I'm Scared My Mind Is Too Strong, I've Failed My Self

[LRyan]

No I haven't but I'm curious if you want to share

[SOUL]

Oh hah, that last line is just a joke about hipsters and their esoteric culture mindset.

[Bob84]

@LRyan nothings wrong with you. Your egos are fighting and your paying attention to them.

Take a deap breath and be honest with yourselfs. Ego A is having a fight with ego B. And you have your attention on ego A and believe you are ego A and B. 

But can you be what you are observing? Are you a thought created in your mind or are you the observer of the thought?

(Aditionaly while reading this you trigger ego C to disagree with A and B.)

Your history, thoughts have no value or importance unless you bring them to mind and start mentaly mastrubating about them.

My response might be a little to direct, but hope it has some affect.

[Dodo]

On 12/04/2017 at 5:05 AM, LRyan said:

Thank you.  I appreciate the love.

I feel very alone with this new suffering today.. and the tears are back.  All I want is peace. I don't care about houses or cars or any possession, I have a comfortable living but no friends, no social life and I don't want anything but peace.  I'm not sure I will be able to maintain peace for myself in this society. 

How does one do this.... I know all of the things we all do, but how do we keep peace, always?  It's always fleeting.

You might find Roger Castillo helpful - search on youtube.

[LRyan]

6 hours ago, Bob84 said:

@LRyan nothings wrong with you. Your egos are fighting and your paying attention to them.

Take a deap breath and be honest with yourselfs. Ego A is having a fight with ego B. And you have your attention on ego A and believe you are ego A and B. 

But can you be what you are observing? Are you a thought created in your mind or are you the observer of the thought?

(Aditionaly while reading this you trigger ego C to disagree with A and B.)

Your history, thoughts have no value or importance unless you bring them to mind and start mentaly mastrubating about them.

My response might be a little to direct, but hope it has some affect.

This is really great because I've been confused about something.....I feel like there is more than one ego...I feel the bad guy who will instantly judge or cry poor me and try to start the story again, then I hear another ego that says, "who is that talking....just nonsense again, don't go there".  Then in the background there is silence so I have been thinking sometimes....ok so that's me....the good one who is noticing the bad ego trying to take me back to a world of hurt and suffering but then I know the second ego is just the watcher, the observer which is who we are supposed to be.  But if it is my true essence would it be speaking to the first ego?  Eckhart says to be the observer, which I am a lot of the time but the observer says things like, oh... look at that negative thought, that's interesting....well I'm not attatching to that one.

So I'm confused if I can hear any messages from my consciousness or is it all ego speaking??

 

@Dodoster  Thanks!  I'm going to check this out!!

[LRyan]

Just now, LRyan said:

Are you a thought created in your mind or are you the observer of the thought?

Can we as the observer have any thought?  That's what I am wondering.  Does your intuition or source put the messages in words.  That's where I'm confused....I don't know who is speaking to me all the time...

[Arkandeus]

1 hour ago, LRyan said:

Can we as the observer have any thought?  That's what I am wondering.  Does your intuition or source put the messages in words.  That's where I'm confused....I don't know who is speaking to me all the time...

It is you. Yet it's not you. 
In the same way as you are you, but you are also the universe. 
You put them into words but you can chose not to identify with them.

The absolute truth is that you are everything in the universe. But you're looking to experience certain things and so what you're doing is
changing your perspective.
 
So you could take on the perspective of you thinking those thoughts or you could take on the perspective of you deeming these thoughts as not a part
of you. 
Both are true. 
Right now you are taking the perspective of being a human but one day you might take another perspective. 

that's why they say they say that there is no time, everything is happening right now, the future the past, the big bang...it's just a matter of perspective.  
What portion of reality you're perceiving right now. 
And even this is bullshit, the universe is infinite intelligence itself, I couldn't possibly dare to pretend I fully understand how things work.  
My best explanation is probably as simple as 1+1=2 while the real thing is something like a modern unsolved mathematical problem. 

But what I know right now can serve as a good torch. 

Edited April 13, 2017 by Arkandeus

[LRyan]

I @Arkandeus Yes, I agree, I see what you are saying.  I feel like I am in the background in the spaces around everything....the quiet part but it's impossible not to think a thought.....for long....except maybe meditation or when out in nature, for me.  I hear a lot of positive things in my mind, thoughts just appear like, what a beautiful day, the tree is so beautiful, sometimes I hear "I'm so happy".....good and then some bad on a bad stretch.  Yesterday while driving someone was "in my way", I was on edge and in a hurry and I heard myself say "that fucking cocksucker"....I KNOW...terrible thing to say...don't judge me....but I immediately said to myself...."now why would you say that, he did nothing wrong".... I really surprised myself because I haven't heard thoughts like that in quite awhile but It still must be in there waiting for a "bad day".  

I too believe we are all piece of the universe in physical and nonphysical form at the same time which is where the challenge is to get the physical part in line with the non physical.  We can do it right?  Sometimes I have doubt but then I come on here are read posts like Arkandeus and many many others and I am so inspired by everyone that by association I feel lucky and honoured and that's why I keep coming here....to absorb such wisdom for you all so thanks again for being my rocks!!~

[Arkandeus]

14 minutes ago, LRyan said:

I @Arkandeus Yes, I agree, I see what you are saying.  I feel like I am in the background in the spaces around everything....the quiet part but it's impossible not to think a thought.....for long....except maybe meditation or when out in nature, for me.  I hear a lot of positive things in my mind, thoughts just appear like, what a beautiful day, the tree is so beautiful, sometimes I hear "I'm so happy".....good and then some bad on a bad stretch.  Yesterday while driving someone was "in my way", I was on edge and in a hurry and I heard myself say "that fucking cocksucker"....I KNOW...terrible thing to say...don't judge me....but I immediately said to myself...."now why would you say that, he did nothing wrong".... I really surprised myself because I haven't heard thoughts like that in quite awhile but It still must be in there waiting for a "bad day".  

I too believe we are all piece of the universe in physical and nonphysical form at the same time which is where the challenge is to get the physical part in line with the non physical.  We can do it right?  Sometimes I have doubt but then I come on here are read posts like Arkandeus and many many others and I am so inspired by everyone that by association I feel lucky and honoured and that's why I keep coming here....to absorb such wisdom for you all so thanks again for being my rocks!!~

Haha that is funny man!! 
I know that when you thought that it didn't come from your heart.
As we go we'll start to understand the real identity of people. It is not their actions, nor their words, nor their thoughts, it's their hearts. 
And their hearts are always pure, which is why everyone is deserving of unconditional love and acceptance.  

   
Enlightened people are the ones who can see behind the shit on the windshield. 

Just the way you went ''that fucking cocksucker'' someone else might go and grab a knife and kill someone.
But what you thought or what that person did has nothing to do with what's real. We're all affected by the negative energy in this world in an entirely different way. Some fall for it harder then others. But underneath it all we are all souls of love. 
Forgiveness is a very essential asset as a spiritual being. 
Earth is just a hardcore playground. 

Sometimes I too I have glimpses of darkness...I walk by a women on the street and out of nowhere it's like my thoughts are zapped by negative lightning :
''bitch''
or if it's a guy : ''what are you looking at''

Just raw violent energy. Sometimes it catches me off-guard and sometimes I just let it go right as it happens. 
It's merely a second or two of letting negative energy take over while I stay positive and loving most of the time! why should I feel guilty! there's no need to, these things will diminish with time

 

Edited April 13, 2017 by Arkandeus

[LRyan]

16 hours ago, Bebop said:

Sounds like you are pretty close to a breakthrough. Also you aren't failing, you're just not accepting the negative stuff. Whatever you resist persists. 

 

This is such a good video.  It's the perfect message for me right now, it's what I needed to see and hear so thanks very much!

[LRyan]

8 hours ago, Dingus said:

Right on cue, Depressed LRyan is out and Uplifted LRyan is in. Simply notice that this is how it goes.

 

If it's observED, then it's not observING. All those thoughts are observED, and come from the mind. Strictly speaking, consciousness is silent, it does not speak, except by means of the mind. But there is no "who" in the voices, just like there is no "who" in the toaster.

Most thoughts come from the identity machine, but not all. And not all of it is "bad", some of it is functional. With time and observation you'll gradually learn to discriminate. But a good rule of thumb is that if it involves a narrative, it's the identity machine. Because the identity machine requires a narrative to produce the illusion of continuity, and nothing else does.

The mind is not really the observer, but as you've noticed, parts of the mind can act like the observer of other parts of the mind, which is very useful up to a point. But eventually you have to see throught that as well.

In a manner of speaking, there are three kinds of observing. One is when you're simply looking at something. Another is when you notice yourself looking at something. That's really just a shift of focus. For example when you're in a theater, one moment you are just watching the movie and you forget all about being in a theater, and the next moment suddenly remember that you are in a theater watching a movie. Just like the "standing back" you mentioned, as opposed to being "sucked in".

But now, how do you know that a shift of focus happened? Or how do you know that you were "sucked in" or "standing back"? You know because of the final kind of observing. It sees the other two kinds of observing (or the absence of them), but is itself unseen. At first it may seem like you're the one that sees it, but actually it's the one that sees you.

Mindfulness often seems to be aimed at cultivating the second kind of observing, the "standing back". but this is exactly the false kind of "self awareness" that makes way as the false self makes way.

By contrast, the final kind of observing is always there and always has been, so you can't practice it and you can't screw it up. Mindfulness is personal, but the final observer is non-personal, and it's not something you do. But you have to start noticing that it's always there. Then gradually that becomes your new default. That's what Eckhart means by being the observer. It's still a place for the identity to hide in, but it's a good place to be.

I'm confused when I read the observation references because Eckhart speaks about noticing your thoughts and realizing that you are thinking something negative and then says as long as you notice, " oh, there goes another bad thought.." and he says to observe the thoughts without attaching any story to it and let it pass by.  He doesn't say that the observer is still a false self, to me it might be the silent part of the observer but it seems like he is saying that is the idea?

[SOUL]

Considering a name change request to SOUL toaster....hmmmmm.... nah, sounds like a hell.

[LRyan]

"But now, how do you know that a shift of focus happened? Or how do you know that you were "sucked in" or "standing back"? You know because of the final kind of observing. It sees the other two kinds of observing (or the absence of them), but is itself unseen. At first it may seem like you're the one that sees it, but actually it's the one that sees you."

 

I didn't think there was three kinds of observers.   I don't understand if your consciousness is the observer but it is silent and so no thoughts come from it then if you are truly observing then you have no thought whatsoever,  so that means the second you have a thought you are no longer just observing.  No one can be without thought so how is anyone the observer then?  I'm getting more confused...

 

 

Edited April 14, 2017 by LRyan

[LRyan]

if I bring up my "story" people pleaser  is in the forefront and that is a huge part of why I have suffered because I can never put myself first, and I have an almost impossible time with setting boundaries.  In my family, I am everything to everyone. I am the youngest in my family but I am the go to person.  My kids are adults but somehow need me all the time.

I can't figure out the story and why there is suffering in the story because it's just a story...it isn't real, it's not me, it's a role I play and if I want to find peace I know that I am a piece of the universe, perfect as I am and eternal. I do trust that everything is as it should be and I will examine things that I need to and keep moving forward and learning how to fully realize what I am. Pure consciousness disguised as an actor in a play. I fully believe this.  The struggle I think is because The habits of the mind cannot immediately fall away.  Not in my case. Maybe some people have sudden awakenings but I believe most will be a gradual process...

thoughts??

[LRyan]

@Dingus very good advice I believe?

[SOUL]

In the way I view it I don't concern myself with what's "true", I find what "works" for me and then stay true to that until it's not working anymore so find what works again, then stay true to that until... rinse... repeat.

If it works, use it, if not, find what does, don't get consumed by searching for true or truth. With spirituality and our inner work, true is being loyal. not the right answer and truth isn't an ultimate answer for everyone, it's us living true to our ideals.

Seek to be true to our spiritual ideals, seek to live our ideals and that makes it our spiritual truth... that's what being authentic is.

Edited April 15, 2017 by SOUL
grammar

[LRyan]

 

@Dingus

Mothers guilt for not being able to say no?? How does that hold up?  No?

All true what you say ...but ...the real problem in the storyline is fear. The ego fears it's extinction. If It's not needed then What's left...probably peace, just peace.!  Hmm. 

I would like to have a day with no story.  

I have experienced it before.. many times but it doesn't last. There is a flaw.. and it's "me".

Edited April 14, 2017 by LRyan

[Bob84]

22 hours ago, LRyan said:

This is really great because I've been confused about something.....I feel like there is more than one ego...I feel the bad guy who will instantly judge or cry poor me and try to start the story again, then I hear another ego that says, "who is that talking....just nonsense again, don't go there".  Then in the background there is silence so I have been thinking sometimes....ok so that's me....the good one who is noticing the bad ego trying to take me back to a world of hurt and suffering but then I know the second ego is just the watcher, the observer which is who we are supposed to be.  But if it is my true essence would it be speaking to the first ego?  Eckhart says to be the observer, which I am a lot of the time but the observer says things like, oh... look at that negative thought, that's interesting....well I'm not attatching to that one.

So I'm confused if I can hear any messages from my consciousness or is it all ego speaking??

Heres the mindfuck. The observer ONLY observes, it doesn't think, it has no opinions and it doesn't care.

In a sense there is only "attention". When you think about a tomato, usually that thought comes and than 1 second later it gone. Unless you pay more attention to it. You could literally mentally masturbate days about a tomato (all your past experiences, how they taste, look, where they comes from, the farmer growing them etc).
Most people don't do this with tomato's, but they do it with other thoughts. You don't really have control over everything that comes up in your mind when you think about tomato's, BUT you are/can fully in control the amount of attention you give it. Thoughts are thoughts, there is no difference between a tomato and a horrible memory in this sense.

Ego is not something bad. You need ego and in a sense are ego. Everything you want is ego based. Without ego there is no point. You probably have heard the glasses example. You either believe you are the glasses or are aware that you are wearing them and seeing true them.

My point is, yes its all the ego speaking, and that's fine. But it has no power nor control. Its a tool you use to live. At the moment you probably don't fully see this jet, and you see the ego coming, attach to it, and say, this is me and this is reality.

The silence, emptiness, nothingness that remains when you are not having thoughts is the observer that cant be observed. Who you think you are remains nothing more then just a thought, a fantasy.

[LRyan]

 

 

1 hour ago, Bob84 said:

Heres the mindfuck. The observer ONLY observes, it doesn't think, it has no opinions and it doesn't care.

In a sense there is only "attention". When you think about a tomato, usually that thought comes and than 1 second later it gone. Unless you pay more attention to it. You could literally mentally masturbate days about a tomato (all your past experiences, how they taste, look, where they comes from, the farmer growing them etc).
Most people don't do this with tomato's, but they do it with other thoughts. You don't really have control over everything that comes up in your mind when you think about tomato's, BUT you are/can fully in control the amount of attention you give it. Thoughts are thoughts, there is no difference between a tomato and a horrible memory in this sense.

Ego is not something bad. You need ego and in a sense are ego. Everything you want is ego based. Without ego there is no point. You probably have heard the glasses example. You either believe you are the glasses or are aware that you are wearing them and seeing true them.

My point is, yes its all the ego speaking, and that's fine. But it has no power nor control. Its a tool you use to live. At the moment you probably don't fully see this jet, and you see the ego coming, attach to it, and say, this is me and this is reality.

The silence, emptiness, nothingness that remains when you are not having thoughts is the observer that cant be observed. Who you think you are remains nothing more then just a thought, a fantasy.

I understand what you mean about the attention to thoughts...makes sense...

They say we need to completely destroy the ego.

What do you mean without the ego there is no point? Can you elaborate? What is it that people want through the ego?  Are you speaking about possessions, a job...accomplishment?  

[Arkandeus]

40 minutes ago, LRyan said:

 

 

I understand what you mean about the attention to thoughts...makes sense...

They say we need to completely destroy the ego.

What do you mean without the ego there is no point? Can you elaborate? What is it that people want through the ego?  Are you speaking about possessions, a job...accomplishment?  

I think the ego serves its function in playfulness. 
You know if you are with your friends and suddenly you make a contest of who can throw the rock the furthest away, or who can chug the most beer, or who can dance better....actually that's a better example.  

Take a look at dance battles. 
It's like playing, it's like acting. ''see how I can dance?can you do better?!it's your move now'', then bam the other guy comes in and shows his moves! 
This is how the ego can be playful. 
Same with animals, take cats or dogs, they don't have any ego but they play fight sometimes.

Or like acting, actual movies. 
The ego can be used to portray different personalities, even evil ones, but it's a movie, it's not serious. 

I think the purified version of the ego is a more playful version, it serves you to access your joy in different ways, to play with others, instead of the monster ego that drives you to be serious and step over others and abuse them. 
 

Edited April 14, 2017 by Arkandeus