I am really afraid

[Canadian]

Hi everyone 

First thing first I would like to thank Leo for all the knowledge shared with us and teaching things in a very clear/unique way. 
 

My problem is next: I am weed addict 24 years old man who does not want to stop smoking, lives with his parents appartaments, dropped out of high school and doing part-time job to buy weed, that’s it for life. 
 

i am feeling my life slipping away, my young years going down the drain and not being able to escape from it. This is very intimate thing so I  can’t really share it with anyone. My everyday life has been the same for years, trying to make a rent is hard enough for my parents (rent prices are super high ESPECIALLY IN CANADA) , for immigrant people from eastern europe is not easy to settle here. 
 

I spent my young years not being able to afford anything, but money is not my main issue, my main issue is my mentality.

 I am stuck in boring weed smoking lifestyle and can’t escape. My life is drifting away, my parents are getting old, I can’t even afford to live on my own, dropped out of uni because I had enough of their bs and afraid of what is going to happen, I know it will be nothing short of disaster. I want to have a family, but I never had a healthy relationship, very few ones and none of them long term or serious. I don’t know where to escape, I am extremely, extremely afraid of death for no reason.  

 

every day negativity takes over my mind, and can never escape from it because weed does it…

 

if anyone could give me encouraging words or practical advice if possible I would appreciate it. 

my ideal lifestyle would be living separately with girlfriend, having enough job to take care of my partner and my family .

 

 I don’t have a partner 

my family takes care of me.

 

sounds funny, until it’s not…

 

 

[Leo Gura]

I understand.

You need to understand this: You have become a drug addict, and this has robbed your whole life from you. Your number one priority now must be to quit drugs forever and build a sober life. It will be challenging at first, but it will be better than being a drug addict. The good news is that weed should not be so hard to quit. It's not like heroin.

If you need help, consider researching a 12-step program for addicts, where experienced folk can give you support.

It's just addiction. That's all. You can kick it. Once you go sober, the rest of your problems will be much easier to solve. You don't need weed to live a good life. You just need to reach a point of pain where you clearly feel like you never wanna do weed again in your life because it's not worth the suffering it generates.

Edited March 5 by Leo Gura

[Canadian]

Thank you for your response. Anyones word would be inspiring but even MORE INSPIRING WHEN ITS YOUR ADVICE because I have been following your channel since 2014 and I genuinely have huge respect for everything you taught me with your work.

 

 I tried to sober up but my problem is I get extremely bored, don’t have friends to “kill time” or gf to talk to . I have been doing part time job and workout in gym but that is pretty much it, besides that weed addiction keeps beating me…

 

but I will not give up and be even more motivated now , thanks 🙏, 

[Leo Gura]

9 minutes ago, Canadian said:

I tried to sober up but my problem is I get extremely bored, don’t have friends to “kill time” or gf to talk to

So? I have lived most of my life without friends or girlfriend. You don't need weed for that. Focus on your life purpose, career, business, art, reading, hobbies, travel, etc.

You just need to face sober living. Eventually it will become better than being high. Make sober living a principle of your life. You know very well what unsober life is like, and it sucks for you. So you have nothing to lose by going sober.

Edited March 5 by Leo Gura

[Phil King]

10 minutes ago, Canadian said:

I tried to sober up but my problem is I get extremely bored, don’t have friends to “kill time” or gf to talk to .

You need another "addiction" to replace the weed. Try to redirect all impulses to smoke into something productive. Like whenever you get the urge to smoke, do 10 pushups, or read 10 pages of a book, or journal, or stretch, or meditate, or do anything that isnt weed. You can be addicted to anything so may as well be addicted to personal growth. In my experience the first week is the hardest, you probably wont sleep at all. After a month, you wont have any cravings and after 90+ days, your full cognitive faculties should be back to normal. Trust me you dont even know what youre missing when you have constant brainfog from smoking

Edited March 5 by Phil King

[Emerald]

@Canadian There are a couple things that I think could be helpful. 

I second what @Leo Gura said about quitting the weed as substance addictions can really mess up your pleasure and reward circuits... which mess with your motivation.

But there's a bit more...

One is to figure out what you're trying to avoid by smoking the weed and face directly with it. Many addictions exist because we're trying to avoid uncomfortable emotions.

People can also engage in addictions because they have a difficult time with emotional regulation... so they rely on external substances to regulate their nervous systems. So, consider whether the weed use is serving that purpose for you. And if so, find a healthier way to regulate your nervous system.

Then, you'll also want to get clarity on what you truly want in your heart of hearts. This will give you a North Star to move in the direction of... which will give you something bigger to be motivated towards beyond seeking mediocre pleasures and pain relief.

[Yimpa]

Weed is like the forbidden fruit. It’s not inherently bad for it to be there, but how you relate to it will make or break you. 

[Yimpa]

I’ve posted this documentary from Kevin Smith before… ended up in psychiatric hospital after years of heavy pot smoking. Worth a watch if you’d like to hear someone successfully quit it and heal from trauma.

 

[Davino]

Probably you have already watched them but in case not:

I really recommend you the Motivational Speech video if you are just gonna watch one. 

Watch them in this order if you feel like it

[Sincerity]

6 hours ago, Canadian said:

I am weed addict 24 years old man who does not want to stop smoking

Well this part of You that is the weed addict, this energy that doesn't want to stop it has taken over your experience. And when You try going against it You'll be going against "yourself" - this part of You. When You try to fight it it's gonna be like one hand wrestling the other, stupidity, a war in your mind.

I recommend You try this:

The weed addict energy can be released. You can cry it out, especially when You see how helpless You are against it, against "you". I suggest You cry and pray sincerely, be honest with yourself, admit your true desire and that You can't change. Then You might receive some help from the invisible hand. The Universe ONLY and ALWAYS answers to SINCERE prayer, SINCERE calls for help. No matter what You pray to, You can even just talk to your imaginary friend George, the point is to ADMIT THE TRUTH. Then You get these unconscious energies to the light of day.

Because fact is, You are unconscious of all of this. You're a helpless puppet of these energies simply because You're not aware enough. They're running You. But it doesn't have to be this way.

Admit the truth. Admit the truth. Admit the truth.

And break free. Stop being fucked by God knows what. Have some respect for yourself and see through it.

Edited March 5 by Sincerity

[Grateful Dead]

You said it yourself, you don't even really want to stop smoking weed, so in my opinion it won't happen. What do you think would be different if you stopped smoking weed? You said you would live with your girlfriend and have a good job. So why not put your energy into that and work towards something you really want? Maybe then weed won't be such a big problem anymore...

So what job would you like to do? What could you do to find a girlfriend? What are you actually interested in? Maybe you could pursue a hobby more actively? Just a few ideas...

Edited March 5 by Grateful Dead

[MAHAVATAR_-_BABAJI]

I've been there. 

After 4 days the withdrawal subside and its just a thought of smoking which will arise. try joining activities which occupy your mind(or sleep).

You need to find a quality that arises when you smoke weed that you hate so much that you quit it. That is how you kick an addiction.

Try Jordan peterson's self Authoring suite program. Helped me quit alcohol & all drugs, and re-create my life.

 

Edited March 5 by MAHAVATAR_-_BABAJI

[Yimpa]

Quitting getting high with weed and replacing it with CBD  helped me come out of the closet, join positive support groups, get into a relationship, start working again, reduce the amount of dependence on therapy. Everyone heals differently 

[Thought Art]

Either quit, or change your relationship with it. Start going out and socializing and doing the things you wanna do.

[Rigel]

What's helped me quit weed was having something to do that's meaningful to me. What are you doing when you get high? If you get high then watch TV that's the real problem. If you had something worth while to do you would clearly see that weed isn't helping.

Let's say you really want to learn programming. You are addicted to weed right now so you would get high and then go about trying to learn programming. What you would notice then is that weed is crippling you in learning fast & remembering the shit you are learning. So the natural thing to do would be to stop using weed. What do you want to do with your life?? Quitting weed isn't an inspiring goal. Figure out something that lights a fire under your ass & which requires you to quit weed as a by product.

What freed me from weed was realizing that weed wasn't the problem. I was.

[Cubbage]

13 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

I understand.

You need to understand this: You have become a drug addict, and this has robbed your whole life from you. Your number one priority now must be to quit drugs forever and build a sober life. It will be challenging at first, but it will be better than being a drug addict. The good news is that weed should not be so hard to quit. It's not like heroin.

If you need help, consider researching a 12-step program for addicts, where experienced folk can give you support.

It's just addiction. That's all. You can kick it. Once you go sober, the rest of your problems will be much easier to solve. You don't need weed to live a good life. You just need to reach a point of pain where you clearly feel like you never wanna do weed again in your life because it's not worth the suffering it generates.

This rings deeply true as someone currently in recovery from a two year long addiction to ketamine. Once I got over the first three days and managed to get to two weeks clean, the thought of dulling my consciousness with constant drug abuse became quite sickening to imagine and I slowly but surely adjusted and fell in love with the beauty of being purely conscious in a sober state of mind. It is hard to overcome any addiction of course, but once you persevere and recalibrate your life, it will be the sweetest victory you can imagine. Wishing you all the best pal @Canadian.

Edited March 5 by Cubbage
Typo

[TheAlchemist]

If you don't have the psychological resources to quit right now and to face the underlying emotional pain, you can develop a healthier relationship with the weed. Instead of dwelling on negative thoughts and self-loathing, you can leverage the high to inspire you. Listen to music with a positive message, get in touch with your creativity, draw paint, sing, dance and do some yoga while high. Or work with your emotions and really deeply feel them, whatever they may be

The suggestion is that it is not the substance itself that is the problem here necessarily, but more so ones relationship with the substance and to oneself. The underlying pain is what is fueling this habit, and you can either drop the habit and face the pain, or do your best to face the pain bit by bit to uncover the root cause. This way you might get to root of the pain and the need to use slowly drops away or becomes more balanced. The shame and self-loathing that reflect the pain are much more destructive to your spirit than almost any substance known to man. 

So, if you can't quit right now, start to build this healthier relationship with the plant and then you might discover something that you didn't expect. You can learn to relate to yourself in new ways, you can learn to work with your emotions and thoughts in new ways, but the most important is self-compassion and self-love for now, I believe.

This is a great opportunity to build some solid groundwork of self-love, if you can love yourself now you will have a very good foundation for when life blesses you once again. You won't be run by fear of returning where you are now, since you already accepted and loved yourself here. And your ego wont get inflated at that point, since you learned the lesson of humility in the face of life. 

I believe you can learn to love yourself no matter where you are now. You can do it man!

Edited March 5 by TheAlchemist

[Applegarden8]

13 hours ago, Canadian said:

I tried to sober up but my problem is I get extremely bored, don’t have friends to “kill time” or gf to talk to . I have been doing part time job and workout in gym but that is pretty much it, besides that weed addiction keeps beating me...

I think you have to come in terms with this.

For the most part, the daily life is boring, repetitive, spaced out between events, minimalistic and even when there are events, they may not even be satisfying.

But where you are in life in the most direct sense (needing something or not needing something, relying on a belief or not having to rely on belief) is very very important.

You creating a sober and sustainable lifestyle is fantastic by itself. You having the mental stability, abstain from something that hurts you and being in line with the large things you value makes most of the difference. But to have that you will need a lot of awareness and a lot of sielence, contemplation, shadow work and time spent on entertaining ideas contrary to what you believe now. And it is boring, but the boredom can be cured. Really. It will take you a long time, but if it can be cured it is worth it! And another thing you not only need to push it but you need to pull yourself from the future by constantly visualizing the life you would like to live. Have you even spend a consistent amount of time visualizing of big things and little things you want definitively? Yes, life will narrow that down, but you will have few authentic desires left which you will follow with ease, no matter how hard it is to upkeep. But it is a part of a boring, organized and healthy lifestyle not based on much sensory stimulation but inner bliss.

And to get that boring, healthy and organized life you have to do some boring research which will come inspiring because it will give you the health, work ethics and technical problem solutions in any field.

Don't waste time of you thinking how life is going to shit. Better start searching for what it is that you want, how it would feel like and how to get there in babysteps.

For example how cool it would be to live alone and not to bother with anybody but to design your own lifestyle.

There is a possibility of you becoming blissfull, ecstatic or whatever (something that you and Iclearly cannot immagine and cognize, just fantasize) in some people's experience it's possible.

Edited March 5 by Applegarden8

[Asia P]

@Canadian Helloo! Here are some practical advices, let me know what you think...

First of all, there are many people that have used "magic" herbs to quit weed, (like calea zacatechichi, which is a natural legal and non addictive herb, that ancient aztecs used for relax the mind and have lucid dreams)

Obv first of all you should really, and i mean r e a l l y, want to quit your addiction, to build a better life. But maybe it can help having some herb thc free, to trick your brain. (Because sometimes weed addiction is also about the gesture of roll and smoke)

Then, i think i understand, that your problem also involves the fact that you really suffer 'boring' moments, and weed helps you to kill the time. Find a passion, and if you can't find one, try going into nature places, lay down on the ground, under trees, and expose yourself to sun. This really helps (expecially sun) to reload energy, and forget about sadness. 

Sending you a big hug, bye.

[Raze]

read the easy way to stop smoking cannabis 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bA_uvTTl208

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X_dawQLA-mA

https://www.shinzen.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/art_urges.pdf

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p3JLaF_4Tz8