Is genuine friendship possible?

[NineHfanbase]

Although I find it difficult to connect with people, It’s also difficult to go to work every day while completely ignoring everyone. Some interaction is inevitable.

Over the past few months  I’ve taken a liking to one of my coworkers (platonic). He’s easier for me to talk to than most and fun to crack jokes with, we have a similar sense of humour. I feel comfortable being myself around him. we’ve also been up to his cottage as a group, and would go out for drinks on occasion. 

Some downsides..He has done some shady things here and there that I brushed off, and he’s prone to talking shit about others non stop, which I don’t really care for. But today I found out he took credit for a project that we all did, which was an intentional and shady act. Now I’m disappointed. I feel like the people I can connect with are few and far In between, now I just have a bad taste in my mouth about him.

is life a do-it-yourself game after all?

[Yimpa]

Did you express your disappointment to him? 

[NineHfanbase]

Just now, Yimpa said:

Did you express your disappointment to him? 

I did. I straight called him out. He brushed it off as not a big deal. Said I’m overreacting, but apologized anyways. But when others have done a similar thing, he would explode and rant about it for months. 

[Yimpa]

What does a genuine friendship look like to you?

[NineHfanbase]

3 minutes ago, Yimpa said:

What does a genuine friendship look like to you?

I think the moment you start doing things in the dark, and masking your intentions, then there is no friendship. Anything can be forgiven, like yelling, disagreements, problems, shit talking, but once that sneaky devil shit comes in to benefit yourself at the expense of another, there is no friendship. He’s also talked shit about me before and is generally quick to talk bad about others while ignoring their good qualities. I moved past that because I genuinely enjoyed his company. Most people at my work are like this because the job is extremely competitive and top positions are few and far in between. Promotions are usually done by worth of mouth, who is liked vs who is lazy and incompetent. These things are a big deal.

[NineHfanbase]

I can’t help but think about that scene in Shutter Island with the detective finds the cave with Rachel Solando hiding in it. As he’s about to leave he asks if she’s seen his friend, the detective. Her response “Marshall, you have no friends” 😆 #realitycheck 

[AdamR95]

@NineHfanbase I think its beneficial to be friends with shalow people and be able to appreciate them for who they are even with their shortcomings, just dont make them too close of a friends. No one ever has many close friends anyway, these are rare. So i would suggest working on forgiveness, empathy and tolerance for low conciousness people, just be careful to not let them bring you down on their level and dont let them walk over you.

[MarkKol]

I strongly feel like we get the concept of "genuine friendship" through childhood, and It gets more difficult because of responsibilities, developed trauma, and just problems in general that make a joyful friendship harder to achieve. A genuine friend is someone who you share a large part of your brain with sorta speak, I know my closest friendships were with people who literally thought and looked like me in many ways. We had our differences, but we had the same humor and pretty much laughed at the same things, we liked spending time with each other. Actually, my best-ever friendship was years ago with a pair of twins, we just seemed to get along so well. We grew apart eventually and I still regret that to this day to some degree, I know they regret it too. What I hope Is that I will be able to find a friend or a group of friends that resembles the relationship I had with them.

15 hours ago, Yimpa said:

What does a genuine friendship look like to you?

This is exactly what it looks like:

 What? You don't like specific examples? What's the point of being so theoretical, this is it. This is the harmony of two friends singing together on a road trip and what a genuine friendship looks like. Prove me wrong.

 

 

[NineHfanbase]

17 hours ago, AdamR95 said:

@NineHfanbase I think its beneficial to be friends with shalow people and be able to appreciate them for who they are even with their shortcomings, just dont make them too close of a friends. No one ever has many close friends anyway, these are rare. So i would suggest working on forgiveness, empathy and tolerance for low conciousness people, just be careful to not let them bring you down on their level and dont let them walk over you.

All of this. I think I’ve recently come to a point where I feel confident I can do this, whereas it was a real struggle before..always taking everything so personally and shutting down and becoming antagonistic. Especially when I had high expectations that they didn’t meet. Antagonism and shutting the world out solves absolutely nothing. 

[NineHfanbase]

4 hours ago, MarkKol said:

I strongly feel like we get the concept of "genuine friendship" through childhood, and It gets more difficult because of responsibilities, developed trauma, and just problems in general that make a joyful friendship harder to achieve. A genuine friend is someone who you share a large part of your brain with sorta speak, I know my closest friendships were with people who literally thought and looked like me in many ways. We had our differences, but we had the same humor and pretty much laughed at the same things, we liked spending time with each other. Actually, my best-ever friendship was years ago with a pair of twins, we just seemed to get along so well. We grew apart eventually and I still regret that to this day to some degree, I know they regret it too. What I hope Is that I will be able to find a friend or a group of friends that resembles the relationship I had with them.

This is exactly what it looks like:

 What? You don't like specific examples? What's the point of being so theoretical, this is it. This is the harmony of two friends singing together on a road trip and what a genuine friendship looks like. Prove me wrong.

 

 

Hahaha I love it! Idk..laughing to the point of tears at thing you both find funny? Unable to get a word out cause you can’t stop laughing? Kinda looking forward to going work cause you know they’ll be there? No expectations on how to act/what to say. All the good shit. 

 

[Spiral]

I also find friendship difficult. With men its useful to have an activity that you do together. Typically in my country it would be things like going out for a beer or two.

Just causally being friends without a shared activity isn’t really a thing in my experience.

Edited January 7, 2024 by Spiral

[Yimpa]

4 minutes ago, Spiral said:

Just causally being friends without a shared activity isn’t really a thing in my experience.

That’s interesting.. I see casually being friends as an experience and a shared activity.

[Devin]

People are like potatoes, one spoils the whole bunch, when you're around spoiled potatoes you'll only see spoiled potatoes, but there are great people and friends, not only that but when you find them they usually come in pre packaged bundles, you'll get even more great friends with the one you meet, great people seek each other out, so they're looking for you too.

Being more social is essential, the club scene is rotten potatoes but most other types of social groups are full of great people. Most rotten potatoes aren't social, that's why they need the alcohol and loud music.

Edited January 7, 2024 by Devin

[NineHfanbase]

6 hours ago, Devin said:

People are like potatoes, one spoils the whole bunch, when you're around spoiled potatoes you'll only see spoiled potatoes, but there are great people and friends, not only that but when you find them they usually come in pre packaged bundles, you'll get even more great friends with the one you meet, great people seek each other out, so they're looking for you too.

Being more social is essential, the club scene is rotten potatoes but most other types of social groups are full of great people. Most rotten potatoes aren't social, that's why they need the alcohol and loud music.

Interesting take