LSD + music = Final collapsion of reality

[Veera]

So, I've been using psychedelics for years and years now, and doing spiritual work also. I've had really deep enlightenment experiences every now and then. And ego deaths.

~6 months ago I started playing piano, then couple months ago guitar. The minute I started playing, I knew that music is my life purpose. I learn super fast and feel deeply connected to instruments. Music lives inside of me. My spouse is musician too, but he's been doing that 13years already.

About month ago I was alone at home and took ~550ug of acid. I enjoyed the trip like 6-7hours and when the effects were coming down, I started playing guitar. I knew exactly what I was doing and my playing was truly amazing. Slowly I came more and more part of the music I was playing, everything happened on it's own, I was losing myself. Then suddenly I felt how reality around me started collapsing, I saw and FELT how half of my reality was sucked out of existence, on the other realm. Objects were missing or big parts of them just were gone. I stopped playing but heard the music everywhere. I felt my spouse everywhere. I felt how my reality got sucked into that song. And I just knew that if I keep playing, my whole reality will be decoded and destroyed. And that I will die, human-me will be gone, that's the end of my story. It was nothing like ego death, it was nothing I had ever experienced. I freaked out, threw the guitar away and went bed. I wasn't ready for this. I felt awful, I felt how half of me was gone, everything felt empty, physical reality was totally broken. I was thinking about that situation and I couldn't wrap my head around it. I came to conclusion that it's impossible for me to destroy reality by playing guitar, it cannot be possible, it's just some LSD-idea, possible ego death, or imaginative death, I won't really die and be gone for good.

So... I go and grap my guitar again, still feeling weird. I'm feeling brave and have made the conclusion that I won't really die.. but the moment I took guitar on my lap, it happened again. Now it was many times more intense. Again, I freaked out and threw the guitar away. Exactly like first time. This time I truly believed it was true, no questions asked. Like God-me was shouting to me that I must believe it's true and it will REALLY happen. I really could collapse my reality by playing that song.. So I was in my bed, barely hanging somehow in this reality, feeling the song playing in background, pulling me to my death, my spouse was half of that song, I felt him everywhere. I kept gasping couple of hours, breathing was hard, I was feeling empty, feeling the music in the distance and feeling how it pulled energy from me and my physical reality. Also crying a little, because I love playing but I was afraid I can't play anymore without intense fear of death.

Well, next day I thought about it a lot. I'm musician, so of course reality is music for me. And even science proves that to me. Everything physical is basically made out of vibrations, and sounds are vibrations. Music is vibration. So in my point of view, there really could be a song that my reality is made of. And by playing that song, my reality will collapse on itself. That song is like escape-code from this particular reality. And if everything is just imagination of consciousness, it's then possible that my consciousness could imagine a song that will end my story. Right..? For me this makes perfectly sense. So that's the way my reality just is. We all live different kind of reality, and this is mine.

Well, life continued, I got huge ego-flashback and wanted to just forget everything and forget that I could die by playing one song.. I kept playing music. Then couple days ago I took 75ug of LSD... Just little bit to go deeper with music. I started playing guitar, I played few hours, slowly being more and more part of that instrument. I barely felt the LSD anymore, when IT HAPPENED AGAIN. I wasn't ready for that... Not again. I'm not ready to die! This time feeling was even more intense than before, so I freaked out, again, and went to bed. Just like two times before. This time I didn't have any psychedelic visuals, but everything felt so much more intense. I send 2 hour voicemail to my spouse, where I cry deeply and tell him that everything that I have said is true. I knew for 100% sure that everything is only my imagination (or ours imagination), I was consciouss of how my mind made the reality. And I was consciouss that our story will end with that song, our reality will cease to exist that way. I knew that some day we will play that song together and both die. Our reality will be destroyed and that's how our story really ends. I felt so bad, but this time I also cried because of love. Love to my life, love to my spouse, love to that story I've been imagining. I realized how beautiful story this is and how beautifully it'll end some day. It was so sad but so so beautiful. At the same time that song was playing background and pulling me towards it, pulling me to my death. I felt and saw how everything was alive, everything was breathing that song. I was questioning a lot; WHY ME, why now? Why I can't live my life like everyone else and die like everyone else? But I've known for a looong time that I'm not like everyone else. I'm the weird and crazy one, and think differently than everyone else. But how it is still possible for me to experience something like this? Right now? Why I'm experiencing this from this point of view? Why consciousness is imagining this kind of story, it's so horrible, it feels so horrible. Why anyone would like to imagine loving music and then get killed by it? I love playing the most, and it's purpose of my life, but it's the thing that will kill me, kill me and the person I love the most. If I play and let me lose myself to music, I will play that song automatically and decode the reality I imagined. And I have never in my life been so sure about anything else, than this. And it's kinda hard pill to swallow. 

I don't know when it will happen, when we will play that song. But I know consciousness has imagined a perfect moment for it. The experience was so intense and so clear, like God was telling me all of this. I just know it for sure. Haven't seen anything in my life so clearly than this. It's horrible, it's beautiful, it's amazing and unbelievable. Just like reality I live in.

I have had a lot of mystical experiences and usually I find other people that have experienced same kind of things. Some aspects always I can relate to and refer to. But I never have heard anyone experiencing anything like this. Not even close. So if you are, I would love to hear. Also any kind of thoughts are welcome, my spouse has talked with me about this, but mostly I'm alone with my thoughts. And it's hard because I love having deep conversations, but now I just feel like I'm crazy 'cause I haven't heard anything like this before, even after exploring spirituality and psychedelics for years.

Edited January 19 by Veera
Adding more info

[vibv]

@Veera Thanks so much for sharing.

Something very similar happened to me. I'm working on a musical play - in essence a story told through music - and at the height of the story once reality kind of broke - I was on 150 µg of 1V-LSD btw - and I had a very deep insight into the divine. But I also knew that it's not over yet, because my deepest wish is to sing this with many people together - possibly all over the planet - and then... who knows.

I also became aware of the absolute perfection and indescribable beauty of it all and how it all unfolds in such a perfect way that it's really incomprehensible. Everything that seems wrong is just absolute perfection we're not aware of yet.

When reality broke I had to find a way to be here again by forgetting some aspects of my true self. I also felt how I was all other people as well and felt how I had a car accident as example a few hundred miles away and so on. I had to switch realities, going through some of the most terrifying horror versions of this world respectively my experience of it, until I found one that was suitable to return to. It was really fascinating but also pretty disturbing. It took some weeks to process.

I also felt for a very brief moment how it feels where I truly come from, kind of God's realm so to speak. It was soo unbelivably beautiful and warm, welcoming, full of humour and so on.. But I also knew the time has not come yet to return. I'm not done here yet.

Edited January 19 by vibv

[strangelooper]

Play the song and end reality. It will be worth it.

[Veera]

3 minutes ago, strangelooper said:

Play the song and end reality. It will be worth it.

I need to wait when I'm with my spouse, it feels wrong to do it alone 

[vibv]

@Veera I'd be really interested in hearing the melody of that song.

[Veera]

1 hour ago, vibv said:

@Veera Thanks so much for sharing.

Something very similar happened to me. I'm working on a musical play - in essence a story told through music - and at the height of the story once reality kind of broke - I was on 150 µg of 1V-LSD btw - and I had a very deep insight into the divine. But I also knew that it's not over yet, because my deepest wish is to sing this with many people together - possibly all over the planet - and then... who knows.

I also became aware of the absolute perfection and indescribable beauty of it all and how it all unfolds in such a perfect way that it's really incomprehensible. Everything that seems wrong is just absolute perfection we're not aware of yet.

When reality broke I had to find a way to be here again by forgetting some aspects of my true self. I also felt how I was all other people as well and felt how I had a car accident as example a few hundred miles away and so on. I had to switch realities, going through some of the most terrifying horror versions of this world respectively my experience of it, until I found one that was suitable to return to. It was really fascinating but also pretty disturbing. It took some weeks to process.

I also felt for a very brief moment how it feels where I truly come from, kind of God's realm so to speak. It was soo unbelivably beautiful and warm, welcoming, full of humour and so on.. But I also knew the time has not come yet to return. I'm not done here yet.

Thank you for sharing! That's interesting, 'cause you know I also felt many other people in that song and in that music. They were more distant than me and my spouse, but they were there, part of that music, part of me. It was like we would be singing and playing that song together in big collective. There were different parts where we all got our spotlight for a while and others we're doing their thing in background. And it lasted for hours, huge symphony of life. I just felt all of it kinda behind this physical world. And that's reason I didn't either feel ready to let go and just play, because I was alone and felt like I wasn't supposed to do it alone, it wasn't time for it yet. But I just have this strange feeling that I'm part of some bigger plan I can't understand, and there will be massive collective "show" that will shake the world. And it's tied to music. 

Also other experiences you described felt quite familiar. Some of them I have experienced earlier, some of them now. It's not exactly the same, but I have also felt how I'm everyone else and how everything is actually perfect. And always after these intense experiences, there is need to forget, I always forget so much.. then next time I'll remember how much I have forgot. 

But my spouse has been hearing music all of his life, if he just listens. Even when there is no music playing. Someone might say he is crazy, and hearing voices, but for me it seems like he can hear the music of reality if he just focuses. I can hear it on acid only. And when I'm listening any music on psychedelics, it just feels so familiar, and everything has this same strange vibe. For me it seems like every music ever written, every sound ever been, is just part of that bigger symphony, melody of reality. And it lives also inside me and that's why also every new song feels like I've heard it before.

Couple days ago when I had this experience, I recorded my playing about 2mins, when reality started breaking and I needed to stop. It's only couple of minutes, and the song I hear has way more instruments, but I'll attach my playing here anyway, you are probably interested to hear that!

11.mp3

Edited January 19 by Veera

[vibv]

2 hours ago, Veera said:

But I just have this strange feeling that I'm part of some bigger plan I can't understand, and there will be massive collective "show" that will shake the world. And it's tied to music. 

Well, you just described what I'm about to do.

Quote

11.mp3

Very interesting, thanks for sharing.

[Scholar]

There is a potential in psychedelics to rewrite your reality-narrative, and in many ways, you are free to create any narrative you want.

 

To you, it will be like reality, it will be the truth. This is because the truth can be anything, anything imaginable. Your entire reality is a controlled hallucination, and LSD gives you the ability to shape this hallucination in a more direct way than you can during your regular state.

 

If you have no distance between yourself and your reality-narrative, this can lead to delusions, and attachment to a particular, new narrative.

 

 

Before the trip, your reality narrative was stable, one thing. During the trip, this reality narrative can dissolve, and you can replace it with a new one. It can seem like "true reality" was revealed to you, because you witnessed the prior narrative dissolve.

 

When your reality-narrative dissolves, and you do not replace it, but instead you recognize the groundless ground, then you will recognize the true potential of reality. That the truth is, reality is absolutely free. It is truly infinite.

 

 

And that will create a new reality-narrative. It will be at awe or terror at reality's infinitude. You cannot exist without one, because you yourself are nothing but such a narrative.