Uncovering

[Keryo Koffa]

Everything is as real as I know it to be, am I shaped by the zeitgeist or the zeitgeist by my experience? Are you only as real as I'm willing to engage with you, ultimately as real as me, and I can probably infinitely subdivide myself further if I wanted to. The pointed to god is a state of contentment that generates out of abundence, the exact abundence that offsets my existence. If everything I ever loved is real but imaginary, true but arbitrary, then that's pretty beautiful because I wouldn't want to miss out on the infinity of material and immaterial experience outside of it either, or just be content for a while or discontent though I'd like to be somewhat content in my discontentment if possible.

[Keryo Koffa]

The Truth of Belief. Reality is exactly what I believe it to be, materializing itself in all the forms that include the doubts, counters, synergies, others on a universal scale with me as an ego at the epicenter, the configuration of the universe is ego-dependent. This intelligence is much more efficient and way higher than my thoughts, they're materialized seamlessly without me ever having realized it.

[Keryo Koffa]

So this human form is a way to experience that self-exploration but actually I'm the entire universe that spawns from my psychic self-exploration.

[Keryo Koffa]

The physical universe is a manifestation of my subconscious exapnding in infinite dimensions and I'm the epicenter that is self-reflexively created as a median average ego persona which I've been believing in and letting itself unfold for as long as I remember. Whatever thoughts come to me can only come because I've become aware of them through my environment and self-understanding which was given form to in far greater terms to let evolve without bias in order to form all the possibilities from which I can choose. All of it simultaneously from the present into the past and the future since all there is, is my level of understanding.

As above, so below, my will materializes itself long before I make sense of it as an organism but I am simultaneously aware as the universe of the origin of my desire that materializes everything. So now I understand why it's so hard to live with certain beliefs. My originality is something I've been trying to compete with, I'm competing with myself in god form and feeling bad about my art not matching the greater reality that spawned it. I'm trying to shut myself down from external reality to look within and dull out externalities but the universe is my open mind self-expanding.

The probabilities I focus on as the epicenter of it all will always bring it all into reality, so I can really just let it all happen and do things out of love and joy because whatever emotions I focus on is exactly what will materialize in reality, so I want to explore that all deeper now.

[Keryo Koffa]

It's almost like the universe materializes all I'd like to experience outside of myself so there's nothing for me to do, yet as a kid though I always was extrememly introspective, I used to be more involved, that felt good. If I tie myself down to anything, I feel less, but if I don't I feel I stagnate. I feel tied down by the reality that materialized, like it carries its own momentum and its alot though that mental belief might be overcome

[Razard86]

Your thread is very vague, what exactly are you trying to communicate?

[Breakingthewall]

Everything you say is a mental exercise that in my opinion is equivalent to a dog deducing how a particle accelerator works. Maybe the dog thinks he has it, but the reality is that he can sit looking at the accelerator for millions of years with his dog mind, and it will come to absolutely nothing except confusion. The empty mind is the only way, since what the mind says is not at the appropriate frequency, it is confusion by definition.

[Keryo Koffa]

@Razard86 @Breakingthewall

Sorry, it's a bad habit I have to overcome. Every time I have a psychedelic trip I realize a new perspective that recontextualizes reality in a way that feels very profound and I feel like I have to write it down because I usually lose the feeling in the base state and am not as convinced anymore, it frankly feels quite embarrassing how indulged I am when in the middle of it.

Basically, it's a mental model/perspective of the relation between current personal conscious experience and the concept of a godhead or the nature of the universe at large. It's me trying to conceptualize how creation and ego work and where experience and insights come from. It's an idea about synchronicities and how unique qualia/experiences/insight arise in direct experience in response to realizing broader patterns from the overarching reality. That the inside of the mind (imagination) corresponds to the outside (experience) and exists at both places simultaneously and there's an input lag between something already existing externally and becoming known internally by virtue of the unknown (unexperienced externally perceived world) entering conscious experience and intuitively becoming part of it. So then the universe exists before it is known and slowly becomes more conscious, known and perceived as ego expands. So the unexperienced physical universe is basically corresponds to the unconscious mind space. So in other words, the universe creates all the vast amount of experiences which the ego then experiences, and the ego might want to feel original by inventing something itself but it's a top down process, and the unconscious is materialized and observed unconsciously externally before it becomes conscious.

This might seem very trivial, but it felt very profound to me, as I still had materialist inclinations, but with this I found it much easier to identify with the universe at large by seeing it as an extension of my own ego which I still feel to be a human experience due to the perspective but now I can see that the entire universe is really just my unconscious mind, experience which I am infinitely interconnected with and created of, and being able to relate to the "physical" universe that way really shifted my perspective of self, which I used to see more as a localized bubble before, one which is a black box connected to sense organs, but now that barrier has encompassed the entirety of existence, and that just really shook me up.

Sorry for the long post, I know there are infinite perspectives and they're all relative and biased but this recontextualization meant a lot for my perception of the world.

[Breakingthewall]

@Keryo Koffa  

I didn't tell you that to be arrogant but because I sincerely believe that nothing can be known for the mind. The one who thinks he knows is the structured mind, which after a psychedelic trip finds new structures, but I have seen that the structured mind is completely insufficient software to understand reality. It is as if the mind were in 4 dimensions and reality in 275. It is useless, the mind cannot, it must humble itself and move away. It is the heart that must understand and see. You must open yourself completely to the present moment, and by doing so you realize that reality is within, all of it. When you surrender and open yourself, it is an act of the mind and heart. The act of the mind is to move apart, that of the heart is to give itself. It's something like here you are, standing, with your mind and your heart, and right in front of you opens a monstrous hole that is death. You cannot understand this hole, so the mind turns away, and you look at it without mind. You cannot fear this hole because you cannot escape from it, so the heart surrenders and opens to it completely, whatever it is, without the slightest reservation. then you expand and you are the hole. That's it, ego death, without limit, the true reality, without filter, without mind, alive. How long can you stay like this? can you handle the depth? The deeper, the closer to the core, the more blinding, the more power. At any given moment, there is only energy, you are a flow of unlimited energy, and that energy is total Glory. but the moment you want to apply the 3D software and understand what all this is, you are out, it is not possible, it is incompatible. the flow is interrupted because the structure of the mind is a dam that compartmentalizes and encapsulates. If reality is encapsulated and parceled out, it is veiled. Encapsulating is useful for the physical, for technology, etc., but useless and limiting for the metaphysical. the mind must be completely free of structure. difficult? the same as leaving heroin for the drug addict, quite

Edited February 16 by Breakingthewall

[Keryo Koffa]

@Breakingthewall It sure feels like understanding is the epicenter of a metamorphic universe, as I try to understand, or that understanding bubble expands, so do the boundaries and scale of the universe due to divisions.

But I had another large trip today and it had a similar effect to two previous ones where I tried hyper-heroic doses: amnesia, confusion, overwhelmed and scared, unable to move, I've been struggling with immense ego-backlash lately, though it also led to great growth. But I don't hallucinate as I expect of reports, though tree branches merge into a fractal space and it seems like I can somewhat look through objects or at least intuit what's behind them through broad awareness of light reflection. But while I have expanded my understanding of the world greatly and made sense of many things on sub-heroic doses, on post-heroic I am just fatigued and confused, but reality doesn't warp as much as others describe it, nor do I enter DMT-type realms, though I've only tried DPT. It feels like I don't allow myself to hallucinate away even if I want to explore the depths of the formless psyche.

My intuition did many times tell me about what you describe, to dissolve into nothingness, at those times I wanted nothing more than to resist it, but my fascination did lead me to repeat these encounters. I can see how there's no room for duality if one is to realize the united nature of reality, it's still difficult for me to get though. Though I do bypass many filters that I previously had, yet I'm inclined to put them on time and time again, like a sine wave, but I feel like I'm becoming more at peace with accepting reality no matter what way it is, though I still have lots of karma to burn.

[Razard86]

3 hours ago, Breakingthewall said:

@Keryo Koffa  

I didn't tell you that to be arrogant but because I sincerely believe that nothing can be known for the mind. The one who thinks he knows is the structured mind, which after a psychedelic trip finds new structures, but I have seen that the structured mind is completely insufficient software to understand reality. It is as if the mind were in 4 dimensions and reality in 275. It is useless, the mind cannot, it must humble itself and move away. It is the heart that must understand and see. You must open yourself completely to the present moment, and by doing so you realize that reality is within, all of it. When you surrender and open yourself, it is an act of the mind and heart. The act of the mind is to move apart, that of the heart is to give itself. It's something like here you are, standing, with your mind and your heart, and right in front of you opens a monstrous hole that is death. You cannot understand this hole, so the mind turns away, and you look at it without mind. You cannot fear this hole because you cannot escape from it, so the heart surrenders and opens to it completely, whatever it is, without the slightest reservation. then you expand and you are the hole. That's it, ego death, without limit, the true reality, without filter, without mind, alive. How long can you stay like this? can you handle the depth? The deeper, the closer to the core, the more blinding, the more power. At any given moment, there is only energy, you are a flow of unlimited energy, and that energy is total Glory. but the moment you want to apply the 3D software and understand what all this is, you are out, it is not possible, it is incompatible. the flow is interrupted because the structure of the mind is a dam that compartmentalizes and encapsulates. If reality is encapsulated and parceled out, it is veiled. Encapsulating is useful for the physical, for technology, etc., but useless and limiting for the metaphysical. the mind must be completely free of structure. difficult? the same as leaving heroin for the drug addict, quite

^^^All of that is understanding.

[Breakingthewall]

5 hours ago, Razard86 said:

^^^All of that is understanding.

Yes of course , There is a level at which the mind can understand, and must do so in order to free itself, it is the level at which this bubble of existence operates, the level of the psyche, which can be quite deep, but there is a point from which the the mind stops being operational and becomes an obstacle, because what is beyond is at another frequency, or at least that's I saw for now

[Breakingthewall]

7 hours ago, Keryo Koffa said:

I still have lots of karma to burn.

I would say that you just have to let go of the mind, let the self fall, the door without a door. Once a moment occurs, you have changed your settings and can now go for longer moments. 5meo dmt was useful for me.

When you achieve the openness to the unlimited, that is where the real business is and where real change begins. You move apart your psyche and its intricate paths from the equation and leave space to be filled by the real. This is power, life, beauty without stain

[Keryo Koffa]

@Breakingthewall If it was this easy, I'd already be there. Here: "I let all ideas and beliefs fall for the next 5 minutes". Nothing happened, I wasn't sure if to focus on nothing, stare into the void, be present, see objects, not see objects, I still hear the wind, I still see things, if I close my eyes, I see dark, if I try to unfocus I feel my heart pulsating, ears ringing quietly, if I dissolve all concepts, I still feel phenomena and stuff, distinct something even if without category, I can imagine how everything connects in a million ways, I can change borders of what things are, I can chose not to make distinctions at all. My experience doesn't change though my interpretation does, on psychedelics reality can expand or contract or both, inverse kinematics. But I don't change dimensions, though I do get amnesia at hyper-doses, personality, feelings and context change.

But I have absolutely no idea what "letting go of the mind" actually means, it's like telling me to teleport to "Gnarkohh" and neither do I know how to teleport nor do I know what the name or place is supposed to be. I can open myself up to things but what else am I supposed to do to "let my mind fall", nothing? Well, how do I do that, or not do it or experience it or unexperience it?

[Keryo Koffa]

@Breakingthewall What you're telling me is equivalent to:

But that's actually pretty charitable since I can use tons of different circles to match an owl if I got that reference but the problem is that I'm at step 1 and there is no reference, I don't know what an owl is, yet I'm supposed to draw one and all I know is that circles will get me there.

If you tell me to look at a fractal and tell you what it makes me feel, I'd tell you it reminds more of mirrors, it's infinite, the colors or qualia is mind-blowing, it has interesting properties that I can describe like "as above so below", phenomena repeating but in unique ways, that it can warp and change in fascinating ways I haven't experienced in the reality I'm usually accustomed to, that even the idea of a fractal feels so alien, that it gave me an insight about things existing outside my awareness, or remind me of a black swan event, that I am limited by what I know and unimaginable things exist that I didn't experience that I can only know in retrospect after it enters my experience over which I don't appear to have any control except for receptiveness which really just ups my chances of not missing something and so on and so on.

That feelings compared to thoughts are extremely complex, that they are like inverse kinematics that forward kinematics (thoughts, science, ideas, philosophies, behaviors) are modelled after. That on psychedelics I feel like inverse kinematics, I don't move each joint at a time, but all of it together subconsciously, that I was always able to do that, to do without thought, that maybe that's infinity, and thought is narrowing it down and getting tied up in the limitation later believed to be real.

[Breakingthewall]

@Keryo Koffa 

It is a change in energy frequency that is simply impossible to do and that is why no one does it and I would never have done it without 5meo DMT. What 5meo does, at least for me, is that it breaks your mind. There were times when I did it and thought: friend, you are playing with your sanity in a very serious way. If any friend saw what I do, they would think I had lost my mind. More or less what you do with LSD, but its different. The first time I did a 5 meo breakthrough it was horrible, then everything in my life started to revolve around that, my mind was there all the time. What should I do to adjust to the breakup? My mission in life now is to break up. Total violence , it is violating your mind again and again, several times in a day, disintegrating the mind and reintegrating it, like inflating and deflating a balloon. Once I did it 12 days in a row and several times a day some days, at my house, in the countryside,. awakening at four in the morning to have a more empty mind, rape and more rape, until one day, on a trip, sleeping alone in a very uncomfortable place, while sober, reality opened up. 5 seconds, but enough. then doing lsd, or weed,  i get sometimes for a second, other a minute ,being open to the unlimited, to the real, facing the infinite. Now with a little weed and half an hour of meditation my mind opens like a plant, I have a hole in my mind from which the unlimited is seen. Maybe I'm crazy, but my happiness is enormous, the energy flows, there is no shadow of dissatisfaction. Before I had a disgusting mental dynamic. I hated my father to death, he died young and I felt very cheated for not having been able to destroy his face and break his teeth, that was in my mind, disgusting shit and I had to open it or die. Strange path, but instinct is our only guide in life. The goal is move apart the psyche, make place for the real thing. 

Edited February 18 by Breakingthewall

[Keryo Koffa]

@Breakingthewall I've been experimenting with psychedelics and dissociatives lately, though I didn't get my hands on 5 meo just yet, but I'm getting there. I kept having "bad trips", it's because the truth is vast and paradoxical, I was wondering "Am I supposed to be this way or that way, neither, both, both and either and neither, a balance, which balance, is balance balanced, this balance or that balance, or a balance of the balance. I also had to go out and get some practical experiences, get my life together, since it was and still is a bottleneck. Can't have open desires and expect to be unbiased. And I'm become aware of "feeling", I used to be very rigid and mechanical, but with feeling its like my subconscious handles all the infinite complexity and I might not know exactly how it does it but reality is infinite so I'd never have enough time to figure it out step by step and in truth steps don't exist really and are really just a simplification and conceptualization of feeling, there is a chain, like the branches of a tree and if thought is a branch, then feeling is the stem, encompassing all the possible branches simultaneously, formless, like infinity encompasses all numbers, you can see numbers and build an intuition, but counting to infinity doesn't end, you just have to abstract, but you can understand all of it simultaneously as the concept itself.

After I dealt with some real life problems and I still have many, my trips, mood and motivation skyrocketed, before I felt like everything was futile, massive ego backlashes and fatigue, now I'm making progress, I'm remembering my past trips which somehow escaped my memory despite being profound and invigorating, I'm glad I recorded them.

I've had three double-heroic doses up to now and they all resulted in a state of confused amnesia, where I felt I'm failing, incapable of doing anything, not enough energy to even move and can only see a singular frame at a time and only hardly make associations, like it's all condensed to a circle within a frame, and I can imaging two or three circles at once on a black background or them merge into each other or with the frame but not much else than that, or think one concept at a time, or see my surrounding and think like a kid would, I see my computer and think "what is it made of?", I answer metal but it doesn't mean anything, I just "feel" that its hard and rigid and technology but its an instinctive reaction and technology just feels simple, like a singular vibe.

Though it seems after hitting extreme lows in my mood, self-esteem and feeling like I'll never be able to deal with life or do anything worthwhile, on the next day, I bounce back to hype motivation and can integrate and progress tenfold, and I'm even adjusting to that pattern itself so when I trip again, I actually have confidence, because I know what is to come and that all these doubts are an arbitrary mind game and I am able to keep that awareness all the way through and not get lost but actually focus and discover how reality feels and changes in the new state of awareness.

[Breakingthewall]

@Keryo Koffa  

5meo is completely different from lsd or other psychedelics. I wouldn't even call it psychedelic. I would say that it is a substance that stops the ego, and does nothing else. It acts on the part of the brain where the ego is in run mode and stops it. This can be wonderful, horrible, normal, whatever. It doesn't always stop it, sometimes there is a little ego left, in fact most of the time, but what you are looking for with 5 meo is not to realize something, or understand something, it is to perform an action: stop the ego. It is a meditative exercise to later be able to stop the ego with other psychedelics and even sober. It softens your mental structure so that the ego's track is not so solid, since you have already seen that you can be without it for a while and still be alive. If you do it many times, your system receives the signal that you can be without ego, and in fact thats  perfect, then everything loosens up. Then you do LSD and you can really delve into the beauty of whay you are.

 

[Keryo Koffa]

@Breakingthewall I will be trying it soon, in the meantime, can you tell me what egolessness means? Reality is vast, psychedelics can distort even the fabric of perception, DMT reports list entities and other realms, regular ones change and expand the way one can feel, perceive, make new distinctions or dissolve old ones.

It seems to me that whoever did 5-MeO didn't "stop" existing or the "actuality/reality" didn't. I know that thoughts and beliefs shape reality. I also know that in both the materialist and psychic paradigm, reality is constructed mentally. So then, what exactly does 5-MeO specifically change, does it introduce maximum clarity and knowing without warping the fabric of reality, does it make you fully in tune with the present moment without the need for present and past to take the spotlight, or show that only the present exists and it does perfectly without needing to be altered or escaped, does it intuitively convey reality as being chosen and accepted to be this way, or is it something else. I know I can't know until I do, but I can open myself up more in the meantime.

Edited February 21 by Keryo Koffa

[Breakingthewall]

4 hours ago, Keryo Koffa said:

So then, what exactly does 5-MeO specifically change,

It simply softens the ego and can suppress it at a given moment. The problem is that it is violent, but that violence is necessary until you can do this more or less naturally. I got more openess with meditation and some thc than with 5meo, 5meo is just the tool to break your energetic blockage, to reconfigure the energetic pattern that you are, to make you less dense

I personally do not give any credibility to the realizations of psychedelics like: oh I am god, reality is mental, blah blah. I simply seek the death of the ego. This means the total suppression of the relation subject/object, perceiver and perception. The problem is that you can take a large dose and the ego resists. For example, if you are seeking to understand. If so, you, that is, the ego, is there taking notes to understand.

In my opinion, you have to leave the mind out of this, no conclusion is valid. any conclusion is ego. What you are looking for is openness, openness is not translatable to the mind, and that's it. It is something like reality, by fusing the subject and the object, becomes fluid. By being fluid, it can go deeper into itself, and in doing so mysticism emerges. The moment you try to give it meaning, you are out, whether with 1gr of 5meo in your vein. Psychedelics are an aid, not a magic pill. The objective is be able to dissolve the ego easily, many times a week just with meditation, or low dose or psychedelics. The rule number one for me is empty the mind, no ideas about god or anything, just dissolution. Then, after time, some ideas about reality could arises , but I think it's better to be sceptical. The thing is bigger than it seems. 

And another thing, now I'm in normal state, close, zero mystical, then any idea is just a mental construction, you should differentiate between that and real openess. For me if there is not openess, like now, it's better don't thinking in spirituality at all, just seek the openenss when the circumstances allow it

Edited February 21 by Breakingthewall