recurring dreams and bathroom trauma

[trenton]

I keep having a similar dream over and over again. They are all dreams about me needing to go to the bathroom really badly. My most recent one is was about being surrounded by broken toilets. Most of the people had given up on searching for a toilet that worked and surrendered to the possibility of wetting themselves. They were people I recognized from school.

This recurring dream could be a sign of unresolved trauma. It might be an indicator of why I suffer from low self esteem. Sometimes I used to wet myself at school because the teacher wouldn't let me go to the bathroom. I was very upset with myself for these things. In fact I was once blamed for peeing on the floor in the boys bathroom. The substitute teacher called me a pig in response to this. Finally, there was another boy in the bathroom who made me uncomfortable while I was using the urinal and I have been avoiding urinals ever since for fear of sexual harassment. I only use urinals when I have no other choice.

I also used to crap my pants frequently after I was potty trained.

Nowadays I run to the bathroom very frequently before I have to start holding it. I also drink a lot of water, probably more than I need. Sometimes it is problematic during chess tournaments because I am on a timer.

Right now I am not following my feelings to get to the source of trauma. Instead I am following logic to reach a new conclusion. I don't feel like this is triggering feelings of low self worth but there are repeated patterns. I would have forgotten about all of this if not for my dreams.

What should I do about this recurring dream? 

[Judy2]

Hey, thanks for sharing.

it's really weird but bathrooms are a recurring dream theme for me as well. i guess this is somewhat archetypal symbolism associated with feelings of shame/similar.

On 30/01/2024 at 9:35 PM, trenton said:

I keep having a similar dream over and over again. They are all dreams about me needing to go to the bathroom really badly.

out of curiosity and if you don't mind sharing: is this merely an idea in the dream, or can you feel it physically while you're asleep? when you wake up, is the sensation gone?

On 30/01/2024 at 9:35 PM, trenton said:

They were people I recognized from school.

interestingly, this one also happens pretty often in connection with the bathroom theme.  

generally speaking, school is very special in how it shapes our relationships with peers, whether that's in terms of first shared positive experiences and bonding, or in terms of challenges of relating to one another.

in this context of relating to peers outside of your family for the first time, (plus perhaps the onset of puberty and changes happening to your body), it's a struggle to try and fit in....to make sure there's nothing weird about you (or your most basic bodily functions) because if there is people might not accept you and exclude you from their social group.

 

On 30/01/2024 at 9:35 PM, trenton said:

Nowadays I run to the bathroom very frequently before I have to start holding it. I also drink a lot of water, probably more than I need.

i heard somewhere that it can be a symptom of anxiety to be overly aware of your bladder and to go to the bathroom more often than you would need to, "just to be safe". it's something i trained myself to do as well.

On 30/01/2024 at 9:35 PM, trenton said:

What should I do about this recurring dream? 

actually i don't think you have to do anything about it. the dream and emotions related to it are completely neutral. you're already doing a good job observing the impact they have on you.

Edited January 31 by Judy2

[trenton]

@Judy2 thanks for the thoughtful response. I told my grandma about these dreams and she said she had this recurring dream too. In her dream the only toilet is outside and everybody is watching.

I feel like I actually need to go to the bathroom during the dream. I feel the sensations. When I wake up the sensations are gone and I no longer need to go.

When I was in school I was alone most of the time. I was a straight A student and the other kids didn't take education seriously. I was further isolated due to autism and I stuck to myself most of the time. Other kids would would not let me play with them during recess. To this day I generally stick to myself and I don't socialize with other people much. I have always been more concerned about aspiring to higher ideals. Unfortunately, this is vague and it brings me a lot of anxiety over life purpose.

I didn't know that being overly aware of my bladder was a symptom of anxiety.

I have already wrote about my past experiences in the bathroom in my journal. There was one experience that still bothered me.

When I was in the fifth grade I tried to use a urinal. Another boy came up next to me, put his hands behind his head, leaned back, and winked at me as he peed. It made me uncomfortable and I still don't like using urinals because of it. Stalls give me a greater sense of security.

[Judy2]

2 hours ago, trenton said:

@Judy2 thanks for the thoughtful response. I told my grandma about these dreams and she said she had this recurring dream too. In her dream the only toilet is outside and everybody is watching.

I feel like I actually need to go to the bathroom during the dream. I feel the sensations. When I wake up the sensations are gone and I no longer need to go.

i think it's so interesting how this is a phenomenon across generations and that so many people have had this specific dream. 

it's also pretty amazing how the body can produce a physical sensation out of nowhere in the attempt to connect it to the emotions present in the dream. 

2 hours ago, trenton said:

When I was in the fifth grade I tried to use a urinal. Another boy came up next to me, put his hands behind his head, leaned back, and winked at me as he peed. It made me uncomfortable and I still don't like using urinals because of it. Stalls give me a greater sense of security.

yeah i can imagine that it made you uncomfortable. 

if it provides greater security, there's nothing wrong with using the stalls though.

[Judy2]

2 hours ago, trenton said:

I have always been more concerned about aspiring to higher ideals. Unfortunately, this is vague and it brings me a lot of anxiety over life purpose.

you'll probably make the best progress with your life purpose when you aren't all too anxious about it:) although of course that's easier said than done.