How To Master Your Emotions

By Leo Gura - June 30, 2014 | 96 Comments

A radical paradigm for understanding and controlling your own emotions.

Video Transcript

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Hey, this is Leo for Actualized.org and in this video what I want to talk about is how you create every single one of your emotions.

There’s Nothing Good Or Bad

‘There is nothing good or bad, but thinking makes it so’. Have you heard of that quote before? That’s a quote from William Shakespeare, his play Hamlet. Hamlet says this famous line.

What has this to do with anything? What does this have to do with creating your own emotions? The very fundamental idea in personal development that I want you to start to buy into and this is the point of this video, to help you buy into it.

This is a very powerful paradigm to live from. It’s the opposite paradigm of the way that most people live because most people think that the emotions that they experience, the way that they feel, their mood, their feelings, that this is dictated by external circumstances. Somebody says something to you, something bad happens to you, something good happens to you, you get a promotion, you get fired, you earn some money, you lose some money, you create a successful business or your business goes bankrupt, or you have a good relationship or you have a bad relationship… that all of this stuff is creating the emotions that you feel.

Somebody pays you a complement you feel good. It’s positive. Something good’s happening in your life, you’re feeling excited. Something exciting happens, you’ve got a trip coming up, now all of a sudden you’re excited. The flip side of that is that negative happens to you then you feel down, you feel sad, you feel angry, you feel frustrated, you feel stressed.

The secret really to life and this is a secret that the ancient sages and wise men for thousands of years have understood, is that actually what’s creating your emotions is not the environment it’s you. It’s how you think about the environment that creates the emotions and that this is something that’s within your control. This is something that can be changed. Even when the external environment is against you, you can change how you’re reacting to it, how you’re perceiving it, how you’re interpreting it and therefore you can gain emotional mastery.

This is a very beautiful and very powerful thing because I can guarantee that if you’re having a struggle in your life, if you’re having the kind of life where you’re not getting the results that you want the only reason that’s the case is because of the emotional difficulties that you’re having. It’s because of emotions. It’s because of the feelings, because these feelings they block you up and they keep you from creating success in your life.

It’s not the circumstances. Right now you think it’s the circumstances that are keeping you stuck in life, but actually it’s mostly the emotions. It’s how you feel about stuff. It’s how you’re interpreting stuff.

A Radically Different Paradigm

In this video I want to take you through a model of how this works. I want to give you a totally, radically different paradigm from which to work and view emotions and view thoughts. We’re going to talk about how they all interact together, how you can use this to actually develop emotional mastery and at the very end I’m going to give you a very powerful exercise to help you to buy into this because that is the problem. This thing is hard to believe.

I remember in fact, it was about five years ago when I started my first business and I was just young, I didn’t know what I was doing, I didn’t have any money, I was just starting my business, I was starting to see a little bit of success there and what happened is that I started getting into self-help. One of the first books or material that I bought from self-help is a Tony Robbins CD product.

I remember I was listening to this in the car and I loved everything he was saying, I loved his energy, I love the ideas he’s throwing at me, but there was this one idea that I heard him talking about in his CD and he was talking about how emotions and those emotions that we experience those are all generated by us. By me.

I was listening to this and I understood what he was saying logically, but then I also said to myself, “Tony, what are you talking about here? For example I had this problem with money, I had this problem with my business but I don’t know if my business is going to take off, I don’t know how to build it. How is that being created by me? That’s a really frustrating problem for me so again I’m very stressed about starting my business here, it’s my first time starting a business so this stress and anxiety I’m feeling about starting the business,

“You’re telling me that I’m creating this? No. This is happening because I’m pursuing something ambitious. This is happening because it really is a challenging business problem. I’ve got some real business problems. I’ve got some money problems so these are real.”

I started telling to myself and I told in my own mind to Tony I’m like, “These are nice ideas, but they’re not very practical. What’s practical is that my business and money problems are causing me frustration. That’s what’s real. If I could get rid of those, then my frustrations would be gone. It’s pretty simple.”

As I’ve been studying more and more personal development, as I’ve really been working to expand my consciousness and understanding my own emotions, building my emotional intelligence what I’ve started to discover is more and more how true it is what Tony was saying. It really is the fact that emotions are not generated by things out there, they’re generated in here. Most people don’t see this. Most people have a hard time believing it even if I tell them.

You right now might understand this on a logical level but you won’t believe it on a practical and emotional level. What’s going to happen is you’re going to watch this video and you’re going to go off and you’re going to feel angry at somebody, or you’re going to feel stressed or anxious, or you’re going to feel excited or happy.

What’s going to happen is you’re going to attribute that to the external environment. You’re going to say, “That person makes me feel happy. That person makes me feel loved. This person right here makes me feel angry. This situation right here makes me feel frustrated. This situation here makes me feel depressed” or whatever other kind of emotion you want to talk about.

Demonstrating The Model

That’s not really what’s going on. Let me show you what’s really going on. To really see this let’s highlight a model here. I want to demonstrate his model. So here’s the model.

Right now, the model that you’re operating under works like this: you have right here some sort of circumstance out in the external world that happens to you then that generates the emotion that you feel. Let’s say you get a raise at your job. That makes you feel, then, happy. The raise was an external circumstance that made you happy, that’s the emotion.

Now when you have that happiness from the emotion then you start taking some sort of action, emotion leads to action. Maybe you’re going to go and you’re going to work a little bit harder now that you have better pay. So you take some better actions and then those actions of course lead to results in your life.

If you work harder after getting your promotion and getting your raise then maybe that puts you in line for an even higher raise next year, or maybe that puts you in line for a some sort of new career track, or puts you in line for some sort of extra compensation. That of course, those results are then the external environment that then feed back in and create even more positive emotions.

That’s how you live your life right now. Ninety-nine percent of people do it this way. Actually, that’s not how it really works. Here’s what’s really going on if you’re conscious.

What you’ve got is you’ve got an external circumstance, the same one, let’s say get a raise. Then what you’ve got is you don’t have an emotion, you have thought. This is what most people miss is you have thoughts that you interpretation filter.

The raise, the raw fact is that you got a raise, that comes in and it hits your ear or it hits your eye -you see it or you hear it- then it goes into your brain, then you’ve got this filter of interpretation that goes on. A lot of times this happens very quickly, almost instantaneously, and you’re not consciously aware of the thoughts that are shaping that because you’re unconscious and so that happens.

You’re mind just kind of skips over it really fast then it goes straight to the emotion, you feel happy or you feel excited or you feel sad for some reason. So you’ve got those emotions. Now those emotions seem like they’re very natural and they stemmed directly from the external circumstance, but what you don’t realize is that there’s that filter there.

That happens, you’ve got this emotion and then of course you take certain action based on that emotion -that part of the model is correct- and then based on that action you generate some sort of results -that part of the model is also correct- and then that of course feeds back in here and it gives you new fodder for the mill to interpret. So that’s the more accurate model.

The Key To Life

Really notice here it’s this layer of interpretation. This is the key to life is this layer. If you can master this layer, if you can gain consciousness over this filter that you have right here then how powerful you can be. How much more successful you can be, how much better results you can generate in your life, and how much more fulfilled and happy you could be inside.

If you are not conscious with this filter, if you don’t take control of it, then I guarantee that your life is going to be very miserable, and you’re going to struggle, and you’re not going to create the kind of results that you want because basically what you’re doing is you’re leaving the interpretation up to chance. You’ve got this amazing power it’s almost like a super power, which is to assign meaning with your mind and assign interpretation to external circumstances with your mind.

When you don’t use that power, when you say that you don’t have it, when you abdicate that control to somebody else or you just leave it in the hand of fate or God or whoever else, then what happens is that you’ve got a lot of randomness in this system, a lot of randomness in your life, a lot of chaos. That chaos is unstable and it creates bad results. This is what’s really going on and I want to help you to understand this filter process a little bit more.

Interpretations, what do we mean by this? Your thoughts create emotions. That’s the key message I want you to take from this. Thoughts create emotions. The thought that you’re thinking is generating the emotion.

When you’re feeling happy, why do you feel happy? You get a promotion and you feel happy about it. It seems like the two are connected but actually they’re not. The promotion in and of itself has absolutely no meaning, has absolutely no value. The value and meaning to it is assigned by your mind by the thoughts that you’re thinking.

For most people these thoughts are unconscious and automatic and so they will assign an automatic meaning. Promotion, more money and that leads to happiness, but sometimes it doesn’t work in the way that you want it to work.

It’s All About Interpretation

What if you have a bad situation happen? Let’s say you’re in a relationship and you’ve got this nice long term relationship, things are going great and -let’s say you are the woman in the relationship- and the man ends up going and cheating and ruins the relationship. Now you can’t have a good relationship with that person any more so the relationship is destroyed.

Now instead of getting a raise you’ve got some sort of negative event, right? Wrong. You don’t have a negative event, you just have an event. It’s the filter of interpretation that you’re putting on it that’s assigning negative value to it. It’s interpreting. It’s the thoughts that are going on in your mind.

Let’s take a look at this. What kinds of thoughts are necessary to generate a negative emotion? If someone cheats on you and you’re feeling bad about it, let’s say you’re feeling angry and you’re also feeling depressed, both at the same time.

When you’re feeling that way you’re probably thinking, “That asshole, how could he cheat on me? We had such a beautiful thing going and he broke all our trust that we developed over the last few years, totally screwed it up now this amazing relationship that I was really counting on to have for the rest of my life, maybe I even wanted to start a family with this guy, now I can’t do that.

“He really betrayed me and on top of this, now how else am I going to find another guy. It was hard enough to find this guy, how am I going to find the next guy and what kind of asshole is he going to be? What if I die miserable and lonely without anyone to look after me or love me?”

See, when you’ve got this kind of thought going on in your mind, that’s the interpretation going on. The event triggered those kinds of thoughts. Now those kinds of thoughts, what kind of emotions are they going to create? How are you going to feel if you think that? Of course you’re going to feel depressed and of course you’re going to feel angry at this person. Then what’s the next step?

You’ve got depression and anger. What kind of action will that create in your life? If you’re feeling this negative about it, then you’re probably not going to take much action at all. You’re probably going to feel depressed, you’re not going to want to date anybody else, you’re not going to want to go look for somebody else, and you’re just going to wallow in that pity.

Maybe in fact you’re going to retreat into your shell, not interact with men anymore because you’re bitter about what happened. You’re bitter, now you retreat. That’s your action. You don’t really take much action and then what kind of results will that create? Well, is that going to lead to you finding another man? A better man? Probably not.

Not taking any action then actually that’s going to shut you off even further. It’s going to isolate you and that’s going to make you even more miserable because now what’s happening here is going and coming in and now creating more negative emotions because it’s getting filtered for a second time.

That stuff’s pretty clear but you might also say, “Leo, I hear you but that’s all very logical. It’s easy for you to stand up here and talk about somebody cheating on you or you getting fired or something bad happening to you, but what if something really bad happened for real and you’re in the moment and you’ve got these negative emotions going on? I mean, if someone cheated on you you’d probably be angry and depressed too wouldn’t you?”

Well, let’s take a look. It’s not the case that everyone gets depressed when someone cheats on them. I recognize that sometimes you get triggered. That’s what emotions do they trigger you emotionally, but that doesn’t mean that there’s no filter there. You’ve still got the thought filter which is creating the negativity.

Same Circumstances, Different Outcome

Let’s take a look at a possible other scenario, or how this might work with exactly the same circumstances. The only thing that’ going to be different is the filter. The filter is just going to change.

So again, someone cheats on you -that’s the circumstance- but now instead of thinking those negative thoughts, let’s think of some other thoughts. What if you thought for example something like, “You know what, I actually had this suspicion that this person wasn’t really right for me. You know what, it’s actually kind of nice because we’ve been together for so long I forgot what it’s like to date other people.

“You know what’s actually nice is that I actually enjoy dating. I’m going to go out. I’m kind of excited to go find some new people to date. What if I find someone who’s an even better match for me? What if I really find that person that I want to start a family with, that can really love me?

“What if I find the kind of guy who’s going to enjoy some of the stuff that I enjoy a little bit more? What if I can find a guy who’s really into cooking? I’ve always wanted that kind of guy. What if I could find a guy who has a better sense of humor? Or who’s better in bed or whatever else?”

These are your thoughts now, notice how different these thoughts are. Different filter. If you’re thinking these kinds of thoughts how are you going to feel? You can’t help but feel excited. You can’t help but feel optimistic because now you’re looking at the prospect of going out there and finding someone better.

You’re looking at it actually, this whole scenario as being an improvement on your life rather than something that’s taking your life down into the shitter. If you see the improvement, you see the opportunity here, then you’re going to feel excited. The emotion of the excitement and the optimism, what kind of action will that lead to? In this case this person will be excited about dating so she’ll go out there, she’ll actually start dating people. Maybe she’ll go and she’ll create an online dating profile or whatever.

What kind of results will those actions generate? If you’re dating, if you’re looking for new guys, chances are you’re going to find someone new, maybe someone better which of course feeds back in here and creates more positive emotion.

It’s like a cycle. You get these either positive or you get these negative cycles. The question is, what kind of cycles are you creating for yourself? More importantly do you recognize that you’re creating a cycle and that it’s not the cycle that’s happening to you, it’s that you’re creating it because you’ve got the filter here?

In The Words Of Marcus Aurelius…

This is not just my idea, this is really an idea that has been known about by, like I said, the sages and wise men for thousands of years. What I want you to hear is I want to read a quote, a really poignant quote from a real sage back from in the day. Hopefully this drives this home.

Here it is: ‘If you’re distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your own estimate of it and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.” This is a quote by Marcus Aurelius.

Marcus Aurelius was a brilliant Roman emperor. In fact he’s one of the only Roman emperors, I believe he’s the only one, from whom we have personal written records. We actually have his diaries and his own personal philosophy. His diaries, they’ve actually been compiled into a book called Meditations, very powerful book.

Marcus Aurelius was really all about emotional mastery. He was a stoic and he was really interested about how do you create happiness, how do you live a virtuous life, and how do you balance the philosophy -that kind of Greek virtue- with the practicality? He wasn’t just a philosopher he was an actual emperor. He was a Roman emperor so for him there was everyday problems. He had wars he had to fight, he had political problems, he had a whole empire to manage. It was very interesting. You can read his diaries and see the way that he approaches this stuff.

This is one of the core fundamental principles. This is kind of like a super power that you have as a human being, is to understand that you have the power to revoke your own estimate of things whenever you want to. That means that when something happens to you that is ‘negative’ or that people would perceive as negative you can control how you interpret that.

The kind of interpretation you assign to it so you can generate the kind of resourceful emotion that you want which will then lead to resourceful action, which will then lead to the results that you want. This is a choice that you have.

Isn’t It Unnatural?

Let’s go back to this example about the cheating because there’s an important point that I want to not forget to make. That’s this, you might ask yourself, “Leo, why would I choose to think positive thoughts when something negative happens to me? Isn’t that unnatural? Why would I do that? Isn’t it more natural that if someone cheats on me that I would think negative thoughts and then those negative thoughts create, sure, negative emotions and the whole chain?”

Here’s what you’ve got to ask yourself, and this is where the consciousness component comes in. Yes, if you want to you can think negative thoughts about a negative situation, but if you also have a bit of intelligence and foresight you can see what’s going to happen. If you’ve got some consciousness you can see it.

Negative situation happens to you and you say, “Fuck it, I’m going to think negative thoughts.” You think negative thoughts, you create negative emotions, you create negative actions which create negative results. Then that negative result comes in, goes through another filter of negativity, creates more negative emotions, more negative actions, more negative results, and the cycle continues. So that’s one option you have.

What’s an alternative option? An alternative option is you have something bad happen to you, but you recognize and you see, “Wait a minute, I’m smart here. If I think negative thoughts about a negative situation, if I interpret it in a negative way, it can create negative emotions, negative actions, negative results.

“Wait a minute, do I want negative results in my life? Do I want a negative life? Do I want to be taking negative actions? Do I want to be experiencing negative emotions? I don’t want that.

“Do I have a choice in the matter? Oh, I actually do have a choice. If I’m conscious I can see that my thoughts dictate how this change is going to run. Oh okay, so if that’s the case then maybe I should think twice before actually giving in to these negative thoughts and considering them natural. To hell with natural I want an amazing life. I don’t want what’s natural, what’s natural is shit.” This takes consciousness.

Taking Control

You might say, “Well, this all sounds well and good Leo, but what about when it actually happens to you? Are you going to be able to do it?” That’s why I spend hundreds and thousands of hours working on myself, developing myself, developing my emotional mastery, developing my consciousness, building it up, so that when this does happen to me I can decide and I have control over this filter because I don’t want this negative chain of nonsense to be ruining my life.

I want to be building up my life regardless of the circumstances outside of me. If something good happens to me, I’ll take it and I’ll make it better. If something bad happens to me, I’ll take it and I’ll still see the good in it. That means that I win no matter what. I like those odds. I don’t know about you, but I like those odds.

I don’t like to gamble with my life. I don’t like to gamble with the results that I get in my life. I don’t like to gamble with my business. I don’t like to gamble with my health. I don’t like to gamble with my finances. I don’t like to gamble with my relationships.

I want amazing everything and the only way I know how to do that and how to design it is to say that I’m taking control. I’m taking full control of everything I can. I can’t control everything, I’m not deluded, but the things that I can control and that I see that I can, the things that I feel I can develop control in I sure as hell am going to try and develop control in that. If I can see an opportunity here with this filter to change this filter, I’m going to do everything I can with this filter even if right now I’m not a master at it.

This is how I want you to think. It’s a very powerful way to think. Very few people think this way. If you don’t think this way then there’s going to be all this suffering in your life because your interpretations are going to be automatic, they’re going to be the most lazy interpretations. Lazy interpretations tend to lead to suffering which is why you have suffering in your life. One reason you have suffering in your life is because of this. It’s not because of external circumstance per se, it’s because of your lazy interpretations.

You Have A Choice

What does this mean? Let’s cover of the examples, some of the cases here. We already talked about cheating, we talked about promotion. You can come up with all sorts of objections about situations where you can’t take control of your filter.

You might say, “Leo, there are certain things in life that are just inherently negative and evil and bad. For example what if someone starts to fight with me? What if somebody does something unjust and unfair to me? What is someone comes and steals my car? What if somebody comes and insults me, just insults me out of the blue?

“Aren’t I justified and allowed to feel bad about these situations? Isn’t it just natural that I have this negative filter? What about a situation where I really screw up at something? What if I go to a job interview, a really important job interview, everything is going well, but then at the very last minute I just blow it because I say something stupid?

“Shouldn’t I be disappointed with myself after that? Shouldn’t I feel bad? Isn’t it justified that I feel depressed because I lost this amazing, once-in-a-lifetime opportunity that I might never ever get again?” You can do that if you want. We already talked about this.

Do you want a negative cycle? Do you want negative results? Then continue to have negative interpretations. Or do you want to actually take your life in your own hands and say, “To hell with what happens, I’m going to feel good and I’m going to generate the results that I want in my life regardless”.

That’s the answer. The answer is that you have a choice. The problem is that most people are making this choice unconsciously and they are always choosing the worst path. The path that leads to the worst results. I don’t want that for you I want you to develop consciousness.

Why Is It So Hard To Believe?

The next point that I wanted to cover, I wanted to talk a little bit about why is this hard to believe? Why is this hard to adopt this paradigm? It seems like we’re talking about two different paradigms here and most people surely live from the paradigm where they’re running their life off of circumstance. They’re just generating emotions spontaneously and they feel like the circumstances dictate the emotions.

Why do people live this way then? There’s numerous factors. The family you grew up in. Most of the families we grew up in, they don’t teach us this stuff. Self-help isn’t really taught in schools. It’s not taught in the media. Society doesn’t really give this information to you.

Not only that, but it’s not just information it’s something that has to be practiced and cultivated and developed. It’s not like a skill so if you’ve never practiced it and nobody around you has practiced it, your friends and your family and your culture doesn’t really encourage it then you’re not going to know about it. Because you’ve been living your whole life since you were born up to now, which means you’re twenty, or thirty, or forty, or even fifty years old or even more, you’ve been living so long and you’ve been operating under this mindset that the emotions just affect you and you have no say over what they are, you have no control over them, that’s hard.

You’ve conditioned yourself. You’ve built up this habit and now you have to wean yourself off of this long, long, long multi-decade long habit of letting emotions dictate your life. That can be challenging. The other thing here is there’s a lack of self-honesty going on. There’s just a lack of consciousness.

Consciousness, it’s not something that you’re born with. Consciousness is something that you develop and right now you don’t appreciate just how little consciousness you have, and how much more of it you could have. People who are unconscious believe that they have all the consciousness that they could need, but in fact what they’re not seeing is how much personal growth is still possible for them. How much they’re not aware of.

The ego plays a big part in this too, is that you really don’t want to admit yourself that you’re doing this. Who wants to admit that they’re causing their own anger? Who wants to admit that they’re causing their own suffering, their own stress, their own anxiety, their own panic attacks, their own depression? Who wants to admit that? It takes some courage to admit that.

Your ego doesn’t want to admit it because as soon as you do admit it that means that all of a sudden you take on a lot of responsibility. Now you have a lot of control about how your life flows. A lot of people, they don’t want to take on that responsibility because when you take on that responsibility that means now you have to work really hard to grow yourself.

There’s a certain solace that you take, a certain comfort in knowing in your mind that you can’t grow, that you’ve kind of maxed yourself out. Then you can tell yourself and everybody around you, “You know I tried and did my best and now I’m at the best that I can be and then everything else is blocked off I have no more responsibility than this” and so you’re going to live your life the way you are right now, but that’s a lie.

That’s a lie because you can grow yourself so much more than you currently have grown and you can take yourself to enormous, enormous levels as a human being in your development, but that’s challenging to do. That means pushing your comfort zone and a lot of people don’t like that. They would rather stay in their comfort zone.

The Seven-Day Challenge

What’s the take away from this video? The take away is that I want you take one hundred percent responsibility for all of your emotions. Every single one. Positive ones, but especially the negative ones. Don’t blame it on circumstance. Don’t point your finger at other people.

Never say that somebody else is causing you to feel a certain way. Nobody is causing you to feel loved. Nobody is causing you to feel happy. Nobody is causing you to feel depressed. That is you causing it.

Here’s the final exercise that I want to give you because all this stuff that I said to you is nice, it’s good theory, it’s a good philosophy and what not. If all you do is just believe it it’s not going to help you. This is something that you have to live and embody. Here’s how you do it. You erase your consciousness.

What I’m going to give you is the following exercise. For the next seven days, I want you to commit to taking full responsibility for all your emotions. What does this mean? That means for the next seven days you’re going to be extra aware, extra conscious of when you have a negative emotion. Let’s not focus on the positive ones right now, let’s just focus on the negative.

If you have a negative emotion, let’s say you get angry at someone, you get depressed about a certain situation, you feel lonely, you feel stressed and overwhelmed, or anxious, or you’re worrying, if you have one of those, I want you to stop and notice when you’re in the middle of that storm of emotions. I want you to stop and notice and take note of the thought that you’re creating right there in the moment. You’re going to see it.

If somebody is making you angry, you’ve got to be more conscious and say, “Wait a minute, Leo told me that this emotion and anger is not coming from the other person. It’s coming from my interpretation so that’s coming from thoughts. What kind of thoughts am I thinking right this second?”

Notice that subconscious thoughts will then pop up into your conscious awareness. The thought might be something like, “I can’t believe that guy is such an asshole”. It might be as simple as that.

Maybe you’re having a thought like, “Oh my God, what am I going to do now?” That kind of thought might make you anxious. Or you might have a thought like, “Oh man, I’m never going to find another person again like that”. That kind of thought might make you feel lonely.

Pay attention to these thoughts that you’re having. Put awareness on them. Don’t try to stop your negative emotions. Let your negative emotions just carry through. All I’m telling you to do is just be mindful of the thoughts that are running the emotion. Try to do that for seven days straight whenever you’re having the emotion.

Now, you’re not going to be perfect at this. Not even close, so don’t set that expectation. You’ll be lucky if you can just catch a handful of negative emotions consciously throughout these seven days. If you can even get three of them, four of them, five of them, great! That’s enough. You’ve got to start somewhere.

You’re going to notice if you do this exercise that when you’re having that negative emotion and you become aware of your thought process that’s generating negative emotion, you’re going to actually see and you’re going to make the connection in your mind. You’re going to say, “Oh wow, this is really cool. I didn’t notice this before. I can’t believe I didn’t notice about myself. That is my thoughts about this situation that’s creating the meaning, the interpretation and then that is affecting the emotion that I’m feeling.

“Oh wow, that’s powerful. If I change my thought does that mean that I would feel differently? Let me try that.” Then you’re going to run off and you’re going to try it and you’re going to feel differently, and you’re going to go, “Whoa, that’s powerful”. It is powerful.

The Fundamental Building Block For An Extraordinary Life

This whole video, the reason that I went to a lot of depth here is because it’s important to convince you of this idea. This is a paradigm shift, remember? Your mind doesn’t like paradigm shifts, it doesn’t feel comfortable, it doesn’t feel right. You don’t want to believe it, you have all sorts of excuses and various good reasons for why you shouldn’t believe this

What I’m actually telling you is go out, try it out, test it out and see how it goes for you. If you do this, you’re putting fundamental building block into place for creating an extraordinary life. This is something that’s going to be critical for you if you want to do something big with your life, if you want a life with a lot of passion, where you have a lot of success, where you have a lot of happiness because if your emotions are out of control, what kind of happiness can you have? Your happiness is contingent upon randomness in life and that is not a good way to be happy.

Wrap Up

All right, so try that exercise, really commit to it, give it a good go. This is Leo, I’m going to be signing off, go ahead and post me your comments down below I’d love to hear from you. Also please like this video, click the like button for me.

Please share it with a friend, the more these videos are watched, the more people see them, then the more free content I can release to you guys. I can’t do this if the videos don’t spread around so I’d appreciate your help in doing that.

Finally come and sign up to Actualized.org, sign up to my newsletter right here. It’s a free newsletter. I’m releasing content for free every single week, new videos a lot of really in depth stuff. This is really stuff that literally I would pay hundreds sometimes thousands of dollars for some of these pieces that I’m sharing with you here. I paid a lot of money and even more importantly a lot of my own blood and sweat and tears went into discovering this stuff.

I’m really excited about sharing this with you because I think that this is the fundamental stuff that you need to create an extraordinary life and that’s what I want for everybody and I want you guys to be really passionate about your lives. I want you to experience the kinds of levels of excitement that you can get to once you start to put the pieces together the way that I have. It’s very exciting, it’s very powerful. I want that for you so sign up and you’ll be all set.

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Comments
(96)
sussan says:

Thank you LEO for you doing this kind of insightful videos , but for me or maybe some other people too the problem is we forget to see the positive side of the thing that happens in our lives and we automatically perceive that as a negative thing , like divorce is bad in my family belief , thy cant see how bad is the effect of a bad relationship on both parts in long term . As a result of having a wrong belief you have to bare very shit in your life and dont stand up for yourself and the most important thing that I’ve figure is that most of the time we are angry of ourselves rather than the other person , we kind of subconciously comprehend that its our own fault who couldnt voice the problem, wasnt wise or courageous enough to not sell ourselvs short.

Leo Gura says:

Yup, that’s how it generally works. You don’t simply just forget, you are living your life unconsciously. It’s a much bigger problem than you currently realize. Which is why you should develop a daily meditation practice and use other techniques like mindfulness. Make sure you watch my Mindfulness video.

Emrah says:

Hi Leo, I want to thank you for this beautiful video it really helped me a lot. And it is so nice how you explain things in your videos. You’re awesome Leo sorry for my english because I am a Dutchman

Jonda says:

Leo, do you have any videos emphasizing on how accept the things you cant control in life? I have been watching you everyday for 6 mos but I may have missed it if so.

Rhonda says:

I have believed this theory to be true for the bulk of my adult life and have benefited wildly from using it. It’s very much like Cognitive Behavior Therapy. Tons of science behind it, I get it. I recently read a book by Michael Brown called The Presence Process. In his theory, he talks about basic emotions such as anger, fear, grief, etc. being imprinted in us in the first seven years of life. I’m just curious if you have read this and what your opinion is of his theory about integrating these emotions from childhood (so the thought layer wouldn’t necessarily apply). Thanks in advance if you have an opportunity to respond.

Nick says:

Solid video and validates what I started doing naturally on my own. The world really does exist inside of us and it’s up to us to create it how we see fit. This man doesn’t lie folks, once you get in the habit of catching your energy/emotion change whether it’s good or bad, you’re able to stop and have an honest conversation with yourself about WHY you are feeling that way and once you do that you can change your mind, and change your emotional state.

Leo Gura says:

Yeah, it’s pretty cool that we have this power, huh?

Marian Palmer says:

Great one! I feel excited about watching your videos Leo. Started a spreadsheet and going to systematically work my way through them all. Already noticed a small yet subtle change in my attitude to life – not quite so negative and unmotivated. Thank you.

Leo Gura says:

Great! I love to see that kind of effort!

Mark says:

In my way of thinking I always see the good the positive .
If you start to see the negative thoughts in your life, you will be create more of them!
I personally create new way of good thinking .
If you see the life simple like a something big but very small and running fast you will be wants much more from your self, you will create much more from your life.

You need to see life like a something good and everything in that life that create your emotions.

Put your attention to the waves you prods from your self ! If you always think good and choice to think good . Then what will be your creation?
How will look like your way of thinking?

What possible for you? everything!
Pay attention to the good thinking and say to the bad thinking that you are control that!
And use the control you give yourself to become the master of good results from bad thinking!!!

Ninos says:

Wow!! You really out did yourself with this video. I realize this is what has crippled me all my life. Negative thoughts as a result of external bad luck. Which has spiraled my life into perpetual negativity. I believe I have great potential but I have self crippled my self with my natural instinct to react to bad luck, even maybe I am cursed. I will now take conscious effort to control my thoughts to prevent my own self destruction. I have been my own worst enemy, I will turn it around and be my own friend and help my self grow into who I can be and should be. I know it will take great effort since I am 39 yrs old and have been thinking like this my entire life. Wish me luck and keep up the great work Leo.

Leo Gura says:

Hey Ninos. Now you’re starting to think along the right track. Good! Stay with it. 39 years old is not bad at all. You still got a lot of life left ahead of you. Still a lot of amazing moments that you can create if you get your shit together

Moneco says:

Hey Leo, Thanks for the explaining and sharing. I can really associate myself with the cheating model and I experienced the exact two opposite emotions as I changed filters of the thought. I am still on my way to master my emotions, but I can feel that I become more and more aware of those emotions as I experience them.

Fabian says:

wow thank you so much for your videos! you literally changed my life! it seems like i wasted 24 years of my life! ive been sleepwalking and you woke me up.. i always thought life was about random stuff just like a sailing ship lost somewhere… well thanks to you i now know how to steer my ship (life) towards a brighter future.. and yet our journey continues until we die and even then the actions we took will continue to live in future generations.

Leo Gura says:

24 years isn’t bad. Some people don’t realize this till they’re 60!

Mark says:

55 actually,keep smiling.

Bob says:

Leo
I really love and appreciate these videos and the advice/discussion in the content. Thank you so much for doing this. There is just so much to think about and work on.

Leo Gura says:

My pleasure

Lisa says:

BRILLIANT Leo! Just a thought…if we are simply the constructs of our personal paradigms that means there are many paradigms. There are people. If there are man, than we can choose a different one. Consciously choose one that will bring the results you want.

Leo Gura says:

Yes, you should choose the beliefs that make your success easiest.

Claire Poole says:

Hi Leo,
Absolutely inspiring. However, there is one thing I question. You say we have been unconscious all our lives. Personally, I wonder if the moment we are born we are fully conscious. However, society, culture, conditioning from there on in dissipates it. That is until someone like yourself reminds us how we can truly live our lives. Everything tends to work in cycles. Courage is so much more than doing it on your own….it’s. Accepting who what you might have to let fall to the wayside in the process. People naturally will try to also suppress the changes you want to make as an individual. It takes time to work on this reality too. I am sure you have experienced this yourself.
Anyway, One day I would like to shake your hand and say thank you for once again opening my eyes to the possibilities
Claire

Leo Gura says:

No, you are not fully conscious, consciousness takes lots of development. The problem of unconsciousness goes so deep you don’t appreciate it yet because you are presently very unconscious. Once you start to develop consciousness, your eyes open up and you gasp, “OMG!! Everyone is walking around but they are sound asleep. OMG!! I am one of them!!” It’s a shocking and somewhat disheartening realization.

And here ya go: *virtual handshake*

Claire says:

Hi Leo,
Does this mean your not of the opinion that we enter into this life when we are first born as fully conscious beings? It was a thought, coming from the ideas that everything in our external life on this planet monopolises our inner world…..culture, society etc. I have been listening to your videos for months. I have slowly seen some changes in my attitude and approach to others that has inspired me to continue. I was most definitely a people pleaser to the detriment of my own happiness and well being. Yet, I have from a young age had a notion the way in which we live our lives is wrong. As a child your more inclined to listen and respond to your environment. Thankfully, I am an along journey to change this. It makes me have some pretty bizarre dreams!!!!
Thanks for your response, although I believe I am already starting to make a break from a long and decaying slumber.
P.s. Sending you a virtual smile in return…….

Leo Gura says:

In a sense a child is more connected to reality than an adult, because his mind is not so filled with thought-stories, which separates you from reality. The child is more present, and reality only exists in the present.

Peter says:

Hey Leo,

Just wanted to thank you for posting such an nice tutorial on life. I’ve been making a lot of notes through the video and I’m starting to work the concepts.
For a person like me who’s got HSP traits – this thing is a MUST. Really manages to shut down my highly sensitive system

Will highly recommend it – looking forward to go through the rest of your articles and videos

Good day to you

Leo Gura says:

Thanks Peter

Alice says:

I just wanted to say thank you Leo.

Your videos are helping me through a tough breakup, I’ve been watching them before bed whenever I can. They aren’t cheesy and weird and phoney like much of the self – help stuff I’ve previously come across.

You seem like a genuine guy.

So thanks

Sonia says:

Your intelltual insight started to look at my problem and depression from a different angle. I wish I can work on more in depth. Any good advice? Thank you!!!

marisol says:

I had lots of issues with my emotions. LEO your video was put so perfectly, its just a blessing to have people like you, to share this and confirm this knowledge. I started with law of attraction and now wanting to master my emotions, so i can stay incontroll and never be confused again. Thanks for being you and helping others

Angella says:

Thank you so much Leo. I agree that families & the society suck at teaching the kids how to learn to gain wisdom. It is unfortunate that many parents do not even take the time to talk to talk their kids and teach them about life. I was raised in such a household and it creates so much chaos inside us as an adult. Your videos are helping me so much!
Thanks!

Levi says:

Thank you so much Leo! I had noticed this before, but never really thought about it. I am easily defeated and couldn’t figure out how to change that. I’m pretty sure this will help. Which is why I will be doing your exercise and working on myself. It’s really great what you are doing!
Thanks again!

CURTIS says:

GOD AGREES WITH YOU…….transformation of our thinking is biblical!!

mary velez says:

repepat the quote 3 4ti times please excellent thanks you can evoke you interpreting of negative emotions

Connie says:

Great video, Leo! I totally agree with your message in this video. I’m not saying I’m great at applying it but I do try. Little by little….change is happening. Thank so much! You continue to be incredibly inspirational. I’ve been sending out links to your site like crazy.

Leo Gura says:

Thanks a lot for sharing the site

Denis says:

Thanks for the video, very interesting. How do you suggest one can apply this emotion mastering into sports like tennis where things happen very quicky ? and what is the role of our values and beliefs in our emotions ?

kevin says:

Hey Leo, thanks a lot for posting this video. I could remember a time in my life where I was much better at controlling my emotions, but as the years went by I stopped using these principles and conformed with the crowd. Your a hundred percent right about having to maintain this on a regular basis. If you pay attention many of the really successful people today follow these principles as if they were the commandants. Robert Greene, author of The 48 laws of Power mentions this in his preface. The skies the limit if could master your emotions. I like how you mentioned that it’s our thoughts that take place before our emotions. Positive thinking correlates to controlling your emotions, but being too excited or in a state of mania can also be an emotion. Emotions cloud your ability to decipher whats reality and fantasy. In some cases I could see positive emotions that are well balanced and stable as possibly being a good thing, but if your in control of your thoughts you can definitely decrease the probability of negative thinking. Which in turn increases the probability of positive thoughts and makes it easier to control emotions. Negative thoughts also increase stress levels, high levels of the stress hormone cortisol that may affect emotions. Like you said, this can be a viscous cycle of problems that becomes harder to solve the longer we maintain the habit of negative thinking.

Thank you for your time! I grow more and more inspired every time I watch one of your videos. I’ve already noticed a positive difference in my life from taking in your principles. I’ll defiantly be watching more of your videos during study breaks.

Abraham says:

This wonderful video reminds me of this quote from the kung fu master:

Empty your mind, be formless, shapeless like water. Now you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup, you put water into a bottle, it becomes the bottle, you put it in a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Now water can flow or it can crash. Be water, my friend.

Bruce Lee

Alex says:

I am very grateful for stumbling upon your website. I’ve been seeking self help books and articles in effort to ease the pain of a recent break up. I’m a pretty confident guy, have goals, and usually happy; but one thing truly disturbs me, and that is relationships with women. My mind gets filled with so many negative thoughts and emotions that I usually say or do something to sabotage the relationship. It’s a pattern for me, and recently it struck again. I broke up with my girlfriend of 3 months, then tried to get back with her out of fear of loneliness. Watching your videos has helped me significantly in only a matter of days. If you can recommend any of your videos to me for my current situation I would greatly appreciate it! I look forward to improving myself and sharing these secrets with others. Thanks Leo!

– Alex

Leo Gura says:

Sounds like you have childhood issues with Mom which are now stuck in your subconscious and creating this self-sabotage. Something from the past is blocking you.

Audrey says:

These videos are very fun and keep me curious to learn more!

Thanks
Audrey

Natasja says:

Leo, Can you re-post this video without the F-word? I’d really like to share it with my mother, but she would be so offended by that she would instantly stop interesting. She lives in an environment where this is completely inappropriate.

Claire says:

Hi Leo,
Yes, still here. I started a writing course in June lacking confidence, full of negative thoughts, self esteem issues and anxiety. I have been working so hard looking within, to raise my self awareness. Slowly, very slowly using your videos to help I started writing without caring what others thought. I noticed a change, I felt happier, but a different type of happiness…weird!! Anyway, very recently a piece of creative writing I read out had such a positive and encouraging response. The tutor who has written forty books said it was an accomplished piece of writing, beautifully written. But what pleased me more than the compliments was my ability to remember opinions of others is just that. All I could think was yes, lovely to have compliments, however, true happiness came from the thought that I am doing something I love, I am starting to believe in myself and I know I won’t stop there. I want to keep moving forward, improving and reflecting on my own abilities. This is huge as I have suffered with people pleasing syndrome for years and years.
Thankyou for helping me look within, And begin looking out with a different focus and state of mind. It really really does work

Leo Gura says:

Good. Let’s hope you can keep that same mindset if you happen to get a bad review some day

Evelyn Breidenbach says:

Good Day, Great Day everyday Leo!!!!

The impact you are making through your chosen Life Path and sharing with others deserves recognition. Thank you, and thank you again! I stumbled on to your videos while searching for a way to help my son in law. I have since shared your site with 5 individuals. The timing couldn’t have been more perfect. As you well know…thought is a thing…and right now you are connecting with more souls than you could ever imagine. You have created a domino effect and it is explosive!

Personally, I am looking forward to more,….advanced. I know for myself this will be a huge year for growth. I welcome the challenge and opportunity. The force drops people in your path, and you and your work has provided me with a REAL resource for allowing people to help themselves. In the last few weeks since the sharing of your site, I have seen 2 of these individuals working the work. My heart smiles! for them, for you, and for me.

Truly, your work is important, making an impact, and “the thought” is traveling far and wide. I support you in your endevors. I send you strength and may more resources fall in front of you!

For me…working on enlightenment work. Connecting in and using “the gap”. Challenging work, huge chunks of time. I feel it and see it working and want more of it. The work continues! May blessings flow unto your followers!

Smiles!
Ev

Leo Gura says:

Thanks for sharing the videos!

Simon Bonner says:

There’s literally no “I” in Leo Gura. !! Great inspiring video my friend. I’m taking the 7 day challenge from now. This video is a great companion the the Mindfulness video. Thank you for posting.

Teresa Macke says:

Dear Leo
I am dealing with a difficult relationship and listening to this helped so much. This re-instilled what I seem to need to keep remembering: the way I react to certain situations and people in my life is the most important thing….I find myself reacting to my mean spouse, to peoples’ comments about me and to even negative comments I make toward myself. It’s all about the ‘practice’ for me…practice, practice, practice….Thank you so much for all of your wonderful vids. I listen to you when I clean the kitchen. Put my laptop on the counter there….My husband is annoyed! LOL!

Hannele says:

Love your energy and clarity, Leo, very inspiring. It was very great to find your videos. Helps me a lot with my rollercoaster mind.

Leo Gura says:

Thanks!

Norbert Tallosi says:

Hi Leo,
Do you have any videos on how to deal with meeting new people?
Regards,
Norbert

Leo Gura says:

The closest thing I got so far is: http /www.actualized.org/articles/how-to-make-friends

It’s a good topic. I will add it to my to-do list. I struggle with meeting new people myself.

Jess says:

Are you saying its better for us to control our negative emotions or to not be emotional at all?

Leo Gura says:

What you suffer from isn’t so much negative emotions, but negative thoughts that you identify with. When you stop taking your thoughts seriously, all problems melt away.

Carolina says:

My favorite video so far!

All this info is so true!

And so powerful indeed

Kudos to you and thank you for sharing

Monique says:

Hey Leo,

This is still my favorite video so far. I just wanted to take a minute and say Thank You for everything you do! There are a few of your methods that I don’t agree with, but in general, you are interpreting some very powerful truths for the masses, and I have no doubt that you are helping to create some healthy change in the world. May you keep rockin it.

Very accurate information Leo! Robbins has great info on this in Awaken the Giant within. This really puts it all together in a neat package and I like that.

Appreciate that your purpose is to help others.

I really want to know your view on how much someone who also feels on a deep gut level that their purpose is to help others, how much should they study a day? How many hours? How many books a day/week etc. Could you please share your view?

“We can have anything in life if we just help enough people get what they want” Zig Ziglar.

commalena says:

Thank you very much for your insight. I’ve been viewing your videos due to my recent separation from my spouse. It was do to my adhd. I gave it more ownership then I did owning up to my actions and uncontrollable behaviors. Bottom line I became a pussy and she cheated on me asked me to leave and asked for divorce. Now I’m kicking myself for being such a wus. Your insight has lifted my spirits and redirected my thoughts. I forgive her but she is still angry with me. So I’m not sure why I can’t just walk away. I want to move on but I’m stuck.

Radhika Likhi says:

Hii leo , i have made a habbit to watch one video of urs daily learning alot .. i would love if u upload a video on how to improve concentration .. thank you

Yusuf says:

I don’t think there are enough words to explain my grateful to you Leo. You are such a legend who I admire. I hope if I can have a friend or a relative like you. Thanks for your priceless help !

Lorin says:

Hi Leo,
Thanks for this video. One thing that I would like to point out from personal experience is that the thought “I am feeling depressed” is not the thought that needs to be targeted. The thought that needs to be targeted is the thought that is causing the depression. I cannot say, for example “I do not feel depressed” without addressing the thoughts that caused you to feel that way in the first place.
Paul wrote in Philippians (Philippians 4:8 KJV) Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.
I especially like what you said about “natural”. I hate allowing the Natural feelings and thoughts to take over. I would rather have be conscious and spiritually aware.

Kim says:

Great video! Actually, they all are. Go hand in hand with all of the books I have read over the last year. A journey that has transformed my life and so happy to have even more tools to continue on this path. Thank you.

Ankit says:

Time to take dirt off from the filter needs to be used !
This is such a powerful realization capable of complete paradigm shift for anyone.
Excited to go and apply the knowledge from this session.
Thanks again from the bottom of my heart

Anna says:

Leo, WOW!!! Leo, if I just knew all this long time ago my life would be as misesable as it has been until I met you. Negative emotions created so many disaster situations and events in my life. Thank you! It is never late. BLESS YOUR HEART. I mean THANK SO VERY MUCH.

Dineen says:

Hey Leo,

Can I do it like this?
Take it backwards.. Think about what result you want from an event or circumstance, determine what action will lead to that result and modify your thought process (the filter) to feel the emotion that will help you carry out that action.

Paul Newcomb says:

That’s actually a very interesting approach that could really give you an ability to have control over an outcome – start with the outcome first, then align the needed interpretation with it. I’ll have to play with that.

Natasha says:

Speaking about ‘filters’, it’s interesting to watch how folks who view same video of yours would react differently to what they hear. Some would get defensive, offended, even outright hostile, while others find your teachings helpful, insightful, and are grateful for you having created them. You, pretty much, can tell about the condition of someone’s ‘filter’ by how they react to these kinds of things. I have been doing self-development for some time too and listening to your material just solidifies the knowledge I have already obtained. I also try to live everything I have learned out every day and share it with others in my life. There is nothing so powerful as teaching others with your life. Thank you so much for your positive impact on so many people’s lives!

Tammy says:

LIFESAVING!
I have to just say THANK YOU! I have been in this rut, STUCK in unfortunate situations and not the best company this past year that has lead a spiral straight into the ground from one tramatic life event to the next. I have felt broken and stuck for the first time EVER in my life. Very identified with why and how. But unable to get my mind in that place to heal and grow from how I was living.
After discovering your program of Life Coaching and incorporating it into my daily life routine and natural studying habits, I have felt a sort of weight lift. It is as if you literally came right out of my head and are voicing how I feel and think in these videos. It makes complete and total sense and is EXACTLY what I have needed. CHANGE MY WAY THINKING. Granted I have had some unfortunate events trickle my way but I somehow for the first time ever after 32 years developed a victum mindset that trapped me where I have been. I now enjoy the uplifting and refreshing peace that comes with learning to control my life again and what happens to me. Mostly….how I react to it and learn from it. I naturally crave learning and taking in anything I can to be prepared, know, help me, save me, better me, you name it and I I could go all night reading and studing any given topic.Keep it up! The pure logic in your methods is OUTSTANDING. Life saving for me for sure! All I want to do is share it with EVERYBODY.

Tony Marino says:

Leo,

I recently discovered your remarkable website. Your videos are insightful and inspirational. I am also a personal development junkie. For most of my life I have been solid emotionally, but after my son’s death 2 1/2 years ago, I made a strong commitment to a spiritual way of life. After my son’s death, I asked myself, “do I want die, or do I want to live?” Well as you can see, I chose to live. I expanded my personal training business to include yoga and meditation. I also volunteer, and practice living well.

I want you to know that your videos are a valuable resource that I will share with others. I’ll be sure to impart to others what I learn from you. When I educate others, I will refer you and your website. In my next blog on my website, I’ll link your site. Thanks so much for your efforts. You, as a resource are now added to my gratitude list. Stay in touch.

Sincerely yours,

Tony Marino

Adelheid says:

Thanks, Leo, for giving me something to think about! And something to aim for

Candy says:

Hi Leo!

I came across your videos while searching for self help on YouTube. I am amazed! I’m sixty years old Leo, and I’m feeling desperate that I will never have peace of mind. I have suffered with clinical depression and anxiety since I can remember. I have been on many different medications and have spent thousands of $ on therapy over the years. I am always disappointed with my progress. It seems like therapists just sit and listen and almost never give you anything to put your teeth into. Sometimes I want to scream “just tell me what to do!!!” I have been listening to your videos for several days now, and I have gotten more out of them than many years of therapy…and for free!!! I have been spreading the word to everyone I know that is remotely interested in growing personally. Thank you Leo for this gift that you are giving! There are so many people out there that need it so badly, including myself!

Candy

Jay says:

Leo,
All your videos are of value; Thanks

Jay

Lea says:

Hi Leo. Love your thoughts and clarity in presenting them. Just one heads up… it was a mini clanger to refer to ages in practicing this stuff. You said 30,40 or maybe even 50. My 82 year old mother is still doing this. That’s what makes her so cool. Living expansion to the day we drop is something most of us here will be aspiring to. That said, I remember how old 50+ felt when I was younger. Great work!

Ninette says:

Hi Leo,
thank you so much for this video!! So glad I listened to this today as I was hijacked by a negative emotion. I had a conversation earlier that left me feeling uneasy and distrustful of this other person. I don’t want to feel this negative emotion but a red flag popped up for me that alarms me. I want to handle this in the correct way and not lay blame or fall victim to the negative. Would the positive spin be in a situation like this? In my mind a positive would be to stand up for myself and confront…. I feel like that is positive but is it? I don’t want to be a door Mat and yet I also don’t want to project either. My instinct is to frankly confront the feeling
With the other person and move on but I’m not sure. Any insight would be helpful!! Thank you Leo!!

Best,
N

Vanessa says:

Hi Leo,

I really enjoyed this video. I have watched it several times. I come back to the same question-what do i do after, I notice an emotion. Usually a negative emotion. After my thoughts run to the end, I’m still anxious. But now I have the scenario played out in my mind. My impulse is to act. Standing still watching thoughts/emotions seems futile. A decision still has to be made. Observing my emotions hasn’t really helped control them.

Thanks Vanessa

Michelle says:

Leo are you truly that detached that you could just look at the positive side of your girlfriend / wife cheating on you and move on? I struggle with that concept as it feels like relationships are so disposable. I understand that eventually you have to get to that place – but for me anyway it would take a bit of pain and anguish.

Leo Gura says:

Detachment is something that has to be practiced and cultivated. Me personally, I would probably have some emotional upset for a week or two, and I would try to stay conscious through as much of it as I could and detach from whatever is in my power at the time. In the grand scheme of things I would know that it’s not that important. Relationships come and go. If there’s cheating going on, it wasn’t a very good relationship to begin with.

Michelle says:

Ok I made my last comment before watching the whole video- oops! I think there are definitely some natural reactions to events i.e. grief after a death / divorce; and to try to control thoughts to bypass these feelings would surely be unhealthy. I know that when my last relationship was coming to an end I was somewhat in denial about it, and I kept going through my days with an enormous heaviness in my chest. It later dawned on me that it was sadness, and that I was so disconnected from my feelings that I didn’t even recognise what it was. Part of my personal mindfulness practice is now to wait for my emotions to surface and give them space to run their course whilst I give them my full awareness and observe them. I think sometimes feelings are there regardless of your thoughts.

I do get what you are saying though, as equally I have caught myself running over old arguments or conversations in my mind – sometimes ones that happened years ago, and this can easily take me from feeling peace to feeling really angry. I will take on your challenge for the next week.

Cesar says:

Hey man I’m really loving alot of your videos I have been watching. One thing I enjoyed about this one is the fact that we have control over our emotions. I am a very emotional guy so when I get mad I get pissed I go from 0 – asshole in like a sec. So I’m really looking forward to being able to control this aspect of me. Growing up you get told you’re an emotional person not realizing that what people are really saying to you is that you are not in control of how feel, when in fact you are. Thanks Leo. Looking forward to more good self help vids.

M says:

Hi Leo, this video was extremely helpful. I don’t know how much advice you can offer me however, how can someone master their emotions when they are PMSing? I feel in control of my emotions for the most part but when I have this hormonal imbalance, it takes all my emotions to this unbelievably engulfing level.. Hopefully you can offer some help.
Thank you so much

Abu says:

I liked this very much and tend to agree with it. There is a question which was not answered in this video: what if negative emotions really help you? For example, if something bad happens to your child (let’s say she becomes ill), if you let negative emotions take over you immediately spring into action and you do much more effort to fix this as if you would be doing if you thought positive, like “no need to worry, she will get better” or “this is not really that bad as it seems”, etc. I think negative emotions have their place in our lives, but we need to make sure we live them consciously and not unconsciously.

Paul Newcomb says:

If the emotion is something that springs you into action, is that not an appropriate emotion to have? Saying “oh well, I’m sure she’ll be fine” is a complacent emotion (perhaps even delusional) , and not necessarily the emotion you’d want to choose.

Ethon richardson says:

Good evening my friend . I just wish to say thank you for all your free videos , I have to say since watching them every day, my life is changing for the better. I particularly like this video , please don’t get me wrong I think all your videos are really good . But this video has made me realise my inner self to perform has a better person and become more of a better person . I had used to be a very angry person blaming every one and everything that has gone wrong in my life . But what your saying really works . Because I’ve tried some things which create a negative actions. Which evaluate and become actualised. So everything you say is absolutely correct . I’m 99% there with the aid of the elastic band around my wrist to help any little bad thoughts I may of missed. The good thing about the elastic band is once I felt the little pain afterwards. I start smiling like a Cheshire cat which makes me feel overwhelmed with happiness of how lucky I am in life to have all the good things. Sorry if I’ve rambled on . But it’s nice to talk to some one who knows and understands because my partner think I’m in a cult …. Lol !! Her loss . But thanks again and God bless

kirk says:

Take the terrible thing that happened and say I am going to do something positive about it. I refuse to let this ruin my life and future.

I just want to give Leo a hug.

Thank you.

Happy thanksgiving.

Ahdriam says:

I have done some enlightment “work” and I simply don’t have emotions anymore, I think you broke me

Majus says:

Heyho,

wouldn’t you say that it may also be “good” or helpful to appreciate the GOOD thoughts you have?
That’s just a thought that would cross my mind because logically seen actually there might be a chance you no longer tend to really aknowledge your POSITIVE thoughts due to habitual process..

Maybe you can implement this in one of your next videos or just give me a simple short answer, e.g. a link to a video that might enlight me.

Thank you for your videos so far, really really appreciate it!
Keep it going!

Kind regards

Majus says:

And yet one more question:
Our ego has this drive to stay the way it is due to self-protection.. but why is that? Can the reason be found somewhere in the evolution or something like that?

Leo Gura says:

How do you suppose your body could exist without a self-protection mechanism?

Jeff says:

I am dealing with the pain of losing my son. How can I use this in a practical way for my situation?

Leo Gura says:

You probably want this video:

http /www.actualized.org/articles/how-to-deal-with-strong-negative-emotions

B says:

I lost two sons. Take it one emotion at a time. If you need to pace the floor, then pace the floor. If you need to cry, then cry. There is a time when your emotions are needed. Then you can eventually start taking control and allow your life to continue.

Jeff says:

Do you feel the topics discussed here help you cope with the biggest human tragedy one can experience? I don’t like the word “topics”, let’s say seeing life for what it really is.

Colin Stannard says:

Its not the events in our lives that vause us distress butour interpretation of those events

Tc says:

Profound

Jessica says:

This video is life changing!! And I totally feel that I was able to master my emotions today on my lunch after watching this. Was going through a tough situation where my emotions were taking control of my happiness. But Jessica is back and feeling in control. Yes! love it! thank you!

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