I feel like my ex judged me about a few things. I was unethical with them (don't wanna go into details). I have experienced excessive shame over months and months about the whole situation. I still love them and I guess somewhere deep down I still crave their validation. I know that I did this to myself. But still. I want to be liberated from the need to being or wanting validated. Their validation meant the world to me. Post the break up they blocked me permanently. I live  permanently in rejection mode. It feels like death sometimes. Yea rejection can feel like death. Such coldness. I know I was wrong. And I did wrong again. To be forgiven, accepted, understood, communicated to(rather than communicated at) and loved makes me feel so wholesome. How to deal with such coldness from my ex?