Skills/experiences that've significantly developed my social circle and game

[LittleMaslow]

I've begun my "conscious game journey" recently and have a few useful tips and experiences to offer. This isn't an exhaustive list by any means, even though I've basically typed out a fuckin' novel at this point. These some points I was going to share in another thread about how to build a large social circle (and meet women) without drinking or partying but it got too long-winded and it's better-off as its own post. The idea kinda came from some of these videos I've been seeing on YouTube about what kinds of hobbies you should have to be a better version of yourself, but also includes some practical experiences you can have to build your social life, confidence and meet women.

Before I get to that, for context, I'm 36, a musician (not wildly successful, but I'm experienced, ambitious and good at what I do, so I have confidence and competence in this arena) and got laid a fair bit in college and have had a few girlfriends. I took a long stint of abstinence (5 years) after a toxic relationship to unfuck myself and get more into my personal development and have more to offer myself, a partner and society at large. At this moment, I'm learning game with less of intention to have a ton of sex, but moreso to have greater confidence with women and people in general — and especially to have confidence with women I really jive with, am attracted to and am possibly compatible with, relationship-wise. My hookups in college were often with women I wouldn't go for nowadays, often took place when alcohol was making me more reckless and charismatic, weren't very meaningful and I was generally a socially anxious wreck and not able to express myself fully when sober. I could be seen as somewhat of a "natural" in the eyes of some, but my game honestly kind of sucked back in my university days, so I'm not some kind of hero. I just got lucky from time to time.

A quick, short note before I begin: Develop Your Fashion Sense, like Leo recommends. Start learning about the "capsule wardrobe" (look it up). If you're over the age of 25, look into classic/timeless fashion so you'll always look good, no matter the decade. Make a moodboard of fashion styles you like. Make sure everything fits well, tuck in your fuckin shirt. Get a haircut and facial hairstyle that looks good on you — you'll find what works for you through experimenting and, for the sake of brevity, don't rock a goatee, they give most men a creep/redneck/uncool look. You don't want that.

 

Okay, now getting to what I actually came here to say.

First, one big thing I can recommend if you don't want to drink but still want to go out and be social is to take dance lessons for partner dance styles. Not only are they are babe-magnets, but a man who can dance and lead a partner on the dance floor gets girls. It's not weird to approach a woman and ask her to dance in that kind of situation, so you can ease your cold approach nerves a little bit. Learn a move or two at each lesson, go to the weekly dance lesson every week and you'll make some buddies. I just started learning country swing (I'm in the American West), but you could learn Latin, Ballroom dancing, East Coast Swing or any other kind of partner dance that's common in your region and there will be a crowd for it. In my limited experience, there are more women than men at these things, too. So you've already got baller status by going to dance night. You don't have to drink (it's probably better if you don't), you'll learn a skill that's attractive to women, you'll make friends and you can chat up any girl you dance with.

Second, if you're not already in an aligned career, work at a coffee shop. Do this to practice your social skills with all kinds of people. The majority of your customers will most likely be women. Hot women, women with their lives together, women you'd want to date, women you most likely wouldn't meet at a club, women you probably wouldn't approach on the street. You'll work with cuties as well (but don't hook up with or date them unless you're quitting soon or you're fairly certain you two are compatible for as long as you need to make money at this job). You'll practice your social skills constantly, make friends, chat up the cuties who become your regulars, learn all kinds of interesting stuff that people are reading and learning about, etc. Don't work at a fuckin' Dunkin Donuts or a Starbucks, but a vibey community place where there are regulars. If you want to get a job there, become a regular there. Get to know the baristas and become somewhat friends with them. Don't flirt with the cutie baristas if you want to work there — just be cool and friendly — your time will come. Caveat: don't practice your cold approach here if you're still learning and you're still struggling with being socially calibrated in your interactions. I can't even recall the number of babes I met and interacted with by being a barista and how much that job got me out of my shell. It was a game changer. Your mileage may vary, but it's an option and doesn't require you to be drinking.

Third — you knew this was coming if you've listened to Leo's "How To Get Laid" series — move to a big city if you haven't already done so. Do it alone, like I did, if you have to. I moved to New Orleans from a town of about 30,000 people when I was 26 and while the experience wasn't easy (I'd recommend you move to a more sane city like Austin, LA, Denver, Nashville or NYC), the experience grew me in countless ways. It can kind of suck at first, but if you move to a big city and work at a coffee shop for a little while, you'll be getting experience with women like wouldn't believe. Even a tourist town like a ski town would be good, you'll come into constant contact with new people. 

Fourth, as a bit of a substitute for moving to a big city if you can't do that right now for some reason, TRAVEL to big cities alone and practice your cold approach or just chatting up lots and lots of people. Find busy areas, talk to everyone. Get used to just talking to people and build up your mood with some positive interactions. Journal about what went well and what didn't go quite so well. I've been traveling to new cities recently because I'm living in a rural area and it's an insanely valuable experience with little-to-no negative consequences. At worst, you have an awkward interaction with a stranger and never see them again. On the flipside, you can start making new friends and acquaintances in a new city, keep in touch with them, meet up with them sometime down the line and even have a place to crash in this new city next time you want to visit. It opens up a lot of possibilities the more you do it. If you live east of the Mississippi River, you're never more than 3-4 hours from several cities with a population of over a million people, so this is a really helpful way to get started. If you don't have a lot of money, wait until the temperature is relatively warm, pack some pillows and some blankets and sleep in your car for a week to save on lodging expenses. Leo says you've got to be serious if you want to learn this stuff (I agree), so this option is a nice taste-test/experience builder for being serious and moving somewhere. If you think this would be good for you but hesitant to try it, don't be. You can do this and we're all rooting for you.

You can take the first point I brought up (learn to dance) and apply this to all kinds of social activities and hobbies that women may attend. Tennis, foreign language clubs, co-ed volleyball, hiking clubs, art classes, sip and paint night, etc. For me, music-related activities are great. I like to volunteer for music festivals while I'm traveling (I've made a LOT of cool friends and connections doing this) and go to shows to meet people and talk to people and make friends. Just get on a local events calendar, find something that looks interesting and which may be attended by women and go to it. The "don't shit where you eat" rule applies here — don't go with the intent of getting laid (you've gotta employ a more indirect kind of game in these situations), just go to have fun by learning a new skill, meeting people and being social. It'll make you more fun and interesting and, therefore, more attractive to the opposite sex. You'll improve your confidence massively by doing this shit and if you're especially weak socially and the idea of approaching women scares the shit out of you, this is a really good place to start getting exposure therapy. Practice your cold approach and your game separately, when you're ready. It'll develop and prepare you for bigger and better things.

So, these are a few things I've been learning. I know you shouldn't study "theory" too much when learning game, but these are some ideas to get you out socializing, learning and meeting people (some of whom will women). Pair this stuff with day/night game when you're ready and, boom, you'll be getting the kind of social experience you need and which will be the foundation for you getting good at game. I, personally, am just having fun meeting people, having new experience and being more at-ease/confident while talking to cuties. Granted, I've already got a lot of experience under my belt since I'm a little older and I'm still learning and have a ways to go, but these are the kinds of things I've done to expand myself. And you can take what I've said here, brainstorm on it, and come up with things that fit you and your lifestyle. You can fuckin do this.

Edited February 24, 2024 by LittleMaslow