why can't i be beautiful?

[Yimpa]

1 minute ago, Salvijus said:

It takes absolutely no effort to stop it. It takes tremendous effort to maintain this habit tho. That's why it's exhausting. 

There is a period where much effort, resistance, and inner work is required. To skip this is to miss an integral part of the journey.

[Judy2]

1 minute ago, Salvijus said:

Yes a part of you still believes there's benefit to self-whipping. That's why you do it. Failing to see utter nonsense of it. 

idk.....right now i feel like i want to make you understand why people do what i do, not that it would change anything.

i'm sorry for being so annoying:)

[Salvijus]

1 minute ago, Judy2 said:

right now i feel like i want to make you understand why people do what i do

There is no way to understand insanity. Yet you cling to poison like it's so precious to you. Always saying... Yea but.. Yea but yea but. There is no but. You are inventing this but to maintain suffering and you think that's what you need. 

[Salvijus]

1 minute ago, Salvijus said:

There is no way to understand insanity. Yet you cling to poison like it's so precious to you. Always saying... Yea but.. Yea but yea but. There is no but. You are inventing this but to maintain suffering and you think that's what you need. 

That's why I sayed. If you were sincere to find the solution. You would've dropped the whip long ago. But you keep saying but but but

[Schizophonia]

2 minutes ago, Salvijus said:

That's why I sayed. If you were sincere to find the solution. You would've dropped the whip long ago. But you keep saying but but but

It is a phantasmagorical strategy developed by the nervous system to be right and unconsciously rationalize to avoid having to make additional efforts. Basically a manipulation of your reason by the lymphatic system.

Ketamine and psychedelics bypass this even if they remain basically a one-off crutch.

 

[Salvijus]

The only distance you have to walk from suffering to freedom is the distance of a but. To be wholly willing to let go of all the buts and say, "from this point onwards, there is no more but. I will no longer beat myself, criticize myself, judge myself, attack myself in any way, I accept myself as God created me to be. Wholly loved and holy, radiant and free. And as you decree it will be so. For that is your inherence and your true light"

Edited January 4 by Salvijus

[Salvijus]

@Schizophonia @Yimpa@brakingthewall

I saw your comments. Sorry for ignoring haha 🙏 

[Keryo Koffa]

@Judy2 Attachment, ego, addiction. You externalize and project feelings onto reality and then get distressed when it changes. But your feelings were never out there, you just learned to correlate emotions to triggers and now act as if they're real. What you want is inside of you, joy is inside, suffering is inside. Suffering is not wanting reality to be as it is. But that which wants it to be different, the difference is inside of you, you already have it. You just can't get it out there, because reality is just what it is, transient, ephemeral. Self-pity clashes with pride and you're stuck in limbo. But that gets you nowhere and only you know the meaning that drives you. Only you can appreciate what it means being you. Get yourself back up!

[Thought Art]

You are beautiful 

 

[Francis777]

2 hours ago, Judy2 said:

why do all the good things always have to be ruined by all the other things that only ever go massively wrong

why don't i deserve better than this

why does no one love me

why is everyone better than me

why can't i be perfect

why does it hurt so much

 

why can't i be beautiful?

Stop affirming the person you don't want to be. 

It's as simple as that, there's no trick to it, it's just hard because you have to release all the emotional weight you've built up your whole life.

[Rafael Thundercat]

 

[Sabth]

I can suggest you a lot of skincare routine, and biotin gummies for a healthier you. 

[Yimpa]

1 hour ago, Salvijus said:

@Schizophonia @Yimpa@brakingthewall

I saw your comments. Sorry for ignoring haha 🙏 

There is a beauty in ignoring. Not everything needs your attention, no matter how juicy it is. I personally struggle with this still.

[EnIightenment]

1 hour ago, Squeekytoy said:

The way to process and digest your grief is by going into it, not denying it.

 

Quote

"Dealing with our issues is the real cop out. It's our way of avoiding the real war by engaging ourselves at the level of minor skirmishes. 

(...) The point isn't to study and understand the bags of rocks we carry, the point is to drop them."

– Jed McKenna

 

[Breakingthewall]

7 hours ago, Schizophonia said:

Maybe, but what does it matter? All desire is fundamentally selfish and narcissistic in nature.
The fact is that it is not tomorrow that a significant number of people will become ascetic monks and transcend human nature, the illusion is and will remain strong and well, we want to have partners and sexual relations, and to attention in general.

You can want anything but without making your self-esteem and your value as a living entity depend on it, but rather seeing it as something secondary. In fact, if there is true love in you, the chances of others liking you increase.

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QbxinUJcLGg

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KmiNoCV-i84

[Judy2]

7 hours ago, Squeekytoy said:

OP isn't self-pitying, she is processing.

 

7 hours ago, Squeekytoy said:

Forget about @Salvijus.

The way to process and digest your grief is by going into it, not denying it.

You did good.

@Squeekytoy

thank you for understanding.

[gettoefl]

i think it's unbearably hard being a young woman in this age always being under the glare of society's microscope more so than ever in history

this naturally engenders self doubt insecurity unworthiness boiling envy and deep angst

moreover this is ill addressed and is considered something to just accept and get on with it and to that i don't really have a good answer to

in any case i can feel your pain judy and tell you flat out that you are a beautiful amazing sensitive thoughtful super smart woman and ask that you hang in there during the trough you are going through knowing that the lows are cyclical and much better wonderful sunny times are coming towards you

hope you know that i see you and understand you and appreciate who you are just like you are

Quote

courage comes from encouragement if you’re not getting enough encouragement from those around you, you will feel desperately alone, powerless, paralysed in the face of the ever faster spinning wheel

 

Edited January 5 by gettoefl

[Salvijus]

2 hours ago, Judy2 said:

 

@Squeekytoy

thank you for understanding.

No amount of self beating is going to process any pain. Self beating is the pain. This need to play victim of yours is just an ego trick to receive pampering and attention. And it sometimes works. So you figured if you play victim someone will come and say nice words to you. While an actual solution is something you don't sincerely want. 

It's time to go beyond it. These fake sorries and crocodile tears and need to play victim and seeing value in beating yourself. It's all ego, and it's all insane. All of it you are free to throw into a trash bin where it belongs and begin to make a new choice. The choice to real sanity, real sincerity and conflict free existence. 

Edited January 5 by Salvijus

[Keryo Koffa]

The problem is, you're relying on the world beyond your control, but that world sucks.

It sucks as long as it's out of tune with your needs. But it never cared about our needs.

And what you yearn for most deeply is only ever based on what's inside your heart.

The world is made of countless forms, and you've learned to yearn for those you lost.

Being comforted feels good but can you see how impersonal that process is?

We know nothing about you, not the trillion things that define you. Only you know.

Grief and feel into the meaning you lost. And then take care of yourself, don't repress it.