Ayahuasca trip report #1

[Bogdan]

I finally got to try Ayahuasca and Bufo (5-meo-dmt) for the first time. I'll make a separate post for the Bufo. Scroll down for the TLDR conclusion.

 

Let's get into into it:

 

I went to the retreat for 2 nights.

I took Ayahuasca during the night, starting at 10PM, on the second day around 3PM I took Bufo, then Ayahuasca again on the second night.

 

The first Ayahuasca trip:

I basically stood on my back from 10PM til around 4-5AM, with tears coming out constantly. Somewhere in the middle I took a second dose.

The come up was just a tad difficult and nerve-wracking, but basically as soon as (what I perceived to be) 20 minutes in, I started having this conversation with my intelligence, which I was calling mother Ayahuasca. But I saw clearly it was MY intelligence.

Then I received a series of lessons, which can be summed up as: Stay innocent, curious, skeptical, strong, relaxed, grateful, work hard, and be fearless.

Throughout each of the 3 trips, one main theme seemed to be preparing me to be a parent/leader.

 

Here are some of the lessons:

 

- As a man, I can offer others the feeling of "As long as I am here, there is NO FEAR! I am stable, and strong enough to protect you. You can have whatever emotion you want, you won't scare me. I see only God. You can relax completely, because I am here for you!"

- It's more about the attitude and energy that I can connect to when dealing with emotions or experiences, be it mine or others'. Children, women, difficult trips, etc. (I have to become more conscious)

- at some point mother Ayahuasca let me hold her in my arms, to feel how it's like to be strong for someone, and to stay in that strength even when I'm having my own emotions or difficult physical sensations (I was a bit nauseous)

- Relaxation is a sort of natural result to balancing innocence and strength

- I kept going back and forward between smiling, then tensing up, then noticing that and relaxing my body. I became more conscious of how annoyances are also infinite intelligence, and if I am doing them, I might as well use them to become stronger, to relax, even if I have to deal with them by telling someone off, It's sort of best to be remain innocent, but strong - relaxed.

- it reassured me that my ideas and intuitions are actually good! For a few years now I've been noticing how I'm having more and more conscious and accurate intuitions, compared to everyone around me. Even in the last year or two of Leo's videos, I was being pleasantly surprised that I was reaching those conclusions before seeing the videos, from my own contemplation. I'm starting to be my own man, and not needing the Actualized.org training wheels as much.

- It reassured me that It's good for me to stop listening to other's fear-based thinking, especially about my life, and that the timelines I envision for my projects are balanced and good, and that I can trust them, and that my journey is unique, and that I can relax and work exactly how much I (genuinely) feel like, as long as I am actually sincere in my efforts - a fact that I was doubting for a long time.

- There were moments where nothing much was happening, because the experience was coming in waves, and there was a thought of "aah, that's it? now everything is boring again?" But  I immediately realized that "NO! every single moment is a reason to rejoyce, because I am freaking infinite! This wasn't a new realization, but it just was tattooed a little bit deeper in my baseline consciousness. Every moment is a celebration of my forever-ness! The news is always good! - I AM!!!

- Then the trip helped me deal with me currently living with my mom again, and making it not a living hell. It helped me see the perspective of her entire life, seeing her for the poor little unconscious cute child that she is. And that all I need to do is to communicate with her, and to never punish her bad health choices with subtracting affection, which is just an unwise, unloving human attempt to prepare for hear death.

- One of the themes of the trip was me being skeptical of every "insight" that I was receiving. My intelligence seemed very happy that I was doing that. No matter how good an idea felt, I reminded myself to analyze it, just to make sure. And sometimes, an insight felt really good, but it was not accurate/relatively true. So perhaps that's one of the most important lessons I got.

 

There were more details that I saw, which I can't remember. But a thing I do remember is thanking Leo and seeing Actualized.org as a ROCK SOLID foundation of knowledge. Like freaking cement! And I contemplated a bit Leo's choice of going that deep into the psychedelic world, and I could not fathom the balls that takes. Like, you deserve a proper ass kissing, dude! You're like the coolest and best philosophy teacher a student can ask for! Thank you!

 

The second Ayahuasca night:

 

This time I was tired, and there weren't any deep lessons to be had. Mama Ayahuasca at first was like "chill. let's just enjoy the pretty visuals and music together. You got plenty of lessons to work on"

Then my skin started itching. My back started hurting. Everything became annoying. The opposite of the first night. Of course, I instantly focused on being conscious that "My infinite intelligence is doing this, so there's nothing to do but to learn to love this quality of God, and this decision of my God Self for me to experience this right now" Again, I saw it as the trip preparing me to possibly have children, and to become a leader, and for the lessons to actually sink in.

I also saw how brutal an experience has to be for it to actually change you. I am a bit too sensitive and fragile for that powerful of an experience right now.

 

Gotta become stronger. Through pushing through and building my business, and going deep into pickup and attraction.

 

CONCLUSION/FINAL THOUGHTS:

 

Ayahuasca was beautiful. Amazing visuals, and I feel it holds immense potential.

I took it with others in a retreat setting, which I'm sure affected the trip. I still think It's still best to take it with a trip sitter,in case you puke.

The doses they gave us were quite balanced, I would say. I wasn't in any danger of not being able to move or something. Some people saw infinity, some saw nothing. I think that's one of the most fascinating things about Ayahuasca. You really feel, even with one single dose, that it can choose to blast you, or to not show you ANYTHING! It truly feels like you're communicating with nature itself (ofc. that's what you're doing, there is only One Being, but not all psychedelics have this quality to them)

I have some difficult lessons to integrate now, and I do feel a bit tired and unstable. The last 3 years or so for me have been coming to terms with my own severe immaturity.

 

Anyway, that's all I have right now.

Edited January 6 by Bogdan

[shree]

Wow, such a ride. Thanks for sharing!

[pablo_aka_god]

Congratulations! I hope to do an ayahuasca trip this or next year but I need to overcome my fear first

[Pudgey]

@pablo_aka_god To overcome the fear: get the Ayahuasca first (initial fear, you don't need to take it), but simply having it near you within the household will give you confidence. Once that step is complete, find a trip sitter (or do it yourself). You can microdose it first and see how you feel (take little steps) and eventually, you will take more (over time) and come to realize it's not so difficult. You'll love your first trip, I promise.