Going on dates when feeling down?

[meta_male]

How do you guys go about meeting up with people when you're going through a dark phase? I had a rather challenging therapy session the other day and feel depressed since but had already set up a date for this Sunday. We didn't text all week and I was hoping for her to call it off but she's still on. 

Appreciate your views.

[Consept]

I think you always have to be authentic with whatever state you're in. What makes you not want to go is that you don't want to exert the energy it takes to force yourself to be upbeat. But if you just let yourself be whatever you are in the moment it takes a lot of pressure off. 

Also 9 times out of 10 if you do something fun with someone cool, your state will change for the better anyway because your mind is being occupied. It's harder to go into it from a negative state but I don't think you'll regret it

[Yimpa]

My partner and I both experience dark times in our lives. Despite that, we ride those storms both individually and together. Also, we plan on doing couple’s therapy soon 

[Spiritual Warrior]

3 hours ago, Consept said:

I think you always have to be authentic with whatever state you're in. What makes you not want to go is that you don't want to exert the energy it takes to force yourself to be upbeat. But if you just let yourself be whatever you are in the moment it takes a lot of pressure off. 

Also 9 times out of 10 if you do something fun with someone cool, your state will change for the better anyway because your mind is being occupied. It's harder to go into it from a negative state but I don't think you'll regret it

This is perfect, just be yourself man. If you're sad, be true and authentic to that. And he's right, the date may lift your mood. Don't bail on her. 

[Princess Arabia]

11 hours ago, Yimpa said:

My partner and I both experience dark times in our lives. Despite that, we ride those storms both individually and together. Also, we plan on doing couple’s therapy soon 

Be careful you don't get addicted to outside therapy. Seems like you're always going to therapy which can also become an addictive cycle. Not saying you are, just saying. There has to come a time when you have to drop the ties that bond, even parents knows this. Relying on therapy all the time can weaken your resilience and leave you dependent on it and make you feel you can't bounce back on your own using your innate capabilities.

Edited March 1 by Princess Arabia

[Yimpa]

@Princess Arabia Oh yeah, I’ve significantly decreased the amount of therapy I go to relative to a year ago!

[Princess Arabia]

Just now, Yimpa said:

@Princess Arabia Oh yeah, I’ve significantly decreased the amount of therapy I go to relative to a year ago!

Cool.

[Raze]

13 hours ago, meta_male said:

How do you guys go about meeting up with people when you're going through a dark phase? I had a rather challenging therapy session the other day and feel depressed since but had already set up a date for this Sunday. We didn't text all week and I was hoping for her to call it off but she's still on. 

Appreciate your views.

Just go full vulnerability mode, sometimes she will start trauma dumping and this leads to sex a shocking amount of times. 

[Yimpa]

12 minutes ago, Raze said:

Just go full vulnerability mode, sometimes she will start trauma dumping and this leads to sex a shocking amount of times. 

Heh… doesn’t need to just be sex. Could be playing a video game with the bae, such as BioShock 

[LordFall]

@meta_male Depends on what you're depressed about. If it's about stuff like lack of money and just a situation that you should focus on then do that instead of distracting yourself by going out and doing game. If it's like a breakup and a grief type thing and going out and socializing would be helpful for you then I'd say rely more on your friends & social circle rather than your will power to get out of the house. 

[Yimpa]

@LordFall In a nutshell, flexible mindset. I appreciate the reminder! Being flexible is something I’ve struggled with for my entire life and have only begun seriously addressing a few years ago. 

[Pav]

@meta_male If you decide to proceed with the date try your best to get yourself in a more social and positively energetic state, even if you can only maintain it temporarily for the date. It's possible that going on the date will trigger a more positive state in you, though it may also not.

The unfortunate fact of the matter is that being in a depressive state is one of the most sure-fire ways to kill your date and any possibility of going any further with this girl. It's really not a pleasant experience to be on a date with someone who is lacking in enthusiasm and sucks the energy out of the room. And generally women won't give you another chance if your first date went that way.

If you're unable to elevate your state it may be worth rescheduling your date. Although this risks her flaking on you next time. So there's a risk there. It's a tough situation you're in.

23 hours ago, Consept said:

I think you always have to be authentic with whatever state you're in. What makes you not want to go is that you don't want to exert the energy it takes to force yourself to be upbeat. But if you just let yourself be whatever you are in the moment it takes a lot of pressure off. 

Sure it may take some of the pressure off, but being authentically depressive will still be very uncomfortable for the others around and will ruin any chances of them going on a second date.

Edited March 2 by Pav

[Spiral]

I don’t have a good time with other people when I’m in a bad mood. Others don’t enjoy my company either. 
 

If it’s serious I would cancel and maybe try next weekend instead at least if it’s a first date. First impressions only happens once.

Edited March 2 by Spiral

[meta_male]

Thanks everyone for your replies. I cancelled, no point going on a date right now.