Failing To Find A Self

[Goliath]

A while ago I watched Leo's video about free will again, and something funny happened afterwards.

I was just thinking about stuff but then the idea came up that all my thoughts are not actually "my", and that I dont really "make" them. They just happen. And after every thought I had, I noticed: "this thought was predetermined." I kept doing this for a while and suddenly this weird feeling came up, because I failed to find a "me". I pushed my identity out of my thoughts, by saying that thoughts are predetermined. I removed my control and claim over thoughts. And then suddenly there was no one there anymore. No one existed. There was still stuff going on, I saw people walking, I kept having thoughts. But it was as if "no one was home", not in me and not in others. The whole world was empty of a self. There was just appearance. And then the heaviest feeling of loneliness came over me: Other people dont exist, I dont exist. They are made out of "me" appearing in "me". There are no relationships to people, because there is no one to have relations. The feeling weared off after 30mins or so, but on the next day it happened again, shorter this time. However I was very busy with university at the time, and didnt have the time (and for some reason no motivation) to investigate it further. I only remembered it, because this morning I almost accidently did it again, and again I failed to find "me".