Would you be ok with your BI GF hitting on other girls?

[ivankiss]

I know this might be a dream come true for a lot of guys, but I'm not so sure it's mine too.

It is not the first time that I'm dating a bisexual girl, and in the past it might have been a turn on of some sort... but now it's kind of bugging me.

I was in a threesome situation once or twice before, and it can be awesome, but I'm not sure if I'd like that to become my lifestyle.

My girlfriend obviously craves the attention and the touch of the same sex. It is something that I cannot really give to her. I don't have a pussy.

She would be more than willing to go out, hit on girls and bring them in our bed. And she's quite good at it too. The success rate would be high, I'm sure. But I can't say I'm thrilled about the idea. For some reason it makes me see her as a less of a serious partner... and more just like a fun adventure type of a girl. Problem is, I'm already too in love to play these games. 

Would you be ok with your girlfriend hitting on other girls? Maybe bringing them home or maybe not... Maybe even dating one of them more seriously... 

Should I be cool and try to ride this wave, or should I stand for my truth and simply say that it's not good for me right now? 

Where do you stand on this?

 

 

Edited January 2 by ivankiss

[Schizophonia]

no

Edited January 2 by Schizophonia

[Miguel1]

I used to date a bi girl and we went to hit on girls together all the time. It was lots of fun.

I didn’t view her less of a partner at all. If anything, I saw her more as my partner. Maybe because I am quite social myself and love to meet new girls.

My ENFJ personality type probably has a lot to do with all that.

If you can’t satisfy her need for pussy and feminine energy, I would say it would be a loving act from you to allow her to be with girls.

What makes you view her less of a partner if she does that? People have different sexual needs.

Analyze out-loud for us a bit deeper. What are you afraid of when she is with other girls? Especially if you join her?

[Guest Bazooka Jesus]

Mmmm, those were the days!

[Jason Actualization]

I would be okay with that, yes.

Whatever you do, be decisive, and don't prolong your decision (indecision is also a decision).

My personal approach is prioritizing communication, so in this case, I would sit her down, comfortably, while cuddling for example, and just express your current concerns in a level-headed fashion, with the express objective of gaining clarity over the best pathway forward.

[Yimpa]

4 hours ago, ivankiss said:

Should I be cool and try to ride this wave, or should I stand for my truth and simply say that it's not good for me right now? 

Let her know that you’re not comfortable with the idea. Healthy communication, which includes boundary setting, is important in any serious relationship. 

 

[tenfo]

#alphamaleproblems

[ivankiss]

Thanks guys.

We spoke about this, numerous times. I told her that honestly, as I am right now, I am not cool with it. I don't want her hitting on other chicks. But I also said that I can see how somewhere down the line I could open up to the idea. 

Idk... it just doesn't sit right with me at this point in my life. Why would it be completely fine for her to hit on girls in front of me or behind my back, but totally wrong if she was to entertain other dudes the same way? Isn't it kind of same - same? And who's to say she wouldn't?

It feels a bit off and nasty to me... it's not what I'm looking for at this particular time. It's not the kind of a relationship that I envisioned.

 

[Thought Art]

For me, personally if we are together I don't want you hitting on other people.

But, who am I? I don't know relationships that well.

[Princess Arabia]

You never said what she said when you told her you're not comfortable with it. That's the important part. That reveals a lot. Was she ok with your decision. Did she frown. Did she ask you why you weren't comfortable with it. 

[BlessedLion]

Id be chill with that and could see it being a beautiful addition to a relationship if it’s strong. But if it’s not for you, 100% own it and say it

[Applegarden8]

Well, the real question is, do any of them like Meshuggah? If yes, then OK. I don't know acctually.

[Raze]

A gf who brings other girls sounds great to me, I wouldn’t have a problem with it.

[gettoefl]

for me love is giving permission backing and encouragement for a person be their most expanded self 

there is no losing in loving

[Miguel1]

18 hours ago, ivankiss said:

Why would it be completely fine for her to hit on girls in front of me or behind my back, but totally wrong if she was to entertain other dudes the same way? Isn't it kind of same - same?

I would say that there is a difference.

And the difference is that you are not a girl and will never be. So there is no way you can satisfy that part of her needs and you don’t have to.

But you are a man and if you are not enough for her as a man, then there is certainly a problem. Because then you will feel not enough. But that doesn’t seem to be the case here.

All that being said, if you are worried she might fall in love with one of these girls and dump you for them, then that’s another story.

Edited January 3 by Miguel1

[ivankiss]

16 hours ago, Princess Arabia said:

You never said what she said when you told her you're not comfortable with it. 

She respects my boundaries, to the best of her abilities. But sometimes she slips... like the other day at this new year's party... She got quite drunk and was flirting with chicks left and right. I know she craves it...

15 hours ago, Applegarden8 said:

Well, the real question is, do any of them like Meshuggah? 

That is the real question, indeed. And the answer is sadly no. None of them usually do... that's why I don't wife them up 

6 hours ago, Miguel1 said:

if you are worried she might fall in love with one of these girls and dump you for them, then that’s another story.

I don't think that's what I worry about... more like some nasty triangulation, if anything. 

To be honest, it simply feels like cheating to me. 

Unless that's kind of the agreement from the get go, I'm not cool with it. Once I truly commit, I see one person and one person only. I have no need for anyone else. And to see my partner having those desires, makes me think that she is far less serious, committed or in love. 

6 hours ago, gettoefl said:

for me love is giving permission backing and encouragement for a person be their most expanded self 

Yes. Perhaps encouraging them to leave, too.

 

 

[Miguel1]

1 hour ago, ivankiss said:

I don't think that's what I worry about... more like some nasty triangulation, if anything. 

To be honest, it simply feels like cheating to me. 

Unless that's kind of the agreement from the get go, I'm not cool with it. Once I truly commit, I see one person and one person only. I have no need for anyone else. And to see my partner having those desires, makes me think that she is far less serious, committed or in love. 

Here's the thing.

You are going to have to sit her down and have a serious talk with her, but in a loving tone.

Don't guilt-trip her or manipulate her to stay together with you, while not being with other girls, if that's not what she wants to.

If you do, it will lead to long-term resentment that builds up over time, which will leads to a lot of toxicity.

So really, try to hear her out lovingly. If she really needs the female sexuality in her sexuality, then it is probably best to let her go, since it doesn't seem like you are okay with it - and that's fine too.

There are plenty of girls who will be very satisfied with being just with you.

Edited January 4 by Miguel1

[universe]

The question is more do you want polyamory or not?

And to what extend do you want it. Have some rules and boundaries for it.

Edited January 4 by universe

[gettoefl]

7 hours ago, ivankiss said:

 

Yes. Perhaps encouraging them to leave, too.

 

 

 

i always encourage whoever i'm with to leave if they feel their freedom and expression and growth is curtailed by staying with me

only stay if this is the best dynamic you could ever experience, moreover i will call it quits too if you are uncomfortable with my wishes and desires