Selflessness

[Harvey]

Is it bad to have selflessness habit ?

[Loreena]

1 minute ago, Harvey said:

Is it bad to have selflessness habit ?

Selfless in what way ?

[Harvey]

Concern for the welfare of others before your own.

[Loreena]

7 minutes ago, Harvey said:

Concern for the welfare of others before your own.

It's good to help others in need. But placing other's needs before yours also reflects a lack of concern for yourself.

First focus on yourself and your needs. That's your priority. 

Then you can help others as well. 

[Harvey]

@Loreena thank you for your advise 

[Loreena]

You're welcome

[TJM1959]

2 hours ago, Harvey said:

Is it bad to have selflessness habit ?

My favorite topic for discussion because, selflessness requires one to look outside of one self putting aside your assessments, judgments and opinions to serve another. This is a habit that most humans do not practice simply because they/we do no have the tools/experience/skills required to create an authentic deeper connections, a quieted listening and to look outward. We are consumed by what is most important to us(inward), what and how events and experiences serve our own interests(this ain't a bad thing, it's just something we do).
Suggest...create a solid foundation within yourself. Invest yourself into facilitated transformational workshops/seminars, connect with those leadership folks who have developed sustainable results within themselves and others and get some real, hands-on experiential training under your belt. Very doable!

 

3 hours ago, Loreena said:

First focus on yourself and your needs. That's your priority. 

Then you can help others as well. 

Right on! This needs to be your top priority.

[YaNanNallari]

Overall it's a safe bet to focus on your own development because then you can help others way more easily and more effectively since you really have researched and know what you're talking about. If you also develop yourself to be a person that's aware of your own selfishness it should be even more preferable. This can of course depend on which area of life you're focusing on.

[h inandout]

I used to use selflessness as a way to avoid accepting my own value and examining my needs and as a self-righteous way to avoid advice.  I destroyed my life, and didn't create very much positive change in the world.  I am still glad I chose that path because it revealed to me some very deep humbling truths about the world and about myself.  I accept now, that if I don't take care of my needs first then everything I am doing for other people will colapse.  I also accept that one of my needs is contributing to the lives of others in significant ways, so I let myself be idealistic because being cut-and-dry pragmatic isn't going to work for me either.

[Salaam]

7 hours ago, Harvey said:

Is it bad to have selflessness habit ?

The best answer to this question is what I call trinity worlds.

My World, Her World, Shared World.

You want a fully developed, satisfied, healthy, and happy individual world. But, you also want to care and be involved and aware of other people's individual wants, helping them to be developed, satisfied, healthy, and happy. And, you also want to care and be involved with co-creating and building a shared space or community that is well developed, satisfying, healthy, and happy.

If you don't have all three fully harmonized and synergized there will be issues in your relationships.

People who only focus on the "my world" are selfish and self-absorbed. People who only focus on the "other's world" are selfless and lack self-centric value. People who only focus on the sharing are appeasers or conformists...

We have to be multi-dimensional people in this multi-dimensional world and not neglect either of the above three, because it is in how these three inter-relate that balance is created in our social lives.

[EmilyCook26]

Im a young mum of three and I am selfless the majority of the time, which I guess just comes with parenthood.  But dont pour from an empty glass! . Always make sure you are also a priority otherwise you will end up burned out x

[Spiral]

A method i like to use is, being selfless without anyone knowing, this way you avoid people whom try to use you. 

[TJM1959]

1 hour ago, Spiral said:

A method i like to use is, being selfless without anyone knowing, this way you avoid people whom try to use you. 

Random Acts of Kindness This is the shit! Everyone should do it, freaks the recipient the freak out. My observation of said acts...human beings do not know how to accept others generosity and kindness. Initially they freak, "OH NO, why would you do that, that's ok". No it ain't cause today I'm buying you your groceries, so accept it. Mind you it was like $5.28 but still, you all should try it and then report back.
Yo Spiral, if ya do it fast enough, they can't "use you" for nothing! Be kind and run!!! HA, HA!

[Harvey]

@Salaam you mean we have to keep balance between both world?

[Harvey]

@MissMiki but as I hear in order to grow or recieve first of we have to give others what we want to achieve then all universe helping to get that thing as its one of the nature law.

[Salaam]

4 hours ago, Harvey said:

@Salaam you mean we have to keep balance between both world?

The most satisfying, abundant, and meaningful relationships are when you keep harmony and create synergy between all 3 worlds.

My World - You have individual pursuits, desires, and standards. You nurture those and spend time on those without isolating yourself.

Her/His World - You care and are considerate of the individual pursuits, desires and standards of other people. You support and nurture those feelings of others because you genuinely want them to succeed and you have an abundance of generosity to give. However, you do so in concert with your own individual wants so they balance each other out and one is not being deprived or over shadowed by the other.

The Shared World - You have a shared sense of family or community with people where you both are coming together and contributing to the shared pursuits and desires of something greater than the individual wants and needs of everyone in this shared space. However, again you do so in concert with the collective individual desires, so none are neglected or exploited/taken advantage of.

It's a three-legged stand and when one weakens through neglect or exploitation the whole thing falters. In a very simple way this is basically the cause for strife in the entire world. People unable to come together in a harmonious manner, so that everyone's individual and shared worlds are nurtured and allowed to grow without neglect and exploitation.

[h inandout]

I think if you get to involved in fixing someone else's life, that can sometimes send the very insidious message that that person needs to be saved.  They are already capable of saving themselves.  

You can also sacrifice yourself too much, which is bad for everybody.  That's why they have to remind people on airplanes to put the oxygen mask on yourself first before you help your child put it on.  If the parent passes out, then what is the child gonna do? 

It's so easy to be compassionate, and you absolutely should be.  Have good boundaries about when you are nearing your own exhaustion.  Remember that there are a lot of things that young people tend to ignore like having a financial safety net, developing good relationships with themselves and others, understanding their own psychology.  Don't use compassion as a means to skip over these steps entirely.  Rather, capitalize on compassion.  Use it for your own nourishment.  Let those you help know that they are actually helping you, so they can feel good about receiving help.

I like your idea of making selflessness a habit.

[Harvey]

The more we care for the happiness of others, the greater our own sense of well-being becomes

[Toby]

"Giving to get" has nothing to do with "selflessness". It is just one way role of the ego.

[Arkandeus]

balance as always, love others but also love yourself.  

 

even just having the will of wanting to love another is a beautiful thing,
even if you don't find the time to actually do it because you're too busy with your own problems.

just that intent alone, is a gem that fires loves vibrations in all directions, you'd be surprised how your presence alone plays its role in many thing in this world, and for that I personally couldn't be more thankful for your habit.