If You're Struggling With Not Being Able to Change, Try This

[Sincerity]

This is a technique I developed along the way. I haven't heard of other people using it, but on the other hand I didn't really search.  I'd say it is better suited for more intuitive/emotional people. For me it's working amazing every time.

Technique

So, there is something about You that You wish to change but You can't. Be that some addiction like smoking/food/gaming/etc., some behavioral pattern, some nasty feeling You can't seem to get rid of, falling into some trap every single time, some negative trait like irresponsibility, ungratefulness, recklessness, cowardice, fakeness, pride.

Take a moment to notice that You are helpless against yourself. You cannot change for the life of You because it's YOU yourself who's creating that particular mess. Whether You're taking responsibility for it or not, it's You. And You can't win because this is just the way You are. You are stuck, helpless. To be even more dramatic: there is very little hope for You and with how things have gone so far, You might stay like this forever...

This is a pretty low mental state to be in. It seems hopeless. Try to really FEEL into it. FEEL the helplessness. Cry for God's sake! You CAN'T change, doesn't this make You really sad? FEEL the anguish as deeply as You can! If You don't FEEL it intensely, You are doing it wrong.

. . .

Feel until there's no more pain to feel about that particular thing. Eventually the emotions will subside and You will probably feel a little lighter, better. You're most likely not going to know/feel whether something has actually changed. There's not going to be grand revelations and You will probably forget quite fast about doing this feeling session. But mindfully observe your own behaviour in the following days. Maybe your behaviour has changed and something that You wanted gone is now gone? This is VERY easy to overlook. It's incredibly easy to forget that You even had the problem. But I encourage You to be aware and make the effort to notice it. And be grateful. 

Notes & Closing Thoughts

While feeling into the helplessness, You can also ask for help if You're into it. I am.

Leo has recently made a blog post about sharp emotional experience being the key to change. This is exactly right. And You can use this consciously! Invoke the sharp feelings and really feel into them. 

People really don't fucking understand this. Unless You feel intensely, You're never going to change. You will never intellectualize your way to behaviour change. Not going to happen! I notice people around me (especially my parents) struggling to change and I'm like... that's because You're not consciously feeling into the problem You God damn ding dong. You're detached from your emotions, You're an unconscious robot acting on unconscious energies. You're a puppet on unconscious strings - but it doesn't have to be this way! You can be a real boy.

I think You HAVE to be able to feel things intensely. Don't be afraid of it and have zero shame about crying. For me personally no tears = no deep change (though also tears don't necessarily equal change!). Obviously it varies but it's a good rule of thumb. Never pride yourself on never crying, I think it's a sign of unconsciousness. I notice that the more unconscious I am in certain weeks, the more I'm detached from feeling and crying and it's fucking idiotic because I'm just unconsciously suffering in the background. Well, why do that when You can resolve the pain?

Sometimes it takes multiple such sessions to fully resolve something. If your behaviour hasn't changed after one session, well - consciously feel into the helplessness even more. Even this didn't help! You're never going to change, You are doomed! 

Hope this resonates! If yes, TRY IT!

Edited January 27 by Sincerity

[Jac067]

20 hours ago, Sincerity said:

This is a pretty low mental state to be in. It seems hopeless. Try to really FEEL into it. FEEL the helplessness. Cry for God's sake! You CAN'T change, doesn't this make You really sad? FEEL the anguish as deeply as You can! If You don't FEEL it intensely, You are doing it wrong.

. . .

Feel until there's no more pain to feel about that particular thing.

 

Thanks i will try this method

never done it before with such intensity.

though feeling deeply feels like it gonaa kill you. How can we not fear feeling our feelings.

Observations: 

Maybe have we considered that we are afraid of letting go our problems and change because they are like a friend who keeps us a company.  when they leave there is such emptiness.

How can we cope with that 

And the other thing unless they replaced by something some kind of purpose it will circle back.

 

 

[Sincerity]

19 minutes ago, Jac067 said:

Maybe have we considered that we are afraid of letting go our problems and change because they are like a friend who keeps us a company.  when they leave there is such emptiness.

It's even worse: we consider these problems/energies/repeating emotions ourselves. We're afraid of letting them go because we're afraid of losing us. It's utter misidentification.

Very often it's hard to even start this technique (or any other form of looking at yourself) because You sense You could die doing it. Fear is so intelligently designed that it's "self-protective" and circular, You're afraid of even approaching it because You fear that if You let the fear go, something terrible will happen. It's BRILLIANT. It's infinity in the hands of a devil.

[Princess Arabia]

3 hours ago, Jac067 said:

And the other thing unless they replaced by something some kind of purpose it will circle back

This is the key. Unless you have become so Aware and have dropped all attachments, replacing the old with the new and with something more enjoyable and in alignment with who we truly are, we will go back to the old pattern even if its something else that's still making us miserable. 

[Jac067]

11 hours ago, Sincerity said:

It's even worse: we consider these problems/energies/repeating emotions ourselves. We're afraid of letting them go because we're afraid of losing us. It's utter misidentification.

Very often it's hard to even start this technique (or any other form of looking at yourself) because You sense You could die doing it. Fear is so intelligently designed that it's "self-protective" and circular, You're afraid of even approaching it because You fear that if You let the fear go, something terrible will happen. It's BRILLIANT. It's infinity in the hands of a devil.

Indeed its BRILLIANT: 

Let me share with you

This week i was contemplating about 

Battle: Wining or Losing 

directly quoting from my journal,

this questions came up

What's wrong with losing a battle or fight 

What is The worst type of lose?

Death : yours or of those we care for

Losing part of our body ,Losing property ,Losing what we are attached to, Lose of freedome etc

When i am in public i don't why I feel nervous for nothing. Why? 

I do know some of the reason and what are they. 

After list of Blah blah about fear 

some fear or anxiety are warning and clue if not for immediate denger for the near future encounter and it is preparation. It is like job interview before the actual interview.
Like caring for your health, safety, reputations, fear of losing something that might effect you and fear about things might cause death.

It is careful investments and an invester has to care for the seed he plants. 

 Blah blah

Are you afraid of dying? 

Yes, i am. but why? 

I  wouldn't be afraid of, if i knew where i am going what's gonna happen to me, however brutal ways i die, if i knew when i return i will be okay and i will have good place. and with recent gained knowledge about and afteife model. For this should be. It is not a light subject.

What else do you fear

going away without finishing my work. 
Its not attachment to life or this self.

There isn't anything special being (myname) and i got nothing to lose. 

It doesn't really matter actually if this self is respected or loved or cared for or adored or harmed or abused it doesn't. This nothing but temporary dress. 

Have you considered, this might be just fear frightening you not the reality? 

Have you considered contemplating about death and dying? And confronting fear? 

You know, i have until i have back pain.

Well that's the solution and that's issue. 

 

It was long journal it took days but after that something changed.

Don't want to hijack your topic but i just resonate with it. 

My question is 

Is it productive  to focus on your feelings or are they just another trap? 

I got this survey question where i ask myself everyday or every time i feel negative feeling? how are you feelig right now and why?

103 response so far? 

The more i try to get in touch with the feelings the more intense it get and i becoming a pussy yet aware of what's going? Kind of losing masculinity men. 

 

 

[Jac067]

10 hours ago, Princess Arabia said:

This is the key. Unless you have become so Aware and have dropped all attachments, replacing the old with the new and with something more enjoyable and in alignment with who we truly are, we will go back to the old pattern even if its something else that's still making us miserable. 

Got the key, just we don't want to open the new doors. Funny 

[Schizophonia]

On 28/01/2024 at 7:00 PM, Princess Arabia said:

This is the key. Unless you have become so Aware and have dropped all attachments, replacing the old with the new and with something more enjoyable and in alignment with who we truly are, we will go back to the old pattern even if its something else that's still making us miserable. 

So it's not fundamentally change? isn't it ?

I don't have enough perspective, but I recently saw a video from a philosopher therapist that I follow closely, he explained that in their spiritual approach, people essentially wanted to transform themselves into something magical and incredible. , but that was never what happened.
In fact, I have seen a lot of spiritual gurus and absolutely none who managed to become the being of light they were aiming for and were even in fact simply neurotic for some.

Edited February 1 by Schizophonia

[Princess Arabia]

14 minutes ago, Schizophonia said:

in their spiritual approach, people essentially wanted to transform themselves into something magical and incredible. , but that was never what happened.

We are already magical and incredible. The illusion is .....trying to change the unchangeable. All there is, are appearances. Appearances appearing from what already is and that is Awareness. No Awareness, nothing to be aware of. We are already beings of light. How do you think appearances appear, through this beam of light, without it there is no-thing.

[Schizophonia]

27 minutes ago, Princess Arabia said:

We are already magical and incredible. The illusion is .....trying to change the unchangeable. All there is, are appearances. Appearances appearing from what already is and that is Awareness. No Awareness, nothing to be aware of. We are already beings of light. How do you think appearances appear, through this beam of light, without it there is no-thing.

I believe that everything is technically changeable, but that there are fundamental layers of the ego that are so compulsive and ingrained that it is impossible to change them unless you kill yourself (well, imagine killing yourself, solipsism all that) or have yourself lobotomized.
But there is the possibility of changing more superficial layers of this spectrum even when it is always about attavistic and potentially unconscious energies, because they are always essentially epigenetic and above all twisted in such a way that they can become an obstacle to flourishing. in the matter of spheres of your ego more primordial and anyway, once again, invariable. I believe that it is the holy ego/unhealthy ego dichotomy that KB once invoked when speaking about psychoanalysis.

I came across a video of a psychologist who talked about the death drive, and I found it interesting. We could define this as the compulsive need to provoke significant events (well the symbolic, ultimately) for the attavistic pleasure of becoming the actor again.
These are dreams, sexual fantasies but it is also the basis of your character in everyday life.

I noticed that I had a compulsive tendency to put myself in a confrontational situation with a certain number and type of person, particularly obviously where I have the most power (on the internet), to manage so that they don't really like me or hate me.
I realized while watching the video in question that it was a way of bringing trauma to life by becoming its author.
But obviously, this goes against deeper needs like being surrounded by a group of humans and basically being more "lovely" etc.

 

Edited February 1 by Schizophonia

[Wilhelm44]

@Sincerity  If we made it a conscious practice to not just feel our pain, but to also deeply feel some of the magical frequencies of Life on a daily basis, then stuck energy would move a lot quicker. In other words, bring the same intensity to feeling Good.