40 Signs That You Are Neurotic

By Leo Gura - December 21, 2015 | 65 Comments

Understanding neurosis

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Dave says:

Great video as always leo..guess the I who I belive I am is most definitely neurotic..I’m trying to so hard not to react to these episodes that arise in my awareness,which is who I logically see who I really am.but stopping getting sucked into the problems they create is so hard.monkey mind is still the winner on so many occasions

Galyna says:

Hello Leo,

Where is the FB button to share it? I could only do it with google…..

Leo Gura says:

Sorry, it’s fixed now

Galyna says:

Yes, have already posted it

Destiny says:

You are so awesome! I have been a pretty regular listener for a couple years. You have forever changed my life. When I get on my feet, You will be receiving payment. I regularly post your videos on my Facebook business site about breaking free from toxic relationships. I was abandoned as a child and have struggled all my life with neurosis . Now, I’m being a strategic mother fucker and getting shit done! Thank you so much Leo

Ps are you an alien from the upper dimensions?

Jennifer Wolf
Reshape Destiny on Facebook

Jim says:

So here’s where I am stuck. If we all excepting things and the world as it is, we’d probably be even worse of than if we mentally rejected it. Except a dead end job? Except your lot in life? Should a black man accept racism – thats just how some people are? Except what direction the world or your country is taking?

I think excepting things for what they are has it’s limits. But where is the line drawn? When does not excepting things as they are become neurotic?

Leo Gura says:

Indeed you are stuck. Accepting things is ALWAYS the right thing. Because things are ALWAYS exactly as they are.

Now… your mind ain’t gonna like that idea. It seems too radical. But, hey, you know what I said about embracing paradox.

Jim says:

Leo, did you just punt?

I get what your stating in the abstract and Zen sense.

But as you stated in the video – Do I accept my 13 year old daughter being a whore? If we except everything as it is exactly, is there never an everything as it should or could be?

Maybe a video in the future to expand on this. I am really trying to grasp it, I don’t want it to be meaningless psychobabble. I want real understanding that leads to real change.

You SHOULD have an edit button on our comments, that would be awesome too – DOH! I just did it again!

Leo Gura says:

If she’s currently being a whore, then that is what you accept, because it is the case. You don’t have to accept what’s not true, i.e., the future. You just have to accept the present situation.

Nicholas says:

Jim, this is where religiosity comes into play, and Leo addresses this in the video. “Whore” is just a way of saying “I don’t like this” to the bland, actual definition of “woman who likes sex”. First you gotta ask yourself, why is that a bad thing? If your answer is “because my faith”, then you are never going to love your daughter as long as that belief system is attached to your values. If you want to love your daughter, you will accept her as is: not good, not evil. So what are you gonna choose, your daughter? Or an omnipotent omnipresent being who concerns himself for some reason with what human animals do with their body parts? Unfortunately this is endemic to Judeo-Christian beliefs, where the characterization of god is totally neurotic. If your role model for behavior is the god of the Old Testament, no wonder you’re going to be unhappy. And unaccepting. I hope your daughter is a hypothetical situation, but if she’s not, you need to examine your beliefs or you will never love her.

Abraham says:

Hey Leo! I have this question: Can crying be considered as a type of meditation?

Great video as always Leo! Many of those signs resonate with me so I have plenty of work to do. Thank you

Abraham says:

I mean the act of crying

George says:

It’s quite cathartic I guess!

Leo Gura says:

It’s not meditation. It’s crying.

George says:

Me and my family in a nutshell. I think the stem of my neurosis comes from a deep fear for immorality. I’m terrified of surrendering the moral values I know like not murdering someone because I’m afraid that in doing so I’d become a monster.

Like in the previous comment I really struggle to see how an enlightened person could have any morality even if it is ‘natural’ because they have no identification with the good vs evil distinction. They wouldn’t support a murder for example, but they wouldn’t condemn it either. They’d be entirely indifferent and detached. Is that indifference healthy?

Dear Leo says:

Does listening to metal mean I’m neurotic?…

human being says:

Hi Leo,

What are you referring to when you use the term “empirical reality”?

Thanks,
HB

Kaz says:

Did you try googling it?

Leo Gura says:

Empirical reality is what’s occurring in your direct experience right this second, before thoughts arise and spin a web of concepts and fantasy and shoulds.

Kaz says:

‘The Road Less Traveled’ by Scott M. Peck also has good stuff on neurosis

pete says:

Hey Leo,
F R I G G I N G AWESOME VIDEOS YOU HAVE BEEN MAKING LATELY! They are very DIRECT! Thank you for All the Hours you spend in making the videos and effort and Heart you put into this… my friend got sooo upset u called him a chimp / chimp behavior.. he took it up the buttt haha well once again

Dan says:

Yeah. For a long time I’ve had it figured that I’m a such useless-piece-of-shit primarily because I can’t seem to summon the will to take what I’m pretty sure are right actions. Ooh-Lah, quite a burden it is, so much guilt, and probably explains why I’m so pathetically neurotic. Perhaps tonight I’ll finally get a decent night’s sleep because — thanks to the truths/revelations in this latest gem of Leo’s — starting right now I’m simply going to accept my useless-piece-of-shitness … and revisit working on the ‘will’ thing tomorrow.

Teagan says:

Your videos just keep getting better and better

Mixhael says:

Great points – actually all points are true. But beyond all self-acceptance and view on reality. Either way…Sometimes your guts are telling you your path. And when you trust and rely on that deepest inner feeling you’ll always should be fine cause you didn’t betray yourself. The ability of depth perception of that guts feeling of course depends strongly how intensive you perceive yourself and reflected you are. Even if that creates deepest torn apart feelings (maybe romantic). But they make you feel alive.
And my guts tell me that there is hope for my Love and me. Rationally and emotionally well thought through statement

I miss sometimes the “red wine” feel of Leo. Humans are not digital nor is psychology. Either way – his videos are always a great guidance to create awareness and find a good balance.

So thank you Leo for that. Still though I sometimes like to struggle a bit without being pathetic.

Keep up you great work.
THX

simon says:

hmm…Hi Leo, bought your booklist recently, it’s great. This video here opened my eyes a lot, realized that I’m super neurotic…so on some level I realized I had problems, but I was going about fighting them the wrong way, I was fighting the neuroticism, after watching this video though, I think I’ve realized that the way to fight neuroticism is to actually totally accept that you are neurotic, eventually the neuroticism will run out of steam and diminsh of it’s own accord, this is the tactic that I’ll try now. It seems to be working already, I feel less neurotic

simon says:

seems like the more you resist neuroticism, means the deeper you spiral down into yet more neurticism, you end up stacking neuroticism onto neuroticism until you’re basically insane, the more you accept, let go, the less neuroticism there is

Eric says:

Leo, I love the depth of these more recent video’s.

The more personal development I do, the more passionate about it I become. Six months ago I never would have considered becoming a life coach, but now I have this drive to want to help people overcome all the psychological obstacles that I’ve encountered in life. I can’t imagine a more rewarding life. Your video’s have almost single-handed driven me to pursue this. Until then there are more puzzle pieces to find and link together.

Your work is much appreciated. Thank you!

Andrew says:

Hi Leo
Great Video , I share your enthusiasm for the word neurosis as I think it’s complete in it’s definition it basically explains all your shit in one concise word

I first became interested in learning more about Neurosis after reading the road less travelled. After diagnosing myself as being a neurotic asshole I read further on the subject mainly Karen Horney’s work “Neurosis and the struggle for human growth”

I also agree that taking a neurotic approach to self -development won’t work I know this myself , I like the idea of gradual self improvement as in how much can I change over the next 5 -10 years instead of I just want to be fixed now

Thanks for the video

Hengame says:

Dear Leo, yes you are right, I have listed to this video 3 times, and this time is 4th time, every time I see my neurotic side better and better. surely I’ll watch it again and again in coming days. this is so sorry that we have to be controlled by rules from outside and not by our personality. thanks Leo so much, I appreciate and grateful for each single video you share and provide for us.

craig says:

haven’t you just helped diagnose half the population with Narcissism and left them hanging

Mayur Ghule says:

Leo I have a metaphor for you from the poem (The person I am looking for ) ‘ You are a beacon light for people far and wide ‘

Alexia says:

You didn’t clearly explain on how inability to work is related to neurosis. How does not accepting the reality hold the person from work?

Will says:

Great videos Leo. I’ve realized that I don’t know anyone who is not neurotic. I myself probably exhibit 95% of the 40 signs if not more. I often criticize people I believe to be neurotic only to be reminded, in no uncertain terms, that I am one of them.

I think sometimes people equate accepting with liking, agreeing with, or allowing. I believe I can accept that something is as it is but that does not mean that I don’t want it to be another way and that I would not work to change it. As long as I don’t believe that it “should” be another way then I would not be behaving neurotically. Or would I?

David says:

Great video, thanks.

Marj says:

hi leo… have you heard about Maladaptive daydreaming or excessive daydreaming? I hope you could make a video about that

Mary says:

Hey,
I wanted to know if you have read David D. Burns’ books? His work mostly centers on depression and anxiety. He mostly uses CBT and Exposure techniques to cure anxiety and depression.

Thomas says:

Damn, your videos are just amazing.
Thank you for your contribution to the world.
You’re a gift to humanity

Hengame says:

Hi Leo, what does k mean? In YouToub i see 1k liked and 35 did not. Or if somebody else knows thankful for clarification. Great video.

Ragnar says:

k means kilo and kilo means 1000

Pierre says:

Leo, if I accept myself as I am, why would I meditate every day? Why would I eat better? Why would I stop watching porn? Why would I exercise? Why would I read books instead of watch TV? Why would I do the emotionally difficult thing? Why would I step out of my comfort zone? Etc.

I just don’t get it.

Ragnar says:

yes , you are right plerre you didn’t get it . But you can get it, you just need to contemplate and know more about actualization. : )

Barbara says:

Pierre – That’s a very good question. Maybe we are all assuming that the acceptance Leo is referring to is accepting only what we want to change because it is a condition/activity/perspective/behavior that we do not like. Maybe that’s a limited, or one-sided way of thinking about the acceptance of reality. Perhaps you are meditating because you accept that this is is a behavior that you can do well, and that it helps you to understand your authentic self. Maybe it is also true that you eat healthfully because you accept this as a way to become and stay healthy, or maintain a healthy weight/lifestyle, etc. So, if you extrapolate out all of these examples you have listed, e.g. “why not porn?” “; “why exercise?”; “why read books vs. watch TV”, etc. – all of these beneficial activities you have listed – these are all activities that you have ‘accepted’ as being in your best interest. And when did you come to the conclusion that these activities were beneficial to you, and begin incorporating them into your lifestyle? Was it when you had ‘accepted’ them as activities/behaviors that could benefit you – but that you realized you weren’t doing, (‘accepted’ that you were maybe lacking in some of these areas) but which you could incorporate to improve your life, and that was what inspired you to take them on, or do more of? I think this is the meaning of that advice about change that we have all heard/read – that we have to start where we are right now. That means accepting where we are right now – and then move on from there. Now you have ‘accepted’ this is the way you are – this is what you do now to live your life successfully. If you hadn’t at some point ‘accepted’ that you might have been lacking in some of these areas, you would probably not be doing them so successfully now. No, you would have remained unaware. How can we accept what we are unaware of? I think this is what ‘acceptance’ does for us – it helps us to expand our consciousness/awareness, and evolve into a higher state of being. I do think there are two sides to it, though – not sure that I have actually explained my interpretation understandably – but, bottom line, Pierre, I think that you actually ‘got it’ more than you think you did!

Pierre says:

Thank you Barbara for your elegant answer! You’re right, my idea of self-acceptance is too negative.

Cheers!

tuvan says:

hey leo,

i dont like the part where you speak at 33rd minute speaking like it must be this way, kinda like a limitting belief. I want to put this just to critisize, i think you are doing a great job and yes i am a neurotic.

brian says:

i was enlighted once when on ayahausca , i could see the world was perfect just the way it is . WHAT AN INSIGHT .WOW .

Julie says:

Thank you! Words can not describe how grateful I am to have found your website, your videos it has changed my life.
Julie

Italo says:

Hey there Leo,

Here’s the question; if the “I” that “I” have been thinking is me, is not.
If It’s just my ego, or “the voice” inside my head.
And I’m not even the observer of it.
(and I kind of get that)
If so, The thing is…

If everything that I do in my life is done based on that false idea of who I am, if every decison made is made by my ego…. then what to say about free will??

example:
When I choose between, lets say, two shirts to go out, and I choose the blue one… was it already going to be the blue shirt anyways, and my ego tells me that I had a choice?? And I believe this as if it was my choice? Is there no free will? Just a false idea of it made by the false idea of being a separeted individual?

In a previous video you asked who was watching to look at our hand and you said that who was moving the hand was’nt us. That We think it’s us, but that’s an ilusion from the ego making us believe it’s us.

Is everything happening like a dream independent of whatever we do, and we have no free will, or in some other level os awearness we really get to make choices without the ego??

If I choose to develop myself in the enlightenment path, is it already certain things that will happen or not happen, or is it a choice that I have?

thanks a lot.
sorry for the english mistakes.. I’m from Brazil, and your videos have been seen a lot down here.

Patti Ryan says:

Love your videos, but please be careful in terms of talking about Jesus. I understand your probably trying to be politically correct and not offend anyone, but Jesus does exist. Maybe it would be a good idea to just leave talking about Him out of this. Love your videos though. Your very good at what you do!

Majus says:

download this as mp3 and run it when you go to bed and fall asleep.

Sophie OShea says:

In response to my Align yourself with the New Year comment I made, neurocies has caused all the angst, hell yeah! Do you think that the neurocies are part of the whole process though, as way to get you to ask these profound questions about your behaviour and life and to cause an inner turmoil that eventually leads you to look inward rather than out. Then we have to let go of them.

Lauri E Hohman says:

Okay I love what you have to say about being Neurotic and yes we all are to different degrees, and seeing a lot of what you have to say can save people from lots of craziness & hell, however I still go back to the fact that we all are spiritual first (no beginning & no end) and having an earthly experience (neurotic or not) BUT YOU CAN’T GET IT BECAUSE YOU ALREADY ARE IT. Trying to be spiritual is robbing the present moment, “the now” which is already wonderful if we realize we are spiritual beings first and human egos second. So it seems the world continues along with many spiritual teachers to try to conn people into thinking they are missing something which is the ALL TIME BIGGEST TRICK and very few people realize this spiritual TRUTH.
Away…..I do love listening to so much of what you have to say. I have shared you with lots of people! Thanks

1.Leo,its quite confusing.
2.Accepting things as they are and improving are quite contradictory…..

Suds says:

Leo – What exactly do you mean by “Socially acquired beliefs”? Can you quote an example to make this clear? Thanks!

Lauren says:

People like this are so difficult to deal with.

Salve says:

Hi,Leo.

Thank you so much,Now I know how neurotic I am but I am gonna try to fix it.

Nelson Torres says:

Wow lol

John says:

Hey Leo
Im having a hard time with this internal conflict that I have of accepting who i am and what i should be. I have horrible social anxiety. I am trying to practice meditation, affirmations, being myself, positivity, and applying all these things in the real world… But it is in direct conflict with acceptance. How do you balance continuing to work on personal development and yet failing to live up to personal development.

Steph says:

I didn’t expect this particular video to have such an impact on me, but after watching these videos for over a year this is the first one that brought tears to my eyes. I am deeply neurotic, I suppress my emotions and my true self and this is the root cause that makes me unhappy. Great, great video, I will keep myself to the commitments!

brenda says:

Hi Leo! do u have a girlfriend?

Elizabeth Davis says:

wow just wow. I never knew what neurotic was, but now that I do almost every one of these signs of being neurotic I exhibit. No wonder I have trouble staying in any kind of relationship or job and finding my life purpose and passion. I have much work ahead of me. I will say this saying the first commitment I am neurotic was very difficult admitting I am neurotic is hard because it’s not a good thing it actually feels embarrassing.

Valeria says:

Thank ou so much, yes I am motivated to my gradual not neurotic self improvement. Great teaching and very practical, if applied can really change onself from inside out!!!

Natalie says:

This video is very inspiring but it is difficult to understand. English is my 2nd language. Can you share transcript so I can check dictionary for terms I don’t understand? Thank you.

David Karczewski says:

Leo..I have a question. I’ve never been flexible ever since I was a child. Was curious if this may be a problem? I’ve tried to stretch. Never felt comfortable doing it. Thanks.

GEORGIASPILIOPOULOU says:

Great video Leo! Adding there is a line between neuroticism and the real stuff. neurotic person must improves to himself by researching of the truth about unfairly behaviours of others. Sometimes is not his belief at all. Also Dogma means the situation i am right surely without researching. In fact there is dogmatism between thoughts and the real things between perception and external reality. The beliefs will change in other time and season,

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