How to deal with a breakup ?

[thierry]

Hello hello, does anyone has any solid advice on how to deal with a breakup without making some solid mistakes in his life ?

what is the best way to deal with a Break up ? (As a Man if possible, I know I’m biased.)

I’ve already watched Leo’s video. I would like some more advanced advice if someone think he has some.

What is the healthiest way to deal with a serious very painful Breakup with a Woman you are crazy about ? 

[Schizophonia]

Like everyone else, waiting and feeling weak and tiny, depressed as shit, in your bed for several days before your mood gradually improves.
Possibly take supplements, play sports, etc to boost neuroplasticity.

[thierry]

Thanks and how to I let go of the hope of having her back?  Cause my mind sometimes play a trick on me on saying you are choosing the easy path, cause you know trying to get her back would be more scary and painful than letting her go and the really courageous move would be to try to get her back.

[Israfil]

18 minutes ago, thierry said:

Hello hello, does anyone has any solid advice on how to deal with a breakup without making some solid mistakes in his life ?

what is the best way to deal with a Break up ? (As a Man if possible, I know I’m biased.)

I’ve already watched Leo’s video. I would like some more advanced advice if someone think he has some.

What is the healthiest way to deal with a serious very painful Breakup with a Woman you are crazy about ? 

The three traditional paths are: become a fuckboy, become a gym bro, or become an alcoholic. 

Jokes aside, you wait. You mourn. You allow yourself to feel shitty. You express your pain creatively, and, in time, the pain subsides. The average breakup affects people for three months. You were crazy about the girl. Last time I was like that it took me 18 months to completely get over her. Give yourself time.

[Yimpa]

I am in a relationship where my partner and I are mourning the breakups of our pasts.

[Israfil]

2 minutes ago, thierry said:

Thanks and how to I let go of the hope of having her back?  Cause my mind sometimes play a trick on me on saying you are choosing the easy path, cause you know trying to get her back would be more scary and painful than letting her go and the really courageous move would be to try to get her back.

You can try. But you'll probably humiliate yourself. 

It can be the last straw to detach yourself from her, or you could succeed and get her back. Who knows?

Just, please, try not to harm yourself in this process. Try going out with friends and vent a little bit. Do pottery or gardening. Keep your mind busy and find ways to express the pain you're feeling positively.

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M0ctRMR8qXM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fmNbrlmn00w

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eit85FAj4wg

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7p3-MJJm_R0

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BVqANXVTLN4

http://happinessbeyondthought.blogspot.com/2012/05/surrendering-i-letting-go-of-suffering.html

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MU1Rp184IT4

[Hojo]

Realize that the pain is coming from a loss of identity not the person being gone you brought the person in as part of you but that was something you did to yourself and it wasn't you. The pain is similar to the pain of dying you lost a part of your identity and it is wounded, but its not really wounded its just gaped like an butthole let time ungape your identity and be free. Also cry alot crying is a mechanism of the mind God gave us to forget things. Why do animals not cry? Because they don't have to forget we do. Crying will de-link the neurons you have of that person and you will forget them faster 

Edited January 24 by Hojo

[meta_male]

13 hours ago, thierry said:

Cause my mind sometimes play a trick on me on saying you are choosing the easy path, cause you know trying to get her back would be more scary and painful than letting her go and the really courageous move would be to try to get her back.

I used to drive myself crazy listening to what conflicting inner thoughts are telling me. I'm looking at them as parts. One part tells me to try and get her back, another tells me to have more self respect, another wants me to end my suffering, another feels like a victim.

Does the thought "you're choosing the easy path" sound a little something like a phrase you could have picked up in your childhood? Because parting ways with someone you're crazy about isn't exactly an easy path as you can tell.

For now, just ride the roller coaster of emotions and be kind to yourself, time will do the healing.

Edited January 24 by meta_male

[NoSelfSelf]

@meta_male Right now im working on the conflicting parts of myself ,so it was funny to read it here and if curious the reason why is there always a conflict, its because in your game there lacks order, every part its doing its own thing ,because everything must be connected to a larger system for it all to be connected ,every part must have its own job that fits into other parts, for example your goverment inside your mind has a vision to have this great relationship(for example) then your marketing team needs to know how to market yourself to that women,then with your studio you will know how to display your personality with how you talk ,your senat will explain her the rules of the vision of that relationahip,it cant be like one part doing one thing, then other parts doing different things, then its a conflict of interest...

[meta_male]

@NoSelfSelf What I noticed during therapy is that the more I get to know the different parts at play, the more the Self stands out. If the parts do their own thing you end up with a bit of a mess, since they only care about their own specific needs that haven't been met in childhood (love, attention, comfort) without seeing the bigger picture. It's not possible to be strategic from the perspective of parts. What I still struggle with is realising when I'm acting from a wounded part, whereas it becomes really clear when I'm acting from the Self (inner game is in order).

It becomes easier to tell when you know the Self is calm, connected, creative, courageous, confident, compassionate, clear and curious.

[NoSelfSelf]

@meta_male Yes that's exactly how it goes, the connected interaction between all of them is really deep so they all work together withouth conflict is my aim.

The wounded part should be that part that is sabotaging collective, like "im not motivated" this could be wounded part but key is not to take care the wounded part by itself, you need to see all the parts that caused the wound in the first place, so you can take care of it, its like a blockage of action and  for system to work fluidly,you can only know by the direction you are going to know if its a wound, if i understand your wound meaning.

Edited January 24 by NoSelfSelf

[meta_male]

@NoSelfSelf I like your example with government btw. And yeah it's about the whole system that needs to flow freely, it's a good amount of work.

The wounded parts for me are the ones I feel when being sad, ashamed, anxious, powerless and formed in moments in my childhood when I actually did feel like I never want to feel again, helpless, hopeless. There's also parts that formed to protect the wounded parts to avoid any further harm and they have big potential to sabotage our life because the methods used can be inappropriate from an adult perspective...using anger, hate, force, black and white thinking etc. They don't yet belief we are adults and capable of taking care of our inner system until we do healing work and they can relax over time.

In the example of a breakup it would mean to realise your self worth again, but it's hard because so many parts are getting triggered when someone rejects us and we barely know what the Self is really like.

Edited January 24 by meta_male

[NoSelfSelf]

@meta_male So since you liked goverment ill use it again so when you are wounded your goverment is fear, being ashamed,you 100% ruled by excuses then your whole system is ruled by those things and nothing else can work even if you try to get better.

Crazy part that i found out is that mind is in the power position ,like lets say if somebody that has money and you need money, you need to see what you have to do for them so they give you money.

Same with the parts you need to look at each part and give it something so it can work.

So last part you get rejected crazy thing since you didnt help your parts they will say fuck you,you didnt come when we needed you so they wont help you,but when you did help them then all parts come together to help you with rejection its crazy how mind works...

So that wounded part needs attention and you giving  the attention, things it needs for it to work again...

Edited January 25 by NoSelfSelf

[meta_male]

3 hours ago, NoSelfSelf said:

So that wounded part needs attention and you giving  the attention, things it needs for it to work again...

Yep, that's the key 👍

[Miguel1]

Sit with the pain, cry it out. Feel it. Then let it move through your body and out of your body.

It's good to know that it's just an imbalanced chemical reaction and will eventually balance out if you just allow it and won't make it worse.

And give yourself time. It may take weeks, may take months.

And once you feel ready, definitely start taking action in going out and meeting new women to remind yourself that there are amazing women out there for you in abundance!

[Yimpa]

Cry it out like women do when giving birth to a baby.