Advice regarding my recent approach

[sda]

Hi all,

Yesterday, I approached a girl and I had a little chat with her. I asked her how she was and I was engaging with her. She seemed to be quiet interested in me and we were getting along. She even walked with me back to her home. For Your Information, she did not know English very well and I know English so we had to rely on a translation software in instagram. However, at the end, I text message her on Instagram to show me some pictures of her family and some pictures of her house from inside. She then text messaged me this:

Your question today made me feel a bit invasive of privacy, and I don't really want to chat or meet with others while preparing for the exam, so I deleted your Instagram account first and don't add me. Wishing you success in your studies, thank you.

My question from you guys is that can you tell me what was my mistake and how can I approach much better in the future?

 

[Leo Gura]

There was no mistake. She just wasn't interested or busy with life. Talk to other girls.

Most girls will not be interested in dating you. And you shouldn't worry yourself about why. Just look for the ones who are interested.

Edited February 29 by Leo Gura

[Spiritual Warrior]

It doesn't matter, meet more girls, approach more girls. You will find women that think youre hot shit and they will want to date you. 

[Princess Arabia]

I'll tell you what you did wrong. Don't ask a girl you just met to show you pictures of her family and inside her home. Why do you need to see all that. If I just met a guy and he asked me that, I would run the other way too. Guys even ask me to send regular (not nude), pics to their phones and I even deny that if I don't know them. 

You might not understand how girls have to be over-protective of themselves because of safety reasons, not saying you will harm her or her family but she doesn't know that; and i bet her family were the ones who told her to cut ties with you. 

She might not have been that interested in you but most girls won't even let you walk them home if they're not at least a little bit interested, so maybe it's because she was uncomfortable with you asking for those pictures. I'm saying this so next time you be a little more cautious in what you ask girls for if they don't know you and didn't suggest it first.

These guys will blow that off as nothing, but as a female I'm telling you it was very inappropriate; and, not saying you have to be on p's and q's every time you're with a female; and believe it or not, asking for a kiss or a hug would have been better received than to ask for pictures of inside her home and family. The former is a regular occurrence and all she had to do was say yes or no, but the picture thing is not, and drew suspicion, that's why.

[NoSelfSelf]

Mistake was you were busy asking queastion that dont lead where you want it to go.What will showing picture of her family do exactly?You were just boring her and showing her how would you be on a date or in bed.Most guys think if they have a fun conversation that will lead to sex no! You are just entertaining her and she will entertain it, but she wont think like there is something about this guy that is different.

She meets a guy every week that do the same things you do.But great for approaching thats the sucess.

Edited February 29 by NoSelfSelf

[mmKay]

Wtf guys don't be that blind to feedback

She literally told you.

Why would a guy she just met ask for pictures of her house and family? Through  Instagram???That's some psycho stalker sh1t you can see in movies and on the news. No wonder she blocked you

No offense. Learn from this mistake.

 

 

Anyways, there are a million things that can get in your way after the interaction ends. She can endlessly rationalize what can go wrong.

Once I approached a super cute shy girl during the day. The was carrying shopping bags. She loved me. But she didn't want to come on an instant date because she was set on leaving her bag at her apparent first . We walked to where her apartment  was ( she told me she would come in an hour ) and in a later she texted me that her sister convinced her it's s bad idea basically.

 

Just find more and don't be creepy. Specifically understand what triggers creepiness and erase it out of your behavior and mouth.

Edited February 29 by mmKay

[Consept]

A big part of this process is making the girl feel safe and comfortable around you. This is heightened if you're cold approaching as you could literally be anyone, so she's looking for signs that something is off, she will not give you the benefit of the doubt, in fact even if something is not suspicious but she gets a bad feeling from your vibe she will cut you off.

So asking for photos of inside the house and family would definitely be a red flag. If I just met you and you asked me for that I'd think you were weird regardless of safety. 

[Kid A]

Yeah, this one was ridiculously obvious. She told you. Extremely creepy behaviour.

[Yimpa]

@Consept Bingo. Imagine someone authentically and willingly open to sharing intimate parts of themselves, all while never being coerced into it. Not by foolish accident, but because of an intuitive trust you’ve developed with them.

[Consept]

5 minutes ago, Yimpa said:

@Consept Bingo. Imagine someone authentically and willingly open to sharing intimate parts of themselves, all while never being coerced into it. Not by foolish accident, but because of an intuitive trust you’ve developed with them.

Exactly, ultimately if you like someone you would want to share things with them eventually but of your own volition. Tbh even if a girl id just met asked me that out of the blue I'd be a bit weirded out. I guess the rule of thumb would be never ask for a picture but if you yourself feel comfortable you can share something with them, as long as its not a dick pic 

[LSD-Rumi]

Why, did You ask her for pics? That's creepy. 

Don't send anything the same day. Girls don't like guys that are all over them, that creeps them out and make them feel unsafe/stalked.

Next day, send her a meme or something.

Edited February 29 by LSD-Rumi

[Spiritual Warrior]

15 minutes ago, Bandman said:

Mods, can we ban Leo from the dating section? he's spreading misinformation about women and propagandising this cold-hearted defeatist mindset to young vulnerable people.

I can't tell if you're joking 

[Leo Gura]

14 hours ago, sda said:

However, at the end, I text message her on Instagram to show me some pictures of her family and some pictures of her house from inside.

I didn't read this part of your post carefully enough.

Yes, as people here have said, this is creepy behavior. Why are you asking for pics of her family? Be light and fun and don't make big asks of her. So that part of your game you can improve.

Edited February 29 by Leo Gura

[mr_engineer]

15 hours ago, sda said:

Your question today made me feel a bit invasive of privacy, and I don't really want to chat or meet with others while preparing for the exam, so I deleted your Instagram account first and don't add me. Wishing you success in your studies, thank you.

The excuse she gave shows that she doesn't prioritize relationships and/or has an avoidant attachment-style. Don't take it personally. 

Have a way to evaluate someone's attachment-style before you ask them out/decide to date them. That way, you won't run into walls like this. 

[Girzo]

30 minutes ago, mr_engineer said:

The excuse she gave shows that she doesn't prioritize relationships and/or has an avoidant attachment-style. Don't take it personally. 

Have a way to evaluate someone's attachment-style before you ask them out/decide to date them. That way, you won't run into walls like this. 

The hell? The only thing this response says is that she is a normal human and OP is a creep. And a weirdo.

@sda My man, tell us first how did you get the idea to text her that? Maybe that would explain a few things and allow to give an advice.

Till then, enjoy anthem made just for us, guys hanging out at the weird bald guy's forum in their free time.

 

[Princess Arabia]

1 hour ago, mr_engineer said:

The excuse she gave shows that she doesn't prioritize relationships and/or has an avoidant attachment-style. Don't take it personally. 

Have a way to evaluate someone's attachment-style before you ask them out/decide to date them. That way, you won't run into walls like this. 

This is what studying certain things can do, we try to apply it to situations that we think is so and take it out of context because of lack of discernment. If a guy asks me for pictures of my family and inside my home that I just met and i refuse and block him, that doesn't equate to me having an avoidant attachment style, it means i'm exercising my God given right to choose who I allow into my space and reject what I'm not comfortable with.

Do you think all those happy couples out there ever since the dawn of time and up till now knew anything about attachment style, much less to evaluate a potential date before hand? This is a prime example of how knowing too much can hurt instead of help us. Too much logic. Too much evaluating. This isn't even using logic anymore it's downright obsession. Might as well find out what their break-up style is while you're at it.

Edited February 29 by Princess Arabia

[Princess Arabia]

18 minutes ago, Girzo said:

The hell? The only thing this response says is that she is a normal human and OP is a creep. And a weirdo.

@sda My man, tell us first how did you get the idea to text her that? Maybe that would explain a few things and allow to give an advice.

Till then, enjoy anthem made just for us, guys hanging out at the weird bald guy's forum in their free time.

 

Cool song but you didn't have to go there.😂

[Consept]

1 minute ago, Princess Arabia said:

This is what studying certain things can do, we try to apply it to situations that we think is so and take it out of context because of lack of discernment. If a guy asks me for pictures of my family and inside my home that I just met and i refuse and block him, that doesn't equate to me having an avoidant attachment style, it means i'm exercising my God given right to choose who I allow into my space and reject what I'm not comfortable with.

Do you think all those happy couples out there ever since the dawn of time and up till now knew anything about attachment style, much less to evaluate a potential date before hand? This is a prime example of how knowing too much can hurt instead of help us. Too much logic. Too much evaluating. This isn't even using logic anymore it's downright obsession. Might as well find out was their break-up style is while you're at it.

haha I was gonna reply to him but i cant be bothered to get into a stupid debate, i dont know how he comes up with his takes 

[Princess Arabia]

2 minutes ago, Consept said:

haha I was gonna reply to him but i cant be bothered to get into a stupid debate, i dont know how he comes up with his takes 

Hehe.. Too much logic and studying and trying to "figure" things out in order to control outcomes. Reality has a way of kicking us in the ass because of it's spontaneous nature and also polarity.

[sda]

12 hours ago, Princess Arabia said:

I'll tell you what you did wrong. Don't ask a girl you just met to show you pictures of her family and inside her home. Why do you need to see all that. If I just met a guy and he asked me that, I would run the other way too. Guys even ask me to send regular (not nude), pics to their phones and I even deny that if I don't know them. 

You might not understand how girls have to be over-protective of themselves because of safety reasons, not saying you will harm her or her family but she doesn't know that; and i bet her family were the ones who told her to cut ties with you. 

She might not have been that interested in you but most girls won't even let you walk them home if they're not at least a little bit interested, so maybe it's because she was uncomfortable with you asking for those pictures. I'm saying this so next time you be a little more cautious in what you ask girls for if they don't know you and didn't suggest it first.

These guys will blow that off as nothing, but as a female I'm telling you it was very inappropriate; and, not saying you have to be on p's and q's every time you're with a female; and believe it or not, asking for a kiss or a hug would have been better received than to ask for pictures of inside her home and family. The former is a regular occurrence and all she had to do was say yes or no, but the picture thing is not, and drew suspicion, that's why.

Are girls very protective of their family? I have notice in my interactions with girls that whenever I ask a girl, especially Chinese girls because I live in China about their family then they get triggered and stop talking to me. Also, the next time when they see me, they run away.