What To Do Next After Learning About Enlightenment

By Leo Gura - February 16, 2015 | 74 Comments

How to adjust your life to accommodate the truth of no-self

Video Transcript

Show Full Transcript Minimize Transcript

Hey, this is Leo for Actualized.org, and in this video I want to talk about what you need to do next, now that you have learned about spiritual enlightenment.

This video is intended to be watched after you have first watched my Spiritual Enlightenment video, the one that introduces you to spiritual enlightenment and tells you exactly what it is. It is a long video. It is an in depth video. It’s a world view shattering video.

So, if you haven’t seen it, go and watch it. If you have seen it, then you have probably been left with a bit of a bitter taste in your mouth. You’re not quite sure what to do, now that you have learned about this truth and you’re not sure where to go. This has made you confused.

It has made your life more complicated. You are not sure in which direction to go, because it seems like you are being pulled in two directions. You’ve got the life that you have been currently living, pretty much your normal existence. You have been living that your whole life.

That has still got momentum and it’s pulling you. But, you’ve also got this new truth that you have learned and this is now beckoning you to go on a journey and pull yourself in a totally different direction. In some sense, these can be opposite seeming directions.

I want to clear some of this up and tell you what the game plan is here. When most people hear about the truth of spiritual enlightenment, what happens is that it is a blow to your system. The emotional reaction that you experience is sadness, depression, this feeling of emptiness and this feeling like life is pointless.

You might have been left thinking something like – “Oh, damn! So, my whole life was this giant lie. Now, it’s still a lie. I am still continuing to live this lie. So, what do I do? Do I stop the lie? Do I continue going with it? I don’t even know in which direction to go in if I wanted to stop this lie.”

There is this sense that everything is pointless. There is no more purpose to anything anymore. You are not excited about life anymore. You don’t know what to do. What should you do? Well, the first thing to recognize is let’s not be rash here.

Remember, these emotions that you are experiencing, whatever they are, sadness, anger or emptiness, are emotional reactions of the ego. This is how the ego protects and defends itself. So, when you first hear this truth you are going to have a very big emotional reaction.

But, just like with anything in life, you hear it the first time and it might shock you. Then, you get desensitized to it over time. So, right now, if you just heard this truth today, yesterday or last week, it’s still very fresh in your palate. You have still got that aftertaste.

It can seem a bit bitter, a bit sour and a bit depressing. Well, just let that carry itself through. Those are natural emotions. Let them carry themselves through. They are not that painful. They are not that damaging to your life.

So, don’t pretend to play into them and pretend – “Oh my god! My life is going to hell! I should kill myself now! Everything is horrible!” Don’t do that. Just let the natural emotions come up, even if they are negative. Then, don’t play into them and make them exaggerated.

Don’t blow them over the top. Don’t overreact. Don’t do anything, at this point yet, to change your life around because you are not sure which ways to change your life yet. The thing is this. Your ego, the way it defends itself is that it jumps to assumptions and conclusions about what you should do, which makes it seem like your whole life is going to hell when it is, in fact, not.

Your Point Of View

I am going to talk about that a little bit later here. Before we even go there, first of all, from your point of view, if you have just heard about spiritual enlightenment from me, then you have got to watch out because you have to consider two things. First of all, consider that I could be lying to you.

Secondly, consider that I could be wrong. From your point of view, both of these things can be the case. It’s not the case, but it doesn’t help you when I tell you that I am not lying to you or that I am not wrong because, from your point of view, I could still be lying to you or I could still be wrong.

So, what does this mean? This leaves you in kind of an unresolved state, if you will. That is good. That is what you need to get more comfortable with. The whole problem is that your whole life, up to this point, has been designed about getting you stability, certainty and resolution.

Spiritual enlightenment is all about the opposite. You have to kind of shake your mind loose of all these certainties that you have had because it is these certainties that have been creating a lot of problems for you, without you being aware of it. So, what you need to do is not jump into some opposite conclusion.

Don’t have faith in me. Don’t just believe everything I say. Be a little bit skeptical, so kind of follow that middle path there. At this point in your life, you have got to understand that you are still caught up in the illusion. If what I am telling you is true, you are still caught up in it.

Don’t go and do something drastic and crazy with your life and then justify – “Oh, it’s because Leo told me this spiritual enlightenment thing and now I need to go and do this crazy thing.” No! I didn’t tell you anything crazy that you have to do.

I just shared some information with you and that perhaps gave you a different perspective on life. Recognize that just having a perspective on life is one thing and going out there and doing something crazy is a different thing. I did not in any way advocate you do anything crazy with your life.

So, don’t be rash. You are still caught in this illusion. Any actions that you take right now are actually coming from a position of being in the illusion. If you tell yourself that you’re going to go and do something, and that is you breaking the illusion, is that really you breaking the illusion or is that you being a victim of the illusion?

You are still caught in it. That means that you still operate on all the same principles that you have operated on before. It’s not like I shared this truth with you and, all of a sudden, you’re enlightened. If you actually became enlightened from me telling you the truth, which would not be possible but let’s say you did, then I would be speaking to you in a very different way.

You would now be in a very different position in life, but you’re not there. You’re not enlightened. All that you have is some information. This information needs to be used to go on a journey. It can be.

If you don’t want to go on a journey, then do not go on a journey. Regardless, you are still in the place that you are at, so you might say – “Leo, does this mean that all the self-help videos that I have been watching from you are pointless? Does this mean that I should stop reading books? Does this mean that I should stop going to work?”

“Does this mean that I should divorce my wife and leave my kids behind? Does this mean that I should quit my job? Does this mean that I should go live in a cave, somewhere in India? What does all of this mean?”

You have got to understand that you are still in the same place where you were at before you watched the video. Nothing has really changed for you. You just became a little bit more depressed. That means that, if you do go live in a cave in India and you quit your job and all of this stuff, you are going to have massive suffering.

Do you understand this? You’re not enlightened. If you go there and you live in a cave, you would get the exact experience you imagine you would get if you went and dropped your whole life and lived in a cave. You would suffer a lot.

So, I don’t recommend you do that, not now. You haven’t attained anything yet. Don’t be so quick to throw everything away in your life. Be careful about using this now as an excuse to become a slob or a slacker in your life.

Just because you understand spiritual enlightenment intellectually does not mean that you now get to become a jerk to your family. That is not an excuse to be a jerk to your family, nor does it mean that you can now tell your boss to go fuck himself. It does not mean that money is now not important and you don’t have to pay your rent to your landlord.

All of these things are still part of reality. Those are not illusions. You still have to pay your bills. You still have to feed your kids; otherwise they are going to go hungry. You still probably want to be nice to your wife, otherwise she is going to be mad at you.

Those are still things you want to uphold and maintain. If you’re eating healthy and maintaining healthy does not mean that you should now go, because of enlightenment, and start eating at McDonalds and start splurging on Snickers bars. Don’t do that.

Maintain your health. If you’ve got a gym routine, keep going to your gym routine. Everything just keeps going. We are imprinting you with a new perspective. Don’t get the perspectives confused with the actions, at least right now.

At What Stage Are You?

The other thing you should know is this. I don’t know where you are right now in your life, but everyone is in a very different place. Some of you are struggling just to pay the rent. Some of you are jobless. Some of you are homeless, watching this video.

Some of you are really well off and you’ve got a great and flourishing career. Some of you are in your retirement age. Some of you own your own business and you’ve got a passive income. Some of you are working paycheck to paycheck and maybe you are working 60 hour weeks at your job.

So, there are a lot of different positions that you can be in. There are a lot of different ages you could be in. You could be 15 years old. You could be 25 years old, 40 years old, 50, 60 or 70 years old.

Depending on where you are, not just in life, but also in your personal development and psychological development, there is different stuff that you will need to do. First of all, understand that what we are talking about here with spiritual enlightenment is the most advanced stage of personal development work. It is also the most advanced stage of self-actualization work.

This is when you realize that there is no self to self-actualize. This might seem like this. Oh my god, everything that I have been doing up to this point has been a hoax. You don’t want to look at it like that. You want to look at it like stages.

There is a stage, a kind of stair step ladder from the very bottom and to the very top. This is a long ladder and there is a lot of development that has to happen along the way. Just because you are going to be doing some work at a very high level stage does not mean that everything below that has been useless. No!

Everything that you have been doing up to this point has been building you up to this stage that you are going to be at now. Many of you might not even be at this stage or be ready for this stage. So, that is a decision you have to make for yourself and where you are on this ladder.

Just to give you a basic example, let’s say that you have difficulty paying your mortgage right now. Your house might get repossessed in a couple of months if you don’t go and find yourself a new job. You’ve got a family. You’ve got a wife and a couple of kids.

You have got some of these money issues. You don’t know how to buy the groceries. If you’re in that situation, spiritual enlightenment is not something you should be worrying about right now. You’ve got some more basic and fundamental issues to take care of.

Go ahead and take care of your money issue so that there isn’t this burning need for money. Fix that, and then maybe you will be ready for spiritual enlightenment work later. Maybe you will require five or 10 years of more personal development work before you get to the point where you can do this spiritual enlightenment work.

Now, it’s not to say that anything is preventing you. No matter what stage you are at in life, if you’re very young and you’re very unexperienced with life, you can still pursue spiritual enlightenment. But, remember that the day is long. There are many days in the year.

It’s not like you’ve only got one option here. It’s not like all you have to do is do spiritual enlightenment work 24/7. You don’t need to do this. In fact, that would backfire on you. It’s about making small shifts in your life to accommodate this work.

Handle Your Life First

It’s not about totally transforming your life, not unless you really want to and not unless it really makes sense for you. Get your basics handled. If you’ve got relationship problems that are very fundamental, they are making you anxious and agitated, get those handled.

If you’ve got health problems, you’re overweight and your doctor is telling you that you are going to have a heart attack next year unless you fix that, let’s go ahead and have you fix that first. This is simply because this is spiritual enlightenment.

This is a long process. This might take you a couple of years, in the best case scenario. It might take you 5 or 10 years to do. In the meantime, you’ve got to understand you are still living your ordinary life. Nothing is really changed.

You still need a job. You still need to pay the bills and do all the ordinary stuff that you do. Your internal state hasn’t changed. If you go ahead and run amuck of your life, you’re going to feel that and you are going to suffer for it.

It’s not like you are not going to suffer. That suffering will be there. It’s a self-created suffering. It’s an illusion, but the suffering feels very real to you. So, it’s still going to be there because you haven’t escaped the illusion. That’s what I mean.

You are still stuck in the illusion. Don’t think you’re now out of the illusion. You’re still totally in it. After you get the basics handled, you might even want more than just the basics. You might want to go back and look at my other videos that are not enlightenment related and fix other parts of your life.

Maybe, what you want is to get a good girlfriend. Maybe, what you want is to start your own business or you want to quit this nasty job that you have and find a nicer job that you really are passionate about. Go ahead and do that. That’s fine.

The reason I tell you these things is because I know what is going to happen. If you’ve got a crummy life right now and you commit yourself to this journey of spiritual enlightenment, you’re going to get on it and feel excited for a while. “Oh, I’m doing something new and this is kind of cool.”

You are going to do this for, let’s say, a few weeks or a few months. What is going to happen then is that the life you left behind will catch up with you. Even if you move right now to India and meditate in a cave in the Himalayas, you actually haven’t left anything behind. Sure, you might have left your job and family behind.

Still, all the problems you had and all the suffering you had from those situations are still all going to be with you. You can’t escape that because it’s in your head. Your head goes with you everywhere. The ego goes with you everywhere.

This illusion that you are in goes with you everywhere. You can’t escape it by moving to another country or living under the ocean. You can’t escape it. It’s in your mind. It comes with you.

That means that you might need to do some basic and fundamental personal development work just so that you are comfortable enough to even pursue this truth. To pursue this truth takes a lot of open mindedness. It takes a certain emotional resiliency to do this.

For example, if I go and explain all of this to a homeless man on the street who is sitting there, he hasn’t eaten for a week, he’s dirty, tired and he’s got some health issues that he has not seen a doctor for because he doesn’t have any money, do you think he is going to be receptive to these truths about spiritual enlightenment? There is no self and all of this stuff? No, he is not going to care.

Even if he kind of cares and wants it, he is not going to actually be able to fulfill on that commitment because he’s in such a dire position in life. He is so emotionally distressed that his mind cannot focus. To do this spiritual enlightenment work, we need your mind to be clear.

We need your mind to be able to focus. We need you to be free of threats, such as serious threats in life. If your life is in threat right now, let’s say you’re living in the inner city and there are gangs around you that are going around and shooting people and you’re involved with drugs and stuff, spiritual enlightenment is not for you. Get yourself out of that situation first.

Find yourself a calm place in your life where you can actually sit down and do the work, where your mind can focus and you don’t have too many distractions. There is a lot of focused work that needs to be done here. If you can’t do it, then you’re not going to be able to do it.

What is going to happen is that you’re going to suffer even more because you’re going to be trying so hard to get enlightened, but you’re not going to be in a place where you can get enlightened. It’s kind of like this if you were in first grade right now and I told you about calculus.

There is this cool thing called calculus. You can do all of this amazing stuff with calculus, but you’re in the first grade. You’re not ready for calculus. Go ahead and learn arithmetic. Learn your multiplication tables.

Go ahead into middle school and high school and start learning algebra and geometry. Start learning trigonometry and start learning more advanced mathematics. Start learning how to graph, plot and how to do functions and all of the pretty advanced math. Then, when you’re a freshman in college, you will start learning calculus.

You have to peg yourself. Where are you? Are you in first grade right now? Are you in fifth grade? Are you in tenth grade or college level right now?

If you’re at the college level, then maybe this journey is for you. Handle the basics first. There are really two extremes here that you could undertake. They are two extreme action paths.

Extreme Actions

One is basically to quit everything in your life and go pursue spiritual enlightenment 100%. Some people have done it this way. This is how the Buddha supposedly did it. But, I don’t recommend this path. This is an extreme path because you will likely quit and then go back to an even worse place than where you started from.

This is not recommended. The other extreme path is that you say – “Okay, fuck all this. This is all nonsense and philosophy bullshit. Let me just go back to my normal life.” What you do is you go back to your normal life and you completely forget about everything that we have talked about here.

You forget about spiritual enlightenment. You throw it all away and you just go back to sleep. Right now, you’re living a life of sleep. You’re asleep. But, after you watched this spiritual enlightenment video, what happened is that you were awoken up, just for a brief second.

For a brief second, your eyes opened and you saw a new possibility. Your eyes opened. Now, what needs to happen is that a lot of work needs to happen to keep your eyes open. Otherwise, you are going to fall back asleep. If you fall back asleep, you might never wake up again.

You might never get this opportunity again. When you saw my spiritual enlightenment video, chances are that it was just an accident. You were not looking for it. One day, you just clicked on a button somewhere. You saw a video, you watched through it and then suddenly, something hit you and you woke up.

That might be a once in a lifetime chance. Don’t go back to sleep and don’t do nothing at all. Instead, what you should do is what I recommend here. Here is my action plan for you. It’s called The Middle Path.

The Middle Path

The Middle Path looks like this. One, don’t make any really big changes in your life. You don’t need to. It’s not necessary. External actions are not what produce enlightenment. Living on a deserted island by yourself does not produce enlightenment, nor does meditating in a cave, on a mountain top, in the desert or anywhere else.

That is not necessary. Next, I really encourage you to keep your family together. Keep your obligations to your family. Keep loving your family. Keep having fun with your family. That is all fine.

Keep your career in place. You need a job. You need to pay the bills, so keep your career in place. Don’t go quitting your job. If you have a gym routine and a nutrition routine, maybe you’re on a certain diet and you’re trying to eat healthy, maintain that.

That is good. That is good habit and good practice. You will need that. Even after you are enlightened, you will want to eat healthy. Go to the gym. Keep doing all of that stuff.

Don’t use this as an excuse to quit. If you’re in school or college, keep going to school or keep going to college. You need those fundamentals. You need the fundamentals of school and college. That will help you out later in life anyways.

You don’t want to be enlightened but then not understand arithmetic or language. Get those things under your belt. Those are the very fundamental things that you need. Everyone needs those.

I also recommend that you keep doing self-help. You might wonder – “Well Leo, if there is no self, then why the hell should I do self-help? It seems like a hoax.” No, it’s not as much of a hoax as you think.

In the end, when you get to the highest levels, self-help will change to you. Your relationship to self-help will change. But, you know what? Right now, I still do self-help. After I came into contact with this truth of spiritual enlightenment, which was probably 2 years ago at this point, it’s not like I quit everything.

I still kept doing self-help. In fact, I started Actualized.org during this interim period. I didn’t just do it so that I could pay my bills. I did it because I believed in it and because it’s helpful. It’s helpful to move you from the bottom levels to the upper levels.

If you’ve got money issues, relationship issues, if you’re chronically depressed, you’ve got panic attacks, fits of anger or you’re not able to maintain decent relationships with people at work, these are all issues that are so fundamental that you’ve got to fix these things. They will help you in your quest towards spiritual enlightenment. In fact, if anything, I would say to take your time and energy away from some of the material and external things that you do and start focusing them on self-help.

The more self-help you do, the more you’re going to actually get convinced of the benefits of spiritual enlightenment and the fact that it is the right path for you. Honestly, if I just take someone off the street who doesn’t know anything about self-help and I tell them about spiritual enlightenment, they are going to think that I’m crazy. They’re not going to even understand the benefits of doing this journey.

Someone who has been doing self-help for a long time, if you’ve been doing self-help for 10 or 20 years and I tell you about spiritual enlightenment, you’re probably going to have some things click in your mind. It’s going to be like – “Oh, now I get it! Now I get all of this stuff.”

“Now I get why I struggled here, why my relationships have this problem, why I’m negative sometimes and what my lack of consciousness means. I understand what the spiritual books now mean. I understand why I was meditating all of this time.”

All of this stuff starts to come into place. It clicks into place for you. That is good. You want that foundation. Keep doing that.

The other thing I recommend for you, as part of this Middle Path, is to start doing daily meditation. I’ve got a great video called how to meditate. It will teach you how to set up a meditation practice. It is very simple.

As part of your foundation for starting to do spiritual enlightenment work, you need to start meditating. That is going to help you. It’s not going to be the only solution, but it’s going to be a really nice foundation. We need to build your ability to focus.

You need to be able to focus. You need to be able to go into your mind objectively and see what’s going on in there. This means that you have to practice mindfulness. If you’re practicing mindfulness outside of meditation, that’s great.

Keep doing that. If you’re practicing mindfulness right there, in the meditation, that is also very good. Start that habit. Also, what you are going to do is this.

Once I start releasing some videos that teach you how to actually start taking the steps and the practical action steps for doing this enlightenment work, you should dedicate half an hour a day or an hour a day, however much you can manage, to doing this enlightenment work. It doesn’t have to be a lot, at first. It can just be 20 minutes.

It can just be 30 minutes or 60 minutes. You don’t really need more than 60 minutes a day. That is enough. Just to put this into perspective, it’s 60 minutes. All of you have an extra 60 minutes lying around.

You do. This just means to watch a little less TV. Spend a little less time partying and drinking with your friends. Spend a little less time on the internet posting stupid comments or whatever it is that you do that is a waste of time.

Sometimes, people ask me – “Leo, does this mean that I now don’t have enough time in my schedule to do enlightenment because I’ve got a family and all of this stuff to do?” No! You’ve still got time. Most people have time. There is one thing that you do need to stop.

This is very important, right here. What you need to stop is you need to stop the following. Stop chasing success. Stop chasing fame. Stop chasing money.

Stop chasing sex and stop chasing love. In general, stop chasing bodily pleasures. Stop chasing this stuff. Stop distracting yourself with this stuff. All of these things, success, recognition, fame, money, sex, love and pleasure, are distractions of the ego.

They fill up your time and they fill up your schedule with crap really quickly. I notice this in myself. It’s very easy to make yourself busy when you have all this chasing that you do in your life. You are chasing your tail.

Really, the only thing you should be taking away from this video about enlightenment is this. If anything, all you need to do is get rid a little bit of all the distractions in your life. Just get rid of those and everything will be fine. You will create the room that you need.

You will find that this is healthy for you, even if you don’t do enlightenment. Just get rid of the distractions. Cut back on the TV, internet, some of those addictions that you have and that kind of stuff. Stop chasing for women.

Stop chasing for men. Stop looking for love everywhere. It’s okay. You don’t need those crutches. I am not saying that you should never pursue money or you should never go after fame.

I’m just saying to hold yourself back a little bit because what the ego does, it’s always like this. “I need it. I need it. I need it. I need it.” It’s like a little kid who wants a toy in the toy store. He keeps asking his mom for this toy.

He doesn’t really need this toy. He’s got a hundred of other toys, but he just wants this toy because it’s the new flashy toy. Don’t be that. Don’t be lured in by the distractions of the ego.

Basically, this is what I said in my Time Management video, if you watched that one. You stop doing stupid shit. Stop doing stupid shit in your life, but keep the healthy and good stuff going and you’re going to be right where you need to be.

As far as this thing about being depressed, look. “Oh Leo, I’m depressed.” You are going to be depressed for about a week or two. When I first heard about this truth, I was depressed for about a week. Then, you know what happens?

You come back. You come back and life becomes exciting again. Everything is cool and everything is fine. In fact, the biggest danger is not that you’re going to stay depressed. You’re not going to stay depressed.

What is going to happen is that your ego will kick back in, in overdrive. In about a week or two after, what is going to happen is something like this. You’re going to be sitting there, all depressed and going – “Oh man, my life has been a lie.”

Then, something is going to click in you and your ego is going to fight back. It’s going to say – “You know what? Fuck that Leo! Fuck that Leo and his enlightenment bullshit. I am going to go out there and live a happy life for myself. Fuck all this nonsense. I am going to go out there and do everything I plan to do.”

“In fact, I am going to do even bigger than I plan to do. I’ll show him! I am going to go and make all of this money. I am going to get all the girls. I am going to get myself a beautiful house and a beautiful marriage, with beautiful kids. I am going to be so happy and I’m going to show him!”

“Ten years later, I am going to show him how happy I am and all his fucking nonsense. We will see whose life is better, mine or his.” See, your ego is going to kick in like that. You are going to have this overreaction.

What is going to happen is that you are going to turn your back on enlightenment. You are going to go and chase your tail. You are going to be more motivated than ever. You are going to be chasing your tail because it’s going to feel very good.

Why is it going to feel very good? You are going to feel very significant, because you feel very empty right now. You are going to feel significant and that difference is going to feel like a hit of stimulation. It’s going to be like a drug for you because you’re addicted to stimulation.

So, you need that fulfillment. You need that sense of significance. It’s a drug for you. You’re hooked on it. Go ahead and do that, if you want.

What is going to happen is that you’re going to waste a couple of years of your life, chasing your tail. You are going to maybe get that wife, that husband, that money, that sexy girlfriend or that beautiful house. You are going to find that it doesn’t make you as happy as you thought it would.

After a while of that and doing personal development work, what you’re going to discover is this. “Shit, it’s not working. Shit, it’s really not working. Why is it not working? I can’t understand why it’s not working.”

Maybe you’re going to waste 5 to 10 years of your life doing this. Then, you will maybe scratch your head and say – “Oh wait, I remember that thing about enlightenment. Why don’t I come back to that? Why don’t I take a look at that? Now, I’ve kind of exhausted my thirst for all of these titillations of the material world.”

“Why don’t I go and take another look at enlightenment?” Maybe you’ll come back, but that’s dangerous. You’re not guaranteed that you’re going to come back. Most people who have this overreaction forget about enlightenment completely, so they go back to sleep. They never recover. They never come back.

Just be careful about that. Smile! Right now, you think that this is depressing, that this truth of no self is depressing. It’s not depressing. This is beautiful. This is awesome!

Your ego thinks it’s depressing because it means bad news for the ego, but it means good news for the true self, which is the you that you have never been in contact before. You’re going to discover your true self. Take in the full ramifications of what you were told in that original enlightenment video.

What did I tell you? I basically promised you eternal happiness, eternal peace of mind and immortality. That is what you were promised and you’re now depressed? You’re depressed by this? No!

What is depressing is the life that you live now, your egoic and selfish life. That is what’s depressing. Have you even thought through the ramifications of how you’re living your life? You do understand you’re going to die, right?

Under your models of reality, you’re going to die. Do you understand this? That is not going to take that long. You’ve got another 20, 30, 40 or 50 years at most. Then, you’re going to be dead.

Do you understand this? You’re going to be dead. You are going to die a miserable and painful death. Do you understand this? That is depressing. That is sad.

What I am telling you is not sad. What I am saying is that you can be eternally happy with your life. You can be living in heaven and in paradise, right here and right now. You don’t need any mystical nonsense to do it. All you need to do is undertake this investigation into enlightenment.

You will become immortal. Do you understand this? There is no self. That means that self cannot die. If there is no self, who is going to die?

No one is going to die. So, that’s a pretty cool thing. What you have discovered here, by watching these videos inadvertently, is the Holy Grail. You’ve literally discovered the Holy Grail, except what you’ve discovered is not actually the Holy Grail itself, but a map to the Grail.

I have given you a map to the Grail. The question is this. Are you going to go and discover the Grail? Are you going to get battered and depressed and say “Oh man, that Grail is on top of a mountain, I have to go and climb a mountain to find the Grail, fuck that, that’s depressing”?

The Grail is here. It is in your sight. Be happy about that. Life is beautiful. Life is amazing.

Life is passionate. Life is peaceful. Life is happy. All of this stuff is true and it’s there for you to discover. Right now, you don’t really understand any of that.

Your current life is none of those things. If you think that your life is beautiful, peaceful and happy right now, you’re lying to yourself. It’s not. Stop lying to yourself. Your life can become that if you do the work that I am telling you to do.

Wrap Up

This is Leo, I’m signing off. Go ahead and post me your comments. Let me know what you think. Click the like button. Share this video with a friend on Facebook.

This enlightenment stuff needs to be shared more. We need more people onboard with this, not because it makes us feel good but because this is what makes the world a better and more peaceful place.

Finally, come and sign up to my newsletter. It’s a free newsletter at Actualized.org. Sign up. I release new videos for free, every single week. Some of the videos are on enlightenment topics. I can go really deep with you guys on this stuff.

Also, I am still going to be doing more traditional personal development videos. So, don’t fret. If you’ve got some basic issues in your life that you’re having difficulty with, like relationships, getting girls, finding other forms of happiness, learning how to meditate and stuff that doesn’t necessarily have to be associated with enlightenment, I am still going to release a lot of videos on that. Sign up, stay tuned and I will see you soon.

Tip Jar
Tip Jar
Like this video?
Leave a tip
Amount
Come join the Actualized.org Forum! Meet like-minded people & transform your life.
Comments
(74)
tank says:

how to create a successful life with no college

Amelija says:

Great video! My only problem is I get all this now and I’m 31! AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
I need more TIME!!

Thank you Leo for all those videos!

Leo Gura says:

You have plenty of time. The Buddha was 29 when he started and he didn’t have the benefit of the internet

tracy steurer says:

That’s brilliant leo, ” the Buddha didn’t have the benefit of the Internet”. love it.

Ellie says:

This all reminds me of the story of Adam and Eve. I know you’ve mentioned it that many stories in the bible are just “covering up” or trying to explain this truth.

ahmed says:

you said “you’ll dicover your true self” does this mean that there is a self that we didn’t know about yet?

Leo Gura says:

Yes, but it is not a human or personal or biological self.

Mark says:

Stoked! On my way to a late shift at work, not 9-5pm but 3-11pm ERGH! I have 40mins spare so bring on this video, thanks LEO!

Jonathan says:

Great Video My only problem with meditation is I keep getting interrupted by other people when they ask for stuff to be done then they get pissed off

Leo Gura says:

Meditation is not an excuse to ignore work obligations. Get them done before you meditate. Or afterwards.

Marc says:

Leo,

as you said enlightenment is a very deep topic. You call it a truth, as many Buddhists are saying as well. What if this “holy grail” is just another model that we can adopt? Now you experience the world through your “self”, maybe you found ways to convince your mind that this self is not real and your reality has therefore changed. But really, don’t we become what we believe? But is it therefore real truth? Has your investigation lead you to the point of enlightenment? Not yet, you said. So why call it a truth now? Don’t you think that self engaging with a topic leads us to a change of perception? So engaging for years with the topic of non-self can lead to a changed perception of reality. But is it then truthfully the truth ?

Marc

Connor says:

That’s exacly what has been bothering my all the time, maybe it is just another concept that we convince our mind to belive and therefore we become that belief. Whole idea of no-self seems kinda crazy to me but still I feel like there is something true about it. I want to ask one more question about dualism and reality being neutral. If we let go of our ego then all suffering and pain go away which is good but following that trail all goodness and happiness should go away to as reality is neutral therefore there is nothing good or bad

Leo Gura says:

You will soon see why it’s not another model.

Lili says:

Thank you again Leo, you are making my week breighter each week. I am getting addicted to your videos. Every night I have to watch two of your videos before I feel in sleep. I think I am one of those people to be aligned fits in the middle.
You said, the reality is the way it is , but don’t we make our reality real?

Brian Burch says:

You keep saying that this information is depressing, but I find the concept of “I don’t exist” relieving. Sort of takes the pressure off, you know?

Leo Gura says:

Good, that shows wisdom.

Natasha says:

I like to watch how Buddhist monks carry themselves in public. They always seem to be so peaceful, unassuming, neutral, and kind of fluid in their demeanor. Also, they would never thank anyone for the service provided to them. I used to think they were just shy or something since they live in seclusion, but now I know – they see a cashier, for example, as non-existent and, therefore, there is simply no one to thank.

Miguel Duran says:

Hi Leo,

Thanks for the video, I looked up a couple of good videos on youtube like Acharya Shree Yogeesh and a Kimatica documentary, very interesting.

I have started meditating daily and look forward to next videos to start the journey.

I have already started to pursue a life purpose and has to do with music, if I choose to start the journey of spiritual enlighment, do i have to stop musc study?

Thank again

Leo Gura says:

No, I’d suggest you still keep learning music if you like it.

Atticus says:

Thank you Leo, another great video .
I would like to hear more about the emptiness of the materialistic life. It’s a good antidote to the “rich life” that we are constantly told is better …

Rudra says:

Blessings to you Leo, but do you really think “people” are going to “become enlightened” by the application of techniques, enquiry or otherwise?
Will they transcend the search by seeking?

Leo Gura says:

1 in a million will.

Nihi says:

I come to the conclusion that your last video went too far. I should not have heard that and I am definitely not ready.
Knowing this truth is not like teaching somebody advanced math, its like giving somebody control over a nuke.
And of course, I nuked myself. How come you still do personal development? It means you still believe in your ego and your beliefs, which means your ego is as alive as it always was. But remember, your beliefs count for nothing.

Leo Gura says:

I’m not enlightened yet so yes I still believe in my ego.

George says:

this video really settled a lot of my shocking internal reaction to enlightment video!!!! That was scary…

Serious Q: if one almost reach to the stage of not needing (money, sex, LOVE), they are “boring”, like no emotions, like so by themselves, that is not good either. Yes you have peace but too boring like a plant living…who has answer to that? When we deny our needs for love, significance, it feels empty.

Stop chasing I can see. I think Leo want us to pursue with integrity.

Leo Gura says:

That emptiness is the ultimate happiness. Your ego just doesn’t want you to know it

Ascura says:

Hi Leo. I made a comment on your video on Spiritual Enlightment last week. It left me confused and clueless as to what to do with my life and in what direction I should go if all you said was true. So my reaction was one full of confusion and questions. It has been a week, and my overreacting mind calmed down. Observed. Meditated (as I’ve been doing for a long time each day). And as you said they would, the emotions have calmed down, lost their intensity. Observing my life and the world without the emotions that seem to colour everything a blinding shade by which we can’t really see anymore, has definitely made a difference. Whatever doubts and questions I still had after that, are now all cleared up after watching this video. Thank you, and I hope to see more on the subject in the future!

Leo Gura says:

Good, now ask yourself, What were all those negative emotions hiding? Did those emotions feel wholesome and good or deceptive and evil? If evil, why is that evil within you?

George says:

after a brief thought again, I think I get it! Thank you Leo!

It’s not we don’t want to be in the state of no wanting no needs! Leo said doing the hard work at the right thing are still very very important, which get you steps closer (that’s why a homeless guy will not be interested in enlightenment). However if we chase money, fame, even love, we’ll most likely disappointed even if we finally get it–that feeling of emptiness is even more deverstating.

Pursuing the meaningful goal but don not be trapped by them–that is ultimately hardest thing to do! But that is the truth. Anyone who do well with this mindset will be happy inside and successful outside. Wow, thank you Leo!

(This is why a lot of super successful rich people might feel a bit of miserable in their own way. I used to think with that much wealth why one still not “happy” and in need of emotional support or love. It is because they have not realized they can make room for those when they are superfocised on career)

Yogi Keung says:

Hi Leo,

So basically, continue to subscribe to your other videos prior to “The Truth” and then phase two will be to subscribe to coaching sessions for enlightenment training?

Nice! I guess I have the answer to the questions I posted on your Enlightenment video.

All the power to you Leo!

Namaste

Leo Gura says:

I don’t coach people on Enlightenment.

Cate says:

So let’s say you’ve reached the enlignment and I didn’t. We both physically died one day. What’s going to be the different between us when we don’t have this physical life anymore, seen by our eyes? Or what about young children that died in early age? Do they just dissapear since they didn’t get the chance to do enlignment work?

Leo Gura says:

The ego will die in the end no matter what and that will be the end of what you call you. And you will never have gotten to know your real nature. This death to you will feel very real. Your whole life will have been a lie without you ever recognizing it.

Those who discover their true nature successfully will dis-identify with the body and realize that they are something that cannot ever be destroyed.

Ramona says:

What to do next? Play the role the best you can. If pure awereness is the actor and the ego (the person) is the character, where is the problem? An actor does not identify himself with the character, yet he can perform charmingly.
“Stop chasing girls, fame, money, sex!” Are you talking to yourself, Leo?
There’s a story of the Buddha about the donkey and the carrot, told to explain precisely this subject of enlightenment. Maybe you should read it before going to bed tonight…

Catherine says:

Great video Leo. You have given a very precise explanation of enlightenment. The concept of no self is indeed very relieving as it exposes the reason behind several life issues. But right now, all I can do is remind myself of this truth whenever my ego kicks in, as I am still far from enlightened and this is just a concept and not a realisation for me. But regardless, this insight is extremely helpful. Thanks for sharing.

Samantha says:

You either get it or you don’t. Like a light switch; it’s on or its off.. It’s up or it’s down? No?

Russell says:

Not sure why I’m writing this – I don’t particularly think I want to tell YOU specifically, Leo, what I’m thinking. I think I want to arrange my thoughts, so indulge me.

I’ve grown tired of a great deal of my ego/inner-self/subconscious/whatever you want to call it. I have spent years clawing my way up from depression, anxiety and addiction, to something much more stable. And every time I think I’ve hit a stable level, I get hit again by my insecurities, and fears, and doubts, and these damned inner beliefs that I just CANNOT KILL. I’ve certainly learned to listen to them a LOT less – I’m not depressed any more, I stopped my addictive behaviours, and I’m on a good path to an empowered and purposeful life. Except that I have never been able to get rid of these inner beliefs, and every now and again they come back to bite me.

I recognise what the problem is: discipline. Every time I go through some form of therapy, or employ new self-help methods, I get a useful boost for a while, and then I get lazy. I recognise the pattern, I’m sick of it, and right now I’m doing my best to not repeat it.

I had an incident a couple of weeks ago where I allowed my inner beliefs to cripple my agency once again, and I just feel so tired of it. So, upon pulling myself back up and accepting that I was still responsible for sorting this out, I scanned around for some useful videos to listen to as I went around my morning routine. Some TED talks, for example. And I came across one of your videos. Something about your straight-shooting tone, and the fact that I knew what you were saying to be true (it aligned with everything I had already discovered about myself) convinced me to check out what else you were saying. Over the last two weeks I have been going through your back-log of videos at a very fast pace. For the most part, they’ve been more of a reminder to keep going than anything else: I don’t think you told me much I didn’t already know, but it helps to remind me to be mindful, to be conscious, to take responsibility, to build those habits. You did convince me to try meditation again – another habit that never stuck.

I got to your enlightenment video this morning. I’m carrying a paradox, as you put it: it makes total sense, and it’s also bullshit. That’s what is going on in my head. I’m trying to reconcile what I recognise about the possibility, against what I know. I’m trying not to dismiss it out of hand, and I’m extremely daunted by the implications, the possibility that you actually are full of shit and I might dedicate a lot of my mental and emotional energy to something harmful or damaging.

On the other hand, there’s part of me that just feels ‘yes, this is right’.

So I’m in, on the condition that I’m not going to trust you. I am going to doubt everything you tell me about enlightenment, until I prove it to myself. I’ll sign up, I’ll listen to what you have to say, and I’ll try the things you suggest. And I am going to critically analyze every single moment of it.

I’m not going to say ‘I hope you’re right’: frankly the idea that you are frightens me too much for that. But if there’s the chance you are, I want to know.

Let’s see what happens.

Samantha says:

Saying “I” a lot isn’t very interesting for everyone else. Maybe focus better by being more rigorous with your routine. Take your time. Wasting away is no good for anyone.

Mitchell Lavallee says:

Samanta, your conscience told you it was annoying… Take a walk in their shoes.

Lee coxon says:

This above all, to thine own self be true. I want too smash my ego into a trillion bits and peacefully watch it float into the ether. I have been searching for years leo, without success to find an answer or reason for my awareness, I am aware of my awareness but have not scratched the surface of its true meaning, which frustrates my greatly,I have a few more things to sort out in my “life” before I can fully commit to the only quest we all should follow, let’s hope I stay the path, I am very glad I manifested your site to guide me. Peace.

Iulian says:

Hey Leo, i have another problem. In fact it’s not a problem, it’s a benefit but still i need your help.
So I’m in a position right now in life where i have plenty of time, cuz i’m just 16.
So i thought it would be great to use this time into this, so to say, enlightment training. What i need is steps or at least tips or just advices what can i do daily now. Is meditation the only thing i should do? Will I become enlightened just by meditating? I guess not. So what else can i do?
I will read books and watch videos which are about enlightment.

Tim says:

Hey Leo,

I’m really glad I stumbled upon your videos a few weeks ago. I was born and raised in a Christian household. This video and your last cleared a lot of things up for me. I now see many connections between the teachings of Jesus and the Buddha and that most religions are differing interpretations that ultimately refer to the same God.

Can you provide insight as to why we would want to pursue enlightenment even knowing that the “chances” that we will be one of the few to know the Truth are incredibly slim? Is it better to die in a state that is closer to reaching enlightenment than one further from it?

Leo Gura says:

Correct. Nearly all religions are based on the basic truth of no-self.

From the individual’s perspective enlightenment is not a matter of probabilities. You either want it or you don’t. If you really want it, you can have. Nothing is stopping you but yourself. After all, it is your true nature. Why wouldn’t you be able to discover your true nature? You are yourself after all!

But most people are too lazy and don’t really see the value in knowing their true nature, and so they never find it.

LG says:

Hi Leo,
All your videos are great. But a big question, for the enlightenment we have to stop feeding our ego with things such as love, money, sex., but are not some of your other videos talking about how to achieve amazing sex, love etc, so they are little contradictory with the purpose of this one? Or is it to try to have the best life with our ego while we try to be enlightened?
thanks

Laura

Leo Gura says:

Yes! They are contradictory. You need to decide what your goal is.

Marco Muscari says:

Dear Leo,
You have 5 “five star books” on your list about Enlightenment.
The author’s initials are PR, JM, PO, EE and N.
Could you please tell me which one would be the best option right now, after having watched your 2 great videos?
Thank you.
Marco – from Brazil.

Leo Gura says:

Start with the top of the list.

Mike Sporer says:

Meditation on much of the Tao Te Ching has brought me closer. The Truth isn’t something can be named or perceived. It is indeed impossible to gain the Truth by a video. I’ve done meditation 20 minutes per day for 1 1/2 years. The Truth is indeed a life-long pursuit.

Most of my life was spent completely in ego-self. Lately, I’ve become less judgmental, less resentful, and more peaceful. I’m able to witness emotions rather than always engaging them. Living with a progressive muscular disease is a challenge, but it could be so much worse.

I like your no bullshit way of conveying this. For most people, this is what they need in order to shed belief.

ewa carlson says:

Hi I will not comment on what you say about enligthment but if you are as opened minded as you like others to be I just want to help you a bit in the topic of the truth you want to find maybe you see the truth but as you say not everyone gets it.you have a lot to learn to,thats our purpose on earth to learn but you must understand why are those bodys on earth why do we exist as humans .why are we here do you think its a mistake and why do you think we cant see the truth.If you can go behind your own ego and accept some help I just will tell you one thing when you came to this world you was the “everything”What you discover now is the thruth you had but the further away from this clarity your mother were the sooner your greatness is forgotten and born in the modern society you cant manage to avoid becoming just a human on earth.Thats a part of the big picture .you better think moore before you stop yourself like you do when you say that you have the thruth .Remember how you said in a video your fake “you”have a lot of tricky ways to stop you from see the truth.And I think you have been trapped now .one day you will see this for yourself but if you are opened enough take those words as a eyeopener even if its bad english .I would be a better help in swedish best of luck and hope you the beauty in all one day instead of all this frustration you end out in “the truth”video as you know just BE the cange you want to see in the world.

Dave says:

If I stop chasing anything won’t my life become very boring? I mean what’s the point of becoming enlightened if you’re just going to sit around meditating all day? That sounds miserable. Why not seize life and make the most of it?

Marica says:

Hi Leo, a few nights after watching your video on enlightenment, I had a strange sensation of feeling alienated from my body, with a bit of fear mixed in. Is this state of mind I should be actively investigating on the path to enlightenment?

The situation was like this:

I’m sitting on the edge of my bed, getting ready to sleep. While I’m changing my clothes, I watch my arms and hands do their work; recently I’ve been fascinated by how they seem to know the intricacies of handling material objects without my conscious mind interfering. The screen of my phone on the bed is casting a dim light on the arms.

Then, I felt like my arms belonged to someone else. I was simply observing this person doing her thing. I felt scary for being so close to someone I don’t know. While I didn’t actively try to get out of that state, it lasted only for a few seconds.

Gary says:

Hi Leo

Your description of enlightenment is compelling and not at all depressing. I (ego included) have been studying this subject for years, philosophically and scientifically, and look forward to your videos of how to dissolve the ego. My ego knows you are right! And you are right to emphasis the lengths the ego will go to to survive. My ‘trigger’ for becoming aware there was an ego was achieving a state that I still years later cannot describe adequately. The nearest I can get to a description is a state of no feelings where nothing mattered and everything was okay. Not good or bad but calm, alive and present. I wish I could describe it. It at least started me on this path. The journey you describe of 1000+hrs isn’t as depressing or daunting as you suggest. Your videos that essentially attack the ego prove it exists. But I thought the real goal was to realise you don’t need it at all?

Gary (UK)

Sarah says:

Just listening to a video before I fall asleep at night has definitely changed my life, I never got any depression from the enlightenment video like you said I thought it was beautiful thank you

Nishan Lama says:

I’m a little bit confused with the practical thing to eliminate Ego . Is carrying on daily Meditation about eliminating your Ego witout any distractions the key to reach Spiritual Enlightenment , LEO ?

Hugo Maran Brouwer says:

I will try to follow the middle path and I will also try to eliminate all hedonic values step by step. I will probably never get enlightened, but I think I will appreciate everything I will learn on this journey. The chance of enlightened might be nihil, but I might get more happy when getting closer. Or maybe I will get more depressed, who knows? I think that might be a risk of this journey, but I will try and hopefully I will keep trying in the future.

Jorge Arias says:

Damn Le, why do you have to compare Enlightenment to math? haha

Train says:

My age is 16 …. i want to create a awesome life… someone guide me……..

Karakondzula says:

Hi Leo! I want to start practice Buddhism but I dont know what school. I live in small country and I have just two schools of Buddhism Vajrayana Diamond way and Chan. I practice mindfulness for two years. Please give me some advice! Sorry for bad English

tracy steurer says:

How can you coach people on getting great girls, great sex, money and success when you know none of these things will make your customers happy.
Aren’t you wasting your customers’ money by helping them obtain things that will not make them happy.
It doesn’t make sense.

Leo Gura says:

Few people are ready for enlightenment. I coach people on how to develop deeper self-understanding. Perhaps in the future some of them will reach a point where enlightenment will interest them. Personal development is a never-ending staircase.

Also, your money is wasted no matter who you give it to Coaching is one of the best wastes of your money because you will actually develop new levels of awareness.

tracy steurer says:

Looking back on my question I didn’t really express myself very well. To say it’s a waste of money to buy your videos is a bit harsh and really not how I see things at all. I have to admit my only interest in your site is in relation to spiritual enlightenment, meditation and mindfulness and you have put out some fantastic videos on these subjects. I’ve learnt a lot and I think I feel the way many people feel we can’t wait for your next videos on what the practice is and some of your own personal experiences.
Recently I watched the video, spiritual enlightenment part two, and I can’t stop thinking about it. You gave me so many things to think about it was amazing.
Anyway I’m not too worried about whether you got offended or not by my harsh language because I feel you’ve probably advanced far enough down the spiritual enlightenment path to be able to take it all with a grain of salt.

David says:

I find this concept to be able to combine with the conceptualized self in a beautiful way, which in my opinion, creates the appropriate ‘middle way’ simply because of a couple of reasons: enlightment gives the ability to totally dis-identify with thought, which makes it able to control thaught better and be in the moment much more. Also it gives the ability to look at you own created BS from your ego, which you are then no longer dependent of. Which in combination with self development (and therefore continuing with the ‘conceptualized self’ or whatever you want to call it), makes it able for you to enhance your growth. In addition I would like to remind us all of the fact that life in essence wants to grow and survive, which made sex one of the major drives of humanity in general. I feel like having sex and chasing girls and going for full potential are therefore very normal things and definately contribute to my happiness, as well as good relationships and success. Enlightment is, however, something very powerful, and should not be forgotten.

Reynolds says:

Great videos… Your a wonderful help to my self & many, we appreciate it

kumar shubham says:

recently i failed in a major academic field and i don’t know how to feel… people around me are blaming their heads off.. and trying to make me cry and depressed..
but i am trying to ignore them.. with all my might… and i am loosing my confidence.. i guess.. LEO PLEASE HELP… I need it desperately..

Pedro Silva says:

Hello Leo!
That is so clever..
I passed through difficulties during my life, but in the last 3 years I am feeling so happy in pursuing what I want that my ego is telling me that, “How can be enlightenment better than this? It is not possible”. Maybe I have to understand by the experience that nothing fulfils me.
Are you saying to me that after enlightenment you will not enjoy sex neither of beautiful women? That you’re not going to like the body and face of women even if the ego does not exist?
Thank you for all Leo

Katherine says:

Watching TV is a HUGE waste of time. I gave my cable box and TV away. Freed my mind. Reclaimed it is more like it!

Marjorie says:

Did Rene Descartes 1596-1650, a philosopher who wrote a philosophical essay on metaphysical meditation, understand enlightenment, he says “coming to condense your comprehensive thinking”, is this it and the contemporary philosopher Edmund Husserl claims the naive objectivism to the transcendental subjectivism. It all looks to me that these people explained to the world this reality of the no self.

Rene Descartes introduces methodical doubt, or what is the same, doubt as a method, no doubt for real belief that nothing exists or is not known if any, He proposed “doubt as a method to reach the maximum certainty.

Were they on to something back then.

Elton says:

i’m getting a little bit of taste of no self .

George says:

Hey,

Just wanted say thanks a lot for a clear explanation of the truth.

Though I’ve practiced Buddhist and Mindfulness mediation for several years, I could never completely let go because something was (and still is but to a lesser extent) holding me back – ME. It’s actually quite ironic that the first three letters of my name spell EGO!

When I first watched your intro 6 months back I was terrified, and, as you say spent half the year trying to prove you wrong. But you’re not right or wrong, it just IS. You’re guided meditation has helped that awakening.

The only query I have now is whether to tell others, a.k.a family and friends as I’m only 20 years old and not sure how many others will accept this.

Many thanks,

George

Emm says:

The psychology would help to achieve the right state of mind in order to get the concentration and will to search for enlightenment ? could be.
Or the right inspiration is enough as touching the bottom?
The end of the video is very passionate and we feel the urge you have for enlightenment, the one ticket concept. if i can permit myself i would let some more silence into the video as we could be more present with you, less in the mind. It could be a learning element. Thank you for sharing.

ricardo cortez says:

Thank you leo you changed my life from a magnifying glass. Ive always tried to take a route that you brought upon me but I never ever realized what my big problem was. That we live so fast now a days which leads us in spiral to death quicker. Now that I’ve been enlightened .I accept my life as it is even more by going through your videos over and over as I can program myself to keep this information for my offspring. Thank you so much Leo again. Everything youve done I can say its so profound in what I found laughter, happiness, and joy. Collected all my thoughts with actualization. Wish you all the success in the world bud.

Julia says:

I’m person that has always been able to live in the moment. I don’t judge anyone . I don’t feel I’m special and not easily offended although not in a bad way where I feel worthless. I just dont have that sense of self anymore which has affected my creativity.
I’m healthy , a good weight but also love rebelling with drink and drugs.
Now I don’t feel the need to leave a mark or change the world but I did before.
I like who I am but feel directionless.
I chased the fame and when it didn’t happen, concentrated on philosophy, understanding myself and been to the dark side.
But I’m in an in between world now. No kids, no facebook, everyone moaning on trip advisor like their life depends on it and there opinion is so bloody important and I feel blessed every time I turn the tap on and water comes out. Like you say, though . I dont want to go somewhere and sit in a cave either. I understand it’s all distractions so why the hell am I still procrastinating. I have stopped using sex as a distraction so thats one good step.
Is it that I have to get my creativity back but without the need for it to be witnessed. I’ve done that with every other part of my life . Hate people knowing my business. I sing on stage and hate being watched now. Prefer everyone dancing. Still do it though, through habit and moments of complete nothing which is bliss.
I’m so lucky . I used to think I was holding my life back because my brother became disabled but although it’s been a long journey for him and my family it’s nothing to with it. He is amazing and faced every demon. I believe we shouldn’t search for things but I do need direction.

Leave a Comment
Name*
E-mail*
Website
What color are lemons?*