How To Stop Judging Yourself

By Leo Gura - December 28, 2015 | 51 Comments

An exercises for uncovering your hidden self-judgments.

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Aliza says:

Hi Leo.
I can see myself so well in this video. I really enjoy your vids. I find you very easy to follow and inspiring, I also watch you on You Tube. I am trying to get my son to take a look at your site.
Great as always, thank you for making this available to everyone.

regards
Aliza

Katie says:

Hi Leo!
I like your topic of judgment. I think you could do a whole video on how women treat and judge women and sabotage their success because they feel threatened. I think it would be worth going into more and think you would have a great advice.
Thanks!

Galyna says:

Hey Leo
Thank you for the nice video and courage to be so open in front so many people, it really takes a lot of effort and self-development. In my opinion,but not always, we judge other people for something that we deeply would like to have, jealousy is a huge factor, OR it is already within us, but we do not want to admit it (not talking about physical looks etc, more mental qualities).

Happy New Year!!!!! Hope this one will bring you lots discoveries, new interesting smart and passion people, bunch of inspiration for the new videos! Well….and the most important, hope you will find or achieve something you are so exited about and been looking for a long time…..

Ana says:

Hi, Leo!

I liked this one very much.
I like your explanation of how judgements actually become self-limiting beliefs.
Sorry but I will have to judge it: nice, loud and clear!

Thank you and get well soon.
Rest, drink lots of water and do nothing for a while.
It feels good.

Til next

Lyle says:

I’ve learned from this video that I’ve been judging a lot of people who judge others. But that in itself was also a judgement that I wasn’t aware I was making.

Gail says:

Many, many thanks. When I judge, it’s never a good feeling inside. I guess that should tell me something.

Tanvi says:

Hi Leo!Another vdo from you just in time…had been recently struggling to get through this issue of judgment n here i recd it fron you…Thanks…thanks for all your work…for your easily understandable, well resonating examples….for the processes you come up with…for making all this information available so consistantly and for free…Mindfullness is the diamond studded golden master key to open all the closed doors in the mind…thanks for it…your work is highly appritiated!!!!

Mayur Ghule says:

Hey leo ,
I was waiting for your video , you are 11 hour 30 min late, just kidding
that is because sun rises 11 hour 30 min earlier in mumbai than las vegas .
Anyway ,
I wanted to say that I had my mid- life crisis this year and that would not be possible without gaining knowledge and wisdom from actualized.org.
Nearly 1 year ago I was amazed when I first watched your videos and that is because I feel they are so profound and true . They are so much valuable for be. thank you!
I really appreciate your work. And it would not be wrong to say that –
‘ Life is short , make it great here at Actualized.org : )

Ragnar says:

Happy new year leo

Theresa says:

Leo, love the video. What do you do when you are around others that are passing judgement on people? Most of the time I just stay silent. Although I can tell it makes them feel uncomfortable when I don’t chime in an agree. Is this the best way to handle the situation. In few instances I will defend the person by saying you never know what is going on in someone else’s life.

Timi says:

Hi Leo,

As i watched this video i started to wonder what is the difference between judgements and my natural preferences?

On one hand i am supposed to get to know myself better and discover my identity, on the other hand i am supposed to stop judging. Is this another paradox of personal development?

Raj says:

Here are my comments, as I watch the video

Judgements are bad. I am not sure. I had convinced myself that stereotyping and judgements are actually okay when in business, as I have limited time and I want to focus my efforts on the right people. And judgements are going to help me do that. What are your thoughts on it?

But when you talk about judgements associated with personal life, I can totally feel how it can control you. And how much silly decision we make really back in the past, that can control us now. I still struggle from not being able to do anything, and feel like a failure even if I am not productive one day. I see there is a problem.

Respect man! Every word you said in that 5 minutes triggers many emotions and faces from my past. I realise this is a great way to prune your ego and be conscious.

When you judge yourself, is it important to list your judgements of yourself from the past as well?

Everything I have wanted was to be able to honest and be myself to everyone on the planet. Thats a judgement again. I can see how having two completely opposite judgements can exist about ourselves.

Flavian says:

@Timi: yep, it sure seems at first glance like another paradox of self development, cutting clear delineation between natural likes/ dislikes and judging people. But, the solution I envisage for that is twofold: 1) Develop a clear purpose in life (definiteness of purpose, as it appears in the “Outwitting the Devil” book of Napoleon Hill) 2) we automatically have likes and dislikes, so when I see a “fat person”, I may develop instantly a thought connected with that fat person, but the “error” in my opinion resides not in thinking/ emitting critical cold judgment, but rather in “judging with emotional charge”. See the difference? Let’s say I pass by and just think but not bound by negative emotion in my head “oh that guy over there, what a fat creature” and then quickly and joyfully pass to another thought. This might not backfire on me. But if I pass by and think and FEEL like that creature is a fat fuck, then for sure each extra pound I may get around holidays / visiting parents, etc…will make me feel guilty, and will instill big insecurity inside of me. Hope I was clear enough, at least this is my personal perception.

chris says:

ouch. should come with a disclaimer for the clinically depressed and suicidal.

But thats my victim mentality. wish I could burn my ego with a magic pill. know this path must be the right way but it feels like a hammer-blow to confidence.

feeling v down now, hopefully with work that changes soonish.

Niki says:

Thank you for putting out videos every week. You are helping me stay on track and I thank you for it.

Jeannie Trew says:

I am surrounded by people who are extremely critical and judgmental and I am the brunt of much behind my back talk because when I am there with them they are gossiping about whoever is out of the room. It isn’t that personal I know but I am doing my best to not be in judgment of them over this situation. I find that constant thinking about them is keeping them the center of my world. Taking my mind off them as I witness this stuff is hard to do but with your helps I am succeeding and not as judgmental because I am simply doing my own thing. Thanks for all of your videos. I am a new subscriber.

George says:

This links to the intrinsic vs. extrinsic motivation concept – Judging outside of yourself always creates negative results because you’re motivated by fear and avoidance, whilst motivation that comes from your authentic self comes from a place of abundance and creativity.

Marcus says:

Hey Leo, you really are making some of the best content on youtube, what you have showed me has helped me understand the way I think on a whole new level and I am just about to try to task you set out in this video.

Have a good new year man and was wondering if you had any good new years resolutions you could share and also thanks for teaching me how to make my girl squirt, we had a blast.

Kind Regards

Lucinda says:

This was really an eye opener, thank you. I have really come a long ways in life watching your videos, you are so filled with information I just love it, keep up the good work because it does benefit us or should I say me.

Phil Ryan says:

Absolutely brilliant video – would never have imagined and I think we are all guilty of judgements is kind of humour nature unless you are aware of it as I have been but even the smallest judgement can have a big effect. Nice touch Leo

Mayur Ghule says:

I have a Quote by Wayne Dyer – ” When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself.”

Sonia says:

Great ideas to help us live a fullest life!!! Thank you Leo!!! I am already doing my lists!!! we must be present and conscious

Lena says:

Leo, I think this sums up all of our issues in life. I judge all the time, everything and everybody. As I noticed with your lists, most of the judgments we make also have their opposites. It is eye opening. Thank you for your wonderful, high quality work. Happy holidays!

Michael says:

Making positive judgements of others does’t have to be self-destructive. For example, when I met one of my Members of European Parliament at a meeting I was so inspired by his charisma and wisdom and how he responded to criticism and challenges. He was so calm and dignified and he knew how to respond perfectly to people. Instead of seeing myself as inadequate (although there was naturally a sense of this for a few moments), I learnt from his example and now I respond better to when people make comments that would otherwise have been regarded as irrational or irritating. Of course I’m not as good as him, but I’m still young and it’s a learning process. You make mistakes, learn, reflect and get better. Judgements made carefully and with discernment and without excessive labelling can help with productivity as you learn to watch others and learn from their example without being harsh on yourself when you fail. Perhaps this is better described as observance than judgement.

Would you distinguish between judging and merely observing, Leo?

Hengame says:

Hi Leo even I was sick for weeks but I watched ur video, this is the 2nd time. The only thing that I can say thank u for all ur efforts, appreciate and respect. I am going to listen it again and again. Happy new year.

Sara says:

Hi Leo,

It was an eye-opening video for me. I am looking forward to see how we can remove or clean our mind of those rules we have set down long time ago (or actually whenever). because it is so hard to deal with it since you realize that you not enjoying sex is because of all those judgments that at first place might be under the influence of other’s attitudes..the culture..but that is our responsibility to become aware of it and try to figure out ways to solve it. So in the meanwhile can you guide me how to get back to the normal road of enjoying my sexuality, since I think part of it being so mechanical is because of my judgments.

Anne says:

Hi Leo,
I have been watching your videos for awhile now. I’m not a young person but I am of the mind that we are never too old to learn. Some of your videos, like this one about judging others and ourselves, have been very helpful and meaningful to me. Some I wished I’d seen 40 years ago! I just wanted to say thank you for taking your time to share your expertise. I hope that one day I will have the opportunity to pass on things that you have taught me and help someone else.

Dora says:

Hi Leo!

I have a question:

When I am thinking or telling other people about the characteristics that I like about them… Does it mean that I am comparing my self with them? Or that I thinking that I am inferior referent to the quality that I like from them?

I got confused in that part!!!

Thank you so much for sharing your amazing work!!!

Dora

Aliz says:

But how do we stop judgments from happening? Will they go away just by mindfully observing them, by paying them attention as they happen?

amal says:

OMG.this video is ammmaizing
how could u do that !!
this is a real seeking truth and self aganda crashing
it takes ALOT of courage
l hope i can get there someday

Dora says:

Dear Leo,

I did the exercise and the next day I caught myself immediately making a judgment!!! So I stopped and I chose better my next movement!!!

It is really a mindfulness exercise, so thank you very much!!!

Also it is amazing how many judgments I have for others!!! I was not aware of it!!!!

With deep gratitude !!!!

Please keep sharing your valuable work !!! And many blessings for you in this 2016!!!!

Dora

Craig says:

Hearing your self judgements really helped me be honest with myself. I love how truthful you are.

abhinav says:

sir , if we dont judge we wont be able to define anything . you deal with your boss a different way with ,your wife in a different way . ALL THIS BECAUSE you judged them to be something . so imagine we stop judging everyone . it will be like meeting with them for the for the first time , everytime . so judging is not bad after all ?

Alayne says:

Hi Leo, similar to what Abhinav mentioned – I’m thinking don’t we often have to judge things to better make decisions etc in our future / learn from mistakes, where possible judgements will/could be involved? Or is there a slight difference? In which one is more ‘labeling’ as opposed to actually judging? Someone may be overweight and you may notice that – but that doesn’t necessarily mean you are judging them but merely just noticing.. Thanks

Brett Miller says:

Leo, it seems like the Source is using you more and more as you go on with these videos.

cisco says:

thanks Leo

Sophie OShea says:

Great vid!

Sophie OShea says:

Hi Leo, I’ve just remembered a question that came up.

Whilst I completely agree with all of the advice on this vid, I wonder if there is a way for us to analyse others behaviour, which is something we all have to do all the time without judging them. I wondered if you had any real life examples of how to deal with those things. E.g. a friend screws you over and it’s hurtful, natural reaction would be to judge their behaviour and how they wronged you, how could we think differently about it and them. I know you’re going to say just accept what is and the isness of the situation but do you have any examples?

Thanks so much as always.

Joseph Jr says:

Amazing video. By far one of the real estates !

KathyGermany says:

WOW!! What a fkn honest naked video experiment, to let watch your SoC of your two judgment lists. wow… That shows that just the first look on the surface is the only difference between some people. My list had so much in common, just some biological differences… Wow! hehe! Cool interesting examples you gave in the vid.
How different my judgement of your video would it be if it were the first visit on acualized, the first video with you! haha … I have been kind of internet absent, just reading your newsletter and topic of the newest video so I knew my flow is connected. It is amazing how thankful I feel…..ground oneself…. greetings that was my SoC out of MS City night… now is bedtime, cu!
Stream of consciousness

Connie says:

Thought-provoking. Thank you

Dave says:

I don’t usually comment at all ever. But man what you did on this video takes serious balls. I’m learning so much about myself, from your videos and your honest almost naked approach to these videos just blows me away, it makes me hungry for more. thank you Leo

adam says:

thank you very much ,Leo , I am a chinese ,very glad to see you video.and the first time i saw them is in a chinese website ,a wechat platform .you are great

Lindy says:

Age discrimination is huge as a mature lady its really is bad.

People assume that you are stupid and smelly. Not so older and wiser. As they say never judge a book by the cover.

Corinne Renault says:

Hi Leo,
I loved your video; it has been very insightful for me (always something to learn about oneself).
Keep the good work!
Cheers, Coco

maaike rotty says:

Hi Leo,

Loved the video, i just had a burn-out because of work and not knowing how to put boundaries for other people. I was a people pleaser and perfectionist like you, which was one of the primary causes of this burn-out. Your video on perfectionism and judgements is helping me a lot in understanding this and finding ways to be “less perfect” and less “judging” of myself and other. I shared your video with a couple of friends. Thanks a lot for the great work !

Tracia says:

Awesome video! And very enlightening for me – I judge people way too much and now I understand how that affects my own self-esteem and the way I see myself.

Josef says:

Hi Leo,

Greetings from the Czech republic. I love seeing your videos and I am very grateful that there are people like you in this world.

I love your opinions and attitudes but sometimes I do not understand completely. If you want to minimalize judgement about other people, how can you possibly see that for example this person you would like to date is beautiful, smart, busty, have nice butt, kind of her geeky style of clothing and is amusing?

Or on the other hand you how can you see that this person, that is ugly, boring, dumb, arrogant, weird and nerdy you do not want to date or have nothing in common with?

Karen says:

Wow Leo,
I have heard “Judge not that ye be judged” my whole life. But I have never thought of it in this way! What an amazing eye opener! Thank you for putting your time into these videos. Very much appreciated.

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