Am I God creating my Life in Retrospect?

[Keryo Koffa]

There are so many ideas floating around and I'm addicted to figuring out my nature. I saw multiple posts on the forum about how this dream emerges and it's a lot. I had two hefty ego-dissolutions on psychedelics, but one can always try to rationalize it with brain-disruption, the same mechanism that gets one into that state. It's a very convincing and consistent looking dream after all.

But now I wonder if I didn't expand the dream in hindsight to cover up all the tracks. Or how I create it in the first place. Physical reality doesn't simply change when I think about something. I do interpret dualities and holons into reality. There is infinite potential for self-delusion. All physical reality is inside the brain and the brain is a part of physical reality but my experience is that of interpretation and projection. All is interpretation and projection, even under materialism, its some weird ass neural network information exchange thingy that never explains consciousness itself, just tries to map different aspects of it.

I see how I imagine people, things, objects. I see how I imagine you, maybe I created "physical reality" for a sense of consistency and now keep it up unconsciously to immerse myself into. I created it from this vantage point of my experience. But what about all of you? I can consciously perceive and interact with you in superficial ways available to me through the senses I made up. But I am unaware of all that goes on behind the curtains. I don't know who will respond next and what they will say. Maybe it's an inner resistence through fear that I am unwilling to cross.

What are others? What am I capable of? Everything I guess. I can simulate your existence in my consciousness as I do my own. But all this stuff, countries, centuries, schools, time, conflicts, vast ideas, sci-fi, movies, things that shock me through their imaginativeness. Am I creating that which I want subconsciously? That's really powerful! And then I imagine all of you talking about it, having your own lives, gurus existing, transcending, every perspective being expressed somewhere.

What the hell? You're a figment of my imagination? And you're equally real as me, and I have to subconsciously simulate your life for it to make as much sense as it does. And what is Leo? Imaginary? Real? Do I simulate this world based on atoms now? Which makes everything far more consistent? Assigning all of you the same capabilities as I see in myself by virtue of making you equal to myself in vague human terms? But I know I'm real in the sense that I continuously witness myself doing stuff. Leo just pops up on the forum or YouTube for the limited time that I watch him.

And Leo knows a lot and says he's God too. But it's really an all transcendent god that includes all of us. It's all equally real and unreal? I invented spiral dynamics subconsciously and projected it into a concept of the past to be created by some intellectual whose name I made up and all of that subconsciously?

And here's the resistence part! The materialist brain. I can see how ALL THAT I SAID IS LITERALLY THE CASE REGARDLESS of if I'm god or not because even according to materialism, it's all just the brain interpreting patterns and knowledge into rudimentary sensations creating a certain arbitrary configuration that can be exchanged with any other configuration to create a different experience, and we're all literally just a self-contained homeostatic holon that realizes emergent properties and somehow is able to generate distinct qualia different from anything else, despite everything just being material on the bottom layer. As Sadhguru said "Only life knows life".

And the simulation complexifies and I'm keeping it all up and somehow and remember it and I project these truths onto ideas like brains. So my mind spawned all concepts, ideas and people, like god and shiva, brahman but also all 7 billion people, which are just a concept really and the world is too until I start travelling and space is a barrier and new technology is due to my fascination and a desire for a more complete reality. And everything new has to justify everything that was unless I don't pay too much attention to it. And synchronicity is both playful and an attempt to make myself see "remember that one thing? ha! I remembered it, look at how retroactively consistent all this is!"

This is so strange, I am so strange, this forum is strange, this is an idea, but somehow the most experientially close one, which is weird af. And I want feedback.

[Keryo Koffa]

Two more Ideas!

What if I'm imagining psychedelics as an excuse to allow myself to disrupt reality without having to realize it's an illusion!

I've had this fear since I was a kid. That it's all deterministic and I shouldn't learn about movie making, game programming, art etc. because that would shatter the illusion and I wouldn't be able to look at these things the same way again. If I realized myself as completely conscious consciousness, there'd be nothing to hide from myself, there'd be no other, no one to talk to, no thing to talk about. Nothing to explore, nothing to imagine since I'd already know it. I can look at the stars and find them beautiful, I can create a fractal dimension and go explore it. But if I'm 100% conscious and there is no subconsciousness, then I'd know it during creating it. But I want to explore reality forever, watch new things unfold and have adventures. Breathe in the air and sunbathe on a meadow as a separate form. Or can I do all of that regardless?

I don't know the mechanics I use to make myself unconscious, it's very tricky and that's on purpose! Maybe I was suffering for eternity figuring out what dream to dream and how to make myself unconscious to the fact its a dream. I don't know what is the right thing to do anymore. Maybe that's what all the NDEs are about, reincarnation too, to fulfill the desires god could not in one lifetime? And to get a self-imagined astral afterlife? Or maybe that's the default in god form, doing everything one wants to do but knowing its all deterministic? Or does god not mind that? I am here, maybe that's why?

[Keryo Koffa]

Maybe "I" didn't just appear as God. Maybe God created a whole reality, every part consciously designed. But what parts are first person experiences? I know I am. That beyond me is my unconscious, that what I know right now the conscious. That what I have access to the subconscious, Conscious and subconscious are subsets of the unconscious, the absolute unconscious that one could become conscious of and become god in the process. It is too intricate after all, even though it is equally true that I interpreted this existence retroactively. But it does not mean that I created it, much rather I have a limited piece of god consciousness because I'm a perspective within god, infinitely connected to the fabric of consciousness.

So this entire reality might very well be independent of me as much as it is part of me. I am a self-contained holon inside of it whose consciousness has been limited in order to experience this reality. I may holistically interact with other conscious bubbles which are all parts of a larger unconscious. We are all products of our environment, we need the larger reality to exist first, in order for us to materialize ourselves from inside of it as our own conscious self split from the larger unconscious.

So we're all holistic consciousness bubbles inside an unconsciousness see that we are all infinitely a part of and connected, to take shape we had to split into perceiver and perceived and I am not sure what determines what does and doesn't become its own bubble but we're swimming in a sea of unconsciousness becoming conscious by our desire to experience it, a navigational journey that connects us to ever more qualia and states of mind.

[Navaneet]

On 1/4/2024 at 10:04 PM, Keryo Koffa said:

I had two hefty ego-dissolutions on psychedelics,

Which psychdelics?

[Breakingthewall]

On 4/1/2024 at 6:27 PM, Keryo Koffa said:

to take shape we had to split into perceiver and perceived

The key is that there is no perceiver, it is a trick of reality. Yes there is, but as appearance. The reality is this, this moment. and this moment is of unlimited depth, and the fact that there is a subject and an object within this moment is an emergence of this moment, but you are not the subject, you are the moment. The subject is an appearance, it can disappear and the moment, that is, you, continues to exist.

[Inliytened1]

2 minutes ago, Breakingthewall said:

The key is that there is no perceiver, it is a trick of reality. Yes there is, but as appearance. The reality is this, this moment. and this moment is of unlimited depth, and the fact that there is a subject and an object within this moment is an emergence of this moment, but you are not the subject, you are the moment. The subject is an appearance, it can disappear and the moment, that is, you, continues to exist.

When is he going go mod you?  I've seen so much growth from you- both spiritually and your ability to use the English language.  I believe it's time you joined the team - if Indeed you are willing. 

[Breakingthewall]

2 minutes ago, Inliytened1 said:

When is he going go mod you?  I've seen so much growth from you- both spiritually and your ability to use the English language.  I believe it's time you joined the team - if Indeed you are willing. 

Me? I hate the uniforms. But thanks for the appreciation 

Edited January 5 by Breakingthewall

[Rafael Thundercat]

 

[Inliytened1]

Just now, Breakingthewall said:

Me? I hate the uniforms.

You hate them - but you cosplay nonetheless. 

Edited January 5 by Inliytened1

[Breakingthewall]

15 hours ago, Inliytened1 said:

You hate them - but you cosplay nonetheless. 

15 hours ago, Inliytened1 said:

 

Cosplay? Let's see, categorizing is the basis of deception. It is the beginning of interpretation, and interpretation kills life. Life lives and existence is, and there is no more. red, green and black are categories, and instead of elevating, they plunge you into death. life is simple, without category.

[Inliytened1]

7 hours ago, Breakingthewall said:

Cosplay? Let's see, categorizing is the basis of deception. It is the beginning of interpretation, and interpretation kills life. Life lives and existence is, and there is no more. red, green and black are categories, and instead of elevating, they plunge you into death. life is simple, without category.

You missed the joke.  You are wearing a uniform right now - the ego.  It was spoken in jest.

Edited January 6 by Inliytened1

[Breakingthewall]

43 minutes ago, Inliytened1 said:

You missed the joke.  You are wearing a uniform right now - the ego.  It was spoken in jest.

Yes you are right, I'm working in dissolving it to the extent possible, since the beauty is behind, and the ego covers it.

Anyway, categories are necessary In an organization, what I said about there shouldn't be any is utopian

Edited January 6 by Breakingthewall