Insomnia, let go of family member

[cjoseph90]

I dont really know what im asking for posting this. I have recently cut out a family member that has done something in my eyes unforgivable. What hurts me most is i was very close with this person, i cant see them changing. I know forgiveness is the answer, but my ego is resisting hard. i cant sleep most nights. Taken pills, exercise some times, but now its taking toll on my mental health too. Any one havre similar experiences?

Also btw i have my first silent meditation retreat this evening, so yeah will be very intresting/ challenging for my ego, which has completely hijacked my thinking mind (more than usual) during this difficult time.. 

Edited January 26 by cjoseph90
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[meta_male]

Yeah similar, although I was never very close to them, this family member looked after me as a kid. For me it felt as if they've died and I caused their death by cutting them off so to speak. The whole thing caused a big drama in my family. There was quite a bit of grieving involved, which was mostly just overshadowed by hatred for the way this person treated me. I can't see myself forgiving them in the near future unfortunately, maybe one day.

[cjoseph90]

Yeah whats sad is i never Saw It coming, i recently watched leos vid 'everyone acts out of good intentions' and It felt like he spoke to me directly when he said something like ' naming other people Evil/ hating others, only makes you a more Bitter person' which is so true in my eyes. Still a Bitter pill to swallow.

Other videos that come to mind are 'how to forgive someone' and 'how to del with strong negative emotions' but i fail to actually put into practice.

[meta_male]

My problem is I have zero interest in forgiving them because not doing so is not causing me much stress anymore, more than anything it has helped me grow (weird I know). Maybe I'm just not conscious enough or something. I guess it did make me a little bitter at times, but there's bigger fish to fry, it's not all about the outer world

Let us know of any new insights on this after your retreat btw.

[Yimpa]

I left my extended family 5 years ago and it was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. I’m doing things in my life that they would never approve of and I feel much more authentic with myself. 
 

 

Edited January 26 by Yimpa

[cjoseph90]

Yeah i know much harder said than done. I Love Anna Brown shes amazing! What a babe

[Yimpa]

26 minutes ago, cjoseph90 said:

Yeah i know much harder said than done.

Absolutely. It wasn’t all rainbows and sunshine, that’s for sure. I had to spend years relearning what is life and how to go about it. People don’t want to let go of their current situation unless push comes to shove (which it finally did in my case). This shift happened months after I had taken cannabis for the first time, so that was likely a major factor that woke me up, so to speak.

28 minutes ago, cjoseph90 said:

I Love Anna Brown shes amazing! What a babe

Haha, I have a sister named Anna.

[Salvijus]

Instead of trying to forgive maybe try to simply feel the pain and the hurt. To be fully vulnerable and defenseless, and allow all feelings to pass through the body as they are while you remain open to feeling everything.

A natural digestion/assimilation/healing will take place like that. Can take some time tho. 

Edited January 26 by Salvijus

[cjoseph90]

Thanks for your responses. Thats what im currently doing, feeling the hurt and pain as much as i possibly can. Trying to embrace the hurt feelings and not distract myself as i usually would. Fully be there and observé my feelings through meditation. Whats a bitch is the thoughts come to be at night especially, and cant switch off my mind and sleep.I know theres the advise 'feel to heal' but at the same time im a bit concerned about LOA, as like attracts like. Thing is im conflicted, part of me wants to resolve things with this person but the hurt right Now is too painful. Other side of me has Accepted the situation and trying to come to terms with the loss..

[Salvijus]

The capacity to allow and to forgive can be cultivated to greater and greater depth. I emphasize with your situation tho. When the capacity to allow is not sufficient...what to do?

Forgive 7000 times and don't sleep all night if that's what it takes to transmute the pain is probably the real answer 

Or maybe soak your feet in a bowl of hot water with salt and lavender essential oil before bedtime. idk...

Edited January 26 by Salvijus

[gettoefl]

theres two aspects, stopping them from acting thus and protecting yourself

if they behaved badly, they deserve to pay the price so that means they should make amends to you

to protect yourself, you need to weigh up if you are vulnerable from their presence and if so make sure they are barred

it is even more difficult in a family because everything you do will be under great scrutiny and will have wide ranging ramifications for all

forgiveness is important too; it means you are seeing they did the best they could in their circumstances and you will not hold their actions against them going forward

if the person needs to be cut off, this need not be an indefinite thing

[Raze]

https://www.shinzen.org/help-for-insomnia-yet-another-use-for-mindfulness/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jdD-Y29WxX0

[Hojo]

My family was broken since I was 5 so cutting off family just happen slowly. No one in my family speaks to eachother.