Boyfriend being too cheap

[Yimpa]

In conclusion:

Boyfriend being too cringe

[Barbella]

@Princess Arabia I honestly felt overwhelmed by the whole situation and wanted to think about this. I didn't know what to reply, I was feeling too many emotions. I've cleared my head and came to read all the comments one more time.

I don't want you to get me wrong, I'm honestly very grateful that I came upon Leo's videos years and years ago, and I'm grateful that this forum exists, because I'm amazed at how many smart people are on this forum. I always get the most profound advice here. 

I appreciate your advice. I asked myself - how am I contributing to this situation? And I think it's true that I lack some self-value, as I don't feel worthy of all the things I want. For example, when we first talked about this problem, and when he decided to change, I always felt really uncomfortable when he would pay for dinner. As if it's wrong I'm letting him pay. I felt ashamed.

That's why I think we were perfect vibrational match at some point.

Also, you are right about his fear. His father is very cheap, and I think his father had huge impact on him. He has some really deep limiting beliefs about money.

Also, he didn't plan on eating that chocolate, his family got it as a gift, and he told me that his mom will probably want to gift it to someone else in the future. They don't open nice gifts but re-gift them. Which is weird. But it came from his fear that it's expensive and that no one should open it. 

Still, I think it's ridiculous and he should have let me open it. If it was a problem, he should have bought new chocolate and put it where it was.

I honestly think he might change for some time, being generous and nice (like he is right now after our talk), but the thing is that fear is so deep inside of him I'm afraid it's very difficult to change.

[Barbella]

On 1/6/2024 at 0:10 AM, Princess Arabia said:

I'll never look at a chocolate bar the same again after reading this post. Hehe

Hahah, that's what my friends told me as well 

[Barbella]

On 1/5/2024 at 7:00 PM, Lila9 said:

I would just leave.

I don't like or tolerate cheap men, I cut ties immediately when I sense cheapness towards me.

I see this as a lack of love, respect, and appreciation for the feminine, and I express this as a stage green woman.

I've encountered men in my life who were very generous towards me, providing a reference point for what men can be when they truly respect and value a woman.

I don't require men to be super rich, there is an amount of  material richness that repels me, especially when it includes bragging.

However, I am attracted to basic human generosity...

I believe cheap men don't deserve women until they become more generous and I believe it's not a woman's job to understand or teach a man to be generous, especially after having conversations about this issue that didn't lead to change.

It's not a woman's responsibility to improve men. Men should improve themselves for women and adjust accordingly if they want a woman in their lives. Our role as women is to have standards, such as not dating cheap men, and insist on them, so we can have great men around us, the superior type of men.

I'm sure that you can find a better man who will be generous with you.

This is so low, I would have broken this chocolate or thrown this at him and officially cut off this relationship.

Please don't tolerate such treatment from men. 

Thank you for this. This is what I needed to hear. Oh and I don't mind being straightforward, I like to hear the truth.

I agree with everything you said, I'm also repelled by material richness when it comes to bragging, as I'm not attracted to those types of stage orange guys. Yet there needs to be a balance between masculine and feminine in a relationship.

[Barbella]

On 1/9/2024 at 0:10 PM, Squeekytoy said:

@Barbella So I've given this some thought, and it occurred to me that this is about feeling taken care of and feeling like he wants to share his life with you.

If that sounds about right then you might want to tell him that too.

If I was insensitive before, I apologize. I promise you I'm a teddy bear at heart. Or a rubber ducky I guess 😊

It's ok. I don't take anything personally. In fact, I'm glad I don't have huge life problems to complain about on here, so you're right  

However I do think choosing a partner you're gonna spend your life with is very important, that's why I came here for advice. 

[Princess Arabia]

20 minutes ago, Barbella said:

@Princess Arabia I honestly felt overwhelmed by the whole situation and wanted to think about this. I didn't know what to reply, I was feeling too many emotions. I've cleared my head and came to read all the comments one more time.

I don't want you to get me wrong, I'm honestly very grateful that I came upon Leo's videos years and years ago, and I'm grateful that this forum exists, because I'm amazed at how many smart people are on this forum. I always get the most profound advice here. 

I appreciate your advice. I asked myself - how am I contributing to this situation? And I think it's true that I lack some self-value, as I don't feel worthy of all the things I want. For example, when we first talked about this problem, and when he decided to change, I always felt really uncomfortable when he would pay for dinner. As if it's wrong I'm letting him pay. I felt ashamed.

That's why I think we were perfect vibrational match at some point.

Also, you are right about his fear. His father is very cheap, and I think his father had huge impact on him. He has some really deep limiting beliefs about money.

Also, he didn't plan on eating that chocolate, his family got it as a gift, and he told me that his mom will probably want to gift it to someone else in the future. They don't open nice gifts but re-gift them. Which is weird. But it came from his fear that it's expensive and that no one should open it. 

Still, I think it's ridiculous and he should have let me open it. If it was a problem, he should have bought new chocolate and put it where it was.

I honestly think he might change for some time, being generous and nice (like he is right now after our talk), but the thing is that fear is so deep inside of him I'm afraid it's very difficult to change.

You don't need to change him. Start to relate to him as if he already changed. Don't resist how he is but respond to it differently. Don't make excuses for his cheapness and don't rationalize it. 

It's weird to you about the chocolate thing, but not to him. See it differently. See it as an act of love for his mother to not eat it and just replace it yourself. Don't put too much emphasis on what you don't like about him but what you do like. 

See him as a very loving and giving person even when he's being cheap. Look at it for what it is without interpreting his cheapness. Don't say, oh, he's being cheap by not so and so; just say so and so didn't happen but I can give that to myself. Make it about you but not in a selfish way. Give yourself the things he's not giving you. Focus on what makes you feel good and find ways to overcome the uncomfortabilities that you may feel from him being  cheap. I promise you, you will see him transform right in front of your eyes in time because you have let go of your attachment to how he is making you feel and now you're generating those feelings from within on your own and you will create the atmosphere that matches those feelings.

Edited January 14 by Princess Arabia

[Barbella]

On 1/3/2024 at 4:37 PM, Leo Gura said:

 A good man is generous and not too fearful about resources because he is confident he can earn more. So actually, cheapness detracts from being a strong man. This is a deep point which he is missing.

I like this. So true. Thank you Leo.
I also like how Leo understands men's perspective and gives advice to talk to him and try to help him change, while girls are telling me to dump him. lol

[Princess Arabia]

5 minutes ago, Barbella said:

I like this. So true. Thank you Leo.
I also like how Leo understands men's perspective and gives advice to talk to him and try to help him change, while girls are telling me to dump him. lol

Leo used to be cheap. Still is, but not as much. (According to him). He understands from the guys perspective and has probably seen how it didn't benefit him in the long run, so he will be more empathetic towards your bf's behavior and wouldn't advise dumping him because he knows there's potential for change.

Women however, might see a bit of your situation in their past relationships and wishing they had dumped him sooner than later and doesn't wish to see you go through what they went through because of, maybe, their naivety or thinking that he will never change.

[Barbella]

9 minutes ago, Princess Arabia said:

You don't need to change him. Start to relate to him as if he already changed. Don't resist how he is but respond to it differently. Don't make excuses for his cheapness and don't rationalize it. 

It's weird to you about the chocolate thing, but not to him. See it differently. See it as an act of love for his mother to not eat it and just replace it yourself. Don't put too much emphasis on what you don't like about him but what you do like. 

See him as a very loving and giving person even when he's being cheap. Look at it for what it is without interpreting his cheapness. Don't say, oh, he's being cheap by not so and so; just say so and so didn't happen but I can give that to myself. Make it about you but not in a selfish way. Give yourself the things he's not giving you. Focus on what makes you feel good and find ways to overcome the uncomfortabilities that you may feel from him being  cheap. I promise you, you will see him transform right in front of your eyes in time because you have let go of your attachment to how he is making you feel and now you're generating those feelings from within on your own and you will create the atmosphere that matches those feelings.

Thank you! I agree. I have to change in order for him to change too. When I vibrate I don't deserve - that's what I get. I'm definitely going to try. If it doesn't help in this relationship, at least I found out that it's not just about the other person, but it's about me as well.

[Princess Arabia]

Just now, Barbella said:

Thank you! I agree. I have to change in order for him to change too. When I vibrate I don't deserve - that's what I get. I'm definitely going to try. If it doesn't help in this relationship, at least I found out that it's not just about the other person, but it's about me as well.

Wish you all the best.

Just an added note that I did this before in a different circumstance without consciously knowing that I was doing it and the situation changed. It is when I reflected back and put the pieces together and after learning and understanding how energy works was when I realized how i did It.

 

[Applegarden8]

7 hours ago, Barbella said:

I like this. So true. Thank you Leo.
I also like how Leo understands men's perspective and gives advice to talk to him and try to help him change, while girls are telling me to dump him. lol

I am being sarcastic, but in this century, what can't you replace? good luck, hope it works out!

[Yimpa]

18 hours ago, Barbella said:

Also, he didn't plan on eating that chocolate, his family got it as a gift, and he told me that his mom will probably want to gift it to someone else in the future. They don't open nice gifts but re-gift them. Which is weird. But it came from his fear that it's expensive and that no one should open it. 

Man, that’s like having Michael Jordan on your basketball team and having him benched the entire game.

Edited January 15 by Yimpa

[Yimpa]

18 hours ago, Barbella said:

Thank you! I agree. I have to change in order for him to change too. When I vibrate I don't deserve - that's what I get. I'm definitely going to try. If it doesn't help in this relationship, at least I found out that it's not just about the other person, but it's about me as well.

[Schizophonia]

On 09/01/2024 at 11:06 PM, Israfil said:

Just took a shit.

Speak for yourself, egocentric boy.

On 09/01/2024 at 11:09 PM, Yimpa said:

In conclusion:

Boyfriend being too cringe

 

Conclusion: I'm right, as usual everytime.

 

[Schizophonia]

9 minutes ago, Yimpa said:

Real

[Israfil]

1 hour ago, Schizophonia said:

 

Conclusion: I'm right, as usual everytime.

 

If I took a shit, by definition I was empty of shit, not full of it.

My logic is flawless. Accept your ignorance. Otherwise, it will hinder your progress towards getting to the truth.

[Yimpa]

40 minutes ago, Israfil said:

If I took a shit, by definition I was empty of shit, not full of it.

You are the Toilet with a capital T.