🍄6.5 grams - Mushroom Trip 025 - A Whiff of The Ox's Solipsistic Farts 🍄

[ZenSwift]

Most Important Notes are Coloured!

 

🍄 Mushroom Trip 025 - A Whiff of The Ox's Solipsistic Farts 🍄

 

In this trip report I got a small taste of The Cost of Awakening

Mainly with the Solipsistic True Nature Reality.

 

Guiding Questions:

• - What is Actuality?
• - What is Direct Experience?
• - What is Perception?
• - What is Consciousness? Consciousness IS nothing. Pure existence without content.
• - What is God?
• - What is Self?
• - What if I'm Not The Body?
• - What am I? (Existentially)
• - What is Direct Experience? 

 

October 25th 2023

Dose: 6.5g Golden Teachers Lemon Tek Tea

Ground into a fine powder.

I let it brew for 1h50 minutes.

 

Just had A LITTLE BIT of procrastination to take this high of a dose. As you can imagine, I am experiencing fear in that dose. But that's where the gold is, so here I am.

 

I really want to Focus my awareness on looking for the perceiver until I realize there is no perceiver.

 

I am definitely experiencing a massive procrastination and hesitation to take the dose. I haven't had THIS MUCH fear in a while. So that's a good indicator that it's going to be a very deep trip. This kind of dose and this kind of fear warrants a very high amount of seriousness with my intention. 

 

The more fear I have, the more serious I have to become about the trip. Otherwise it will spiral out of control into an undesirable experience. 

 

I said to myself: “I want to awaken!”

What is REALITY?

 

Taken at 1:35pm

I should strain it going forward. Literally drinking a cup of dirt at this point.

It is gross.

 

I'm 15 minutes in, about to get MEGA stoned.

 

I guess I'm a bit impatient, even now, as I should have done 6 grams 6 more times to the point where I'm ready. But, here we are. So yeah there was a little bit of panic that I could have escalated into, but this is my 25th trip with mushrooms, so I'm okay.

 

If this was an LSD trip, that would have spiraled massively down into whatever uncomfortable state of mind. Upping the dose and acclimatizing to a higher dose of LSD is ITS OWN TRIP. Until I acclimatize, it can be easy to be distracted by the idea of "What the hell am I in for at THIS dose?".

 

6.5 grams is getting to be up there with monetary cost. I may consider purchasing synthetic Mushrooms to save money. (4-AcO-DMT)

 

On the come up and during the trip I am Watching Leo's video on his guided exercise to realizing you're God. I’ve been listening to this one during several of my trips. 

 

Usually I can get so distracted with mushrooms so it's a challenge for myself to actually work through the entire video. I HAVE TO be very intentional to focus on the video.

 

What is God?

 

I notice that I should be meditating again because it's hard to sit there and focus: To sit there and be bored.

 

I need to meditate a minimum of 10 minutes a day for the rest of my life.

 

I noticed that I'm actually impatient and I don't want to get bored with this inquiry process. I'm unconsciously avoiding boredom. That is a very valuable insight, so here we are, we're going to be bored.

 

29 minutes in

Noticing visuals.

Had 'em earlier too.

 

You have a lack of awareness of the programming that you're in. That's how reality controls you.  You become an individual that thrives/matches the environment that you find yourself in. And you've mistaken your identity based on what is consistently present in your direct experience. Including your identity of you being a human. But also, you can mistake your identity of being not good enough by growing up in a school where the entire attitude of reality says "You're not good enough. You're different, and that's a bad thing. You're an outcast. Etc"

 

Have you ever met someone that is clearly an individual that is clearly in an echelon above you? I met this one guy that clearly gave a bright white and green aura. When you become the WHO that you're after, it seems that your presence sends out constant signals to attract  and repel different parts of reality. When you become exactly WHO you desire, you ARE IT. You IS it. You BECOME it. By BEING it, you will naturally blast away all that is not meant for you. You will blast away all that isn't you.

When you're a being of exactly what you need to be, you blast away everything else!

 

That's why you will lose your friends, addictions, beliefs and mindsets that are impure to begin with. This is par for the course in creating the momentum built up for a natural purification process.

 

I have to speak three times a week - BECAUSE it's hard - BECAUSE I don't have time - BECAUSE I'm not inspired.

That's Religion.

You need to read your last trip report. Do your homework! (Will do)

You have to get ripped out of your love for your people.

 

Only listen to teachings grounded in direct experience.

 

• If you're not operating at a TEN, there's still problems! (A 10/10)
  • I am starting to believe that we naturally love to perform at our optimum 10/10 Self, but we don't know how and we don't know how to overcome our challenges.

 

• All my direct experience is actually distraction. Fuck everything! Holy fuck! God!

 

God will create distractions in such intelligent manners to hide himself from your conscious awareness, it's incredible how subtle it is. He will do this by creating distraction. These distractions are MASTERFUL.

It feels like Reality is intelligently learning how to do this as an ongoing process of designing reality in a way to make the dream so Dreamy that you'll never wake up.

 

Reality is a system designed to not discover itself.
 

Reality will create a way to kill you so you don't realize that you're God.

Love is the pattern of God.

My "beer" is a highly healthy fruit drink. Instead of having beers and sodas in the fridge like a Fool, I should have really nutritious superfood drinks.

 

You have a lack of awareness of the programming that you're in.

 

Therapy is a process of taking your Authority back. And once you have the authority back then you actually take correct control of your life.

 

People who try to be your teacher typically have their minds closed to the possibility that they could be taught by you.

 

Reality is a system that is designed to distract you away from god-realization.

Reality is a construct that is SO ELABORATE that the last thing you would guess is that it was all imagined.

 

The story that I show other people is realizing that you are the swan!

 

I am acutely aware right now that there are no other people. Everyone is just imagined. Absolutely everyone. To open your mind up to this possibility is the real challenge. Opening your mind up to this is not fun at all. Fucking everything that I think that "happened" in the past was just "turtles all the way down" to explain away this present moment.  An infinite chain of explanation to create the illusion of a reality that is "real". We wouldn't question an illusion that spans infinitely in all directions and dimensions  due to our bias of following things linearly. That is the trick of God. 

We'd be like "no way, that's way too much work", "There's no way God would go THAT far to create an illusion that's not even real!" But we forget that this is nothing for an infinite mind with unlimited power. So yeah, it WOULD go this far and it WOULD be this elaborate. It would be TOTAL as fuck! Why not? What would stop it?

 

We have a misguided assumption of understanding what REAL is. To my current understanding, what's REAL is just a point where you sit at a "high concentration" point of the infinite fractal of God. “High concentration” meaning that there are too many stories and contexts to keep track of so you get fully lost in the dream of reality.  So many stories that it knits a web that cocoons you in illusion. Since you're always in illusion and always have only experienced illusion in this life, you've never had an experience outside of it. There's no duality to create a reference point for your mind to understand. Reality will become "unreal" (as in you become conscious that you're looking at absolute infinity/imagination) when you have a direct experience of what's ACTUALLY real, what's ACTUALLY True. Awakening is the suffering process of emerging from your cocoon of illusions. As shedding illusions is a process of shedding all form and fully loving and accepting the truth of impermanence in all areas.

 

I understand more now when Leo says as ego goes down, consciousness goes up. Psychedelics will wipe away the presence of these stories in your direct experience, allowing you to focus your awareness on what's actually the case. The higher the dose, the more ego dissolution. The more you're able to focus on the substance of God. The void/everything of God.

 

I have accessed a state of consciousness where It is much clearer to me that this field of awareness is going to occur eternally. I'M the one that is going to be living all the lives in all the realities. When this body dies I will imagine a whole new reality. Let's hope the next one is Pandora, and not making bricks with my hands for 20+ years! (But of course, I will imagine both.)

 

I'm talking to my mom while on the trip while she is a great trip sitter!  I'm like: "Mom! We will be having conversations like this FOREVER for eternity." Definitely a moment for a cry.

 

It is a very emotionally challenging reality to accept eternity. But here's the kicker: I became conscious that any emotion that is a negative reaction is just something that I'm ALSO imagining as well. So the true nihilism kicks in and it just becomes a moot point. Any emotion that I am experiencing is still things that I'm imagining. 

-

Respect always finds its place where it's due. So the way you act now, people will remember and as they mature they will look upon those memories through that new mature lens. So don't be shy to act in the highest manner aligned with respect. People will recognize eventually.

-

 

Tapping into the COMET of GOD's Intelligence

Have you ever noticed that these overnight successful people live these incredibly fast paced, high Workload lives? Like it's either insanely high intensity or no success at all? I don't think this is a coincidence.

Think about it this way:

So you want to live a life aligned with the intelligence of God?

If you want to capture the intelligence of God, then you have to speed up yourself to the seriousness of commitment required! This is a process of eliminating all of your distractions and fully committing your heart, mind and soul to your craft. It's a heroic journey of surrendering to what's required of you to become the individual that is a vessel that channels the intelligence of God through you! You have to do everything you can to optimize your brain, body and mind to be able to receive these downloads.

 

Working out multiple times a day. Fasting & Eating the best foods, detoxing heavy metals! Constantly finding ways to stimulate your state of consciousness to be ready to put in the work. Listening to motivational speeches every day. Doing the meditation, saying no to things that lower your state of consciousness and lower your vibration. etc!

 

The Process of tapping into the intelligence of God is a process of surrender into being your best 10.0 self to be able to access and channel the intelligence of God through you. (Ten-Point-O self across the board.)

You have to surrender to your body every day.

Wake up on time, no distractions. Create VOLUME , VOLUME, VOLUME!

 

I am a channel, a comet!

To catch a comet, you have to be ready

If you want access to God, you better listen!

Do your homework! God MADE your brain so that you could learn that shit!

The extraordinariness of God is a scary comet to catch, but you’d be a fool not to fly out to catch it. 

It's like flying out to mars. It's like flying from earth to live on an advanced civilization that is on a comet.

 

 

When I reflect back on the moments growing up in elementary school:

- The whole attitude of reality manifested itself that you were not important.

- Think of how the mind of God physically manifests for you as the attitude that he has created to carve you into who you are today.

- The attitude that you are a loser was indoctrinated in the brain's chemistry. It's not in your awareness, it's subconscious!

 

To understand reality as best as possible, we need to be running at peak capacity. (Sleep, nutrition, exercise, heavy metal detox, supplements, etc. )

 

What is Self? - it's a construct that you create to operate in reality. 

- You need a physical being to walk. If you are God, you are an open infinite field of awareness, nothingness and infiniteness. You create a body and a reality "separate" from it to BE ABLE to look around.

My existence is just a story.

On Dying

- Dying is a state of consciousness that you go through, and then it's done. Then there is a new chapter. Wayne Dyer talks about dying as taking off one robe and putting another one on. 

 

I respect my life so much. 

You have been gifted with an extraordinary mind. 

When you get herded with the sheep your whole life, you mistake your identity for a sheep.

God will write the story for you to be with the herd until you realize that you are God. Then the story of meaning stops.

The hardest insight today is realizing that other people don’t exist. It means that I am alone. Becoming god is a therapy session. You need therapy to catch the comet. 

I am alone - it just is.

You are imagining the emotions of having a hard time to comprehend things.

Solipsism is that realization that makes you go "oh shit I'm actually alone in this bitch".

Direct experience is God choosing to exist. If God did not want direct experience he could choose not to. Think about this, God has chosen to have reality exist exactly as this!

 

I feel like God has pre-installed this innate curiosity about reality in me that caused me to pursue this process of awakening.

God installed the fear of sleep every day to become enlightened.

The curiosity that was in Leo was pre-installed.

 

- Your physical manifestation of how you exist every day says everything I need to know about you. 

- The nervous system tells you everything you need to know about a person.

- I come from a lineage of people that chose to not embrace life until it was too late. Not taking responsibility for death. 

..

 

What's Terrifying and what I have grazed on before is that I'll live forever. What's even more terrifying is I'M the one that's going to do it.

 

Imagine looking at your mother and realizing IT'S JUST YOU and kind of being mad at the illusion itself and wanting to punch your mom in the head!

I assume what is going to happen is that this solipsism will slowly become more and more of my normal baseline direct experience as I trip more and more. Similar to me losing my face and head.

After reflection and tons more study. I did not become directly conscious of God. It would've felt more like absolute infinity. I would have KNOWN FOR SURE that it was God.

 

What I experienced at the peak was an absolute Solipsism of sorts.

Days after the trip

• As time passes I fall back asleep.
• But I do have a faded memory in my mind of that state of consciousness.

 

But yeah when I was completely at the peak when I was talking to my mom it was just fucking surreal. And the most amazing part was that my mom just went with it being like "Yeah, so?"

 

During this trip I became extremely conscious that only my direct experience exists and therefore even other people is just the Mind.

Reality is literally JUST MY EXPERIENCES.

There's just me looking through this VOID of which I thought there was a face before.

There is no other person behind any of the other eyes that I see. I am the only See'er.

I'm the only experiencer. The gravity of this insight is incredibly shocking and is definitely an "oh shit" moment. REAL SOLIPSISM.

The amount of authority that I now take back for taking control over my entire life is more than ever before. The amount of authority that I take back to solve this puzzle that I call life and reality has become a whole lot more serious because I realize I'm the only mother fucking player.

The choice to be good is truly a choice now, of course I should still be mindful of the consequences of my actions as well.

Because my direct experience is the only thing that exists, only I can awaken.

 

End of Report.

 

Edited February 19 by ZenSwift

[Leo Gura]

Good, good...

[Breakingthewall]

2 hours ago, ZenSwift said:

What's Terrifying and what I have grazed on before is that I'll live forever. What's even more terrifying is I'M the one that's going to do it.

 

I know that realization well, it is extremely horrible, you are alone in the eternity of existence, with no possibility of leaving this eternal moment. It is a realization of openness to the unlimited while maintaining the limits of the self, this is where solipsism comes from. If you break all the limits, there is no self, there is absolute depth. Loneliness does not even exist as a possibility. Solipsism can only exist if you are there. You are this temporary bubble of existence, the center that perceives, that by taking psychedelics becomes aware of the absence of limits in the linear sense but is not capable of letting itself fall into the void and being unlimited in the deep sense. what you really are is depth. Depth is not alone, is not you, it's just unlimited. It's a dimension so different that is very difficult to maintain. 

[Harikrishnan]

Nice trip report. Do you write these when tripping or after psych wears off? 

[HMD]

Did you experience any ego backlash after? For instance wanting to distract yourself from the insights and “be human”. 

[Sincerity]

5 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Good, good...

Edited February 18 by Sincerity

[Ishanga]

Your having an Intense Experience of Oneness, but because Your Ego Identified You bring it down to "I" am Everything, you see the correlation? Its not Good as Leo says, its Bad...  

Its good to have Intense Oneness Experiences, just don't make it egoic, then Your fine...Just say I am Everything, Everything is I..

In the End all we have is our Subjectivity, only our Intellects tells us there are others, but in reality that is just an idea, a very strong One..The problem with this is that You won't function in a society with this sort of realization very well..How do You function with others if there are no Others, and You are Everything? It doesn't work well, so You have to balance it out, You know there are other people out there, you've read their trip reports that are like Yours, are they not Real? It just feels like they aren't when under the influence, like drunk assholes, their assholes when drunk, okay when not drunk, so balance it out then You'll be okay, reframe Your experience, make it about being One with Everything, not about Ego and I..

[Ishanga]

If there are no "Others' why are You posting this trip report here? Please answer this sincerely! 

[Butters]

Good read, thank you

[Jehovah increases]

🍄♾❤️👌

[Jowblob]

16 hours ago, ZenSwift said:

 

Tapping into the COMET of 

 

During this trip I became extremely conscious that only my direct experience exists and therefore even other people is just the Mind.

Reality is literally JUST MY EXPERIENCES.

There's just me looking through this VOID of which I though there was a face before.

There is no other person behind any of the other eyes that I see. I am the only See'er.

I'm the only experiencer. The gravity of this insight is incredibly shocking and is definitely an "oh shit" moment. REAL SOLIPSISM.

The amount of authority that I now take back for taking control over my entire life is more than ever before. The amount of authority that I take back to solve this puzzle that I call life and reality has become a whole lot more serious because I realize I'm the only mother fucking player.

The choice to be good is truly a choice now, of course I should still be mindful of the consequences of my actions as well.

Because my direct experience is the only thing that exists, only I can awaken.

 

End of Report.

 

@Leo Gura

How to deal with this part since it is very shocking and i have trouble with this? What are the next actions?

I know i can imagine right now and tell myself that consciousness always stabillizes to comfort myself but how to deal with this and comfort my own heart. 

Also 1 more question, if you have awakened past this part and solipsism what are your next actions or what do you plan to do, does this part also bother you?

At the highest level i have seen that we actually want to dumb ourselves down as a remedy against the eternal presence, and then after a while i found a quote of ma ananda and she also said that ego is just a remedy

[Yimpa]

Very cool! You should definitely write a book about this, I’d love to read it.

[Jowblob]

7 hours ago, Ishanga said:

If there are no "Others' why are You posting this trip report here? Please answer this sincerely! 

  @Ishanga i will answer this from my own experience.

It's because of fear , i want others to be there , i want to be asleep and the game continue. My courage wasnt able to handle these states of consciousness for long

[Giulio Bevilacqua]

19 hours ago, Sincerity said:

Hahahahaha 

[Breakingthewall]

On 18/2/2024 at 3:09 PM, Ishanga said:

If there are no "Others' why are You posting this trip report here? Please answer this sincerely! 

Solipsism is the result of a partial ego dissolution, in which there is still the experiencer who sees himself as the center of the experience, the perceiver, what they call consciousness. This occurs because it is extremely difficult to dissolve the self completely. If you dissolve the self there is no solipsism, there is no one to think about: only I exist. Solipsism is a history of the self, and therefore is a semi-psychotic mixture of mystical experience and relative experience. This is the problem with psychedelics, that without being prepared they take you far. you have to be smart not to be fooled

[Breakingthewall]

On 18/2/2024 at 3:09 PM, Ishanga said:

If there are no "Others' why are You posting this trip report here? Please answer this sincerely! 

Solipsism is the result of a partial ego dissolution, in which there is still the experiencer who sees himself as the center of the experience, the perceiver, what they call consciousness. This occurs because it is extremely difficult to dissolve the self completely. If you dissolve the self there is no solipsism, there is no one to realize about: only I exist. Solipsism is a history of the self, and therefore is a semi-psychotic mixture of mystical experience and relative experience. This is the problem with psychedelics, that without being prepared they take you far. you have to be smart not to be fooled

Edited February 20 by Breakingthewall