My empathy feels like torture, thinking of the nature of death

[Keryo Koffa]

My experience is locked into the lens of loss and death. Many people I loved disappeared or died, I have become very isolated after a lifelong process of it repating over and over again and I exist in a state of conscious anticipation as a result. I had become unable to do much at all. On psychedelics my lenses expanded, life flowed into me, reality became spirited, mysterious, fascinating. But when it comes to that part of me, the deepest core of my heart, it now stops me from making any significant progress. I've always been one to overthink, reality was always 1000x more intense internally than externally, independent of external circumstances. 

And now its not even human death and pain that grips my heartstrings anymore, the empathy has expanded, I see a beautiful flower bloom and instead of appreciating it, I am saddened that it will not last and live like that forever but will wither and disappear. I see little creatures like spiders and I feel their lifeforce like it was my own, I see even non-life like a rock at a place and time in a configuration so natural and infinite that it saddens me if that configuration were to change.

Life is change but change is death. If I were god, I'd make every life inside of me immortal, I'd give every single part of it the ability to chose its own configuration and fullfil every desire without limitation except for the limitation it would consciously impose upon itself. To be conscious, to live and exist and appreciate, one changes, and life must change and any change is death but to navigate, one needs to forget and remember, to see partially, to intensify certain experience over other past or future experiences held in the subconscious. Time is space.

Death feels very real and its painful for me to think about it. It also feels necessary for an experience to exist and progress, to take shape and change it and form anything coherent and meaningful, if I could only see it as a change of form, if I could believe in an afterlife to not despair to the cascade of overlaying every single experience through the context of fearing to lose it, of fearing to make connections, of prematurely grieving the loss of someone and anyone I see. Through this lens, I cannot be angry at anyone and I feel instantly connected to everyone and everything independent of their character and actions, knowing that anything done is ultimately done out of love and that love eventually dies with the one who expressd it, leaving nothing but a trace memory. I feel like everything is already dead infinitely and I'm grieving the greatest love before it even has the chance to reach its peak.

If I am god, or if I'm a self-contained god holon, if I am the only thing in existence or the only thing I can know, if everything is a projection of my own self, if I can eventually after the dream unravels unite with all that is inside of my experience and has been "lost" during my life, then that would contextualize my present experience as shaping my psyche and exploring meaning and experience, death would no longer feel sad in that regard. At this point I am mostly sad not for me but for the pain of others, though others might really be a projection of myself, but that does not undo their validity. Even if all of reality was a dream, I would not rest until it got a happy ending. Everyone has a different idea of what is good. I'd want everyone to be autonomous and follow their own desires in their own reality with the ability to enter all other realities simultaneously.

Why am I limited? Why is there so much pain? Can god not conceive of a happier reality? Or is having a meaningful experience the ability to bear ever greater capacities of pain and empathy. Is Earth the training ground as NGEs call it? Is this experience as good as it gets? Is there a point to this experience I'm having, or do I create that point in retrospect, or was it always accounted for, or did I make myself forget having accounted for it to experience it authentically. My highs and lows are both growing, I feel like each day I'm reinvented and experienced more than I would previously have in a lifetime. My rigidity is lessening, I feel more attuned, present, after I let it out I feel better, but I keep coming back to this state over and over again.

[Jehovah increases]

Neville Goddard Lectures: “Many Mansions” (1969)

[Razard86]

You need to integrate your Masculine. Your too much in your feminine. You need to contemplate impermanence and why the highest intelligence makes things this way. If God did not make things impermanent, God would be trapped in a specific form, and if God allowed that form to change its configuration, God couldn't be NOT GOD. God couldn't fool itself that it wasn't God and couldn't live a life.

You need to understand that everything is already perfect and anytime you or I or anybody thinks otherwise it is because we are being selfish and are not understanding the grand design and perfection. Reality cannot be improved and our human intelligence is no where near enough intelligent to improve it. Reality is set up to work harmoniously with infinite creations. INFINITE CREATIONS!!

Think how short sighted and small our opinions are in relation to that!! I get your frustration, but one state change into a mystical state that exposes the perfection would fix all of that.

[strangelooper]

8 hours ago, Razard86 said:

You need to integrate your Masculine. Your too much in your feminine. You need to contemplate impermanence and why the highest intelligence makes things this way. If God did not make things impermanent, God would be trapped in a specific form, and if God allowed that form to change its configuration, God couldn't be NOT GOD. God couldn't fool itself that it wasn't God and couldn't live a life.

You need to understand that everything is already perfect and anytime you or I or anybody thinks otherwise it is because we are being selfish and are not understanding the grand design and perfection. Reality cannot be improved and our human intelligence is no where near enough intelligent to improve it. Reality is set up to work harmoniously with infinite creations. INFINITE CREATIONS!!

Think how short sighted and small our opinions are in relation to that!! I get your frustration, but one state change into a mystical state that exposes the perfection would fix all of that.

If this was true, then this particular reality would repeat forever. However infinity is all possibilities so wanting to change it into some other possibility is valid. Isn't "everything" perfect according to the "Leolists". Why would a different reality be less perfect if all is perfect?

8 hours ago, Razard86 said:

 

[MellowEd]

Then choose live. Repent.

[Razard86]

3 hours ago, strangelooper said:

If this was true, then this particular reality would repeat forever. However infinity is all possibilities so wanting to change it into some other possibility is valid. Isn't "everything" perfect according to the "Leolists". Why would a different reality be less perfect if all is perfect?

It's perfect because it was constructed by an infinite intelligence. Your little human intelligence is ignorant. If I dropped you on an island you couldn't reconstruct modern society from scratch. Modern society's greatest intellectual achievements aren't even 1% of the intelligence of Infinite Intelligence. So what's make you think that your little human intelligence can construct something better.

It's simple math. God has unlimited intelligence, your intelligence is limited. Why the hell you think you can construct something better. In fact try. Go write a novel or create a video game that is supposed to be better than Reality. Good luck with that. If you knew how hard it is to keep people entertained and engaged as a writer as a creator you would know how silly you sound.

The number one rule of creating a world is IMMERSION!!! No human has ever created ANYTHING that can immerse you better than reality. 

[strangelooper]

9 hours ago, Razard86 said:

It's perfect because it was constructed by an infinite intelligence. Your little human intelligence is ignorant. If I dropped you on an island you couldn't reconstruct modern society from scratch. Modern society's greatest intellectual achievements aren't even 1% of the intelligence of Infinite Intelligence. So what's make you think that your little human intelligence can construct something better.

It's simple math. God has unlimited intelligence, your intelligence is limited. Why the hell you think you can construct something better. In fact try. Go write a novel or create a video game that is supposed to be better than Reality. Good luck with that. If you knew how hard it is to keep people entertained and engaged as a writer as a creator you would know how silly you sound.

The number one rule of creating a world is IMMERSION!!! No human has ever created ANYTHING that can immerse you better than reality. 

Editing what already is to something better is definitely doable even with this limited intelligence. Creating from scratch is only impossible because of the limitations on the intelligence.

You can actually "shit out" ideas for something bettter even in this state. A reality where you stare at a wall and feel intense love for the wall is better than this realm.

[Thought Art]

Sounds like spiritual maturity is the answer which can only be developed over time. 
 

Change is a good thing. Reality is made of many processes. God’s design of reality is perfect and you would not do better by making roses last forever. If you did that, it would make a hellish universe. The temporal nature of things is of the highest goodness. 
 

It may be worth reading the Conversations With God books. God mentions that nothing in the universe happens which is not your will, including death and suffering. You are much larger than this single human life. You are going through a process of awakening and maturity. You can only die which you choose to die, from a higher plain of consciousness. Reality is Good. Don’t worry too much. Give it time, it’s not supposed to be easy to grasp the infinite goodness.

Edited February 22 by Thought Art

[Breakingthewall]

Life is indestructible, it springs from the limitless void and returns to it again in endless cycles. These are the rules of the game, everything is cyclical, since everything is in motion, nothing can be permanent since everything is an expression of existence. Life is fearless, merciless and pure power. If you accept your own impermanence, you accept the impermanence of everything else.