What Am I Doing Wrong? With Dating + Women + My Emotions

[MattHulmes]

I can't sleep because I keep thinking about this situation. 

I met this beautiful girl in the park today, I approached her, asked her if she had any new years plans for tonight, she told me about something she had heard going on. I talked about how I'm trying to meet new people and she asked me why I moved to Nashville and how I liked it so far - so it felt like a good conversation. I asked her about hanging out sometime and she asked if I was on Instagram. We exchanged that information and I moved on. 

And- so I realize I must be needy, desperate, some subconscious issue I'll at some point address in therapy - but I checked instagram a few hours later and she unfollowed me. And I've taken this as a sign that she's uninterested. 

So I feel like there is a bunch of issues here - 

How do I let go of being so crazy or insecure that I had to check if she was following me or not on the same day? 
How do I figure out what I need to improve on? Or maybe I really do know, it's just generally improving myself and my situation and who I am as a person, so maybe the question is... do I accept being alone for awhile until I am at a point where I could date? 

Like I said, I couldn't sleep because I keep thinking about her and what happened and I want it to stop happening, I really want to date someone, I feel like I'm at some point in my life where I could date, I feel like I'm good enough to be dating so I don't understand why it's not happening. It's been incredibly frustrating. 

I just really want to change all this. 

[Miguel1]

Girls give out numbers and IG information all the time to avoid the guy turning aggressive from rejection, especially if she was alone when you approached her.

So chances are, you turned her off with your interaction with her in real life and she was just being polite. Or perhaps, you didn’t do anything wrong (unlikely based on your scarcity), but she just wasn’t interested.

Also, something on your IG profile might have turned her down very badly.

Overall, your biggest issue is not knowng how to cold approach, and this having deep scarcity that you start stalking one girl you talk to, because you are so thirsty for female attention.

Imagine having 5 beautiful women constantly talking to you, wanting to hang out with you… Now you wouldn’t naturally be so thirsty and desperate, right?

Edited January 1 by Miguel1

[SeaMonster]

19 hours ago, MattHulmes said:

How do I let go of being so crazy or insecure that I had to check if she was following me or not on the same day? 
How do I figure out what I need to improve on? Or maybe I really do know, it's just generally improving myself and my situation and who I am as a person, so maybe the question is... do I accept being alone for awhile until I am at a point where I could date? 

I think you're far ahead of many men because at least you're ASKING THE RIGHT QUESTIONS.  So feel good about that.

You have to flip the switch in your mind and acknowledge a simple truth.

Just because a girl is hot doesn't mean she's worthy of being with you.  This eludes a huge number of men because of their biology AND programming.

In order to actually FEEL THIS you need to start treating yourself right and center your life around doing right by YOU, with all its implications, from consistently meeting the most basic needs to setting the most ambitious and far-reaching goals: in other words succeeding at all levels of the Maslow Pyramid.  You go from the bottom up, of course, if you need to know how to start.

 

 

Edited January 2 by SeaMonster

[SamC]

On 2024-01-01 at 5:47 AM, MattHulmes said:

I can't sleep because I keep thinking about this situation. 

I met this beautiful girl in the park today, I approached her, asked her if she had any new years plans for tonight, she told me about something she had heard going on. I talked about how I'm trying to meet new people and she asked me why I moved to Nashville and how I liked it so far - so it felt like a good conversation. I asked her about hanging out sometime and she asked if I was on Instagram. We exchanged that information and I moved on. 

And- so I realize I must be needy, desperate, some subconscious issue I'll at some point address in therapy - but I checked instagram a few hours later and she unfollowed me. And I've taken this as a sign that she's uninterested. 

So I feel like there is a bunch of issues here - 

How do I let go of being so crazy or insecure that I had to check if she was following me or not on the same day? 
How do I figure out what I need to improve on? Or maybe I really do know, it's just generally improving myself and my situation and who I am as a person, so maybe the question is... do I accept being alone for awhile until I am at a point where I could date? 

Like I said, I couldn't sleep because I keep thinking about her and what happened and I want it to stop happening, I really want to date someone, I feel like I'm at some point in my life where I could date, I feel like I'm good enough to be dating so I don't understand why it's not happening. It's been incredibly frustrating. 

I just really want to change all this. 

It's okey man. I really feel for you because I have been there myself. I approached hundreds of girls and got rejected every single time for many years.

Girls have blocked me, unfollowed me and not replied to me more times than I can even remember.

You're not doing anything wrong, you're just inexperienced. Keep talking to girls and keep getting rejected- in fact get rejected faster. I don't know how many times I fucked up with different girls and humilated myself in different ways but it doesn't matter.

I Keept talking to girls and today I have a girlfriend.

Trust the process 

[sholomar]

Women have dozens of mens trying to get their attention at any given time. Don't get so caught up on trying to get the attention of a single woman, obsessing over her, getting a "crush" on her, and just cast your fishing pole over and over until something bites. Young women are attracted to confidence and playfulness. A lot of men are too serious or never developed the ability to playfully tease in a way that turns women on. That is their biggest handicap.  Being serious and responsible are not really traits that get a woman into the bedroom, at least not without nailing the ability to cultivate "chemistry" through playfulness and storytelling.  This handicap will limit you, but you can still find women who are into more serious, boring guys... it's just harder.

I do find the advice to "be yourself" obvious doesn't work for everyone. It's rather bad advice. Better advice would be to "remake yourself" over time into the type of person people want to be around. 

 

 

Edited January 4 by sholomar

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NzeXRDUk1ds

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fIsy_HSHkKo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QioJKYVXgIs

[RendHeaven]

On 1/4/2024 at 10:16 AM, SamC said:

and today I have a girlfriend.

@SamC looks like we have some catching up to do 

[SamC]

15 hours ago, RendHeaven said:

@SamC looks like we have some catching up to do 

@RendHeaven For sure, I've been thinking about you man

Miss you

 

[Raze]

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=fIsy_HSHkKo

https://www.girlschase.com/content/viable-vs-optimal-game-how-best-improve-and-focus-your-efforts

 

[Jacquelope]

On 12/31/2023 at 8:47 PM, MattHulmes said:

I can't sleep because I keep thinking about this situation. 

I met this beautiful girl in the park today-

My opinion is there is your problem right there, you walked up to her because she is beautiful. What else do you know that she had going for her? I think you should try pursuing or getting to know a woman w ho has a lot in common with you rather than someone who is beautiful. Maybe even search online, but STAY AWAY FROM TINDER. Tinder is the soul eater of dating apps. 

Think about what interests, values and personality type you want in a woman, as well as what interests you hope she shares with you. Then go to some place like Match or Eharmony which gravitates heavily toward long term relationships. I'd advise you disfavor hookups. Hookup culture greatly favors women, they have ungodly amounts of power over men when it comes to looking for casual sex. Partially because so many women are not in the market for casual encounters, more than men realize. You're facing less competition if you're looking for a LTR (not no competition, but less). The extreme amount of competition you had (and did not see) for that woman you approached was your biggest cause of failure.

Edited February 14 by Jacquelope