How do you guys not beat yourselves up?

[Ayham]

Title.

Basically for me, if I wake up late, not study/work enough, have a bad kriya yoga session, maybe not eat as healthy, or even just feel like I'm not doing something enough, I start beating myself up, I constantly feel like a failure unless I am doing everything perfectly.

In a sense it helps me get things done, but I'm aware it is neurotic and unhealthy.

Another thing I beat myself up a lot for, to the degree of almost hating myself, is fucking up my first relationship by being too clingy and attached.

Anyways, has anyone been through this? How do you guys deal with it?

[Buck Edwards]

I do it all the time. Although there's no perfect solution. 

[Yimpa]

I notice I beat myself up when I get lost in black-and-white thinking.

[hyruga]

 

[PenguinPablo]

watch that voice in your head

also lower the bar 

you're just torturing yourself

don't judge yourself but give yourself props for what you did right

areas that you did poorly seen as 'opportunities for growth'

and don't expect to make a 180 over night

make few, manageable, and realistic changes

 

[Princess Arabia]

Awareness. Observing the bully mind. If I was to tell you half of the stuff your bully mind tells you, you would hate me, but you listen to the bully mind. Not just that, you obey it. It's your master. You believe it. It's not just neurotic and unhealthy, it's downright insanity.

Pretend it's me actually saying these things to you and see how it feels:

You're an idiot. You're not good enough to sustain a relationship. You mess up everything you lay your hands on. You're lazy. You can't get anything in your life right. You're such a fucking moron. Girls see you as a loser. You can't even stick to what you say you're going to do because you suck at life. I mean, you would curse me out and probably use the ignore button, if everyday I kept saying these things to you. Feel free to insert your own words here, I'm just giving examples. 

Now imagine these are the same things your own mind is saying to you repeatedly. Everyday for a month straight. Would you push the ignore button. Would you tell it it doesn't know what it's saying....no.....you believe it, you entertain it. The mind is having a hell of a party with you being the lovely entertainer. But you would ignore me. And probably report me. But with the mind you accept it to the point where you don't know what to do, you're asking for advice.

Now who's the maniac here, you or the mind. Lose the mind and gain your senses. Leave the mind alone. Mind your mind. Use the mind, don't let it use you. You have made the mind your master and turned your heart into your servant. Do the opposite.

For every negative thought that pops up, follow up with a positive one, and keep doing that over and over and over and over and over again. That's how you train the mind to be your servant. Your thought patterns will eventually change on it's own through repetition. Doesn't even have to be replaced with a positive thought, just a thought that you would like to entertain.

Edited March 5 by Princess Arabia

[Yimpa]

@Princess Arabia a bully given no attention to becomes a nully. (Like the word nullify). And your mind becomes your ally again

Edited March 5 by Yimpa

[Princess Arabia]

1 minute ago, Yimpa said:

@Princess Arabia a bully given no attention to becomes a nully. (Like the word nullify). And your mind becomes your ally again

Yeah, the only reason we suffer our thoughts is because we give them life and believe in them. See them as passing clouds and only entertain the ones we feel good about. 

[ted73104]

I think the internal bully is another part of the unconcious you. It is actually an internal version of you that does not like you. So the long term solution here is to be mindful of yourself and your surroundings. Learn to accept yourself as you are and everyone else as they are, only then will the bully not have an issue with anything and be quiet.

[Davino]

4 hours ago, Ayham said:

has anyone been through this?

Yes, still in it a lot. It's something I got from my mother which she is extremely perfectionist.

4 hours ago, Ayham said:

How do you guys deal with it?

Understanding first of all that in reality you beat yourself because you love yourself. You appreciate your life and want to make a good use of it. The point is that maybe there are betters ways of doing it. Healthy motivation and doing them out of discipline and love.

In the end it has become a habit for you, hence the difficulty to break the habit

It is important to note that if you don't do something is because you really didn't wanna do it. Your priorities are different than the ideals you have for yourself, this disonance and lack of integrity causes suffering in you, as it must be so.

This self-hatred usually comes in pack with self-doubt & self-denial

 

[Ayham]

I suppose it's true that being aware and detached of your ego mind, self-judgements, etc. is key.

Though I doubt most of us modern folk have the capability to maintain that awareness unless one has a very good baseline by a lot of hardcore spiritual work.

[universe]

This is the whole essence of spirituality.

Not beating yourself up and accept and cherish reality for what it is.

 

It's practical to practice acceptance because it will lessen your resistance towards the present moment.

You become more and more aware of how everything in reality is infinitely perfect and miraculous. Even eating something unhealthy.

Also Emotional Mastery is huge for the day to day living stuff and feeling good in general.

[Hojo]

I did it my entire life until I realized its literally satan doing it. Ignore satan he will yap in your ear all day for the rest of your life and crush you if you let him.

Edited March 5 by Hojo

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OiRcvRRNPI0

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Afn0NLgByo

[Schizophonia]

2 hours ago, universe said:

This is the whole essence of spirituality.

 

Is the purpose of spirituality to treat chronic anxiety disorder? lol

[Schizophonia]

You're anxious.

[Consept]

Treat yourself as someone you truly love, imagine a a good friend or family member youre very close to. If they told you I messed up my diet how would you react to them, would you criticise them and tell them how bad they are for messing it up? Or would you help them look at the positive, that theyve been doing so well and its ok to slip up sometimes? 

Really start thinking of yourself as someone worthy of compassion, otherwise its almost like youre your own bully, you only do stuff when your forced to through negative emotion. No one would be happy being bullied constantly. 

[Thought Art]

 

[meta_male]

On 5.3.2024 at 7:33 AM, Ayham said:

How do you guys deal with it?

IFS.

[Grateful Dead]

Turn it around and think about the things you have already accomplised in your life. And learn from your experiences, like the failed relationship. How can you grow from that? We all fuck up from time to time and maybe in the end failures are actually useful..