why can't i be beautiful?

[Judy2]

why do all the good things always have to be ruined by all the other things that only ever go massively wrong

why don't i deserve better than this

why does no one love me

why is everyone better than me

why can't i be perfect

why does it hurt so much

 

why can't i be beautiful?

[Salvijus]

This is all just ego drama. You want to cry endlessly or you want to come to a place free from any internal conflict? If you sincerely wanted to come out of this you would've done that already. These are just crocodile tears to receive pampering. 

 

[Salvijus]

47 minutes ago, Judy2 said:

why does it hurt so much

You are the one whipping yourself. You're free to stop it any moment. 

[Judy2]

i want to keep hurting until things are right

[Judy2]

12 minutes ago, Salvijus said:

You are the one whipping yourself. You're free to stop it any moment. 

and i can't stop

 

i know it's stupid 

*yet i feel like it's still necessary

Edited January 4 by Judy2

[Schizophonia]

12 minutes ago, Salvijus said:

This is all just ego drama. You want to cry endlessly or you want to come to a place free from any internal conflict? If you sincerely wanted to come out of this you would've done that already. These are just crocodile tears to receive pampering. 

 

Mirror effect, you project what you want in denial.
But it's "normal" to have an energy shortage here and there, unless you're a cocaine addict.

 

Edited January 4 by Schizophonia

[Breakingthewall]

50 minutes ago, Judy2 said:

 

 

why can't i be beautiful?

Just realize that you are the existence. Nothing can be more beautiful, in fact it's pure beauty. Then you would become a princess. But first you have to face all of your shit, be fine with your karma,  and cut all ties with the idea: the others

 

[Judy2]

Just now, Breakingthewall said:

and cut all ties with the idea: the others

right now that would feel like i'm only replacing one idea with another

[Breakingthewall]

13 minutes ago, Salvijus said:

This is all just ego drama. You want to cry endlessly or you want to come to a place free from any internal conflict? If you sincerely wanted to come out of this you would've done that already. These are just crocodile tears to receive pampering. 

 

Ego drama? Is the reality of a lot of humans I'd say . 

when life has placed you in a position of little love, people around you crazy, empty, strange. You can read all the spirituality and self-help books that are not going to be of any use to you, the action you must take to get out of your misery is inward, and few find the way

[Schizophonia]

2 minutes ago, Breakingthewall said:

Just realize that you are the existence. Nothing can be more beautiful, in fact it's pure beauty. Then you would become a princess. But first you have to face all of your shit, be fine with your karma,  and cut all ties with the idea: the others

 

When we talk about beauty, we talk about the ability to get laid.
You try to get around this problem by losing it in a blurred view of the mind where it is "fused" with spiritual notions.

[Breakingthewall]

6 minutes ago, Judy2 said:

right now that would feel like i'm only replacing one idea with another

It's not about ideas, it's about freeing your mind and expanding it to the point that it perceives itself as the living reality.

[Judy2]

2 minutes ago, Schizophonia said:

When we talk about beauty, we talk about the ability to get laid.
You try to get around this problem by losing it in a blurred view of the mind where it is "fused" with spiritual notions.

actually the way i used the word here (and the way i tend to think of it when i use it in my journal) was meant to be more abstract... like a feeling i'd have about myself, or a sense that my entire character and Being, and the experiences and people "happening to me" are beautiful...although i guess physical beauty is a part of it. 

like the feeling of being a worthy protagonist of my life....not just the side character to let someone else shine brighter by contrast. 

[Salvijus]

16 minutes ago, Judy2 said:

and i can't stop

 

i know it's stupid 

If you truly realized how insane and stupid it is to whip yourself. You'd never do it ever again. And guess what. All your problems would be over. 

Edited January 4 by Salvijus

[Breakingthewall]

12 minutes ago, Schizophonia said:

When we talk about beauty, we talk about the ability to get laid.
You try to get around this problem by losing it in a blurred view of the mind where it is "fused" with spiritual notions.

True beauty is interior

[Judy2]

8 minutes ago, Salvijus said:

If you truly realized how insane and stupid it is to whip yourself. You'd never do it ever again.

maybe

i know on some level that it's pointless, of course. but at some point in the past it was a strategy that i had to adopt because it was the most intelligent way my system knew to protect myself.

if it was easy to stop i would have ready done so. 

Edited January 4 by Judy2

[Schizophonia]

2 minutes ago, Breakingthewall said:

When we talk about the ability to get laid we talk about the inner emptiness we have due to lack of love, which must be filled and that is why we must find a partner, but that is narcissism and does not contribute anything in the end, just suffering. 

Maybe, but what does it matter? All desire is fundamentally selfish and narcissistic in nature.
The fact is that it is not tomorrow that a significant number of people will become ascetic monks and transcend human nature, the illusion is and will remain strong and well, we want to have partners and sexual relations, and to attention in general.

5 minutes ago, Judy2 said:

actually the way i used the word here (and the way i tend to think of it when i use it in my journal) was meant to be more abstract... like a feeling i'd have about myself, or a sense that my entire character and Being, and the experiences and people "happening to me" are beautiful...although i guess physical beauty is a part of it. 

like the feeling of being a worthy protagonist of my life....not just the side character to let someone else shine brighter by contrast. 

Yes, you are a mediocre and twisted human.

One day I will make a topic "the idiot that I am", if that can reassure you lol.

[Yimpa]

Ultimately, no one else can define you but you.

Edited January 4 by Yimpa

[Schizophonia]

3 minutes ago, Breakingthewall said:

True beauty is interior

The exterior beauty is as “real” as the interior, they are two different areas.
In fact I don't think this saying is that ideal, because it's like indirectly declaring that a person who suffers from mental illness is somehow "worse" than a person who suffers from a physical disability.

 

[thierry]

 

[Salvijus]

7 minutes ago, Judy2 said:

maybe

i know on some level that it's pointless, of course. but at some point in the past it was a strategy that i had to adopt because it was the most intelligent way my system knew to protect myself.

Yes a part of you still believes there's benefit to self-whipping. That's why you do it. Failing to see utter nonsense of it. 

7 minutes ago, Judy2 said:

if it was easy to stop i would have ready done so. 

It takes absolutely no effort to stop it. It takes tremendous effort to maintain this habit tho. That's why it's exhausting. 

Edited January 4 by Salvijus