The axiom, "I am like this and I will not change"

[Rafael Thundercat]

I am like this and I will not change!!

This is the self-empowerment expression we hear sometimes when someone decides not to adapt. 

It seems a simple statement but is not like this. For one side of the coin everyone have full soverainty in who they are and their particular way of being. In the other side sometimes this expression in my view can come from a stubborness point where the person"persona" have a characterist that he or she dont want to let go, and that is even hurting her relationship with others but he or she want to keep it.

Sometimes is very unconscious, is just the modus operandi of that being and it dont see how to do it better.

I will give one example.

I am the kind of person who by many times noticed that I used to dont respect the morning rythm of others. Waking up full of energy and engage in conversations with people at home unaware that others were still waking up and in a more low reflective mode. 

With time I started to be more aware and respect this boudaries. So, in a sense I changed. 

If I would say " this is me and I dont change" everytime anyone would complain to me that I was to fast I would keep hearing the same "please give a time for myself" again and again. 

Is always a balance bettwen not losing the essence of who we are and still have some undestanding that others also have their own pace and development. 

Conviviality is tricky

[NoSelfSelf]

I see it like this, im not changing for anybody, because me changing for someone means im looking to be liked and accepted by them, aka. approval which is me not being able to unpologetically be myself(i struggle to be 100% me just because of some underlying persisten belief of wanting to be accepted still 🤮 but it dropped significally since when it drops you are like totally peacful and not trying to be more than you are)...

You are not changing for anybody, but sometimes you are choosing to change it for yourself because you see it would be better for you why?

Because then you can more easily see which people are for you or which are not and you can grow in your own direction,otherwise you are pulled by enviroment to tell you in which way you need to grow,but maybe thats not your way,social conditioned way to be(alot of self awareness needed here.)

Balance is needed in a way that you only slightly adjust which part you gonna show to certen people,but thats still  is 100% you.

I was thinking about this the other day still havent got to the deepest essence...

Edited February 5 by NoSelfSelf

[Miguel1]

I change dramatically every year. I barely recognize myself looking back a year ago.

[Yimpa]

5 minutes ago, Miguel1 said:

I change dramatically every year. I barely recognize myself looking back a year ago.

Relatable 

 

[Applegarden8]

I want to change, I want to change drastically to my survival advantage and ownership of my life's purpose.

[NoSelfSelf]

@Applegarden8 that's not the point of the thread,point is if you for example have dark humor and it rubs people the wrong way, change in this case is to stop having dark humor which compromises your growth in that style of humor and not being 100% authentic, for the sake of fitting in that particular group or persons ways..which digress your growth because in my case growth would be to stop looking for approval and fitting in ,but to grow in who you are as a person 100%, which peer pressure and social conditioning not allowing, but ironicaly would make you most charismatic...

But topic starter thinks you should change for others so you grow(if i got it right)but its good topic not easy to discuss because it has alot of nuances...

 

Edited February 5 by NoSelfSelf

[Rafael Thundercat]

I think this post on instagram put the finger in what I want to say. Is the balance bettwen self compassion and self-condoning.

https://www.instagram.com/p/C2-q3BfNx2x/?igsh=ZXNxazVjaHR2enZo

[NoSelfSelf]

@Rafael Thundercat then i totally missed the point 

[Rafael Thundercat]

8 minutes ago, NoSelfSelf said:

@Applegarden8 that's not the point of the thread,point is if you for example have dark humor and it rubs people the wrong way, change in this case is to stop having dark humor which compromises your growth in that style of humor and not being 100% authentic, for the sake of fitting in that particular group or persons ways..which digress your growth because in my case growth would be to stop looking for approval and fitting in ,but to grow in who you are as a person 100%, which peer pressure and social conditioning not allowing, but ironicaly would make you most charismatic...

But topic starter thinks you should change for others so you grow(if i got it right)but its good topic not easy to discuss because it has alot of nuances...

 

Yes is so counter-intuitive. For exemple, it I have as a principle that I just can be who I am unapologeticaly so I am ok in living in a world that everyone must have the same rigth to be who they are and change if they want or not change if they dont want. In this line I could be a child abuser and if someone have something agaisnt it I would say" hey mind you bussiness, this is who I am and dont try to change me!! 

Well this is an exageration because we know what happens with self declared abusers in this world. They may not want to change but they prefer to be silent in their practices, for very self-serving reasons. 

But let see the example that brougth me to this question. I live with a person who knows by many interaction and me setting the boundarie that in the morning I dont like to talk to much, so if I am quiet the person better let me be because I am still waking up. And this person keep forgeting it and repeating the same pattern every morning to the point I need to lose my temper. So, when I again explained to this person that mornings I  still reciving insigths from my dreams and need peace, this person say " Oh let be be myself" 

So you get it? Everybody can be themselfs but as every self have their peculiarities in order to have good conviviality, this selfs must compromisse here or there unless they wish to live alone in a cave. And is what happen with high caliber criminals that need to be put in a cage because there they can be themselfs without interfering in the life of other selfs. Freedom is a birth rigth that one can lose if one go offboard and abuse it. 

See this here in this forum, with no moderators some "I will not change" guys would ruin this medium to the point it would become a toxic pool. 

[Rafael Thundercat]

Plus. Is good to realize that someone not wanting to change or me not wanting to change is power dynamic. One wants to feel empowered and not to be overpowered by the will of others. 

Well, the thing here is from where that atitude is coming from, it can come from geninune self-ensurance that you are acting with integrity and have no reason to change or may be coming from unresolved trauma with power

No one wants to feel inferior. 

This video I think solve the riddle, at least a bit.

 

[Rafael Thundercat]

8 hours ago, DefinitelyNotARobot said:

When a certain survival mechanism has worked really well in the past, it can become engraved into our identity. If you've got some guy that always says what he thinks regardless of how it makes others feel, it's because that's what the environment he grew up in required him to be. Even if this personality trait isn't viable anymore in the current environment, he will feel inclined to defend it since it has been wired into the mind so deeply. Rewiring such a mind would take a deeply visceral emotional experience and a tremendous amount of work, which is why it rarely happens, especially the older you get. You would have to get a grasp of something beyond your current way of being. Something that would actually give you a goal/direction to navigate the dark unknown that lies beyond this aspect of your identity. If you simply don't know what alternative ways of thinking and perceiving the world there are, there isn't a good reason to change, since change could make things infinitely worse. But if you understand that you're stranded on a local maxima and if you've had a glimpse or two of higher potential peaks, you can actually start to move beyond what you think to know to be true.

True, based on the local maxima makes a lot of sense, and as a survival mechanism

[meta_male]

On 5.2.2024 at 11:42 AM, Rafael Thundercat said:

Waking up full of energy and engage in conversations with people at home unaware that others were still waking up and in a more low reflective mode. 

I'm surprised you didn't get murdered for that