Suicidal Thoughts Because Of Ocd. Help Needed :-(

[The_spanish_guy]

1 hour ago, BeginnerActualizer said:

 

1 hour ago, ajasatya said:

@The_spanish_guy welcome. i've been there. your sincerity is your weapon and shield.

simply put, look for a zen sangha where you live and meditate with them every week.

Found it! I will call for more info ;-)

[The_spanish_guy]

2 hours ago, BeginnerActualizer said:

 

[Prabhaker]

13 hours ago, The_spanish_guy said:

I have been practising some meditation since a year or so just a few days per week (2/3). I am to lazy for commiting myself strongly to it, and I don't see any remarkable result neither, so I don't take it very seriously. 

I practise exercise everyday (fitness/bodybuilding), have a healthy diet and sleep 8 hours every night.

I think bodybuilding/ weight training is not good for mental health, brains and brawn can't go together, OSHO Active Meditations are designed to first release the accumulated stresses of body and mind, you can expect quick results in comparison of traditional meditation techniques. 

 

[The_spanish_guy]

1 hour ago, BeginnerActualizer said:

@The_spanish_guy Just stick with it a bit. Do the exercises with as much enthusiasm as you can stomach. 

The issue with meditation is that it stirs the mind to begin with, at least for a few months it will possibly worsen things before you get some peace. You have to break a few eggs to make an omelette.

Don't put me on a pedestal. It was pretty bad, the violent thoughts were so unbearable that I considered calling the police on myself and telling them I'm about to do something terrible, but it just sort of faded a way the less I took it seriously. It wasn't a battle. It's when I stopped battling that it began to go. 

Stand back and laugh at it a little bit. 

When you get through it, and you will, your appreciation for life will be so much deeper that you'll probably actually be glad you went through all of it, because you had so many realisations about life as a result. 

 

Good luck my man!! 

Well, my OCD has more to do with getting obsessed with the irrelevant visual/sound information I receive through my senses and that my conscious mind do not want to discriminate than with random thoughts related with hygiene/me having a cancer/me hurting people. 

That's why meditating is so difficult for me. I just can't turn off/let go all these stimulation that surrounds me all the time...

Edited April 8, 2017 by The_spanish_guy

[The_spanish_guy]

20 minutes ago, Prabhaker said:

I think bodybuilding/ weight training is not good for mental health, brains and brawn can't go together, OSHO Active Meditations are designed to first release the accumulated stresses of body and mind, you can expect quick results in comparison of traditional meditation techniques. 

 

Now that you mentioned it I think you are probably right. Always after finishing my wight lifting routine I feel more stressed out than usual. There is maybe a connection between these two. Apart from that I know a lot of people from my gym, even friends, that do not feel anxiety because of exercising. So, I suppose it depends of the person...

Thanks for the video. I will give it a go!

[Prabhaker]

1 minute ago, The_spanish_guy said:

Always after finishing my wight lifting routine I feel more stressed out than usual.

Exercise on alternate days or never exercise same muscle group daily, try to get rid of weight training gradually, not suddenly. Start light aerobic exercise instead , meditation mentioned in the video is complete package for body and mind.

[The_spanish_guy]

3 minutes ago, Prabhaker said:

Exercise on alternate days or never exercise same muscle group daily, try to get rid of weight training gradually, not suddenly. Start light aerobic exercise instead , meditation mentioned in the video is complete package for body and mind.

To be honest, I don't wanna leave my weight routine. I have invested a lot of effort during years in achieving a good shape to let it go. I could maybe slow my peace 50% if it really helps me to reduce my anxiety. I will start a softer, more relax routine next week to give it a go.

[Zenrik]

3 hours ago, The_spanish_guy said:

Now that you mentioned it I think you are probably right. Always after finishing my wight lifting routine I feel more stressed out than usua

@The_spanish_guy It really sounds like social anxiety... Look in to it brah, you want to show you best side at the gym and make people se you and like you, so you get super self conscious, that makes you produce adrenaline that you dont feel until you are done exercising. I had the exact problem. 

Sorry for analyzing, i might be terribly wrong. But I encourage you to look in to it.

[The_spanish_guy]

54 minutes ago, Zenrik said:

@The_spanish_guy It really sounds like social anxiety... Look in to it brah, you want to show you best side at the gym and make people se you and like you, so you get super self conscious, that makes you produce adrenaline that you dont feel until you are done exercising. I had the exact problem. 

Sorry for analyzing, i might be terribly wrong. But I encourage you to look in to it.

You are maybe right too, my friend. As I've said before I have always been a people pleaser. My selfsteam is also quite low, specially these days.

But if your theory is true, won't it be even worse for me to remain shy and introvert. This attitude could be even more damaging for me, I think...

Sometimes a bit of socializing can relief your mind for pain, and mental masturbation by connecting with people...

[Zenrik]

@The_spanish_guy Just do what makes you feel good, keep meeting people and work out.  Looking in to it just means getting to know your self more intimate. Write about it, talk about it. 

Also:

This is an exercise from CBT, and helped me a lot. I had some of the similar issues in the past.

Try this out:

Write the things you are planning to do down, with who, and your assumed satisfaction in percentage. Then after the event write down actual satisfaction. 

Follow this format:

Going to eat lunch with friend   expectation: 85% Reality:90%?80%? 30%?

Going for a walk alone expectation:70% reality: 70% ect

going to the gym – E:60% R:60 ect

Doing work /w colleague - E: 65% R: ...

Hope you get it

 

This may help you manage you expectations and help you se your self worth. 

[The_spanish_guy]

3 hours ago, Zenrik said:

@The_spanish_guy Just do what makes you feel good, keep meeting people and work out.  Looking in to it just means getting to know your self more intimate. Write about it, talk about it. 

Also:

This is an exercise from CBT, and helped me a lot. I had some of the similar issues in the past.

Try this out:

Write the things you are planning to do down, with who, and your assumed satisfaction in percentage. Then after the event write down actual satisfaction. 

Follow this format:

Going to eat lunch with friend   expectation: 85% Reality:90%?80%? 30%?

Going for a walk alone expectation:70% reality: 70% ect

going to the gym – E:60% R:60 ect

Doing work /w colleague - E: 65% R: ...

Hope you get it

 

This may help you manage you explorations and help you se your self worth. 

This exercise sounds good to me. I will give it a go for sure, starting tomorrow ;-)

[Guest Annetta]

I hope you feel better, sending you loving vibes and positive energy! <3

[Ry4n]

Hey @The_spanish_guy, sorry to hear what you have been going through. When you say OCD without rituals (a word I like to use instead is compulsions), that's probably because you may not realise that there are mental rituals that you are doing such as reassuring yourself something isn't true, checking, blocking out thoughts, or just ruminating. These are all rituals. I would recommend doing Exposure and Response Prevention with a trained therapist for both your OCD, and with your anxiety around others. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy may also help with your OCD intrusive thoughts as well as any anxiety or other painful emotions, and will most likely increase your quality of life. Make sure you see a good psychologist. Antidepressant medication may also help you, I would recommend prozac but I could be wrong. Exercise and a healthy diet as well as support from others close to you should help. It seems like you have some symptoms of depression also, if I am correct psychotherapy and CBT may help. Another recommendation is clinical hypnosis. Meditation may also help, but for now anymore than 5 mins a day would be too much considering your state of mind currently. Hope this helps.

[Bob84]

16 hours ago, The_spanish_guy said:

Completamente, amigo. Siempre he tenido muchos requisitos para ser feliz. He sido muy perfeccionista siempre y, o todo estababa mi gusto, o me frustraba enormemente. Siempre me he esforzado más por transformar mi realidad que por aceptarla.

Gracias por haber respondido en español. ¿De donde eres?

Andalucia . Try to be aware of your list. And see how fast it changes. And how you will never be able to compleet it. Somos todos unos locos hasta que lo vemos y paramos.

People pleasing is also loco. You do it because you believe you are pleasing yourself. But when you have a closer look you will realize your just screwing yourself.

By nature we all try to avoid danger and discomfort. However most of us are screwed up. Resulting in fearing stuff like simple disagreements and negative opinions from others. 

This can result into a introvert being scared to ask where the milk is in a supermarket. You know that is insane, but true.

And whats the solution? Just ask! And dont think! You know the stuff your thinking is mentira and only screwing you.

[The_spanish_guy]

11 hours ago, Ry4n said:

Hey @The_spanish_guy, sorry to hear what you have been going through. When you say OCD without rituals (a word I like to use instead is compulsions), that's probably because you may not realise that there are mental rituals that you are doing such as reassuring yourself something isn't true, checking, blocking out thoughts, or just ruminating. These are all rituals. I would recommend doing Exposure and Response Prevention with a trained therapist for both your OCD, and with your anxiety around others. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy may also help with your OCD intrusive thoughts as well as any anxiety or other painful emotions, and will most likely increase your quality of life. Make sure you see a good psychologist. Antidepressant medication may also help you, I would recommend prozac but I could be wrong. Exercise and a healthy diet as well as support from others close to you should help. It seems like you have some symptoms of depression also, if I am correct psychotherapy and CBT may help. Another recommendation is clinical hypnosis. Meditation may also help, but for now anymore than 5 mins a day would be too much considering your state of mind currently. Hope this helps.

Already taking antidepressants, on CBT, also practising exercise and healthy diet (but not vegetarian or vegan). Restarted meditating. Thx for answering!

And yes, you are right, I also have "silent" rituals, like the one you named ;-) 

11 hours ago, Bob84 said:

Andalucia . Try to be aware of your list. And see how fast it changes. And how you will never be able to compleet it. Somos todos unos locos hasta que lo vemos y paramos.

People pleasing is also loco. You do it because you believe you are pleasing yourself. But when you have a closer look you will realize your just screwing yourself.

By nature we all try to avoid danger and discomfort. However most of us are screwed up. Resulting in fearing stuff like simple disagreements and negative opinions from others. 

This can result into a introvert being scared to ask where the milk is in a supermarket. You know that is insane, but true.

And whats the solution? Just ask! And dont think! You know the stuff your thinking is mentira and only screwing you.

I am from Andalucia too, my friend! From Granada :-D Nowadays I have sadly become in that kind of introvert guy fearful of the world...I hope I could change this shit one day!

Love the way you mix english and spanish. Really funny!

¡Que Dios te bendiga, amigo mio!

[Bob84]

@The_spanish_guy malaga here .

You can, i was like that to. Do note that thats on you list aswell .

At home i speak a mix of 5 languages. But im limiting myself to 2 here .

Watch leos video about "dont care what other people think". Realisticly you can stop being a introvert in just one week. All it takes is stopping self sabotage.

[WaveInTheOcean]

"I'm actually not that addicted to porn. I spend 2, maybe 3 hours everyday masturbating"

3 hours out of 16 waking hours wanking = sure an addiction to me. 

just think about if you meditated those 3 hours instead and what results you would get in your life from that. (AWARENESS)

[WaveInTheOcean]

"internet means safety, the real world pain and caos..."

it's all the real world. and pain and chaos, well, only if you allow it to happen:> Each time you feel pain, it's because you allowed someone/something to be able to inflict pain on you. simply don't allow it, give a fuck what others think of you, because why actually give a fuck? have your own values and principles in life and go by them, not by others.

[WaveInTheOcean]

"That's why meditating is so difficult for me. I just can't turn off/let go all these stimulation that surrounds me all the time..."*

and that's why it's absoutely nessecary that you do the fucking meditation dude.

do concentration meditation where you focus on your breath. Sit down set timer 10 mins on your phone with flight mode, still yourself, straight back, close your eyes, briefly use a few seconds to feel your body (feet, butt, hands, etc). Then start focusing on your breath for the remainder of the meditation. Just keep yourself focused on your breath. Each time you forget to be aware of your breath (because of a thought) just let the thought go and instantly focus on your breath again. Even if it seems impossible to let the thought go away (cos youre SO attached to it), just force yourself to at least focus on your breath again, concentrate on that breath, be aware of the air getting through your nose, gently filling your stomach/lungs, and be fully aware of that air getting out of your system again. Continue forcing yourself to be completely (as much as you can) aware of your breath for all the 10 minutes. I know it's painful. But show the OCD-monkey-mind who's the boss here. When your phone rings after 10 min, continue with your life. Do this 10min breathing meditation every single day for a week. then increase to 15 mins. and then from there increase by 5 mins every week until you reach 30 min. Then stay on 30 min for the rest of your life or if you begin to actually enjoy it, go up to an hour, who knows:)

You won't enjoy meditating in the beginning. you will hate it. That's the fucking point. If you enjoyed it, whats the point of doing it?!

you can listen to some binaural beats with headphones while you focus on your breath if you like. holosync or just some youtube stuff. if that makes it slightly easier, maybe it does. will still be pain in the ass though, trust me:)

And when you noticed that you've been addicted to a thought-stream for many seconds, don't judge yourself, just carelessly notice that you were gone and focus on your breath again. It's not a competition. It's a practice that only takes discipline and time to do, nothing else. EVERYONE can do it. YES it's hard. fucking do it. And it takes LOTS of time and consistency before you will notice any benefits in your everyday life. It's about rewiring the brain (from being 100% monkey-OCD to become more and more still/under "your control" to less and less, 99,9%, 99,8%, etc it takes months to even get to "90%". But when you do, those 10% less monkey-ocd-mind will be noticably doing your everyday life. ) rewiring the brain is a slow process, so don't expect results fast. Slowly you will become more aware though, slowly.

Edited April 10, 2017 by WaveInTheOcean

[Ry4n]

@The_spanish_guy I'm glad to hear you're meditating now. A quick warning about meditation for someone with OCD: Make sure you are not using meditation as another way to not feel things you consider painful, if you approach meditation that way it is no different than trying to use alcohol to get rid of painful emotions (another ritual essentially). Meditation is a way to accept the stuff in your head and live a meaningful life.