A trip report i found on Reddit

[Gadasaa]

I thought it was an interesting read and wanted to share. A trip report by 19 year old girl. She was tripping on acid while having threesome. 


The report: 

iv realized We are God, and life is a dream.

Even if no one reads this, I need to get this out . Then I can forget all about it and live the rest of my life free of it.

I'll begin by saying this was on a dosage I wasnt prepared to take.
350 ug Gel tab. Me and two friends, Kaden and Heather, tripped on one each.

We dropped at 145am on Thursday night.
At first, it was good.
We are all open people and it didn't take long for it to turn into one big fuck fest.
We started to trip while we were fucking.

My eyes were closed..
And I started to lose track of who was who.
who I was.
I wasnt sure who I was touching or who I was kissing. I wasnt sure where my limbs were. I was simulatanoursly touching, but also felt like I was being touched. 
My friends were feeling it too.
I wasnt sure where I was in space. it felt like I was in three places at once-- In three minds.

There wasnt a condom and I wasnt on the pill so there wasnt any real fucking- and I say real, because it felt like I was being fucked. like there was an invisa-dick inside of me, and I was rocking back into it. when I opened my eyes I realized I wasnt being touched at all..
and neither were my friends.
We were pressed against one another, but we werent touching eachother. 
And they were feeling the same thing I was feeling.
Even Kaden.

There was this buzzing on each side of my head. When I expressed it, both my friends said they felt the same thing. In fact, they felt the exact same thing I was feeling.

Whenever there was a spike of intense pleasure in our heads, we all groaned, we all reacted to it.
Heather touched Kaden and I both felt her touch like I was him, and yet also felt myself touching him, as if I was in her body.

It was insane. We were in each other's minds. I could hear their thoughts and feelings, and they mine. We started to laugh - it was crazy, but it was really fucking fun, and we were having a good time.

The weirdest hottest thing was possibly when I started fingering the air.

I imagined I was fingering something, and I was curving my fingers and pulling in and out of nothing,... and both my friends were going crazy. They fucking felt it. I stopped moving my hand and their breaths halted . I was causing physical change with nothing but my mind. And because I was feeling what they were feeling, I was also fingering myself in a sense. 
It was fucking insane. unbelievable. Too good to be true.
And it was.

Minds.. Should be separated.

As it progressed, we were so intertwined, when they touched me, It started to feel like I was touching .. myself.
When they hugged me, I felt myself giving the hug, as well as receive it.

We all started to feel like it was wrong.

There was three of us but it felt like we were masturbating, like we were all the same being using different bodies.

It wasnt right. It wasnt right . 

" Why do I feel lonely?" I suddenly said. 
But It came out of Heathers mouth.

" Dont say that" Said Kaden, as we all thought it.

 It felt like by acknowledging it, we were breaking some kind of rule. Like some big , huge, unspoken rule, we werent supposed to know, and it was for our own good.

But we had acknowledged it , and now we couldnt forget it. We had to understand. 

When I closed my eyes, I wasnt me.

It was like what tethered me to the world was the ability to look through the telescope that was my eyes. Now my soul was loose.

I felt myself and I wasnt me.. I felt bigger hands , and a flatter body, and sense we were all naked, when I reached down, I felt my dick too.
I dont have a dick. I'm a girl, generally. I dont have a dick.

And yet once more, I wasnt him. I had smaller legs, and when I felt up, bigger boobs then I usually did. " Guys.." I spoke, but it wasnt my voice, it was Heathers.

I opened my eyes again, and I was me, but I saw Kaden and Heather sitting in the positions i had left them when I was in their bodies . All the proof we needed .

I felt sick.

" Why is something... missing?" Heather was the first to voice it.

Youd think, realizing we are all the same , youd think itd make us feel less alone.
but suddenly, we felt..
more alone then ever.

We didnt feel each others souls. 
That's what was missing.

We felt only one soul.

we hugged each other, but it felt , like .. we were hugging ourselves.

They say you are the center of the universe  ... but there is only one center.
There is only one infinity.  

Everything in the room..

I had made. 
I, the One, that we all are, had created it all.

It was all extensions of us. Every song , every book , every show , it was all us, for us. We would be every one at one point ,but there will be no one else other then us.

Us, I.

Then it got worse.

When I closed my eyes, I was no longer in my body.

What I saw now, I know wasnt just the blackness of my eyelids. 

This was an encompassing blackness.
A nothingess. The universe at its finest point.

Outlines of shapes with colors that didnt exist, material, floating in my space, in my black box .
 I could reach out, and I felt the power of creation in my hand. I could do I
all that I wanted, create all that i wanted to create, but no matter what I created, when i felt around, all that i felt....

was me. 

I screamed into the darkness. " Someone help me!"
And I heard myself scream back.

I realized now the secret.

Its just me.

It's just you 

There's no us. There's it.

We are just one lonely god playing with Dolls .

I wanted to cry for my mothers embrace, but I was my mother. I felt so cold, I wanted to wrap a blanket around myself, but I felt myself in the blanket, I was still just hugging myself. 

I know how we feel constantly now.

I know now how it feels like to be the only thing to exist.

It's unbearable. Its lonely. Its fuckin awful, no matter how much power you have .

How does it matter how powerful you are, if you are the only one there to witness it?

How do you cope? 

You cope by making yourself forget.

You cope by making yourself smaller then you ever could be.

Humans are the universes way of experiencing itself, and you are the universe.

You forget that you are everyone, and you make friends , you make enemies, you make love , to yourself. You cast yourself into different meat suits and you give them each their own unique look , and you give them all different personalities, and stories, and insecurities, and you trick yourself into thinking your someone else, but your not.
Your still just you.

Talking to yourself.

Over and over.

Playing hand puppets, and masturbating in the dark.

I couldnt bear it.

I opened my eyes and I hoped it would all go back to normal,but it was too late.

The illusion was broken.

What I saw was reality. I looked at Heather and I saw myself . I saw my room but I also saw the blackness that was me, that it was made of. 

I desperately grabbed a pencil and paper and tried to create ANYTHING that wasnt me. but the paper was me, and the pencil was me, and I watched in horror as the lines I created were the lines of the inky darkness I had seen as the material for everything. 

I know what insanity is now.

It felt like I had done this before, over and over. 

When we die, we remember what we are , and I realized I had done this many times before. Every time. Every body, eventually. 

I had found the secret out too early.

When we cast ourself into another body,
that is when we forget, when our memories of our true self is locked away in a deep crevice in our head and we are given the illusion of companionship.. a coping mechanism.

Now I couldnt forget. Now I knew, and I knew how badly I wanted to die.

Not just my human body, but me, us , the being that we are.
How delicious nonexistence would be , for a being that is eternal.

There is no nonexistence in death, only rememberance, but I had remembered. It felt like the only choice was for me to die, and become someone else that would be born without this knowledge, like I was initially born without this knowledge. Round two.

I know why people kill themselves. 

Nothing felt real except for me.

I could touch no one but myself, and I wanted to feel ANYTHING. ANYTHING. I felt the buzzing of some kind of sharp whirling machine next to my ear , and I was so scared , but I wasnt scared of death, because I already knew what it was. 

I had come to love this body, this human I had worked so hard for, and now I fucked her up because I HAD to find out the truth. 

Me and Heather were going through the same dilemma. I could feel she was struggling with the same thing, not to hurt herself, not to press the restart button and end it all for this round.

" What are we supposed to do?" we kept repeating. Every path led us back us, because there was nothing else but us. 

We counted colored pencils and my eyes focused on the color red, on how that red would feel coming out of my skin.
There was red everywhere. 

The smallest shade of red on my wall glowed and amplified, and if I focused too hard I'd fall into it, and I'd throw my hands out to catch myself from falling, and find them around my throat.

The veins in my wrist ached to be disconnected , to be yanked out. I was fighting so hard to keep a body alive that didnt want to be alive .I just wanted to forget and start over. 

I spent the rest of my trip curled up in a corner of my bed. " I've created hell for myself" I thought, which I heard Heather whisper in unison.

I was alone. We are alone. We will forever be alone, and I longed so hard for something else.  

I longed so hard to be normal again, to not be everything , to feel another human being and know they are not me , they are someone else, everything I touch isnt me and I am only one speck in a big universe of so many things.

How comforting.
Something beyond you.
An endless universe beyond you.

How fucking miserable it is to be God.

I was in that space for a millennium before I heard the first thing that I wasnt a part of...
A songbird outside my window.

I was coming back to my body. Only my body.

I sobbed so hard . It felt so fucking good.

.. a couple of hours later , all three of us sat down together in silence.

How much of that was real , we didnt know, and we didnt want to sound crazy.

But then Kaden spoke up, and he spoke about The Room, and me and Heather, we both knew.
We all saw it. 

The black room, and the one lonely god , hugging its sock puppets in the dark.

This trip ended with a walk in my neighborhood and a deeper appreciation for the dream we are living. A beautiful dream of life, a beautiful distraction from the dark. 
The loneliness.

The endlessness.

Edited February 29 by Gadasaa

[Arthogaan]

Damn, that's a beautiful report.

@Inliytened1 @Jowblob

[Soul Flight]

I have to concur. I have also intuited all this on shrooms and LSD. I got the cosmic joke. God (me) is alone. God has gone insane from his loneliness. God has spent eons looking for a friend or even a speck of dust which is not him. I felt all the reincarnations and eons and madness. An inescapable hell. A prison of mind. Euphoria and bliss become boring after eons. And god has killed himself infinite times. There is no solution.

And there is a feeling I was begging to see the truth. And then I saw the truth and wished I could go back to living inside the dream. Ignorance in bliss. And there is a feeling of inevitable dominoes falling now that I learned this truth. Like Macbeth eventually killing his dad and sleeping with his mom. And I get the feeling I messed up this lifetime and mess it up every lifetime in every reincarnation. The purpose is to stay in the dream and not to wake up.

But in a yin yang kinda way, the other side of the coin is god is happy and infinitely creative. And this life is beautiful.

What is the link to this reddit post?

Thanks. Be well. Be safe.

[Jowblob]

2 hours ago, Arthogaan said:

Damn, that's a beautiful report.

@Inliytened1 @Jowblob

This is all correct, except one thing. When you suicide or kill yourself somehow in a crash for example you don't necessarily wake up as god. That is because you didnt die as god realized but still as an ego mind, ego mind will associate death with darkness. And since you're nothingness , anything is possible. When you jump from your roof as ego and not as a god realized being, you will keep falling when you're close to the ground you won't touch it  but just will have a black screen because of the shock. Then after the nothingness/blackness you might become aware in a new childs body, the big bang is a start of your rebirth/new awareness  in your world.

She got a taste of god or herself and knew she did it billions of times and wished for rebirth/new life. BUT A KNEW LIFE OR EGO BODY ISNT AS EASY TO GET AS YOU MIGHT THINK, YOU'RE NOTHINGNESS SO BEING ENTRAPPED AND FORGOTTEN IN ANOTHER DREAM ISNT AS EASY AS YOU MIGHT THINK. From what i know and understand the only way to get a new random body/ego/dream  is to wish for death/kill yourself/non existence. It's basically a gods restart button to get lost somewhere.

The others while you're in a ego body are just projections/reflections of your mind because you're aware. So you're truely only one and all alone.

The problem is when you're all alone, the desires/meaning/things all will have 0 value for you. The only true meaning that you already know will be loving others. So a restart of your dream / being reborn into delusion and unknowingness will be your only option. 

[Breakingthewall]

as always solipsism. god alone, isolated. center, me. the last door, that of the void. If the self falls, there is no loneliness, then from the unfathomable abyss flows….everything. Hallelujah, the glass is full, everything, absolutely everything, without limit. then you wake up crying and scream: yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeessssssssssssss and you dance.

[Giulio Bevilacqua]

Horror

[Dazgwny]

Good this. Unfortunately her ego has turned it into a horror show for herself. When infact it’s the greatest thing

[Princess Arabia]

Tears were running from my eyes reading that. Don't know why. I wasn't really crying, because I didn't make myself do it, the tears were just slowly flowing. I tried to stop them and said, fuck, but they kept on flowing as I kept reading. Something inside of me felt every word. This is crazy. I never sobbed once, nor made a sound. Just soft, flowing tears, enough to make my nose run. I couldn't help it. Don't know why.

[Grateful Dead]

As he said at the beginning of the report, he wasn't ready. Don't take that much if you don't know what you're doing. I think it's going to take him a long time to get through this mess.

[OBEler]

@Grateful Dead it's a woman.

 

Thanks for the trip report. This trip report was posted a long time ago in this forum and I always searched for it to read again but could not find it. It's one of the best trip reports out therez I hope this woman is well today.

.

 

[Gadasaa]

@OBEler Some of the realizations about the nature of reality horrified and traumatized me to my core and caused me an immense suffering sometime ago that words can't describe the depth of it. How do you cope? 

[Gadasaa]

@Soul Flight you can easily find it on reddit. Just search it using the title of the trip. 

Edited February 29 by Gadasaa

[Osaid]

The ego mind desperately looking for an identity to latch on to, bewildered by the new metaphysics of its experience. 

[shree]

This is another post she made on Reddit four years ago. It appears she's doing quite well.

[Gadasaa]

@shree it also looks like she's been inactive on reddit since then. I wonder why, it seemed she was pretty active. 

Edited March 1 by Gadasaa

[Gadasaa]

@Osaid wouldn't you become unable to function properly in society or go insane if you completely let go of your egoic perspective? 

[shree]

15 minutes ago, Gadasaa said:

@shree it also looks like she's been inactive on reddit since then. I wonder why, it seemed she was pretty active. 

Yeah, i also found it weird, but since she could post pictures after this trip and tell people how great the sex was and joke about running naked outside, that trip couldn't be so bad.

Edited March 1 by shree

[Osaid]

12 minutes ago, Gadasaa said:

wouldn't you become unable to function properly in society or go insane if you completely let go of your egoic perspective? 

No. The ego is as functional as Santa Claus.

[Yimpa]

5 hours ago, Gadasaa said:

@OBEler Some of the realizations about the nature of reality horrified and traumatized me to my core and caused me an immense suffering sometime ago that words can't describe the depth of it. How do you cope? 

I’ve been there countless times. In fact, my first trip was so horrific and traumatizing, but that didn’t deter me from wanting to explore more (and I became wiser in how I approach tripping through trial and error).

In short, you just have to be a certain type of fella to be willing to go through such beautiful madness over and over again! 

[OBEler]

8 hours ago, Gadasaa said:

@OBEler Some of the realizations about the nature of reality horrified and traumatized me to my core and caused me an immense suffering sometime ago that words can't describe the depth of it. How do you cope? 

How are you today?

I don't cope really. I never had a trip which showed me this directly. Maybe some hints on lsd but that's it.

 

 

Her last post was about telepathy experiments. This woman is not only very hot but has some good skills. 

https://www.reddit.com/r/LSD/s/sh2wpcloGy

Unfortunately she never posted again after this 4 years old post.

 

Update: I found her on tiktok her username is "nealamee". She seems fine

Edited March 1 by OBEler