Uncovering

[Breakingthewall]

@Keryo Koffa 

Ego death is to become infinite. This does not mean that you realize that you are infinite, you are not a thing that is infinite, you are simply the absence of limits, or better, what you are is absence of limits, not a you. It is not something, you are depth, this is not thinkable nor can it be remembered. You can remember a kind of endless well, but that well in your memory will have edges, limits. It's not that, it's absolute openness. That's what spirituality is about. The first time you achieve this it can be perceived as horrible, there is nothing to grab, it is nothing. If you manage to maintain it, the mystique emerges. The absence of limits is the source of reality, and you become one with it, since that is what you really are, it is simply reality

[Breakingthewall]

I remember when I fought with 5meo, a tough fight. I would lie on the floor and think: I am going to cross the barrier of my psyche, here and now. I did it and...no, no, almost, strange, strange. horrible sometimes. things like: a sphincter of darkness that swallows me and suddenly the absolute: an eternal prison, I am trapped in a motionless eternity, absolute cosmic horror. Then I would get up and walk around my house looking at the ground trying to remove that pressure from my mind.

One day I did it and it was: absolute emptiness, total death, nothing that expands without limit. an absolute gong that sounds and was death. party. I thought, well, this is so nice what I had to see today, we have to settle. Then I thought, no, I have a quality, I go further. I put something like double the dose into the pipe without weight, trembling because I was still under the effect of the previous one, I lit it and thought: kill. reality opened up. I saw myself standing in my room with my arms open, infinity was open, the total glory of existence opened to me. Hallelujah. There are no limits, that's what I am. Infinity.

[Keryo Koffa]

@Breakingthewall I have biases and it's hard for me to let go completely, though I tripped three times on double-heroic doses of psilocybin that felt like amnesia.

The first time, I felt overstimulated, I look at my phone messages, they seemed to disappear and reappear, I would send them and they'd disappear as if time was rewinded, the time as seen on the phone remained the same not matter how long I waited, the minute wouldn't change. It seemed as if I could accelerate time and hours would move by and messages would arrive only to be reset and the time was the same as before. I was restless, felt like my consciousness would disappear forever if I went to sleep and the remaining body would run on autopilot. I was packing my backpack and the next moment, everything was outside again, and I repeated and I kept resetting, my phone disappeared and appeared different places, I made notes because I could only keep two intentions and memories in my mind simultaneously. I learned to let go and ease myself into waiting it out.

On the second one I was extremely disoriented and scared, I clinged onto a few concepts like duality, difference, loops, I was immersed in imagined sine waves corresponding and explaining phenomena in reality. I felt like I wanted to dissolve all dualities, I saw a triangle, felt that meant duality and the upper vertex was god, and I became that point and there was nothing. I recollected myself somehow and looked at a random actualized.org post and all the comments looked like hieroglyphs, when I focused very hard on words they were repeating something akin to "there is no self" or "you are not self", I wish I continued to look but I felt so fatigued, I could barely move and could do nothing but to fall asleep and reawaken with the energy to be conscious for a few seconds and fall asleep anew, lasting longer next time. My environment began to look like the surface waves of liquid mercury, grey vibrating surfaces. And when I thought of something, I became it and couldn't identify it since I was too busy being it to make sense of it, like the image of a place or person. I remembered my parents existed and felt like they represented parts of the psyche and that I was not living up to their and my expectations of what I should be doing and capable of since I was basically incapacitated.

On the third one, I remembered the second and didn't fear it as much, I remembered sensations that I had on the previous trip. I still felt fatigued and like reality was dissolving into incomprehensible disconnected concepts and feelings and that I could not use the entirety of my psyche as I usually do but I was aware of that and navigated intuitively without needing to think or make sense, I just knew what something was by focusing on it. I felt and visualized an image from my childhood driving with my parents through a dark forest at night looking at pine trees and felt a mysterious emotion from my childhood, when reality was far more vivid, unknown, alive, spirited, mysterious, animated and that fascinated me.

 

Ultimately, it's hard for me to know what to even look for, what sensation to focus on, if I just lie still thinking of nothing, it's like I'm in my base state just feeling a little dizzier than usual, as soon as I do something on high doses, or look at something, then nuanced emotions and ideas come to me. But it's extremely rare that my peripheral changes form and I mostly feel intuitions. Intuition that reality is infinitely interconnected, or that a looped string is god, intuition that I might be a puppet master controlling everything subconsciously, that I'm doing myself a disservice by awakening because I'm unconscious on purpose else why would I be, that god is the superset of all subsets and so forth.

 

What I'd like to ask you about is the distinction between first-hand experience and the usual imagination that includes things outside of the normally constantly occurring stream of senses like sight, hearing, touch, gravity. And what it means to be reality or infinite, how its constructed or willed into experience, whether you have control and can build a bridge between those states of mind to navigate. What it means in relation to this world and how it changes how you live and what you do or the reason behind those. And what I am to you, since I am conscious in my experience absolutely, but then how does that relate to the infinity I infer from you?

[Breakingthewall]

On 23/2/2024 at 7:19 PM, Keryo Koffa said:

@Breakingthewall I have biases and it's hard for me to let go completely, though I tripped three times on double-heroic doses of psilocybin that felt like amnesia.

The first time, I felt overstimulated, I look at my phone messages, they seemed to disappear and reappear, I would send them and they'd disappear as if time was rewinded, the time as seen on the phone remained the same not matter how long I waited, the minute wouldn't change. It seemed as if I could accelerate time and hours would move by and messages would arrive only to be reset and the time was the same as before. I was restless, felt like my consciousness would disappear forever if I went to sleep and the remaining body would run on autopilot. I was packing my backpack and the next moment, everything was outside again, and I repeated and I kept resetting, my phone disappeared and appeared different places, I made notes because I could only keep two intentions and memories in my mind simultaneously. I learned to let go and ease myself into waiting it out.

On the second one I was extremely disoriented and scared, I clinged onto a few concepts like duality, difference, loops, I was immersed in imagined sine waves corresponding and explaining phenomena in reality. I felt like I wanted to dissolve all dualities, I saw a triangle, felt that meant duality and the upper vertex was god, and I became that point and there was nothing. I recollected myself somehow and looked at a random actualized.org post and all the comments looked like hieroglyphs, when I focused very hard on words they were repeating something akin to "there is no self" or "you are not self", I wish I continued to look but I felt so fatigued, I could barely move and could do nothing but to fall asleep and reawaken with the energy to be conscious for a few seconds and fall asleep anew, lasting longer next time. My environment began to look like the surface waves of liquid mercury, grey vibrating surfaces. And when I thought of something, I became it and couldn't identify it since I was too busy being it to make sense of it, like the image of a place or person. I remembered my parents existed and felt like they represented parts of the psyche and that I was not living up to their and my expectations of what I should be doing and capable of since I was basically incapacitated.

On the third one, I remembered the second and didn't fear it as much, I remembered sensations that I had on the previous trip. I still felt fatigued and like reality was dissolving into incomprehensible disconnected concepts and feelings and that I could not use the entirety of my psyche as I usually do but I was aware of that and navigated intuitively without needing to think or make sense, I just knew what something was by focusing on it. I felt and visualized an image from my childhood driving with my parents through a dark forest at night looking at pine trees and felt a mysterious emotion from my childhood, when reality was far more vivid, unknown, alive, spirited, mysterious, animated and that fascinated me.

 

Ultimately, it's hard for me to know what to even look for, what sensation to focus on, if I just lie still thinking of nothing, it's like I'm in my base state just feeling a little dizzier than usual, as soon as I do something on high doses, or look at something, then nuanced emotions and ideas come to me. But it's extremely rare that my peripheral changes form and I mostly feel intuitions. Intuition that reality is infinitely interconnected, or that a looped string is god, intuition that I might be a puppet master controlling everything subconsciously, that I'm doing myself a disservice by awakening because I'm unconscious on purpose else why would I be, that god is the superset of all subsets and so forth.

 

What I'd like to ask you about is the distinction between first-hand experience and the usual imagination that includes things outside of the normally constantly occurring stream of senses like sight, hearing, touch, gravity. And what it means to be reality or infinite, how its constructed or willed into experience, whether you have control and can build a bridge between those states of mind to navigate. What it means in relation to this world and how it changes how you live and what you do or the reason behind those. And what I am to you, since I am conscious in my experience absolutely, but then how does that relate to the infinity I infer from you?

All you're talking about is that you're navigating the psyche. You can't get out of the meaning of things. You have to go through that layer, but it is not easy, there are many anchors of many types. you have to break the fabric of the psyche, get out of the meaning and make a breach. Open yourself to the divine, to the energy that flows, the intelligence that is creating this moment. It's all about that, understanding things makes no sense, it means absolutely nothing, the important thing is to see it, see what existence is and open yourself to it. Maybe later it's possible to understand, I don't know, but for now understanding is hindrance 

Edited February 24, 2024 by Breakingthewall

[Breakingthewall]

On 23/2/2024 at 7:19 PM, Keryo Koffa said:

What I'd like to ask you about is the distinction between first-hand experience and the usual imagination that includes things outside of the normally constantly occurring stream of senses like sight, hearing, touch, gravity. And what it means to be reality or infinite, how its constructed or willed into experience, whether you have control and can build a bridge between those states of mind to navigate. What it means in relation to this world and how it changes how you live and what you do or the reason behind those. And what I am to you, since I am conscious in my experience absolutely, but then how does that relate to the infinity I infer from you?

Everything you question is a labyrinth in the mind, it binds in the mind. The point is to get out of the mind. If there is no mind, would those questions have any importance? Would they mean something? it doesn't matter exactly the same. Imagine that there are infinite possibilities and this is one. Does it matter anything in this possibility if the others are this or something else? If they are a creation of your mind or not? all that is meaning. What the others mean, what the universe means, they don't mean anything, you see them and that's it. you open yourself to them, the same as to everything else. What we want to see is what is seen when everything is open, not understanding the finite details of the infinite, that's a no end path

Edited February 24, 2024 by Breakingthewall