why don't incels just hire a dating coach ?

[Majed]

??? sounds so simple. 

[Jannes]

Its scary. I think a person who is confident enough to think that a dating coach would help them has already gotten enough approval that they dont need one that much. 

[Thought Art]

How do our minds create understanding?

[tenfo]

Because they've adopted the ideology of being helpless and think there is no hope in even trying..

They blame alpha males, women, social media etc. and they've build a huge community of people that feel the same.

[Ulax]

Hopelessness

Most of them have severe cptsd imo. Having experienced a lifetime of it myself, and now seeing a more healthy side of mind, its like living in two different realities.

Their hopelessness is not totally unwarranted imo. Healing from severe cptsd is no walk in the park.

Edited February 3 by Ulax

[Princess Arabia]

Incels don't want to have sex, they think they do but they really don't. It's something deeply rooted in the subconscious. It's obvious. Humans are very resilient creatures. Just like they're finding food, clothing, shelter and jobs, they can find a mate if they really wanted to. I bet you most of them have some unresolved trauma that they're hiding behind this identity called incels.

They have a deeply rooted belief within that is holding them back from finding a mate and they use some form of excuse as to why they can't find a mate. They might not be consciously aware of this and so they blame something in the apparent outside world and have become victims to their own thought patterns. 

[thierry]

Cause no human with a little dignity would want to be like this dating coaches.

[mr_engineer]

It's because most dating-coaches see women as a replaceable commodity. The mindset of 'approach thousands of women' means that a specific woman is just a number to you and if things don't work out with her, there's 'plenty of fish in the sea'. 

I'm not saying that incels aren't responsible for solving this, they are. I'm attempting to explain why they're not going for dating-coaching. Because the OP sounds more like a problem for the dating-coach than the incel. 

Edited February 3 by mr_engineer

[Yimpa]

If you hate so much you will do everything to avoid love.

Good thing there’s a new hope….

Edited February 3 by Yimpa

[NoSelfSelf]

You underestimate that only a handful of people are coachable and willing to follow instructions, not being stuck in their ways.

Its a crucial skill to leave your pride aside to become good at something.

[r0ckyreed]

Incels are just victims. They want to blame women instead of taking responsibility. Their minds cannot handle admitting fault or wrongness on their part. If they did, then their victim identity wouldn’t hold.

[Yimpa]

2 minutes ago, r0ckyreed said:

They want to blame women instead of taking responsibility. Their minds cannot handle admitting fault or wrongness on their part. If they did, then their victim identity wouldn’t hold.

I went through a painful argument with my ex several months ago. I thought I knew better than her, but boy did she put me in my place. Humility and open-mindedness are vital towards healing.

[Paradoxed]

Its easier for an individual to cope than to do the work to fix their situation.

It's sort of how people find creative ways to avoid work at like a job or something. It would be easier to just do the job well and accept responsibility. People actually work harder at avoiding responsibility than they do at trying new approaches or attacking a problem from a different angle. We are all guilty of this to some degree but incels take their truth avoidance to the next level. It's actually insane

[Princess Arabia]

2 hours ago, Paradoxed said:

Its easier for an individual to cope than to do the work to fix their situation.

It's sort of how people find creative ways to avoid work at like a job or something. It would be easier to just do the job well and accept responsibility. People actually work harder at avoiding responsibility than they do at trying new approaches or attacking a problem from a different angle. We are all guilty of this to some degree but incels take their truth avoidance to the next level. It's actually insane

Such a good point.

[Leo Gura]

A dating coach will not get you laid.

[bebotalk]

On 02/02/2024 at 9:03 PM, Majed said:

??? sounds so simple. 

Dating coaches are often charlatans. Some are good, but many just teach weird and unrelatable dating techniques for a quick buck. 

 

[Zen LaCroix]

@mr_engineer you think women aren't playing the numbers game too with all the guys hitting them up on instagram, in school, work, nightclubs, bars, male friends, friends of friends all going for her. Plus dating apps. They are definitely playing the numbers game maybe just not consciously

[bebotalk]

Incels just didn't get hard realities. They somehow "missed" things whilst young. Not all incels are alike, and subscribe to those odd ideologies of "demanding sex" and "hating women". Despite contemporary morals, life is often a game of winners and losers in some respect. Incels need life coaching and mental support, and perhaps to see the areas of life they "win" at. A number of incels come from affluent families. Maybe the women they hate for not dating them are from poorer areas. Isn't that winning? they might respond that "sex is necessary for a good life" (which isn't true absolutely). Though money, connections and a good social grounding are arguably more important for a good life. Good-looking people in the ghetto often get stuck in there, and this is why there are so many "baby mothers" and absent fathers. 

If I could wave a magic wand, I'd give all incels psychological support, where they could learn some life tools and basic knowledge. 

Yes, the world is unfair. It's unfair in many ways. The issue is to see how one can live in this unfairness. And if the inequity cannot be changed, then it sucks. Even pretty people have hardships. Why? Because they're human. 

[TheEnigma]

A lot of dating coaches are not fit to coach in my humble opinion. Not saying what they do won't work for themselves, but everyone has to find their own path. There is no faking being a high quality individual. I think at most someone who's been reasonably successful with the opposite gender can give a struggling individual a few pointers and some personal opinions on what works for them, but ultimately everyone has to find their own style and be authentic about it. Tough question, hope there is some value in my answer.

Edited February 4 by TheEnigma

[Emotionalmosquito]

9 hours ago, Yimpa said:

I thought I knew better than her, but boy did she put me in my place.

What did she do/say?