Repetitive Internal arguments - Talking out loud for hours!

[ZenAlex]

Would self administered IFS therapy help me here?

Essentially the symptoms of my mental health condition has gotten worse, and I'm literally talking to myself sometimes for 30-120 minutes a day, acting out physically some internal arguments inside of myself.

I have gone back to check myself in for therapy, but the waiting list is 18 months. 

I told them my issues make me feel homicidal and suicidal sometimes and that it's making me feel crazy. 

Real life situations aren't the main trigger, it almost feels like I don't have a trigger, it's just arguments coming out of nowhere, sometimes fights that may involve me becoming violent towards the characters in my head, or them being violent to me, or me being infront of a crowd or a set of people that I have to argue against.

When I'm actually around people I'm ok, I'm not all that antagonistic.

[meta_male]

@ZenAlex  Congratulations for being aware of your inner family

I'm assuming you haven't done IFS before? It can definitely be done on oneself, although I doubt it's effective when starting off on your own. But apparently there's courses online, be sure to check those out.

On 6.2.2024 at 11:03 AM, ZenAlex said:

I told them my issues make me feel homicidal and suicidal sometimes and that it's making me feel crazy. 

Real life situations aren't the main trigger, it almost feels like I don't have a trigger, it's just arguments coming out of nowhere, sometimes fights that may involve me becoming violent towards the characters in my head, or them being violent to me, or me being infront of a crowd or a set of people that I have to argue against.

When I'm actually around people I'm ok, I'm not all that antagonistic.

I feel your pain, bro. Watch mental images, emotions, thoughts, sensations that come up, just allow them to appear. And then just watch, watch, watch. This takes time.

[ZenAlex]

2 hours ago, meta_male said:

@ZenAlex  Congratulations for being aware of your inner family

I'm assuming you haven't done IFS before? It can definitely be done on oneself, although I doubt it's effective when starting off on your own. But apparently there's courses online, be sure to check those out.

I feel your pain, bro. Watch mental images, emotions, thoughts, sensations that come up, just allow them to appear. And then just watch, watch, watch. This takes time.

Agreed. Eckhart tolle inspired me to "just sit" and let everything be as it is. 

I do just sitting for 1 hour a day, especially when I cannot meditate due to adhd

[meta_male]

@ZenAlex  That's good! I don't meditate in the classic way either due to past trauma. Funny enough my therapist also recommended Eckhart Tolle. I used to feel ashamed for "bad" emotions and thoughts and felt a lot of pressure to get rid of them instead of just watching.

[ZenAlex]

6 minutes ago, meta_male said:

@ZenAlex  That's good! I don't meditate in the classic way either due to past trauma. Funny enough my therapist also recommended Eckhart Tolle. I used to feel ashamed for "bad" emotions and thoughts and felt a lot of pressure to get rid of them instead of just watching.

Agreed. Just sit for an hour like sadhguru says. Just sitting, not resisting or controlling.

[meta_male]

@ZenAlex You got this, man. Btw, some therapists do online sessions, might be worth looking into as well.