What is a good spouse to have?

[Applegarden8]

We are living in a very interesting and fast-paced time. What a time to be alive! And I don’t blame you if you can’t keep up with it. With social media, messaging, dating apps and pick-up culture it is getting more complicated to date and form meaningful bonds with people in general. Psyches of people are getting more complicated and in a lot of cases, quite confused and complicated to where people do not know what they want and completely get lost in life chasing some illusions. Whether it is men projecting imagination of women’s bodies to the point it becomes an industry or women projecting imagination of how much they can get and get away with with their beauty alone.

Of course, some kind of raw physical beauty plays a role and women are sexier than ever due to make-up, plastic surgery and gym culture (I almost got seduced by a very fit woman 10 years ago who had the best asscheeks I have seen and she had a boyfriend who would smack my skull if I hit on her, I know and then I had no idea what I want from life also, so it would be not the same Applegarden as I am today). 

Also I do think that 20 year old man is not really comparable with 20 year old woman. I think women do have a lot more going potentially which is what red pill gets right. But despite that some evenly aged couples find their happiness that way, but I also agree that a man has more advantage in the later stages on his life due to development of his character, accomplishments and drive to work really hard and see the biggest picture possible as the most idiots and geniuses are men statistically.

So, I came up with some observable list of questions which you don’t need to ask directly, but you can find some correlations with yourself and your values. You can answer these questions yourself and compare if you would like to have such a person with those values and how they would act, what their tendencies show about them, because those can’t be hidden that easily. If you spontaneously meet some women or men on a friday night at a bowling event, music event or when going out on a date and you have some extra tools to identify some red flags.

I personally think it’s better to live alone than trying to fix an inherently unhealthy person who has a tendency to exploit you or barter with you and marry them just to divorce them with allowances for kids. This list does not prevent that but might reduce some risks. Also your dating pool probably is limited, therefore maybe for you it’s better to have something than nothing if you really want that intimacy, sex, kids, companionship, protection when you are old, satisfaction from fear of loneliness, spreading your genes, continuing your nationality, having somebody to teach, having somebody to tie you up before sex (hey, I don’t judge) or whatever it is.

So, what is a good spouse to have?

Actually you have all the questions you can come up yourself related more to what you are interested in, but there are mine I came up with in about an hour. I vaguely categorized these questions, but this categorization is incomplete, as I am not an expert in the field and you need to evaluate these questions yourself and what patterns you will see and what false positives you will get.

I think this is an exercise also for me to understand what I would like in a person if I could get it. What I would like to reward If I were to help this person to improve themselves and grow with them.

The best possible answer for example would be that I want a woman who is a musician and we are working on a music project together and are involved in it head to fucking toe. We would create something very beautiful that we are refining performing together, possibly finding a niche work in the music industry as time passes by in this project so I and this person can dedicate our lives to music.

Here is the list (don’t pay attention to she, you thing going on)

Attributes:

I have at least some kind of natural masculine-feminine polarity attraction, she makes me want to touch her just by her being there and looking at me.

Willingness to help out with basic tasks.

 

Personality:

Is she creative?

Is she bossy, how bossy, does she want to control everything?

Can she be alone?

What does she want in life?

Has she done any self-development?

Can she adjust into Masculine character or to Feminine character if needed? Can she make decisions when needed or can she accept to be lead when needed?

Does she want kids? Will it be ok for her to have kids or not to have kids in both cases?

Can she communicate what she wants?

How ambitious is she?

What media she consumes?

Does she follow through with her goals and how many things she finish and not and for what reasons?

If needed, can she abstain from sex?

If I would want, could we have sex x number of times? Does she have fetishes, can she communicate about them?

Is she bisexual?

Does she talk shit about her friends with me? How she explains me her problems with people, what are her conclusions? What is her opinion on herself?

Does she wish bad on somebody? What would she say to her enemy?

Is she peaceful? Is she combative?

Is she projective?

Is she overly logical (yes, I have met such women)?

Can she relax and let go? How does she deal with stress?

Has she had pets? Does she have pets? Can she live without them?

Do you sort out the trash?

Have you studied something additionally besides school?

What is the most extreme lifestyle change you have performed or tried to do in your opinion?

Do you feel you always have to make sense in a conversation?

Do you like hard discussions?

Do you like arguments?

Do you like being playful?

Are you a jealous person?

Do you think you possess any societal or personal double standards?

What are your happiest memories from your life?

Do you like to qualify yourself to other people?

Can she appreciate culture and art? What kind of music does she listen to? What music did she listen 10 years ago?

Does she want to be popular? With what/for what?

Does she joke?

Does she get bored easily? Does she enjoy your presence?

Does she like to be quiet?

Does she like to be physical?

 

Values:

What are her values, does she care about things, people, close people, current events, principles?

Does she believe what her parents believe because her parents believe something?

What is she dependent on? What does she think she is dependent on?

What does she think about current events in the world, has she got any opinion on it?

Does she lie often? Do her stories and fallacies match?

Does she wish to return to the past? Or go on with life to experience new adventures?

Does she play games with people, what boundaries she has with people?

Is she religious?

Is she a minimalist or does she have to have a lot of things? Does she throw them out, give them away or is she a consumerist?

Has she donated to charity, what kind of?

What is her political stance, personality type if she has one?

Does she have to have and do what other people around her have to do and have? Can she tolerate me being trash talked and provoked into conflict by somebody?

What is your relationship with death, have you thought about it?

What religious scriptures have you read?

Are there topics that shouldn’t be talked about, taboos that can’t be questioned or joked about?

Can you handle a contradiction or cognitive dissonance in somebody’s actions and words?

Are you vocalizing that other people are like this or should be like this (like I want and they are not the way I want them to be) and I don’t like it?

What are your expectations of other people?

Are there people you think shouldn’t exist?

Are all people equal?

Are you spontaneous, or are you very methodical?

Does she say thank you, does she wish, intend good things for people? Does she reward people?

How does she transact with people around her? Does she think she have to? In what ways?

How does she react if she doesn’t get something she wanted? Or when she failed? Or when she did something bad to somebody? Or when she didn’t do something?

 

Mental health:

Is she depressed? Is she on meds?

Can she self-reflect?

Is she receptive to culture shock and other narratives for life?

Her relationship with feelings, can she abstain from something and can she flow into something that requires work but is rewarding. What does she like? Can she clearly express it?

Is she abusive? Does she get angry with you for what things?

Is she manipulative?

Can she be in the present moment?

Is there something that makes her unable to be happy? What is it?

Does she feel guilty and repressed about something?

Does she accept her body? 

How compulsive is she?

Can you not take things too seriously? Can you joke about serious things?

Are you too hippy-like (too much neo-spirituality to the point it’s delusional)?

Do you like expressing yourself?

Do you like to offend people when you speak? In your opinion, have you done that with people or me for example?

How often do you laugh?

Can you laugh at yourself?

Do you feel like you need to be entertained?

Do you think you have low-self esteem?

Do you need validation from other people, to what extent?

Are all men trash?

Can she say no to people and spontaneous situations that arise?

Can she get embarrassed easily? How does she handle embarrassment? Can she do something that she thinks is crazy?

 

Health:

Does she smoke, drink, do drugs or eat meat?

Does she cook, what does she cook?

Has she fasted?

Does she have excess body mass?

Does she do yoga?

Is she healthy, does she aim to be healthy? Is she fit, is she athletic, is she militant or the other way around?

Have you meditated, do you currently?

 

Socio-economic status:

Can she be independant (financially)?

What kind of friends she has?

Does she have orbiters?

Did you have both parents growing up?

Do you have children?

Why do you want to have a relationship?

Edited February 25, 2024 by Applegarden8

[bebotalk]

You make some good points.

Overall, a spouse should match one's values, goals, aspirations and morals in life.