pickup part 1 video, for now many of the girls and boy(s) know each other well and the proving period has passed, add to that an adequate knowledge of personality, of income, and life purpose (ie level of ambition) and surely the Opportunists of opportunists have taken a number and lined up for a shot at being your Number 1 girl. Here’s where being a real man, a “real honest man” will make the possibility of maintaining single-status near immpossible.
Women know or at least believe that all men except perhaps psychos retain some boyishness inside and therefore sooner or latter will cry, but dont you believe that any ol’ cry effects them the same, no. Big points for crying about love lost, mom lost, toto lost, even wealth lost but– cry when she wouldn’t, cry due to bodily injury and pain, or cry like a little girl– and the less of you she will think.
What makes me cry is when women or friends or judges are taken in by the make believe crying of a never-really-cries psychopath, as the shrewd maniacs have themseves learned how to avoid being made out. If you look close though, you may notice a distinct shortage of tears joined by a dog-like whimpering.
At this point let us look at the man who is so into (in love with, if you like) someone. Well first of all she knew it before he did. And, she is not only still around, but loving it! Now if this fellow isn’t needy (or potentially, inevitably) then who is? She loves being so desired, she planned and hoped on being so desired. She knows his neediness is so great that he’d do almost anything to keep her and keep her happy. Not a turn-off at all, it is. And who more than women appreciate being needed, they say so all the time.
So what about the genuine experiences expounded here in these videos. Again that was all about first and foremost quickies. It’s common knowledge that women prefer men who are adept at using their tools. But as I said before concerning stranger coupling, women are disadvantaged by virtue of the fact that society requires men to wear pants and pants make it impossible for ones flag to raise, and no woman (or gay fella for that matter) wants to end up in bed horny as hell forced to push limp hose. Consequently the guy in the club hitting on the girl has to persuade her in some other way, that hell or high water (with sincere sympathies to our southern waterlogged brethren) he can and will deliver. Some people call this confidence, but more precisely it is sureness, sure of oneself, or exemplifying sureness in oneself now and for the immediate future. That’s what she’s looking for. Whether or not you possess sufficient confidence to fi thereafter drive home is entirely irrelevant.

You dont think Viagra was created for men, do you?
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Arun says:

At 13:59; you just nailed it! Thank you for that antidote Leo

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