Cold Approach is Easy

[Cocolove]

I've been doing it every day. It is so fun to just socialize and you can just do it while you go about your day. There really is no downside to just doing it when you get the chance and building a daily habit. 

I just started a few weeks ago and after like 30 approaches I went from having extremely horrible anxiety to just having fun and not being worried. Interactions already going way better. It's like an ice bath, you just can't think about it b. You meditate and stay present and when the opportunity arises you just do it instead of making it be this whole stressful thing.

[nhoktinvt]

what your day is like, when do you meet girls (after work ?) and where you meet them (street, club ?)

[Cocolove]

The beach, in the city where people walk on the street. Clubs, bars, shows. 

Luckily my lifestyle and day is completely flexible currently and i am free any time and can work when i want just a bit.

[Miguel1]

Amazing! Keep going.

Trust me, once you hit the 500-1000 range, it will become like eating a piece of cake - especially when you approach an attractive girl that you connect with! Easy and Delicious!

At my peak, I was approaching at least 100 girls a week. Went out like 5-7 times + during the day.

Didn't have a single worry about my finances back when I was younger lol.

[Zen LaCroix]

Glad you're having fun. 

You say it's easy but have you gotten laid from it yet. 30 approaches in a few weeks, we don't know how many, is not a lot.

[Princess Arabia]

That's what I was thinking when I first heard about this cold-approach terminology. Why not just say hi on your way to work, shopping, supermarket, at the gas station, eating out alone or with friends, etc. Seems like the more natural and stress-free way to meet people. 

Once i wrote a post saying guys going out to try to intentionally get laid is the same as hookers trying to get tricks, it's just backwards and one is paying. Both are trying to get laid. They got mad, so I think I took it down, I forgot. Just go out and talk to people wherever and whenever. If you go to the club just enjoy and have a good time. If you get laid then that might be great.....depending, if not there's always another day.

Edited January 9 by Princess Arabia

[PurpleTree]

And do you tell them or hint you’re interested in them or more in a buddy way?

[Yimpa]

1 hour ago, PurpleTree said:

And do you tell them or hint you’re interested in them or more in a buddy way?

Your inner state will radiate outward. People are naturally attracted to those who have a composed, chill vibe and unique presence.

[Cocolove]

3 hours ago, Zen LaCroix said:

Glad you're having fun. 

You say it's easy but have you gotten laid from it yet. 30 approaches in a few weeks, we don't know how many, is not a lot.

Haha no haven't even gotten a date. But that's to be expected at this point. I've been getting laid thru social circle so i figure it shouldn't take too long to get there from this.

Starting off I was sweating out my goddamn ears, so nervous, it was incredibly hard. Now I feel barely any anxiety especially after the first few, and I've been having some good conversations and girls being flirty back.

 

@Miguel1 That's impressive. I wish I could find an environment with really high volume, because I still can only find so many.

 

 

@Princess Arabia For real, I don't even like going to the club that much, but when I do I just go with my friends and then if i see an opportunity do some quick approaches. But it doesn't need to be a not fun thing. That ruins the point. For me I like to be productive and chill at the beach anyway so I just do it while there.

 

 

@PurpleTree I am very clear in intent haha. Which is harder to start with, but It's been going better recently. I sometimes use the classic like "I saw you and thought you looked great and wanted to meet you" or just make it clear within the first 30-60 seconds why im there.

[Guest Bazooka Jesus]

10 hours ago, Princess Arabia said:

That's what I was thinking when I first heard about this cold-approach terminology. Why not just say hi on your way to work, shopping, supermarket, at the gas station, eating out alone or with friends, etc. Seems like the more natural and stress-free way to meet people. 

Once i wrote a post saying guys going out to try to intentionally get laid is the same as hookers trying to get tricks, it's just backwards and one is paying. Both are trying to get laid. They got mad, so I think I took it down, I forgot. Just go out and talk to people wherever and whenever. If you go to the club just enjoy and have a good time. If you get laid then that might be great.....depending, if not there's always another day.

I think what is difficult to understand from a female perspective is that guys don't just get laid as a natural byproduct of socializing... that's maybe how it works if you're a woman, but not if you're a man. If you are a guy and you are not deliberately proactive about it, you won't get laid. It's really as simple as that. - In fact, men never ever "get laid"... they are the ones that need (and are expected) to do the laying, otherwise it will not happen.

When I was a young and shy teenager, I too thought "well, it's going to naturally happen one day... that's how life works, right"? And I waited... and waited... and waited... and guess what happened? Absolutely nothing. Until I started to get into so-called pick up.

Of course, I agree that you shouldn't take it all too serious and develop a healthy, lighthearted and naturally flirty attitude towards life in general instead of running around in a manic frenzy all the time thinking "goddammit, I need to get laid, I need to get laid, I need to get laaaaiiiiidddd!!!" But the reality is that as a male, at a certain point you do need to pull the trigger and make things happen if you don't want to go to your grave as a bitter and frustrated virgin.

 

Edited January 9 by Bazooka Jesus

[Yimpa]

I just got done FaceTiming this pretty human and I showed the light to my heart. We were both laying in our beds

Thank you 

My lover is a paradox and I love paradoxes to death.

Edited January 9 by Yimpa

[Princess Arabia]

6 hours ago, Bazooka Jesus said:

I think what is difficult to understand from a female perspective is that guys don't just get laid as a natural byproduct of socializing... that's maybe how it works if you're a woman, but not if you're a man. If you are a guy and you are not deliberately proactive about it, you won't get laid

This "difficult to understand from a female perspective" line does not carry over for every male issue. I get this all the time here when I speak about sexuality, dating, getting laid etc. I do understand that certain issues or circumstances will be difficult to speak on or not be understandable from our perspective, but not in this case. Why, because I'm the one you're trying to lay. I'm the one who can tell you what may work or not, I'm the one who is doing the "rejecting", I'm the one being chased, I'm the one laying down with you....get the point.

I cannot tell you what an erection feels like, I cannot tell you what "rejection from a woman" feels like, I cannot tell you certain things in this domain, but I can surely make suggestions, give advice, reassure, make comparisons, etc. 

I'm not saying don't be proactive. Be proactive ALL THE TIME. Make it a natural way to be, if that is your goal or intent. If you say I will stop trying to get laid once I find a gf or get married or for whatever reason, then wipe it off the map; but until then, treat it normal (even if it's not). Don't make it a chore. Every time you leave the house to go anywhere, keep it in the background running. Be open to meeting "the one to get laid by" anywhere, anytime. 

This approach is less stressful, makes you less anxious, give you more options, chances of succeeding gets higher, no one is off limits (within your likeness). If you're telling yourself I will only try to get laid when I set the intention to do cold approaches or only when I go out to a club or only whatever, then the girl that slipped you by at the icecream shop that dropped her napkin on purpose for you to pick up for her because she finds you attractive and that the Universe probably put in your space (yeah, it happens) while you're busy thinking about the nervous night you're going to have tonight at the stupid club you really don't want to go to trying to pick up a hot big- breasted chick with a small waist and a nice firm butt with blonde hair wearing a red dress whose 5'5'. Exaggerating a point, but do you get it. 

Yes, the other methods work too but why not be vigilant at all times in an indirect manner. I know I've met guys in the grocery store, at gas stations, getting pizza, in health food stores etc. Not saying getting laid but smiling, small talking, exchanging names shaking hands whatever and just normal chit chatting about whatever. I'm just saying talk to people everywhere as long as they reciprocate and just use good judgement and when it comes to girls just make it relaxed and ask for numbers and however else you do it.

The club is different because a lot of times people hook up from there and one-night stands happen and people are drinking and more loose, but I'm speaking just in general or even for guys who hate the cubs or bars or who have social anxiety. 

Women usually don't go around saying I need to get laid, or I wanna get laid tonight or any of that. We're usually laying up on the spur of the moment or with our mates. If we see a guy we like we might hint or make ourselves visible or just smile and say hi. Guys are always smiling and saying hi to me and i do the same. As long as I'm not walking down some hood alley where the crackpots hangout lol.

So don't tell me I won't understand something that involves me. I'm on the receiving end and I'm a woman who gets hit on a lot and I will be able to tell you what I find attractive or when I smell a guy that just wants pussy - any pussy, or able to spot right off the bat if I would sleep with him or not without his fucking lame game or corny pick-up line.

 

[Tboy]

On 08/01/2024 at 8:04 AM, Cocolove said:

I've been doing it every day. It is so fun to just socialize and you can just do it while you go about your day. There really is no downside to just doing it when you get the chance and building a daily habit. 

I just started a few weeks ago and after like 30 approaches I went from having extremely horrible anxiety to just having fun and not being worried. Interactions already going way better. It's like an ice bath, you just can't think about it b. You meditate and stay present and when the opportunity arises you just do it instead of making it be this whole stressful thing.

good for you man! WHere are you based? I assume this is a big city

[Zen LaCroix]

@Bazooka Jesus I also thought as a teenager oh it'll just happen as well. Eventually I realized it's never gonna just happen. I gotta go out and pursue it

[Cocolove]

5 hours ago, Tboy said:

good for you man! WHere are you based? I assume this is a big city

LA, yea. big city. Weird place tho, lots of rich motherfuckers and lots of weird shit goin on out there in the dating world.

 

@Princess Arabia Absolutely amazing read!!!! I especially resonate with the part about always having the program running in the background. It is not healthy to put so much effort to get yourself into it, when you can just do it spontaneously, without thinking, premeditating, planning, making yourself nervous. I am so happy that this can be my new way of life. Now every time I see someone I am attracted to there is a chance of us getting along. It is just a better way to live life.

Also I think hearing things from a females perspective is so important, especially I love to ask my female friends about my interactions so i can learn how to make sure noone gets uncomfortable. 

If I wasn't getting laid idk what I would do though. I'd probably be very frustrated. But in that case what else are you gonna do, just go approach. But don't put so much pressure on it. It definitely helps when you are already getting laid by girls to not be so worried about what will happen, and to just give it a shot anytime.  

[Guest Bazooka Jesus]

@Princess Arabia

Sorry for the late reply... this thread kind of slipped off my radar.

On 9.1.2024 at 6:15 PM, Princess Arabia said:

So don't tell me I won't understand something that involves me. I'm on the receiving end and I'm a woman who gets hit on a lot and I will be able to tell you what I find attractive or when I smell a guy that just wants pussy - any pussy, or able to spot right off the bat if I would sleep with him or not without his fucking lame game or corny pick-up line.

Sure, I don't doubt for a second that you understand the female perspective on the subject. I do doubt however that you fully understand what guys who are struggling with this stuff are going through. Why? Because you've never been a guy who has been struggling with this stuff, duh... and frankly, your posts show it.

On 9.1.2024 at 6:15 PM, Princess Arabia said:

I'm not saying don't be proactive. Be proactive ALL THE TIME. Make it a natural way to be, if that is your goal or intent. If you say I will stop trying to get laid once I find a gf or get married or for whatever reason, then wipe it off the map; but until then, treat it normal (even if it's not). Don't make it a chore. Every time you leave the house to go anywhere, keep it in the background running. Be open to meeting "the one to get laid by" anywhere, anytime.

Overall I agree with this; this is what "pick up" should ideally look like (and what it will look like once it has become second nature for you). The problem is that this kind of advice is simply not enough for shy & introvert males who genuinely struggle with social and sexual inhibitions; if it were, then every single one of them would already be doing it. (Do you have any idea how insulting it is for a struggling inhibited introvert to constantly be told by everyone "just be sociable, nice and confident", as if you're so incredibly stupid that you haven't ever thought of it yourself?). For these kinds of guys, creating sexual rapport with girls is a specific skill that they need to learn and train in a focussed way for a certain amount of time before it becomes natural to them... it's like learning to ride a bicycle. You can't just tell a kid who has never sat on a bike before "hey, don't stress about it, just hang around bicycles all day and maybe sit on one once in a while and see what happens"; that's just not going to cut it. And believe it or not, learning the game of hooking up with girls takes the same amount of effort for sexually inhibited guys as it does for some four year old kid to learn cycling - if not more.

So yeah, cold approach pick up is basically like going to the gym. It's a focussed training that you do for one or two hours a couple of times per week in order to build up strenght and confidence; the rest of the time you can relax and simply socialize with people, and hopefully the things you learned during training hours will over time spill over into you regular interactions. And then hooking up with girls will become effortless... but in order to get there, you first need to put in a bit of effort if you're a "hardcase newbie".

 

Edited January 21 by Bazooka Jesus

[Oppositionless]

is it?

not being able to cold approach is the main thing ruining my self esteem at the moment. I go out most weekends and my approaches are still only in the single digits. It makes me hate myself. 

[Miguel1]

11 minutes ago, Oppositionless said:

is it?

not being able to cold approach is the main thing ruining my self esteem at the moment. I go out most weekends and my approaches are still only in the single digits. It makes me hate myself. 

You need to take the pressure off of you by approaching everyone in general.

Don't be so judgemental as to who you are approaching. Approach the guys and the girls you don't find sexually attractive as well. Just be social and nice to them.

This will build good social flow and momentum with which it is much easier to then go approach the girls you find attractive and want to have a more sexual interaction with.

[Oppositionless]

20 hours ago, Miguel1 said:

You need to take the pressure off of you by approaching everyone in general.

Don't be so judgemental as to who you are approaching. Approach the guys and the girls you don't find sexually attractive as well. Just be social and nice to them.

This will build good social flow and momentum with which it is much easier to then go approach the girls you find attractive and want to have a more sexual interaction with.

can I direct message you?

[Miguel1]

19 minutes ago, Oppositionless said:

can I direct message you?

Sure, of course. Feel free to talk with me privately if talking here feels too public.