Blueprint >> Relationship Abundance

Disclaimer: This document is in raw form as I process and distill 4 years-worth of my personal development notes. Expect some typos and cryptic language for now. I will be updating frequently and polishing up.

Prescription: Create relationship abundance.
Related Concepts: Strategic Thinking, Provide Value, Happiness

What is Relationship Abundance?

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Why is it Important?

Relationships fail when either party is in scarcity, feeling like they have no other options. The healthiest relationships are inter-dependent, without any neediness from both sides.

Relationship Abundance Videos

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Relationship Abundance: Key Points

Most relationship problems stem from the more fundamental problem of scarcity. If you feel like you can't find love with anyone else, you will give up all your power in the relationship, tolerate all sorts of abuse, lower your standards, feel powerless, and behave in needy ways that will eventually sabotage the relationship.

The solution is to have more opportunities to meet new people. If you lack these opportunities right now, it's time to redesign your life. This applies equally to men and women. Both men and women have problems meeting, new, high-quality dating candidates. Yet there are millions of sexy people out there. The problem is that you are not coming into frequent enough contact with them.

Ideally you want to design your life in such a way that when you're in an intimate relationship you never think, "If I lost this person, it would be really hard or impossible to find a replacement." As cold as it sounds, your partner must be replaceable. This is far preferable to the alternative. If you think he or she is irreplaceable, you are firstly flat out wrong because your judgment is clouded with emotion, and secondly, you will become needy and likely sabotage the relationship. It's tragic and very predictable. Stop fixing the symptoms and address the real problem: your own insecurity.

A high-quality relationship is based on independence, not neediness. The two partners like each other, but are comfortable being alone and in fact need their space. Neediness is a plague that can be cured, but you have to recognize it first and be willing to work for the cure.

Failure to cure neediness results in: consistent inability to maintain a relationship, abusive relationships, co-dependent relationships, feeling lonely and unsatisfied and unloved, no sex, low-quality partners.

You can sit around on your ass and mope, and hope for the best, or you can fix the scarcity problem for real. Fake solutions to the scarcity problem include: getting another date, affirmations, reading a book, complaining to your friends, losing faith in the other sex, blaming the other person.

Ways to fix the scarcity problem for real:

• Go out to bars and clubs much more often
• Join meet-up groups where you can meet new people
• Go to more social events: church, team sports, school events, networking events, even Starbucks
• Online dating: POF, Match.com, OkCupid, etc. Do it proactively.
• Expand your social circle: build more friends, deepen friendships. Get proactive about it.
• Make yourself more attractive:
• Lose weight
• Stop drinking and smoking
• Get a good job
• Address any psychological baggage from your past
• Create an active lifestyle where you are busy with your own things
• Improve your hygiene and wardrobe. Get a makeover.
• Have a life purpose and goals that you're working on
• Read and learn new things
• Take an improv class, improve your charisma and energy

The best ways to make yourself attractive to the opposite sex:

• For girls: lose weight, look sexy for your guy >> clean up your diet, go to the gym
• For guys: develop the ability to talk with emotion, humor, and charisma >> talk to lots of girls, improv class

References

1. RSD Nation, Owen Cook