Still obsessed with a girl

[thierry]

Okay I’m gonna really open myself up here which is really uncomfortable for me as I’m not used to this so I would ask so I am expecting goodwill from people.

basically I’m still obsessed with the same girl and it feels really toxic. I saw that girl long ago(we met in a psych ward) and I felt completely for her. We had dates, kissed it was sometimes cute. She even from time to time told me she was feeling something for me but we never had sex. Once we could have had but she basically told me no we are not gonna have sex but it was weird cause after I just said « ok » she told me « I can’t determine you » then we were sleeping next to each other she told me

she felt hot and remove her clothes and was almost naked and put my hand on her breast and another on her ass. I just caressed her softly as she told me before we are not gonna have sex but did not make any very forward move as I did not want to cross what she told me before. 
anyway after a while she came back to her home. 
She then explained me she’s been raped and she can not have sex which is weird cause she before told me she had sex with another guy before we met. But when I confronted her about she told me it was because she was drunk.

then we continued to hang out, it was sometimes cool, sometimes I was feeling that we did not move forward in term of our relationship. Anyway another time I would have an opportunity to have sex with her but I did not because she was too drunk and my soul can not fuck a drunk girl .

anyway then she told me that she only sees my as a friend and I learned that she fucked other dudes(she did not even told me, I had to invistigate on myself) and later she text me saying « are u okay » we talked and finally decided to meet again. I was expecting to only meet as friend but she was giving me signals telling me she missed me and asking me as we were talking « but you do not still want me » the. After hesitation I kissed her, decided to give it another shot but after admitting by text to her one night as I was a little pissed of and traumatize by the fact that she fucked other dudes that I invistigated in a not healthy way. and knew people she fucked. She told me it was the end and she did not want to see me again. 
I was completely heartbroken. I also have to say I have mental Illnesses so mixing love for a woman with my neurosis is never healthy for me I think.

anyway for a certain time I felt also a little relief telling myself at least all the toxicity of the relationship is over and I tried to date other girls but I’m realizing how physically selectif I’ve became. I realize she was maybe physically out of my league cause the girls I date I always find something that bother me. And I did not find a girl which I could really connect and who I would be willing to sacrifice a little physicality for personality. Anyway as I’m writting, we could say I’m having an « ex backlash » 

I do not even know if I could call her an ex as we did not even have sex

but anyway I feel terrible. My state of consciousness is burning, and I can really feel a flame feeling in my conscious which is really awful.

[Schizophonia]

It will pass.

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3tt-L2pROgk

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V3miuaOWsj8

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eit85FAj4wg

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VLH7yUwkBPg

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7p3-MJJm_R0

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7L2MzmE8cwo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uBqtJxMHPFM

Use this to get over them

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BVqANXVTLN4

http://happinessbeyondthought.blogspot.com/2012/05/surrendering-i-letting-go-of-suffering.html

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MU1Rp184IT4

[Applegarden8]

So am I. Here is how to deal with it, please, listen:

- with imagining her every moment in your life you are not imagining how you are going to live your life and your life suffers, because the destructive tendencies you have express themselves unchallenged, remember that you have a life to live, you are capable of being alone as a complete human being and you are interested in living a healthy and adventorous life in which you create this meaning by visualizing and acting;

- have you entertained the idea, at least for a time, ok, right now I decide I don't need anybody and just proceed with it. There are good reasons for it like, there are people who really have nobody and they can cope extremely well with life and that realistically she doesn't give a fuck and the woman I am "obsessed" doesn't care either. She is a free human being protected by constitution just like you, which means that your attention holds a lot of power, anything you commit your life to is bound to yield to you, better learn some skill, build something or relax completely. Make yourself in such a way it's easy to get laid.

- Natural forces and societal conditioning. You have to have because everyone has. Most of the media reminds you that you have to have a spouse, right now. Sometimes you feel like wanting to share something, some intimacy, ok, you don't have it, but this loneliness taught me very important life lessons. Quitting jerking off helped me the most in this aspect because I don't feel so identified with the body.

So this obsession is so passive in me right that that this person does not trigger anything really and I have strong sense of purpose that losing this person means nothing really, the sun will rise and I will do what I planned to do and keep reflecting, since this is actual tangible thing a human being can do to improve his position in to the existential. Good luck!

[TheGod]

9 hours ago, thierry said:

Okay I’m gonna really open myself up here which is really uncomfortable for me as I’m not used to this so I would ask so I am expecting goodwill from people.

basically I’m still obsessed with the same girl and it feels really toxic. I saw that girl long ago(we met in a psych ward) and I felt completely for her. We had dates, kissed it was sometimes cute. She even from time to time told me she was feeling something for me but we never had sex. Once we could have had but she basically told me no we are not gonna have sex but it was weird cause after I just said « ok » she told me « I can’t determine you » then we were sleeping next to each other she told me

she felt hot and remove her clothes and was almost naked and put my hand on her breast and another on her ass. I just caressed her softly as she told me before we are not gonna have sex but did not make any very forward move as I did not want to cross what she told me before. 
anyway after a while she came back to her home. 
She then explained me she’s been raped and she can not have sex which is weird cause she before told me she had sex with another guy before we met. But when I confronted her about she told me it was because she was drunk.

then we continued to hang out, it was sometimes cool, sometimes I was feeling that we did not move forward in term of our relationship. Anyway another time I would have an opportunity to have sex with her but I did not because she was too drunk and my soul can not fuck a drunk girl .

anyway then she told me that she only sees my as a friend and I learned that she fucked other dudes(she did not even told me, I had to invistigate on myself) and later she text me saying « are u okay » we talked and finally decided to meet again. I was expecting to only meet as friend but she was giving me signals telling me she missed me and asking me as we were talking « but you do not still want me » the. After hesitation I kissed her, decided to give it another shot but after admitting by text to her one night as I was a little pissed of and traumatize by the fact that she fucked other dudes that I invistigated in a not healthy way. and knew people she fucked. She told me it was the end and she did not want to see me again. 
I was completely heartbroken. I also have to say I have mental Illnesses so mixing love for a woman with my neurosis is never healthy for me I think.

anyway for a certain time I felt also a little relief telling myself at least all the toxicity of the relationship is over and I tried to date other girls but I’m realizing how physically selectif I’ve became. I realize she was maybe physically out of my league cause the girls I date I always find something that bother me. And I did not find a girl which I could really connect and who I would be willing to sacrifice a little physicality for personality. Anyway as I’m writting, we could say I’m having an « ex backlash » 

I do not even know if I could call her an ex as we did not even have sex

but anyway I feel terrible. My state of consciousness is burning, and I can really feel a flame feeling in my conscious which is really awful.

1. You could've fucked her but you didn't. If you had fucked things would've been different. But don't blame yourself and try to move on. Talk to other girls. I find it to be very useful when trying to forget your ex. You don't have to fuck them, just talk to them and friend zone them. Women do that a lot to get emotional support from guys, so you can do it as well. 

2. You have to realise that you're idealising this girl. It doesn't matter how perfect or good-looking she is. You're overestimating her value in your life. 

3. You need to be more initiative with women. If you have a chance to fuck them just do it. You can't imagine how many chances I missed when I was younger and stupid. I was a mr. Nice Guy :D. Nice guys are friends for women  

I'll tell you a story. 

I was 19 studying in college. There was this girl I was really obsessed about. I was trying to be nice and supportive with her all the time, thinking that at some point she would recognise how nice I was. She knew I liked her but we never talked about it. One day she calls me in the middle of the night. She says "Vlad, please come to my place, we need to talk!". I was so happy to hear that and I thought "There we go! Tonight is the night!" It's 11 pm, I jump off my bed and in a rush I'm brushing my teeth whilst dressing up. I'm calling the taxi excited as fuck. After 10 minutes I'm in the car even more excited. "Oh yeah boy, we're going to be together" - i'm thinking to myself. I'm at her place, she opens the door and hugs me. She's not looking happy and says that we need to go and talk on the balcony. We go there and I take a sit. Then she says - "Listen, you know you're important to me?". I node. Then she continues: "Can I tell you something, can you be trusted". "Of course" - I answer smiling. "You know" - she says, "there is this guy that I kissed the other day, I feel like I'm in love with him..."  

Man, never in my life had I struggled that much with keeping my smile as the moment when she told me that. 

 

[thierry]

23 hours ago, Applegarden8 said:

So am I. Here is how to deal with it, please, listen:

- with imagining her every moment in your life you are not imagining how you are going to live your life and your life suffers, because the destructive tendencies you have express themselves unchallenged, remember that you have a life to live, you are capable of being alone as a complete human being and you are interested in living a healthy and adventorous life in which you create this meaning by visualizing and acting;

- have you entertained the idea, at least for a time, ok, right now I decide I don't need anybody and just proceed with it. There are good reasons for it like, there are people who really have nobody and they can cope extremely well with life and that realistically she doesn't give a fuck and the woman I am "obsessed" doesn't care either. She is a free human being protected by constitution just like you, which means that your attention holds a lot of power, anything you commit your life to is bound to yield to you, better learn some skill, build something or relax completely. Make yourself in such a way it's easy to get laid.

- Natural forces and societal conditioning. You have to have because everyone has. Most of the media reminds you that you have to have a spouse, right now. Sometimes you feel like wanting to share something, some intimacy, ok, you don't have it, but this loneliness taught me very important life lessons. Quitting jerking off helped me the most in this aspect because I don't feel so identified with the body.

So this obsession is so passive in me right that that this person does not trigger anything really and I have strong sense of purpose that losing this person means nothing really, the sun will rise and I will do what I planned to do and keep reflecting, since this is actual tangible thing a human being can do to improve his position in to the existential. Good luck!

Thanks a lot, it felt really good reading this ! 

[thierry]

14 hours ago, TheGod said:

1. You could've fucked her but you didn't. If you had fucked things would've been different. But don't blame yourself and try to move on. Talk to other girls. I find it to be very useful when trying to forget your ex. You don't have to fuck them, just talk to them and friend zone them. Women do that a lot to get emotional support from guys, so you can do it as well. 

2. You have to realise that you're idealising this girl. It doesn't matter how perfect or good-looking she is. You're overestimating her value in your life. 

3. You need to be more initiative with women. If you have a chance to fuck them just do it. You can't imagine how many chances I missed when I was younger and stupid. I was a mr. Nice Guy :D. Nice guys are friends for women  

I'll tell you a story. 

I was 19 studying in college. There was this girl I was really obsessed about. I was trying to be nice and supportive with her all the time, thinking that at some point she would recognise how nice I was. She knew I liked her but we never talked about it. One day she calls me in the middle of the night. She says "Vlad, please come to my place, we need to talk!". I was so happy to hear that and I thought "There we go! Tonight is the night!" It's 11 pm, I jump off my bed and in a rush I'm brushing my teeth whilst dressing up. I'm calling the taxi excited as fuck. After 10 minutes I'm in the car even more excited. "Oh yeah boy, we're going to be together" - i'm thinking to myself. I'm at her place, she opens the door and hugs me. She's not looking happy and says that we need to go and talk on the balcony. We go there and I take a sit. Then she says - "Listen, you know you're important to me?". I node. Then she continues: "Can I tell you something, can you be trusted". "Of course" - I answer smiling. "You know" - she says, "there is this guy that I kissed the other day, I feel like I'm in love with him..."  

Man, never in my life had I struggled that much with keeping my smile as the moment when she told me that. 

 

Thanks for your answer eventhough I have to admit it hurts a lot reading that if I had done things a little different, it could have been different. 
eventhough it might be true. I do not even want to think about this. 
Sorry for your story, I know what it is like, I missed so much opportunity playing the white knight too that I could not even tell all the stories here. 
And yes I already have frienzoned some girls. One of them is a 17yo girl, I love her so much, she really is an angel always here for me. Sometimes I feel bad cause she’s so innocent and naive. I almost made a move on her once when I felt really bad but retained myself.

If I had done it I would definitely have joined the Men with no Honor crew.