Soulmate

[Buck Edwards]

Reality is very different from what this guy has been describing. I think he probably dumped a lot of his personal insecurity and frustration on me and basically used it as a punching bag. The only difference is that he is young. Someone older might have probably did the same thing in a different manner. 

 

It's not my fault. He got issues.. His frustration is deep. 

He has jealousy thing going on. Miserable. 

And all he does is some spiritual bypassing to get away from it. 

[Buck Edwards]

He is a bit oversmart. That's scary. It's like someone growing up way before time. It's threatening. Scary shit. You are very scary dude. 

 

Some serious sociopath issues going on. 

Delusional. Maniacal. He needs serious help. He tried committing suicide once by ingesting 100 pills. He got serious problems. Others aren't responsible for his state of misery. 

It's a bad dynamic. There is some sadomasochistic nihilistic factor going on as well. And there is some lovelessness and denial as well. 

He doesn't want to know that he has problems because that might go against his ego lol. 

 

[Buck Edwards]

Pathetic. 

[Buck Edwards]

You used sex to trap me. 

 

[Buck Edwards]

You used sex to trap me. 

[Buck Edwards]

You used sex to trap me. 

[Buck Edwards]

And I still love you. 

[Buck Edwards]

What kind of dresses I like on girls? 

 

[Buck Edwards]

I wish I could be sleeping beside you. I wish I were sleeping in your arms. I want to forget anything that constitutes life. 

[Buck Edwards]

I wish I could be a little kid again and do everything all over again. 

 

[Buck Edwards]

I had a story running through my head. A man who is a cop and who falls in love with a doctor's wife. But this man is pure psycho shit. He would do anything to have her. 

[Buck Edwards]

I'm imagining the sort of conversation between the cop guy and the doctor's wife. 

He kidnaps her. He wants her for a wife. He breaks her psychologically. Then he has sex with her. He wants her to surrender to him.. 

[Buck Edwards]

Wife 

I'm really tired. 

Husband/psycho cop

Go get some rest. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited February 26 by Buck Edwards

[Buck Edwards]

I want to write a lot these days. 

 

[Buck Edwards]

What is love and what is lust? 

 I want to explore tantric sexual attraction. 

Tantric sexual attraction involves some level or degree of deep sexual tension and mysticism. It's like a mystical experience. 

I think the soulmate kind of love is a delicate mixture or bouquet of different flavors, ecstacies, skills as well as the core component of love. 

Core component of love is true spiritual love. 

 

[Buck Edwards]

1

All the factors have to compliment one another. 

2

I think there are a couple of important components to this. These need to come together. 

So what are these components? 

Deep spiritual love or true love. Deep genuine concern and caring for that person. This ocean of love and emotions. Genuine feelings. I can compare it to mirroring. You would almost mirror their emotions. You would synchronize with them. If they feel bad, you feel bad. If they are upset, you are upset. You have to be on a certain level a warm hearted person to be capable of doing this. I don't think cold hearted people can be in love for longer than a week. For them love means only satisfying basic needs. 

I think love also has friendship in it. That person feels like a true friend. They deeply care like a friend. You get along with them. You have basic compatibility with them. 

Then you have commitment and loyalty, integrity and ethics which is a part of ethical love or deep matured love. It's not greedy or unethical or cheap. It has substance and value to it. The purer the love the higher the integrity. Highly integrous love will be very hardcore and not half baked. It will be deeply emotional and not manipulative. It will be pure. It will be closer to true love. It will be ethereal. It will be "high integrity love."

Low integrity love is easy come easy go. It doesn't carry weight or substance. It's easily substituted. 

 

 

Edited February 26 by Buck Edwards

[Buck Edwards]

 

 

• Transcendence
• Ego
• Respect
• Consideration 
• Confidence
• Romance
• Chemistry 
• Attachment 
• Security/Insecurity 
• Sexual 
• Dynamic 
• Maturity 
• Spiritual 
• Harmony 
• Communication 
• Commitment 
• Loyalty
• Mysticism 
• Understanding 
• Leadership
• Wisdom 
• Beauty 
• Attraction 
• History 

 

 

 

You have to be a good sport at the end of the day. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Buck Edwards]

This heart is now visible to many eyes

I am lying here in your arms

The mountains  are moving and they are being kissed

The wind kisses the body of every river From here to there, we are at the mercy of our desires.

Let the clouds cover these flowers. 

I want to see the beauty of the world through your eyes. 

Today my heart sings a beautiful song. 

I've been here too many times. My heart is pounding.

 We meet in these valleys.. 

 

[Buck Edwards]

I think romantic love is a unicorn. It's a celestial phenomenon. 

It has many facets to it. 

One being the most obvious and it's the soulful connection. 

But romantic love also has a mystical aura to it. You don't find that in love of a mother for her baby. 

Romantic love has a sexual tension component to it. There's the honeymoon phase and the phase of mutual connection. There's the component of ethics and integrity in a sense, you don't want to be cheated on and vice versa. 

I think romantic love in many ways mimics celestial love or the most primal love we're always looking for. It's not as simple as just two people liking each other. It won't fizzle otherwise. We don't wish to build castles on sand. We obviously want to build something solid, ever lasting and robust enough to sustain the ups and downs of life. This is where love is tested. 

Should I abandon the idea of romantic love? Absolutely not. 

For most it's an intimidating experience to navigate the romantic maze of life. I indeed agree wholeheartedly. I know how anxious this experience can be. People develop Codependencies, attachments and obsessions. It's all in this game. We create this game as much as the game creates us. And why not? Given the magnanimous scope of romantic attachment - mainly sexual reproduction and procreation - the single largest most valuable asset of mankind and that is the ability to have children and this is directly tied to survival. Something as valuable as survival had to be enormously complicated and cannot be equated to child's play. 

Edited February 26 by Buck Edwards

[Buck Edwards]

I had this very recent experience with a guy who was friends with me online. I found his lifestyle quite absurd and dangerously sexual. Granted that he is looking for some fun but that's not my idea of fun. He would approach women online and sexually avaliable women would want to engage with him. Sexual convos or sexting. Just like it's hard to find a well dressed celebrity, it's hard to find people online who are more interested in meaningful talk and less interested in horny sexual garbage. Just the cheaper kind of folks that make up the online stock. This guy felt like he was a kid in a candy store. He wanted all the girls he could get. You can't believe it, he built an online harem for himself. Comprised of these casual sex kinda girls. And he told me that he would put them on rotation. Nuts. Nuts. Nuts. His immaturity has no bounds. I was like - why the hell won't you get a girlfriend or a real relationship dude????? And he won't. He would use these women like booty calls. He would call them specifically whenever he was horny to have this sort of sexual orgy or sexual session and use these girls for masturbating. I found that weird to be honest. In my mind, where do you really go with that? How long till you reach a point where you begin to feel used up yourself? What's the fun in sexually objectifying people? Isn't one or two sexual encounters and experiences enough? You gotta be seriously delusional and immature if you think your early 20s should only be about sex sex sex sex sex sex sex......... It's absurd. He was almost using these girls like hooker service. I would laugh at him. I'm like dude calm the fuck down, chill. He was a horny toad. And I get that and I sympathize with that too. But you can't make a lifestyle out of something like that. It's delusional. That's the whole idea. The idea is that if you gonna be cheap with sex, sex is gonna be cheap with you. Your body, soul, spirit and heart and sex organs are meant to be tantric-ally aligned to be spiritually donated to someone who truly deserves all your emotional, sexual, physical investment. You don't just go around exchanging body fluids with everyone.