Knowing "nothing matter" is f*ckn scary

[QandC]

I might not be an authority of awakening or god-realizations or anything like that, so please take this with a grain of salt...

I've had many 'awakening experiences', and in my daily life the insights have stuck with me. To the point where I live life just as if it was a dream. I see no difference between the dreams I have at night, and my daily experience. It's come to a point where I feel like I can just do anything. I can just walk up to a random stranger and say "Hey, I fucking hate you and I'm gonna kill you". I am an empath, and I care about people. But the more I've realized how everything is imaginary, it's taken my human morals out the window. I see no point, meaning, moral, or anything like that, in anything. It's pretty f^ckin' scary, cus' it feels like I can die any second or get arrested, or ruin my life or whatever, whenever - and it wouldn't make a difference. 

What I'm having trouble with is finding the balance between knowing the truth of reality, and integrating it with my daily life. I have a job, I have friends, I have a life, but it all seems so fckn shallow and useless. There is no difference to anything, because I'm just experiencing everything as consciousness; as through my 5 senses. Everything is just colors and nothingness. That's it. And I  don't feel a need to do anything or care about anything, because it's all just a dream. I'm not saying this because of something I've learnt, I'm saying this because I'm so f*^cking confused about how I should carry on living my everyday life. I play this character of mine, playing this game of life, whilst knowing nothing truly matters. There is no difference to anything, whatever duality I cross, I know it's just another mental boundary.

So whilst playing this game, I wonder, how should I act? I'm still trying to hold on to the character of me (ego) while trying to live in the infinite self. But at the same time, my character faces consequences, and I might end up in jail or whatever, perhaps dead. It doesn't bother me one bit, but I still don't wanna harm people around me who are still attached to the normie-way-of-life. I'm floating above everything, seeing everything as the way it is, seeing nothing but colors and shapes, infinity and wholeness. It's Truth and it's really the only thing that exists. But at the same time I kinda have to "down-grade" my sense of self to belong in this world and the collective retardedness.

How do I cope? And how do I act? 

Sorry for seeming f^cking weird, but this is the only way I can express myself...

[Yimpa]

Let’s say bought a Nintendo Switch and the first game you play feels useless and shallow. Is it the Nintendo Switch’s fault?

Why not try a different game?

[hoodrow trillson]

If I were you, I'd continue playing your character as best you can.  Maybe try another form of work or friends or discover other cool versions of you!  I'd try to stay out of trouble and not risk going to prison.  Why?  Because in prison, you won't have time to think about consciousness/nothingness when your mind will be working in overdrive trying to survive in what many deem as Hell on earth. 

Not to mention, there's no reset button and your experience will just be the same place with even LESS variety in your 5 senses.

Edited February 22 by hoodrow trillson

[Arthogaan]

5 hours ago, QandC said:

Everything is just colors and nothingness. That's it. And I  don't feel a need to do anything or care about anything, because it's all just a dream.

That is just the beginning reaction of ego. It's web of useless meaning has been shaken.

But that is just a perspective.

Yes it's colors and sensations in nothingness. But it's no JUST. Its the most beautiful, inteligent, breathtaking design of those colours possible. Its a perfect illusion. There is full of meaning in just appreciating this illusion, this inteligence, the freaking immesurable beauty of your own dreamed up body.

When you sleep at night and realize its just a dream you can sit there and be sad about it. Which is kinda lame if you ask me. You can become lucid and now marvel at your own mind, at the beauty and joy of dreaming, exploring and having fun with shit and being loving.

Cheers mate 

 

Edited February 23 by Arthogaan

[Hojo]

Coming from an empath empathy is not real you are just making up others are feeling and thinking. Outside your skull is a void of nothing(emotion feeling egos) you are looking at people and the scenario and thinking how it would make you feel and labeling that to the other person. You cant possibly know what others are feeling or thinking. Being an empath is a curse.

If you can do it pick something and focus 100 percent of your attention on it all day. Something special has to happen its how God works.

[_Archangel_]

@QandC This is common. What is basically happening is that you are disingaging/unhooking from  worldly rules, morals, obligation, authority.
Imagine a child that is taken away from his mom while he's still in the process of sucking from her breast

What is going to happen is that you will naturally start to become you own authority.
In other words: when you realize life is meaningless, it's ultimately Good because you can start to create your own meaning.

My advice is: when you are ready, cut the stuff you feel you are annoyed by, keep the things you genuinely like to do.
Because you will find that even in this ocean of nothingness there are some things you naturally gravitate towards.
It's desires that made you incarnate, identify tham and fulfill them. That's the game.
Change your life according to your inclinations.

14 hours ago, QandC said:

But at the same time, my character faces consequences, and I might end up in jail or whatever, perhaps dead. It doesn't bother me one bit, but I still don't wanna harm people around me who are still attached to the normie-way-of-life.

So it does bother you.  There is always going to some deeeeeeeep programming that serves the purpose of not making you act like a madman.
Because of survival, you're going to see that it's easy to act out of common sense. There is simply stuff you cannot avoid doing unless you want to harm your body-mind. Which is not something you want if you live anywhere there are scraps social constructs (ex. You follow the queue at the supermarket, exacly as you did before).