Can only talk here when I'm high (weed)

[Livingstone]

It's a shame that I only come here when I'm high, but I get lost in living in the world that I forget about awakening. It feels like when I'm high, I'm taking inventory of everything I have done since the last time I was high in order to ensure I'm making sufficient progress (I'm starting a business aimed at helping those with social anxiety, gaming addiction, and life purpose). It's a nonprofit and I genuinely am not driven by money (although I need an income to survive in my city + when going through university). I just want to help people, but my social anxiety stops me at times.

Here's an awakened thought I've had: why do I care what other people think of me? I'm the one living my life, going through anxious experiences, so I have the ability to discuss and coach people to a better level. I'm getting a formal education in philosophy and psychology, which has been unbelievably amazing. But at the same time, I can talk with people right now about their anxiety struggles, so why wait until I graduate? My socially anxious thoughts just tell me everyone in my life is secretly thinking I'm going crazy by trying to start a business when I come from such a sheltered upbringing, but I genuinely believe in my mission and just want to help.

I guess where I'm going with is: I'm uncomfortable even sharing the thought above as I feel like you will all think I'm weird. This is my anxiety. It prevents me from authentically talking to people out of fear of judgement. Anyone else go through this?

[Livingstone]

Also: people are so judgmental online, it's obnoxious. I've been sharing various ideas that I don't think are inherently "radical" such as decreasing car dependency in cities by improving public transit. It's not even my idea! I just align so heavily with it, and my experiences dictate it is true (I have lived in both an isolated suburb and the city -- walkability is clearly the better design.

Yet so many people flamed me for that comment (this is on TikTok), saying I was ignorant to the world, etc. because they are farmers and need cars to survive. I wasn't even talking about rural folk! I was talking about cities and suburbs reducing their car dependency. The funny thing is I had to respond to like 20 comments saying the exact same thing because people don't even bother reading my previous comments where I'm explaining what I'm saying here. People just automatically attack you with the schema they hold in their mind about what kind of person you are. We are lacking so much nuance in this world it is ridiculous.

[Keryo Koffa]

@Livingstone The world is filled with ego, which manifests itself through projection and ignorance. You don't need any degree, knowledge fills you with insights, but the only point of learning anything at all is to expand your perspective. Universities don't teach you any more than ChatGPT does, it's merely the game of degrees, diplomas, titles and certificates which self-perpetuates narrow thinking, specialized studies and the export of responsibility to authority. Society plays the game of validating certificates, but look at all the successful entrepreneurs, they're only where they are because they ditched this mindset and society tries to mimic them and fails because there never were any rules to it, they just did their own thing. Institutions slow you down to match their timeframe. You wait days to go and memorize some stupid speech that you can just watch right now on YouTube. It's either public knowledge, or if it's not, do you really want to participate in hiding knowledge away and monetizing it?

Ideally, it'd be an environment of open thought, sharing and holistic interconnection through the lens of whatever is studied, group discussions, active participation, constructivist reimagining. Open thinking, active doing, immediate testing, passion, spirit, truth. But that's not what we see. Students are depressed, look at the suicide rates, look at what you're trying to do, you're trying to help but the elaborate means of getting there through all the bullshit diplomas to justify a human's ability to interact and help another human while outsourcing responsibility to some "professional intellectuals" is exactly what got us into this mess. Nobody can talk frankly anymore, everybody's distracted, people are referred to suicide watches, to group therapy, to some impersonal institutions, to fix problems that stem from being unable to interact with their own environment due to its nature.

You and I are discouraged all our lives from sharing our thoughts, ideas, gaslight into inaction, blind trust in a system of consensus bullshitting, depressed and stopped from learning on our own and making our own decisions, constant second guessing, constant need to validate our thoughts with at least one more person sharing the sentiment, constant doubt and fear of getting things wrong and being shamed for it. The only way I got out of that were psychedelics that I started three months ago. The most valuable part of the psychedelic experience is to get fully in tune with yourself and to be able to experientially and emotionally feel that which you already know to be the case. To accept the truth and shed all doubt for the ego-game that it is.

I had the same idea as you. I though, hmm what about psychology to help people? That I realized, it's a narrow focus, monetized profession, strict timetables, you'll be called crazy if you do overtime or want to help people outside of work because "you're not earning money doing it". It's so limiting, then I thought how can I do better? What do I even do? How do I help people? And I realized, people are everywhere, everyone's got their own unique problems. A person really just needs to vent and become in tune with their emotions, desires and thoughts. For the next two weeks, I spent a lot of time of Reddit, typing with people in awful situations, sharing insights, just talking about their life and hearing them out. It feels like I made their days better. Your goal is noble. But what I realized is that my drive was really out of needing that which I gave them myself, I never had anyone to help me and by helping them, I used them as a proxy to help myself. But I kept realizing how complex life is and how much there is to integrate and that I really need to work on myself. Because you can only help others up to the state of mind that you yourself are in. 

[inFlow]

6 hours ago, Livingstone said:

Here's an awakened thought I've had: why do I care what other people think of me?

You know what you are, your good and bad sides. Other people cannot know you for 100%, never. Only you know what you are. Replace the "What other people will think of me?" with "I don't care what people think of me, I know who I'am" and practice this from time to time. Eventually you will be out of this people pleasing mindset. And also authenticity will arise.

[Keryo Koffa]

1 hour ago, inFlow said:

You know what you are, your good and bad sides. Other people cannot know you for 100%, never. Only you know what you are. Replace the "What other people will think of me?" with "I don't care what people think of me, I know who I'am" and practice this from time to time. Eventually you will be out of this people pleasing mindset. And also authenticity will arise.

Realize that resistance is fear and ego ignorance. Others will try to control you as they control themselves. But their perspectives are partial and circumstantial. You and I were like that once when we didn't know any better. But now that we do, we can see it for what it is, a lower perspective that is yet to be transcended. Experience is only ever attained in the present moment by pushing the borders of one's curiosity into the unknown. 

[Thought Art]

7 hours ago, Livingstone said:

I guess where I'm going with is: I'm uncomfortable even sharing the thought above as I feel like you will all think I'm weird. This is my anxiety. It prevents me from authentically talking to people out of fear of judgement. Anyone else go through this?

This is your work then haha, I relate to it. Sometimes I get nervous too.

I also find smoking pot does 2 things which are paradoxical... It opens your mind and closes it depending on the strain. It can make someone anxious.

[UnbornTao]

8 hours ago, Livingstone said:

I guess where I'm going with is: I'm uncomfortable even sharing the thought above as I feel like you will all think I'm weird. This is my anxiety. It prevents me from authentically talking to people out of fear of judgement. Anyone else go through this?

Who isn't?

[Yimpa]

10 hours ago, Livingstone said:

I guess where I'm going with is: I'm uncomfortable even sharing the thought above as I feel like you will all think I'm weird. This is my anxiety. It prevents me from authentically talking to people out of fear of judgement. Anyone else go through this?

What someone views as authentic is relative to their own biases about reality.

Just like a comedian performing at show may get a bunch of laughs from the audience doesn’t necessarily mean they’ll get the same level of approval when performing the same act at another show. 

[SeaMonster]

I mean, you don't have to tell people you're going to start a business until you've actually started the business (as in, set up an online presence and whatnot.)

There may be good reason you have trouble telling people this: some part of you may be trying to protect you from sounding like someone who just talks but doesn't actualize his goals.

[Livingstone]

Quote

There may be good reason you have trouble telling people this: some part of you may be trying to protect you from sounding like someone who just talks but doesn't actualize his goals.

I see where you're coming from with this, and I agree it was a fear of mine in the past. But I'm far from not actualizing my goals. I go to toastmasters, improv comedy clubs, I'll be performing stand up soon, I go to one of the top universities in Canada, etc. I did all this to show people with social anxiety that they can overcome the prison that it is.

[Livingstone]

Two years ago I could hardly say "good morning" to my coworkers, I was that socially anxious. Now, I'm giving speeches, performing improv, etc. That is my business: social anxiety coaching.

[Yimpa]

Nice!